MOON UNIT ZAPPA
THE LUNATICS ARE UP TO IT YET AGAIN
OR, HOW WE NEVER WENT TO THE MOON IN THE FIRST PLACE
NASA AND THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT ARE UP TO IT AGAIN. THE QUEST TO BE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE . THE LATEST NASA EXPERIMENT TITLED LCROSS (Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite) BUILT BY NORTHROP GRUMMAN (who incidentally also build military war planes) HAVE LAUNCHED A ROCKET TO THE MOON THAT IS PRE PROGRAMMED TO SLAM INTO THE LUNAR SOUTH POLE AND DRIVE INTO THE SURFACE VIA AN ENORMOUS EXPLOSION CAUSING A CRATER. THIS “SATELLITE” AS THE NAME ALLUDES TO IS NOTHING BUT A SMART BOMB BEING SENT BY DUMB PEOPLE. IT WILL IMPACT THE LUNAR SURFACE AT 25KM`s PER SECOND STILL ATTACHED TO ITS SECOND STAGE BOOSTER FOR EXTRA OOMPH. THE SCIENTISTS FIGURE THAT THIS IMPACT IN A ZERO GRAVITY ENVIRONMENT WILL THROW UP AN ENORMOUS DUST CLOUD INTO SPACE WHICH THEY CAN THEN SAMPLE FOR WATER. YEAH RIGHT! NO SHIT SHERLOCK, THE IMPACT AT THAT SPEED WILL DAMN RIGHT MAKE A CRATER AND CHUCK UP SOME DUST. COME TO THINK OF IT THE YANKS DID SOMETHING SIMILAR DURING WORLD WAR TWO OVER DRESDEN GERMANY AND THEN OVER JAPAN WITH ATOMIC WEAPONS. THOSE EVENTS ALL CHUCKED UP SOME DUST ALLRIGHT, ESPECIALLY IN DOWNTOWN HIROSHIMA. WHAT THE SCIENTISTS FAIL TO GRASP IS THAT THEY ARE FUCKING AROUND WITH THINGS THEY JUST PLAIN DONT KNOW ABOUT. WHAT IF SAY FOR INSTANCE THEY ,,, HIT A FAULT LINE, YOU KNOW LIKE THE ONES BACK HERE ON OLD TERRA FIRMA? WHAT NASA AND THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT ARE DOING IS “BOMBING” THE MOON.
THIS THEN ALSO SHOWS THAT NASA HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE MOON OR ANYTING TO DO WITH THE MOON. HELL, THEY APPARENTLY WERE THERE IN 1969. SOMEHOW I DOUBT IT. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ABOUT WHEN MAN WILL BE GOING BACK TO THE MOON, NASA HAVE ALL MANNER OF EXCUSES AND TIMELINES OF 20 YEARS BEFORE MANKIND CAN GO BACK. WHY? THEY SUPPOSEDLY DID IT IN 1969 WITH BASIC ANALOGUE TECHNOLOGY AT BEST. I THINK WE WERE ALL HOODWINKED BY NASA AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE THE MOVIE “CAPRICORN ONE “ WASNT SO FUCKING FAR FETCHED. ....
THE LUNAR LANDING WAS FAKED BY STANLEY KUBRICK ON A SOUNDSTAGE IN ARIZONA FOR NASA SO THAT THE WORLD WOULDNT BE HORRIFIED BY ASTRONAUTS DYING IN SPACE ON A BOTCHED LUNAR LANDING USING 1960`s TECHNOLOGY .. THAT CAN BE THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION. ESPECIALY IF WE LOOK AT NASA`s LATEST EXPERIMENT OF DROPPING A “BOMB” ON THE MOON. HELLS TEETH , HASENT MANKIND ADVANCED IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS?. THE LCROSS “DEVICE” IS LAUDED AS A LUNAR CRATER OBSERVATION AND SENSING SATELLITE WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO CRASH INTO THE LUNAR SURFACE. FUCKING GENIUS! LETS TAKE THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS AND PRANG IT INTO THE MOON TO SEE DUST AND A HOLE. WHO THE HELL DOES MANKIND THINK WE ARE? WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH “RAPING” THE EARTH AND ITS RESOURCES FOR MONETARY GAIN, NOW WE ARE LOOKING TO OUR MOON AS THE NEXT CASH COW FOR CAPITALISTIC AND MILITARISTIC GAIN. PLANET EARTH AND ITS INHABITANTS ARE THE AL QAEDA OF THE GALAXY. SO ,THUS & THEREFORE MY OWN PENNED QUOTE THAT PLANET EARTH IS THE SKIDMARK ON THE COSMIC UNDERPANTS IS VALID AND A TRUISM IF THERE WAS EVER ONE. AS FOR NASA... SIRS . YOU ARE IDIOTS AND HAVE NO BUSINESS SCREWING AROUND WITH THE MOON. STOP WASTING MONEY ON CRAZY ARSE ENDEAVOURS THAT ARE POLLUTANT AND CHANNEL THE FUNDS INTO RESEARCH THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE VIOLENCE AND DESTRUCTION. THE MOON SURE AS SHIT DOESNT NEED ANY MORE HUMAN SPACE JUNK POLLUTING THE LUNAR SURFACE.
HANDS OFF THE MOON. HAVE YOU LOT NOT BROKEN ENOUGH? WE AS MANKIND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS CRASHING SHIT INTO THE MOON TO SEE DUST CLOUDS AND THE HOPE THERE IS WATER. I AM SURE THAT IF YOUR COMPUTERS AND SENSORS PICK UP OTHER MINERALS THAT WILL JUST BE A “ OH GEE WHAT A BONUS” MOMENT. OH BULLSHIT.!!! YOU LOT ARE LOOKING FOR RARE MINERALS THAT HAVE WEAPONS CAPABILITIES AND CAN BE MINED FOR USE IN MILITARY APPLICATIONS. THIS WHOLE “WE ARE LOOKING FOR WATER” IS JUST A BULLSHIT “RUSE”. WE ARE NOT AS DUMB AS YOU THINK WE ARE. LEAVE THE MOON ALONE! YOU ARSE HOLES NEVER WENT THERE AS HAS BECOME OVERWHELMINGLY CLEAR BY YOUR ARCHAIC SINGLE STRAND THINKING OF EFFECTIVELY BOMBING THE MOON AND TRYING TO SELL IT OFF AS SCIENCE. YOU LOT ARE SNAKE OIL SALESMEN. PEOPLE ARE NOT AS GULLIBLE AS THE “MR ROGERS” OF THE SIXTIES. PEOPLE HAVE WISED UP TO YOUR SHENANIGANS.
LEAVE THE MOON ALONE!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 +27789489847
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com ww.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
Friday, October 9, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
GENDER BENDING
CASTER SEMENYA: what i think. . . part 2.
ADRENOGENITAL SYNDROME
complex of symptoms resulting from an excessive secretion of androgenic 17-ketosteroids by the adrenal cortex. (These androgenic hormones further the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics—the growth of body hair, deepening of the voice, development of male body build, and so on.) The adrenogenital syndromes of infancy and childhood are caused by genetically determined deficiencies in the synthesis of cortisol by the adrenal glands, with a resulting excess of androgen production by those glands. The impending or actual shortage of cortisol triggers an increased secretion of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) by the pituitary gland, which in turn increases cortisol production by the adrenals back to normal but also simultaneously raises above normal the adrenals' production of androgens (i.e., the androgenic 17-ketosteroids).
In infantile adrenogenital syndromes, simple virilism (the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics in the female or their precocious development in the preadolescent male) is the chief result. The syndrome may produce malelike genital changes (pseudohermaphroditism) in females and excessive penile development with small testes in males. A deep melanin skin pigmentation is usually present, and there may also be an abnormal loss of sodium, severe hypertension, lipoid hyperplasia, dehydrogenase deficiency, or altered levels of steroid hormone production in general.
In adults the adrenogenital syndrome, since it causes masculinization, may be relatively unnoticed in the male, but it brings about virilism in the female. She develops a male body build, receding hairline, facial and body hair, atrophic breasts, acne, enlargement of the clitoris, and an irreversible deepening of the voice. Menstruation and ovulation cease, and there is a heavy masculine musculature.
THIS IS TAKEN STRAIGHT FROM THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA VERBATEM.
THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE AN ATTACK ON THE HE SHE SEMENYA, HOWEVER I AM SURE THAT IF SHE IS TESTED FOR THIS PARTICULAR AFFLICTION IT WILL UNDOUBTATELY BE UNEQUIVOCALLY PROVEN THAT THIS UNFORTUNATE PERSON IS AFFLICTED BY ADRENOGENITAL SYNDROME.
LOOK IT UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOU BE THE JUDGE. IT IS STILL HOWEVER A TRAVESTY ON JUST HOW BAD THE POLITICIANS AND ATHLETICS ASSOCIATION TREATED CASTER SEMENYA.. THEY SHOULD ALL BE BUTT FUCKED FOR TURNING HER INTO A FREAK SHOW TO SIMPLY PROMOTE THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN AGENDA`S.. I WOULD NOT BE AT ALL SURPRISED IF WE DONT SOON HEAR OF CASTER`S SHOCK SUICIDE DUE TO ALL THIS BOOHAA THAT WAS BROUGHT UP BY THE PRESS BUT TURNED INTO A CIRCUS BY THE ARES HOLES IN THE “ASA” AND SOUTH AFRICAN GOVERNMENT. YOU LOT SOLD OUT AN INNOCENT , VERY CONFUSED AND GULLIBLE YOUNGSTER FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY ENDS. I FUCKING HOPE THE MEDAL WAS WORTH THE CIRCUS YOU STARTED. IT WAS KNOWN PRIOR TO THE EVENT IN BERLIN THAT SHE HAD UNDERGONE TESTING AND CHUENE YOU KNEW WELL AND FINE THAT SHE WOULD BE INVESTIGATED BY THE IAAF AND THE MEDIA. YOU SIMPLY LIE AND LIE AGAIN SWEARING BLIND THAT YOU DIDNT LIE ONLY TO THEN SAY YOU LIED TO PROTECT CASTER AND THEN LIE ABOUT THAT LIE. YOU ARE AN ISUFFERABLE BUFFOON! YOU SHOULD QUIT AND IMMEDIATELY MOVE BACK TO YOUR KRAAL WITH YOUR KRAAL MENTALITY. OH AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT TAKE THAT DUMMY THAT HEADS THE ANCYL WITH YOU. THERE IS NO PLACE IN SOUTH AFRICA UNDER OUR CONSITUITION FOR RACISTS AND IDIOTS WHO INCITE AND PERPETUATE HATE SPEECH! YOU SIRS ARE IDIOTS AND WE AS A NATION HAVE NO USE FOR VILLAGE IDIOTS ESPECIALLY THOSE IN AREAS OF “POWER”! VOETSEK!!
IN CONCLUSION::::::::::::::::::::: YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
What everyone fails to grasp is that caster is human and has feelings regardless of gender!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA:
ADRENOGENITAL SYNDROME
complex of symptoms resulting from an excessive secretion of androgenic 17-ketosteroids by the adrenal cortex. (These androgenic hormones further the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics—the growth of body hair, deepening of the voice, development of male body build, and so on.) The adrenogenital syndromes of infancy and childhood are caused by genetically determined deficiencies in the synthesis of cortisol by the adrenal glands, with a resulting excess of androgen production by those glands. The impending or actual shortage of cortisol triggers an increased secretion of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) by the pituitary gland, which in turn increases cortisol production by the adrenals back to normal but also simultaneously raises above normal the adrenals' production of androgens (i.e., the androgenic 17-ketosteroids).
In infantile adrenogenital syndromes, simple virilism (the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics in the female or their precocious development in the preadolescent male) is the chief result. The syndrome may produce malelike genital changes (pseudohermaphroditism) in females and excessive penile development with small testes in males. A deep melanin skin pigmentation is usually present, and there may also be an abnormal loss of sodium, severe hypertension, lipoid hyperplasia, dehydrogenase deficiency, or altered levels of steroid hormone production in general.
In adults the adrenogenital syndrome, since it causes masculinization, may be relatively unnoticed in the male, but it brings about virilism in the female. She develops a male body build, receding hairline, facial and body hair, atrophic breasts, acne, enlargement of the clitoris, and an irreversible deepening of the voice. Menstruation and ovulation cease, and there is a heavy masculine musculature.
THIS IS TAKEN STRAIGHT FROM THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA VERBATEM.
THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE AN ATTACK ON THE HE SHE SEMENYA, HOWEVER I AM SURE THAT IF SHE IS TESTED FOR THIS PARTICULAR AFFLICTION IT WILL UNDOUBTATELY BE UNEQUIVOCALLY PROVEN THAT THIS UNFORTUNATE PERSON IS AFFLICTED BY ADRENOGENITAL SYNDROME.
LOOK IT UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOU BE THE JUDGE. IT IS STILL HOWEVER A TRAVESTY ON JUST HOW BAD THE POLITICIANS AND ATHLETICS ASSOCIATION TREATED CASTER SEMENYA.. THEY SHOULD ALL BE BUTT FUCKED FOR TURNING HER INTO A FREAK SHOW TO SIMPLY PROMOTE THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN AGENDA`S.. I WOULD NOT BE AT ALL SURPRISED IF WE DONT SOON HEAR OF CASTER`S SHOCK SUICIDE DUE TO ALL THIS BOOHAA THAT WAS BROUGHT UP BY THE PRESS BUT TURNED INTO A CIRCUS BY THE ARES HOLES IN THE “ASA” AND SOUTH AFRICAN GOVERNMENT. YOU LOT SOLD OUT AN INNOCENT , VERY CONFUSED AND GULLIBLE YOUNGSTER FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY ENDS. I FUCKING HOPE THE MEDAL WAS WORTH THE CIRCUS YOU STARTED. IT WAS KNOWN PRIOR TO THE EVENT IN BERLIN THAT SHE HAD UNDERGONE TESTING AND CHUENE YOU KNEW WELL AND FINE THAT SHE WOULD BE INVESTIGATED BY THE IAAF AND THE MEDIA. YOU SIMPLY LIE AND LIE AGAIN SWEARING BLIND THAT YOU DIDNT LIE ONLY TO THEN SAY YOU LIED TO PROTECT CASTER AND THEN LIE ABOUT THAT LIE. YOU ARE AN ISUFFERABLE BUFFOON! YOU SHOULD QUIT AND IMMEDIATELY MOVE BACK TO YOUR KRAAL WITH YOUR KRAAL MENTALITY. OH AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT TAKE THAT DUMMY THAT HEADS THE ANCYL WITH YOU. THERE IS NO PLACE IN SOUTH AFRICA UNDER OUR CONSITUITION FOR RACISTS AND IDIOTS WHO INCITE AND PERPETUATE HATE SPEECH! YOU SIRS ARE IDIOTS AND WE AS A NATION HAVE NO USE FOR VILLAGE IDIOTS ESPECIALLY THOSE IN AREAS OF “POWER”! VOETSEK!!
IN CONCLUSION::::::::::::::::::::: YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
What everyone fails to grasp is that caster is human and has feelings regardless of gender!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA:
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
IN DEFENCE OF THE DUMMY
THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH DUMMIES, BOTH THE SHOP WINDOW VARIETY WHO BEAR SILENT WITNESS TO THE WORLD AND THE REGULAR EVERYDAY DUMMY.
WE AS HUMANS ARE INUNDATED EVERYDAY WITH DECISIONS AND CHOICES. WHAT TO WEAR, WHERE TO GO ,WHO TO BE WITH ,WHO TO TRUST ,WHO TO KILL ,WHO TO IGNORE ,WHO TO LISTEN TO, WHO TO DO BUSINESS WITH, WHICH COMPANY TO WORK FOR, DO MY SOCKS MATCH MY OUTFIT, DID I PUT CLEAN UNDERPANTS ON THIS MORNING, HAVE I BRUSHED MY TEETH? ITS A SENSORY OVERLOAD. THE STRESS OF MODERN LIFE IS EVER INCREASING. A SINGLE SOLITARY BAD CHOICE CAN MEAN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUCCESS AND OUTRIGHT FAILURE. WE ARE A DRIVEN SOCIETY THAT HAS TO MAKE VITAL DECISIONS ON THE MOVE. THE DAYS OF SITTING DOWN AND CAREFULLY THINKING PROPOSALS THROUGH AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH THE FAMILY OVER THE WEEKEND ARE OVER.
IF WE PROCRASTINATE OVER A DECISION WE ARE LITERALLY OVERRUN BY VULTURES AND WOLVES ALL SLOBBERING AFTER OUR POSITION IN THE FOOD CHAIN. DECISIONS OF TODAY ARE OF THE “DRIVE THROUGH” VARIETY. THIS IS, BY THE TIME YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT WINDOW 1 TO ORDER, WINDOW 2 TO PAY AND WINDOW 3 TO COLLECT YOUR HURRIED UP CARDBOARD MEAL YOU MUST HAVE MADE A LIFE ALTERING DECISION THAT WILL EITHER RUIN OR MAKE YOUR LIFE. THE STRESS IS FUCKING ENORMOUS. YOUR MIND GOES INTO TURBO OVERLOAD.. ( FLASHES OF FERRARI`S, HUGE HOUSES, GOLF EVERY WEDNESDAY, BOTOX , BREAST AUGMENTATION FOR THE WIFE AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS ARE TRANSPOSED BY VISIONS OF POVERTY, BEGGING AT THE ROBOTS WITH YOUR CARDBOARD SIGN, REPOSESSION, HUNGRY KIDS AND A BUTT UGLY BITCH WIFE SLEEPING UNDER THE FREEWAY OVERPASS)
THROUGH ALL THIS PRESSURE TO MAKE WISE AND INFORMED DECISIONS THAT COULD ULTIMATELY RUIN YOUR LIFE YOU SEE THE “FORTUNATE” FEW WHO SEEMINGLY EFFORTLESSLY CRUISE THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT A SINGLE HASSLE OR CARE IN THE WORLD. THE “PROTECTED” AND “SHELTERED” INDIVIDUAL WHO GETS TO THE NEXT LEVEL IN LIFE THROUGH DEFAULT AND NOT BY LUCK OR FANTASTICALLY INFORMED DECISONS. NO ,, THEY GET THERE BY COAT TAILING AND FUMBLING THROUGH LIFE AS IF CARED FOR BY MYSTICAL GUARDIAN ANGELS CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS FAMILY AND CARETAKERS. ALL MISTAKES THAT ARE MADE AND ALL MANNER OF FUCK UPS ARE MAGICALLY OVERLOOKED AND BURIED, OR BLAMED ON OTHERS. THESE PEOPLE ARE THE DUMMIES IN LIFE WHO DEVELOP HUGE EGO`S AND THINK THAT THEIR SHIT DONT STINK, THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE SO INTELLIGENT AND AMUSING. AMAZING EVERYONE WITH THEIR FANTASTIC SENSES OF HUMOUR, WHICH IS ACTUALLY PLAGIARIZED FROM SOMEONE ELSE, AS IS THEIR DECISIONS ON BUSINESS RELATED ISSUES. THEY ARE “UNTOUCHABLES”. FUCK THAT!!! ITS TIME FOR THE MANNEQUINS OF THE WORLD TO UNITE AND REFUSE TO BE CALLED DUMMIES AS THESE HUMAN DUMMIES GIVE THEM A BAD RAP! THESE HUMAN DUMMIES ARE FOUND IN ALL SPHERES OF LIFE, FROM THE ICE CREAM PARLOUR TO THE FUNERAL PARLOUR. THERE IS NOT ONE BUSINESS IN THE WORLD THAT DOESNT HAVE ONE OF THESE DUMMIES. I WISH TO BRING OUT A BOOK OF SORTS, A MANUAL IF YOU WILL WHICH IS AIMED AT REGULAR PEOPLE AND HELPS THEM DEAL WITH DUMMIES IN THE WORK PLACE..... “DUMMIES FOR DUMMIES, A GUIDE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH FUCKWITS “.
I WILL NEVER AGAIN REFER TO A MANNEQUIN AS A DUMMY, THAT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG AND AN ANACHRONISM. IT IS AN INSULT TO MANNEQUINS! I WOULD RATHER HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION WITH A MANNEQUIN IN THE SHOP WINDOW AT A SHOPPING MALL THAN ALLOW MYSELF TO SPEAK TO ANOTHER FUCKING DUMMY AGAIN! I EMPLORE YOU TO DO THE SAME. IF IT HAS NO COMMON SENSE, NO INTELLECT, NO BRAIN , GOT HIS POSITION THROUGH NEPOTISM OR AS A RESULT OF SOME OTHER SOCIAL FAVOUR AND IS IN YOUR AREA OF OPERATION, TREAT IT WITH DISDAIN. DONT WASTE TIME ON INGRATES! IT IS TIME YOU CAN NEVER AGAIN GET BACK AND YOU SURE AS SHIT WONT BE REWARDED FOR YOUR LOYALTY TO SAID DUMMY. THE DUMMIES ARE JUST THAT DUMMIES. THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE ENSURED PROTECTION FROM THEIR OWN IDIOCY. THEY CAN MAKE AND BREAK AT A WHIM AND SOMEONE ELSE WILL BE THERE TO WIPE THEIR ARSES AND MAKE THE PROBLEM GO AWAY EVEN IF IT COSTS A FORTUNE AND MEANS OTHERS MUST SUFFER FOR THEIR BONEHEADEDNESS. THIS TROUBLES ME TO FANTASTIC DEGREES OF ANNOYANCE. I BUST MY CHOPS TO MAKE THE BEST OF A DIFFICULT LIFE AND THESE RECTAL THERMOMETERS JUST CRUISE THROUGH OBLIVIOUS OF WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT. THESE DUMMIES NEED TO BE MADE TO STAND ON THEIR OWN FEET AND FACE LIFE HEAD ON. THEY NEED TO ACCEPT THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS , THE CONSEQUNCES OF THEIR STUPIDITY AND LAZINESS. TO THOSE WHO PROVIDE PROTECTION AND SAFE HARBOUR TO THESE WING NUTS I SAY. PLEASE DONT PROMOTE THEIR IGNORANCE! MAKE THEM STAND UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. IF THEY ARE NOT CAPABLE OF RESPONSIBILITY, THEN DONT PUT THEM IN POSITIONS THAT ARE OUT OF THEIR DEPTH. IT WILL PROVE COSTLY TO YOU!!!! IT WILL TAX YOUR SOUL. THEY MUST BE MADE TO BE INDEPENDANT AND FREE OF THE APRON . WITHIN THEIR ABILITIES NATURALLY. . THEY MUST STAND TALL BEFORE THE MAN AND ANSWER FOR THEMSELVES. THE WORLD IS NO LONGER DISNEY LAND AND THIS WORLD HAS NO PLACE FOR LAZY FREELOADING INGRATES!
BE HARD ON THE DIM BULBS,
DO IT FOR THE MANNEQUINS.. THEY ARE NOT DUMMIES!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
FOR WHOM THE BELL`S TOLL
THE TALE OF FERGUS AND QUASI MODO
IT IS WITH MUCH TREPIDATION AND CONCERN THAT I WRITE THIS LETTER OF GRIEVANCE TO YOU PERTAINING TO YOUR PRODUCT!
THE HISTORY OF ARTHUR BELL AND HIS SONS IS A GREAT ONE. STEEPED IN TRADITION SINCE 1825 WHEN FIRST BLENDED. IT TOOK ARTHUR TILL 1904 AND UNDER ADVISEMENT OF HIS SONS TO LABEL HIS BLEND AS “BELL`S”. THE ICONIC “AFORE YE GO” WAS USED AS A TATAA TO SOLDIERS LEAVING FOR THE WESTERN FRONT DURING WORLD WAR 1. EACH POOR SUCKER GOT HIS “WEE DRAM” AT THE DOCKS BEFORE EMBARKING ON HIS LAST TRIP TO MEET THE GERMANS IN FRANCE. BELLS OLD SCOTCH WHISKY IS SAID TO BE MADE FROM 35 DIFFERENT MALT AND GRAIN WHISKIES, EACH MATURED BETWEEN 3 AND 12 YEARS. I WOULD REALLY DIG TO VISIT THE BLAIR ATHOL DISTILLERY IN THE QUAINT TOWN OF PITLOCHRY. MAN THIS IS AMAZING..
THEN...... COMES THE ADVERTISEMENT ON SOUTH AFRICAN TELEVISION THAT PERPLEXES AND VEXES ME SO. WE SEE A WONDEROUS SETTING AT A SEASIDE GOLF COURSE WITH AN OLD TIMER STATING THAT HE HATES THIS GAME. “ALL I WANT IS A HOLE IN ONE”. THE PEOPLE IN THE PUB AT THE 19TH HOLE WATCH WITH BATED BREATH AS AFOREMENTIONED OLD DODGER TEE`S OFF AND WHACKS THE BALL DOWN THE GREEN. THE PUB MEMBERS SILENCE AND WAIT TO SEE THE HOLE SHOT. THE BALL THEN ROLLS AND DEFLECTS OFF THE FLAG POLE. THE LOOK IN THE OLD DUDES FACE AND THE BUILT UP EXCITEMENT FIZZLING OUT IN THE BAR PATRONS FACES IS PALATABLE. IT FUCKING BREAKS MY HEART AND ANNOYS ME NO FRIKKIN END. THE OLD DUDE HAS ALREADY SAID HOW HE HAS BEEN PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME FOR 50 YEARS OR SO. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF DIVVETS, GIVE THE MAN A FRIKKIN BREAK!!! IN THE AD WE SEE EVERYONE TRANSFIXED AS THE BALL FLIES TRUE AND WE EVEN SEE A HOT BIRD LIFT FROM HER CHAIR ONLY TO BE LET DOWN. PLEASE REVISE THIS AD AND SHOW THE DUDE FINALLY GETTING THE HOLE IN ONE BEFORE THE “ACTOR” YOU USED DIES AND THE HOT BROAD THAT STANDS UP OUT OF THE CHAIR CAN STILL DO SO WITHOUT THE USE OF A ZIMMER FRAME. THIS IS CRUELTY TO OLD FOLK. LEAST OF ALL ITS AN AD THAT HANGS IN THE AIR WITHOUT CONCLUSION.. IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT?
PLEASE LET US SEE FERGUS GET HIS HOLE IN ONE AND INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE A BROKEN MAN AT THE BAR SAYING “AYE, TOMORROW SAME TIME” LET HIM HAVE HIS DAY IN THE SUNSHINE. PLEASE! I EMPLORE YOU! DONT LEAVE POOR OLD FERGUS LIKE THE STORY OF QUASI MODO, SOME HORRIFIC MISHAPEN BROKEN HIDEOUS FREAK WHOSE ONLY OUTLET IN LIFE WAS TO DEAFEN HIMSELF AND RING BELL`S IN THE NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL WHILE HAVING SICKLY FANTASIES ABOUT ESMERELDA. HE NEVER GOT HER AND WAS LEFT WITH BLUE BALLS.! IS THIS THE IMAGE YOU WANT TO PORTRAY ABOUT THE POOR OLD FART IN THE AD SLUMPING OVER HIS DRINK AT THE PUB?????? HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS ABOUT TO CHUCK HIMSELF OFF THE CLIFF. PLEASE REMEDY THIS ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR BRAND. I AM NOT A BIG WHISKY DRINKER, BUT I WILL NOT WITH A GOOD CONSCIENCE ORDER OR PURCHASE BELL`S BECAUSE OF YOUR DILLY TELEVISION AD. I SIMPLY PUTT PAST AND BUY THE BRAND THAT DOESNT ADVOCATE TRIALS AND FAILURE.
PLEASE LET FERGUS GET HIS HOLE IN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
YOURS TRULY: A TORTURED SOUL
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA 2058
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
THE TALE OF FERGUS AND QUASI MODO
IT IS WITH MUCH TREPIDATION AND CONCERN THAT I WRITE THIS LETTER OF GRIEVANCE TO YOU PERTAINING TO YOUR PRODUCT!
THE HISTORY OF ARTHUR BELL AND HIS SONS IS A GREAT ONE. STEEPED IN TRADITION SINCE 1825 WHEN FIRST BLENDED. IT TOOK ARTHUR TILL 1904 AND UNDER ADVISEMENT OF HIS SONS TO LABEL HIS BLEND AS “BELL`S”. THE ICONIC “AFORE YE GO” WAS USED AS A TATAA TO SOLDIERS LEAVING FOR THE WESTERN FRONT DURING WORLD WAR 1. EACH POOR SUCKER GOT HIS “WEE DRAM” AT THE DOCKS BEFORE EMBARKING ON HIS LAST TRIP TO MEET THE GERMANS IN FRANCE. BELLS OLD SCOTCH WHISKY IS SAID TO BE MADE FROM 35 DIFFERENT MALT AND GRAIN WHISKIES, EACH MATURED BETWEEN 3 AND 12 YEARS. I WOULD REALLY DIG TO VISIT THE BLAIR ATHOL DISTILLERY IN THE QUAINT TOWN OF PITLOCHRY. MAN THIS IS AMAZING..
THEN...... COMES THE ADVERTISEMENT ON SOUTH AFRICAN TELEVISION THAT PERPLEXES AND VEXES ME SO. WE SEE A WONDEROUS SETTING AT A SEASIDE GOLF COURSE WITH AN OLD TIMER STATING THAT HE HATES THIS GAME. “ALL I WANT IS A HOLE IN ONE”. THE PEOPLE IN THE PUB AT THE 19TH HOLE WATCH WITH BATED BREATH AS AFOREMENTIONED OLD DODGER TEE`S OFF AND WHACKS THE BALL DOWN THE GREEN. THE PUB MEMBERS SILENCE AND WAIT TO SEE THE HOLE SHOT. THE BALL THEN ROLLS AND DEFLECTS OFF THE FLAG POLE. THE LOOK IN THE OLD DUDES FACE AND THE BUILT UP EXCITEMENT FIZZLING OUT IN THE BAR PATRONS FACES IS PALATABLE. IT FUCKING BREAKS MY HEART AND ANNOYS ME NO FRIKKIN END. THE OLD DUDE HAS ALREADY SAID HOW HE HAS BEEN PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME FOR 50 YEARS OR SO. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF DIVVETS, GIVE THE MAN A FRIKKIN BREAK!!! IN THE AD WE SEE EVERYONE TRANSFIXED AS THE BALL FLIES TRUE AND WE EVEN SEE A HOT BIRD LIFT FROM HER CHAIR ONLY TO BE LET DOWN. PLEASE REVISE THIS AD AND SHOW THE DUDE FINALLY GETTING THE HOLE IN ONE BEFORE THE “ACTOR” YOU USED DIES AND THE HOT BROAD THAT STANDS UP OUT OF THE CHAIR CAN STILL DO SO WITHOUT THE USE OF A ZIMMER FRAME. THIS IS CRUELTY TO OLD FOLK. LEAST OF ALL ITS AN AD THAT HANGS IN THE AIR WITHOUT CONCLUSION.. IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT?
PLEASE LET US SEE FERGUS GET HIS HOLE IN ONE AND INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE A BROKEN MAN AT THE BAR SAYING “AYE, TOMORROW SAME TIME” LET HIM HAVE HIS DAY IN THE SUNSHINE. PLEASE! I EMPLORE YOU! DONT LEAVE POOR OLD FERGUS LIKE THE STORY OF QUASI MODO, SOME HORRIFIC MISHAPEN BROKEN HIDEOUS FREAK WHOSE ONLY OUTLET IN LIFE WAS TO DEAFEN HIMSELF AND RING BELL`S IN THE NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL WHILE HAVING SICKLY FANTASIES ABOUT ESMERELDA. HE NEVER GOT HER AND WAS LEFT WITH BLUE BALLS.! IS THIS THE IMAGE YOU WANT TO PORTRAY ABOUT THE POOR OLD FART IN THE AD SLUMPING OVER HIS DRINK AT THE PUB?????? HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS ABOUT TO CHUCK HIMSELF OFF THE CLIFF. PLEASE REMEDY THIS ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR BRAND. I AM NOT A BIG WHISKY DRINKER, BUT I WILL NOT WITH A GOOD CONSCIENCE ORDER OR PURCHASE BELL`S BECAUSE OF YOUR DILLY TELEVISION AD. I SIMPLY PUTT PAST AND BUY THE BRAND THAT DOESNT ADVOCATE TRIALS AND FAILURE.
PLEASE LET FERGUS GET HIS HOLE IN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
YOURS TRULY: A TORTURED SOUL
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA 2058
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
Sunday, August 30, 2009
ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
THAT THING CALLED POLITICS AND SENSATIONALISM
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? THIS IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION TO WHICH WE ALL HAVE THE ANSWER AND ARE TO AFRAID TO SAY OUT LOUD. WE ARE DEATHLY AFRAID OF BEING TYPE CAST AS RACIST, SELF SERVING POLITICALLY INCORRECT INDIVIDUALS WHO FROWN DISMALLY UPON THE WONDEROUS DOINGS AND ACHIEVEMENTS OF OTHERS EVEN IF THE TURD WE ARE LED TO BELEIVE IS JUST THAT, A TURD!.
POLITICIANS ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH, LETS JUST CLEAR THAT UP IMMEDIATELY AND DISPENSE WITH THE NOTION THAT A POLITICIAN CARES ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THEIR OWN “GRANDIOUSNESS” EVEN WHEN THEY GRANDSTAND AND TRY WITH BLATANT FUTILITY TO SIDE WITH THE CONSTITUENT AND SMALL PERSON. A POLITICIAN DOES NOT CARE A KANGAROO`S CUNT ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. THIS IS STRIKINGLY EVIDENT IN SOUTH AFRICA. WHEN A PERSON SHINES AND OUT DOES THEMSELVES IN THE SPORTING ARENA THE POLITICIANS JUMP ALL OVER THE ACHIEVEMENT AND SELF PONTIFICATE AT HOW GREAT THAT PERSON WAS WITHOUT EVEN ALLOWING SAID SUPER”MAN” THEIR TIME TO GLOAT AND SHINE IN THEIR ENDEAVOUR, REGARDLESS OF HOW FLAWED IT IS.
THIS WHOLE CASTER SEMENYA DEBACLE IS LIVING PROOF OF JUST HOW ANAL POLITICIANS CAN BE. IT ALSO SHOWS HOW GULLIBLE THE THIRD WORLDIANS ARE WHEN THEY ARE SOLD A LEMON AND TOLD ITS A SWEET NAARTJIE. LETS FACE IT, CASTER SEMENYA IS A TAD BUTCH BY ANY GALACTIC STANDARDS. BEFORE PROCEEDING ANY FURTHER, I WILL BE REFERRING TO CASTER AS “IT” WITH ALL DUE RESPECTS. IT RAN NOT ONLY A WORLD RECORD BUT ALSO IMPROVED ON ITS PERSONAL BEST TIME BY SOMETHING LIKE 8 SECONDS! HOLY DOG SHIT.... THIS IS FUCKING MARVELLOUS!!! EXCEPT FOR THE LITTLE FACT THAT IT IS VERY,VERY, VERY UNLADY LIKE IN ALL MANNER OF MANNERISMS. ITS BODY IS BUILT LIKE THAT OF A STUDLY 18 YEAR OLD MAN ATHLETE, ITS VOICE IS THAT OF A MANLY 18 YEAR OLD MALE ATHLETE AND ITS “GHETTO” ATTITUDE IS MORE INLINE WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD MALE THAN A FEMALE. THE WALK THE TALK. THAT SAYS IT ALL IN DROVES. IT WALKS THE WALK AND SURE AS SHIT TALKS THE TALK!
I SUSPECT THAT WINNIE AND COMPANY AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE TOOK THIS INTO ADVISEMENT AND THAT IS WHY IT WAS NOT PERMITTED TO MAKE ANY COMMENT ON ITS ACHIEVEMENTS IN BERLIN. WE AS SOUTH AFRICANS LOOKED IN HORROR AS THE POLITICIANS TURNED ITS SHINING MOMENT INTO AN ANC ROADSHOW FREAK CIRCUS. EVENTUALLY THE LOOK OF DISDAIN WAS EVIDENT ON ITS FACE AND EVEN BLEW INTO A SMALL SOUTH AFRICAN FLAG TO SHOW ITS DISGUST. THE ANC DISGRACED THIS ATHLETE AND ITS ACHIEVEMENTS BY RUNNING AN ANC SIDE MEETING TO BOLSTER VOTES. DO ANY OF YOU IN THE ANC REALLY THINK CASTER IS A GENUINE WOMAN????
I FUCKING DARE YOU TO STAND TALL AND ANSWER THE QUESTION. YOU BIMBO`S ARE ALL THE SAME. YOU BACK THE ATHLETE YET DONT ALLOW IT TO SPEAK AT ITS PRESS CONFERENCE! FUCK YOU ALL! YOU ARE RACIST AND MALALIGNED TO PERSONS WITH GENDER ISSUES. FACE IT, CASTER WAS A PAWN FOR YOUR OWN CAUSE. SIS ON YOU!
THE DICTIONARY DEFINES A HERMAPHRODITE AS A HUMAN BEING IN WHICH BOTH MALE AND FEMAL SEX ORGANS ARE PRESENT, OR WHICH THE SEX ORGANS CONTAIN BOTH OVARIAN AND TESTICULAR TISSUE. I BELIEVE THAT CASTER WAS AND IS A PRISONER OF THIS PARTICULAR AFFLICTION. IT TESTED THREE TIMES THE NORMAL AMOUNTS OF TESTOSTERONE THAN OTHER FEMALE ATHLETES AT HER LEVEL OF COMPETITION. DOESNT THIS ALREADY SMACK OF SUSPICION? THE BLACKS IN THIS COUNTRY ARE SO XENOPHOBIC AND RACIST TO EACH OTHER THAT THEY NEEDED A PAWN TO ALLAY FEARS THAT THE XENOPHOBIC ATTACKS OF LAST YEAR WERE NOT LARGELY OVERLOOKED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND THAT A BLACK MAN REALLY DISLIKES AND CANNOT TOLERATE HOMOSEXUALITY. CASTER WAS THEIR HOLY GRAIL TO SHOW THE OUTSIDE WORLD THAT THEY ARE NOT THIRD WORLD TRIBAL KRAAL FOLK. THIS INFO I GATHER BY THE ABSOULETELY TRAGIC CONVICTION RATE FOR RAPE AND HOMOPHOBIC CRIMES PERPETUATED AGAINST WOMEN AND GAYS. FURTHERMORE THE WAY IN WHICH WOMEN ARE TREATED BY THE AUTHORITIES WHEN THEY ARE RAPED. SOUTH AFRICA IS A FARCE AND ANYONE THAT SAYS I AM ANTI SOUTH AFRICAN CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES! I AM SOUTH AFRICAN, BORN HERE GREW UP HERE. I JUST HATE THE STUPIDITY WE ARE EXPECTED TO SWALLOW DAILY. THE STUPIDITY AND SILLYNESS THAT IS FED TO US BY A XENOPHOBIC BUNCH OF RACIST INEPT OVERPAID SIMPLETONS! HOW CAN A WOMAN CHARGED WITH A HEINOUS CRIME AND CONVICTED STILL BE PART OF THE “GOVERNMENT” (i use that statement very loosely). YES WINNIE I AM ALLUDING TO YOU!!!! ALL THE GOOD YOUR HUSBAND HAS DONE FOR THIS COUNTRY IS UNDONE BY YOU AND YOUR ACCEPTANCE BY THE RULING PARTY. THIS COUNTRY IS A FUCKING BANANA REPUBLIC!
SOUTH AFRICA IS LOOKING THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS AND WE ARE ALL SEATED AT THE MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY. CASTER IS A MANLY CHICK. THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FOREIGNERS WHO COME HERE TO WORK AND MAKE THE “AFRICAN” DREAM A REALITY BECAUSE THEIR OWN “BROTHERS” HATE THEM AND KILL THEM. THE SPIRIT OF UBUNTU IS A SHAM! THE “PEOPLE” BUILDING THIS COUNTRY FOR 2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP ARE THE SAME ONES THAT ARE GOING TO STRIKE IN 2010 AND DEMAND INSANE PAY RISES AND DESTABILISE THE COUNTRY. IF ITS NOT THE TAXI DRIVERS ITS THE BUILDERS. IF ITS NOT THE BUS DRIVERS, ITS ITS THE GARBAGE COLLECTERS. IF ITS NOT THE TELECOMMUNICATION WORKERS ITS THE TRAFFIC COPS. IF ITS NOT THE SAPS ITS THE ARMY AND SO ON AND SO ON. ZUMA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO STEER THIS SHIP THAT IS SOUTH AFRICA???????????? THE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC WAS FAR MORE ASTUTE A NAVIGATOR THAN YOU HAVE SHOWN AFTER A HUNDRED DAYS PLUS. I THINK YOU ARE JUST IN THE PRESIDENTS PLACE FOR THE COOL CARS AND FREQUENT FLYER MILES!
YES!!! CRY THE BELOVED COUNTRY! OUR LEADERS ARE IDIOTS!
JUST REMEMBER: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH WHICH IS ENTRENCHED IN OUR FLEDGLING CONSTITUTION!
YOURS IN TOTAL DISGUST.
A SOUTH AFRICAN
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
THAT THING CALLED POLITICS AND SENSATIONALISM
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? THIS IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION TO WHICH WE ALL HAVE THE ANSWER AND ARE TO AFRAID TO SAY OUT LOUD. WE ARE DEATHLY AFRAID OF BEING TYPE CAST AS RACIST, SELF SERVING POLITICALLY INCORRECT INDIVIDUALS WHO FROWN DISMALLY UPON THE WONDEROUS DOINGS AND ACHIEVEMENTS OF OTHERS EVEN IF THE TURD WE ARE LED TO BELEIVE IS JUST THAT, A TURD!.
POLITICIANS ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH, LETS JUST CLEAR THAT UP IMMEDIATELY AND DISPENSE WITH THE NOTION THAT A POLITICIAN CARES ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THEIR OWN “GRANDIOUSNESS” EVEN WHEN THEY GRANDSTAND AND TRY WITH BLATANT FUTILITY TO SIDE WITH THE CONSTITUENT AND SMALL PERSON. A POLITICIAN DOES NOT CARE A KANGAROO`S CUNT ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. THIS IS STRIKINGLY EVIDENT IN SOUTH AFRICA. WHEN A PERSON SHINES AND OUT DOES THEMSELVES IN THE SPORTING ARENA THE POLITICIANS JUMP ALL OVER THE ACHIEVEMENT AND SELF PONTIFICATE AT HOW GREAT THAT PERSON WAS WITHOUT EVEN ALLOWING SAID SUPER”MAN” THEIR TIME TO GLOAT AND SHINE IN THEIR ENDEAVOUR, REGARDLESS OF HOW FLAWED IT IS.
THIS WHOLE CASTER SEMENYA DEBACLE IS LIVING PROOF OF JUST HOW ANAL POLITICIANS CAN BE. IT ALSO SHOWS HOW GULLIBLE THE THIRD WORLDIANS ARE WHEN THEY ARE SOLD A LEMON AND TOLD ITS A SWEET NAARTJIE. LETS FACE IT, CASTER SEMENYA IS A TAD BUTCH BY ANY GALACTIC STANDARDS. BEFORE PROCEEDING ANY FURTHER, I WILL BE REFERRING TO CASTER AS “IT” WITH ALL DUE RESPECTS. IT RAN NOT ONLY A WORLD RECORD BUT ALSO IMPROVED ON ITS PERSONAL BEST TIME BY SOMETHING LIKE 8 SECONDS! HOLY DOG SHIT.... THIS IS FUCKING MARVELLOUS!!! EXCEPT FOR THE LITTLE FACT THAT IT IS VERY,VERY, VERY UNLADY LIKE IN ALL MANNER OF MANNERISMS. ITS BODY IS BUILT LIKE THAT OF A STUDLY 18 YEAR OLD MAN ATHLETE, ITS VOICE IS THAT OF A MANLY 18 YEAR OLD MALE ATHLETE AND ITS “GHETTO” ATTITUDE IS MORE INLINE WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD MALE THAN A FEMALE. THE WALK THE TALK. THAT SAYS IT ALL IN DROVES. IT WALKS THE WALK AND SURE AS SHIT TALKS THE TALK!
I SUSPECT THAT WINNIE AND COMPANY AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE TOOK THIS INTO ADVISEMENT AND THAT IS WHY IT WAS NOT PERMITTED TO MAKE ANY COMMENT ON ITS ACHIEVEMENTS IN BERLIN. WE AS SOUTH AFRICANS LOOKED IN HORROR AS THE POLITICIANS TURNED ITS SHINING MOMENT INTO AN ANC ROADSHOW FREAK CIRCUS. EVENTUALLY THE LOOK OF DISDAIN WAS EVIDENT ON ITS FACE AND EVEN BLEW INTO A SMALL SOUTH AFRICAN FLAG TO SHOW ITS DISGUST. THE ANC DISGRACED THIS ATHLETE AND ITS ACHIEVEMENTS BY RUNNING AN ANC SIDE MEETING TO BOLSTER VOTES. DO ANY OF YOU IN THE ANC REALLY THINK CASTER IS A GENUINE WOMAN????
I FUCKING DARE YOU TO STAND TALL AND ANSWER THE QUESTION. YOU BIMBO`S ARE ALL THE SAME. YOU BACK THE ATHLETE YET DONT ALLOW IT TO SPEAK AT ITS PRESS CONFERENCE! FUCK YOU ALL! YOU ARE RACIST AND MALALIGNED TO PERSONS WITH GENDER ISSUES. FACE IT, CASTER WAS A PAWN FOR YOUR OWN CAUSE. SIS ON YOU!
THE DICTIONARY DEFINES A HERMAPHRODITE AS A HUMAN BEING IN WHICH BOTH MALE AND FEMAL SEX ORGANS ARE PRESENT, OR WHICH THE SEX ORGANS CONTAIN BOTH OVARIAN AND TESTICULAR TISSUE. I BELIEVE THAT CASTER WAS AND IS A PRISONER OF THIS PARTICULAR AFFLICTION. IT TESTED THREE TIMES THE NORMAL AMOUNTS OF TESTOSTERONE THAN OTHER FEMALE ATHLETES AT HER LEVEL OF COMPETITION. DOESNT THIS ALREADY SMACK OF SUSPICION? THE BLACKS IN THIS COUNTRY ARE SO XENOPHOBIC AND RACIST TO EACH OTHER THAT THEY NEEDED A PAWN TO ALLAY FEARS THAT THE XENOPHOBIC ATTACKS OF LAST YEAR WERE NOT LARGELY OVERLOOKED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND THAT A BLACK MAN REALLY DISLIKES AND CANNOT TOLERATE HOMOSEXUALITY. CASTER WAS THEIR HOLY GRAIL TO SHOW THE OUTSIDE WORLD THAT THEY ARE NOT THIRD WORLD TRIBAL KRAAL FOLK. THIS INFO I GATHER BY THE ABSOULETELY TRAGIC CONVICTION RATE FOR RAPE AND HOMOPHOBIC CRIMES PERPETUATED AGAINST WOMEN AND GAYS. FURTHERMORE THE WAY IN WHICH WOMEN ARE TREATED BY THE AUTHORITIES WHEN THEY ARE RAPED. SOUTH AFRICA IS A FARCE AND ANYONE THAT SAYS I AM ANTI SOUTH AFRICAN CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES! I AM SOUTH AFRICAN, BORN HERE GREW UP HERE. I JUST HATE THE STUPIDITY WE ARE EXPECTED TO SWALLOW DAILY. THE STUPIDITY AND SILLYNESS THAT IS FED TO US BY A XENOPHOBIC BUNCH OF RACIST INEPT OVERPAID SIMPLETONS! HOW CAN A WOMAN CHARGED WITH A HEINOUS CRIME AND CONVICTED STILL BE PART OF THE “GOVERNMENT” (i use that statement very loosely). YES WINNIE I AM ALLUDING TO YOU!!!! ALL THE GOOD YOUR HUSBAND HAS DONE FOR THIS COUNTRY IS UNDONE BY YOU AND YOUR ACCEPTANCE BY THE RULING PARTY. THIS COUNTRY IS A FUCKING BANANA REPUBLIC!
SOUTH AFRICA IS LOOKING THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS AND WE ARE ALL SEATED AT THE MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY. CASTER IS A MANLY CHICK. THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FOREIGNERS WHO COME HERE TO WORK AND MAKE THE “AFRICAN” DREAM A REALITY BECAUSE THEIR OWN “BROTHERS” HATE THEM AND KILL THEM. THE SPIRIT OF UBUNTU IS A SHAM! THE “PEOPLE” BUILDING THIS COUNTRY FOR 2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP ARE THE SAME ONES THAT ARE GOING TO STRIKE IN 2010 AND DEMAND INSANE PAY RISES AND DESTABILISE THE COUNTRY. IF ITS NOT THE TAXI DRIVERS ITS THE BUILDERS. IF ITS NOT THE BUS DRIVERS, ITS ITS THE GARBAGE COLLECTERS. IF ITS NOT THE TELECOMMUNICATION WORKERS ITS THE TRAFFIC COPS. IF ITS NOT THE SAPS ITS THE ARMY AND SO ON AND SO ON. ZUMA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO STEER THIS SHIP THAT IS SOUTH AFRICA???????????? THE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC WAS FAR MORE ASTUTE A NAVIGATOR THAN YOU HAVE SHOWN AFTER A HUNDRED DAYS PLUS. I THINK YOU ARE JUST IN THE PRESIDENTS PLACE FOR THE COOL CARS AND FREQUENT FLYER MILES!
YES!!! CRY THE BELOVED COUNTRY! OUR LEADERS ARE IDIOTS!
JUST REMEMBER: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH WHICH IS ENTRENCHED IN OUR FLEDGLING CONSTITUTION!
YOURS IN TOTAL DISGUST.
A SOUTH AFRICAN
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
Friday, August 21, 2009
THE VATICAN: AT IT AGAIN!
SO ONCE AGAIN THE GOOD OLD POPE AND HIS PAPAL ADVISORS HAVE BEEN STUPID.
WE HERE IN AFRICA WERE GRACED BY THE VATICANS “CEO” A WHILE BACK. HE WAS HERE ON A PAPAL WHIRLWIND TOUR TO DRUM UP SUPPORT FOR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. HE SPOKE TO THE MASSES AND WITH A TONGUE SHARP AS A RAZOR DAZZLED THE THIRD WORLDIANS. HE REGALED THEM WITH WISDOM OF GREAT VALUE, PREACHING MORALS AND VALUES AND STUFF. HE ALSO UNDID MANY YEARS OF WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION AND VARIOUS AID AGENCIES TEACHINGS INTO SAFE SEX AND PREVENTION OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES AND AIDS RELATED UNPLEASENTRIES. A CONDOM STOPS THE SPREAD OF NOT ONLY AIDS BUT THE MULTITUDE OF KIDDIES THAT CANT BE FED BY THEIR PARENTS WHO CANT EVEN FEED THEMSELVES.
THE POPE WENT ON AND TOLD AFOREMENTIONED THIRD WORLDIANS THAT THE VATICAN AND THE ROMAN CARTHOLIC CHURCH IS DEAD SET AGAINST THE USE OF CONDOMS. THIS IN A CONTINENT WHERE THE VAST MAJORITY ARE LIVING WITH AIDS OR WITH SOMEONE WITH AIDS! A PLACE WHERE UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ARE RIFE AND SAID UNWANTED INFANTS ARE DUMPED BY THE DOZEN. A PLACE WHERE POVERTY IS KING AND HUNGER ITS PRINCE. THEN HERE COMES THE POPE AND UNDOES ALL THE HARD WORK BY THE AID AGENCIES WITH HIS CYANIDE RHETORIC.
THE THIRD WORLDIANS TAKE THE PAPAL HAUPTMANN`S WORDS AS GOSPEL, THEY FORSAKE THE CONDOM AND EMBARK ON A FUCK FRENZY. NEXT YEAR THIS TIME SAINT PETER HAS HIS HANDS FULL WITH ALL THE NEW ARRIVALS AT THE PEARLY GATES. HEAVEN IS BURSTING AT THE PREVERBEAL SEAMS THANKS TO THE POPE AND HIS ANTIQUATED HORSE SHIT THAT IS FORCED DOWN GULLIBLE PEOPLES THROATS.
THE POPE IS A DEFACTO MURDERER AND IS IRRESPONSIBLE WITH HIS “TEACHINGS”. WE LIVE IN THE 21ST CENTURY. NOT THE 1500`S. IF THE POPE CAN HAVE A WEB PAGE HE CAN THEREFORE UPDATE HIS STORIES TO RUN INLINE WITH A CHANGING WORLD.
MANKIND HAS NO TIME FOR OUTDATED RELIGIOUS MUMBO JUMBO PERPETRATED BY CRAZY COSTUMED DUDES IN HALLS OF GOLD.
IT WAS MASSIVELY IRRESPONSIBLE FOR HERR POPE TO UTTER SUCH DANGEROUS HORSE SHIT TO POTENTIALLY GULLIBLE PEOPLE.
YOU DEFINATELY WONT GO TO HELL FOR USING A RUBBER!
ONCE AGAIN:!:! VATICAN,,, SIS ON YOU!!!
SO ONCE AGAIN THE GOOD OLD POPE AND HIS PAPAL ADVISORS HAVE BEEN STUPID.
WE HERE IN AFRICA WERE GRACED BY THE VATICANS “CEO” A WHILE BACK. HE WAS HERE ON A PAPAL WHIRLWIND TOUR TO DRUM UP SUPPORT FOR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. HE SPOKE TO THE MASSES AND WITH A TONGUE SHARP AS A RAZOR DAZZLED THE THIRD WORLDIANS. HE REGALED THEM WITH WISDOM OF GREAT VALUE, PREACHING MORALS AND VALUES AND STUFF. HE ALSO UNDID MANY YEARS OF WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION AND VARIOUS AID AGENCIES TEACHINGS INTO SAFE SEX AND PREVENTION OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES AND AIDS RELATED UNPLEASENTRIES. A CONDOM STOPS THE SPREAD OF NOT ONLY AIDS BUT THE MULTITUDE OF KIDDIES THAT CANT BE FED BY THEIR PARENTS WHO CANT EVEN FEED THEMSELVES.
THE POPE WENT ON AND TOLD AFOREMENTIONED THIRD WORLDIANS THAT THE VATICAN AND THE ROMAN CARTHOLIC CHURCH IS DEAD SET AGAINST THE USE OF CONDOMS. THIS IN A CONTINENT WHERE THE VAST MAJORITY ARE LIVING WITH AIDS OR WITH SOMEONE WITH AIDS! A PLACE WHERE UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ARE RIFE AND SAID UNWANTED INFANTS ARE DUMPED BY THE DOZEN. A PLACE WHERE POVERTY IS KING AND HUNGER ITS PRINCE. THEN HERE COMES THE POPE AND UNDOES ALL THE HARD WORK BY THE AID AGENCIES WITH HIS CYANIDE RHETORIC.
THE THIRD WORLDIANS TAKE THE PAPAL HAUPTMANN`S WORDS AS GOSPEL, THEY FORSAKE THE CONDOM AND EMBARK ON A FUCK FRENZY. NEXT YEAR THIS TIME SAINT PETER HAS HIS HANDS FULL WITH ALL THE NEW ARRIVALS AT THE PEARLY GATES. HEAVEN IS BURSTING AT THE PREVERBEAL SEAMS THANKS TO THE POPE AND HIS ANTIQUATED HORSE SHIT THAT IS FORCED DOWN GULLIBLE PEOPLES THROATS.
THE POPE IS A DEFACTO MURDERER AND IS IRRESPONSIBLE WITH HIS “TEACHINGS”. WE LIVE IN THE 21ST CENTURY. NOT THE 1500`S. IF THE POPE CAN HAVE A WEB PAGE HE CAN THEREFORE UPDATE HIS STORIES TO RUN INLINE WITH A CHANGING WORLD.
MANKIND HAS NO TIME FOR OUTDATED RELIGIOUS MUMBO JUMBO PERPETRATED BY CRAZY COSTUMED DUDES IN HALLS OF GOLD.
IT WAS MASSIVELY IRRESPONSIBLE FOR HERR POPE TO UTTER SUCH DANGEROUS HORSE SHIT TO POTENTIALLY GULLIBLE PEOPLE.
YOU DEFINATELY WONT GO TO HELL FOR USING A RUBBER!
ONCE AGAIN:!:! VATICAN,,, SIS ON YOU!!!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS!
WHEN YOUR LETTERS ARE ANSWERED
IT IS WITH GREAT RELIEF THAT I GET TO WRITE THIS LETTER WITH REGARDS TO YOUR RAPID PESPONSE TO MY COMPLAINTS OF SOUR BEER.
THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND CALL BACKS I RECEIVED AFTER MY ORIGINAL COMPLAINT IS ASTOUNDING AND IN MY MIND PROVES BEYOND ANY REASONABLE DOUBT THAT THERE ARENT MANY COMPANIES IN THE WORLD AS HELPFUL AS THE SOUTH AFRICAN BREWERIES. THE GUYS WHO HAVE CALLED ME BACK AND KEPT ME (A SIMPLE CUSTOMER) IN THE PREVERBIAL LOOP IS FANTASTIC.
THIS TALE FIRST CAME TO A “HEAD” ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO WHEN ONE DARK COLD MISERABLE EVENING I HAD A TERRIBLE ENCOUNTER WITH MY FAVOURITE BEVERAGE. TO MY HORROR, THE BLACK LABEL BEER I OPENED AND WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO AFTER A HARD DAYS NIGHT INSULTED MY DELICATE TASTEBUDS. IT WAS AKIN TO LICKING A CHOCOLATE LOG AND DISCOVERING IT WAS ACTUALLY A TURD! THE HORROR! OH THE HORROR!
WELL THAT IS ALL IN THE PASTAND I BELIEVE THAT STEPS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO ENSURE YOUR OUTSTANDING PRODUCT IS WELL ON ITS WAY TO ANOTHER INTERNATIONAL AWARD.
NOW I AM WELL AWARE THAT THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO WRITE IN TO PISS AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR BEER AND HOW THEY ARE SOOOO UNHAPPY. THIS MUST BE DISHEARTENING AT BEST. HELL, IT AINT ROCKET SCIENCE, YOU MAKE BEER, YOU SELL BEER, WE DRINK BEER. SIMPLE RIGHT? YES SIMPLE LIKE QUANTUM TRIGONOMETRY? RIGHT?. NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A TAD MORE COMPLICATED THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND THAT IS WHY I AM TRULY HONOURED / THRILLED THAT YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO TAKE MY COMPLAINT SERIOUSLY AND KEEP ME INFORMED. YOU DON’T OFTEN FIND THIS KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE IN THIS COUNTRY. SO TO YOU GUYS, I SAY THANK YOU. YOU HAVE REINSTALLED MY FAITH IN YOUR BRAND. AS WE “SPEAK” I AM ENJOYING A FROSTY BEVERAGE, AAAAHHHH LIQUID GOLD.
I JUST WISH THAT IN TODAY`S FAST FOOD, MASS PRODUCED, SUPPLY AND DEMAND MARKET STYLED LIFE, MORE PEOPLE WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE THAT LITTLE EXTRA EFFORT AS YOU HAVE DONE TO ADDRESS THE “SMALL” DUDES COMPLAINTS. ITS DEFINITELY KUDO`S TO YOU.
NOW IF ONLY I COULD GET THE SAME TYPE OF DEDICATION AND CUSTOMER RELATION SKILLS FROM THE DREADFUL PROSTITUTE I SOLICITED LAST FRIDAY EVE. I COMPLAINED BITTERLY AND EVEN WENT AS FAR AS THREATENING TO FORFEIT PAYMENT AND TAKE HER PIMP TO THE BUREAU OF STANDARDS! ALL I GOT WAS A “TALK TO THE HAND” ATTITUDE AND SOME THREAT FROM THE PIMP IN SOME FOREIGN LANGUAGE. HELLS TEETH, I GOT STANDARDS! I DISLIKE SPENDING MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON DUD PRODUCTS. I WILL THEREFORE NO LONGER FREQUENT THAT PARTICULAR ROAD IN ROSETTENVILLE EVER AGAIN TILL SERIOUS REPARATIONS ARE MADE. THAT SWAMP DONKEY WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER PENNY FROM ME! ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY AND MAKING AN EFFORT TO REPAIR CUSTOMER RELATIONS IS ONE OF THE MOST VALUABLE TOOLS IN BUSINESS AND YOU GUYS HAVE ACED THAT. I ONCE AGAIN DRINK MY FAVE BEER WITH GUSTO AND CONFIDENCE AND ABSOLUTE PEACE OF MIND.
SO GUYS ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO A CUSTOMER. THE BEST PART IS I DON’T HAVE TO VISIT THE “THE WINDY CORNER” FRIDGE,,,, I CAN KEEP IT REAL….. SOUTH AFRICAN REAL!
So where do I send my c.v.?
YOURS TRULY:
A VERY HAPPY CUSTOMER
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
WHEN YOUR LETTERS ARE ANSWERED
IT IS WITH GREAT RELIEF THAT I GET TO WRITE THIS LETTER WITH REGARDS TO YOUR RAPID PESPONSE TO MY COMPLAINTS OF SOUR BEER.
THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND CALL BACKS I RECEIVED AFTER MY ORIGINAL COMPLAINT IS ASTOUNDING AND IN MY MIND PROVES BEYOND ANY REASONABLE DOUBT THAT THERE ARENT MANY COMPANIES IN THE WORLD AS HELPFUL AS THE SOUTH AFRICAN BREWERIES. THE GUYS WHO HAVE CALLED ME BACK AND KEPT ME (A SIMPLE CUSTOMER) IN THE PREVERBIAL LOOP IS FANTASTIC.
THIS TALE FIRST CAME TO A “HEAD” ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO WHEN ONE DARK COLD MISERABLE EVENING I HAD A TERRIBLE ENCOUNTER WITH MY FAVOURITE BEVERAGE. TO MY HORROR, THE BLACK LABEL BEER I OPENED AND WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO AFTER A HARD DAYS NIGHT INSULTED MY DELICATE TASTEBUDS. IT WAS AKIN TO LICKING A CHOCOLATE LOG AND DISCOVERING IT WAS ACTUALLY A TURD! THE HORROR! OH THE HORROR!
WELL THAT IS ALL IN THE PASTAND I BELIEVE THAT STEPS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO ENSURE YOUR OUTSTANDING PRODUCT IS WELL ON ITS WAY TO ANOTHER INTERNATIONAL AWARD.
NOW I AM WELL AWARE THAT THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO WRITE IN TO PISS AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR BEER AND HOW THEY ARE SOOOO UNHAPPY. THIS MUST BE DISHEARTENING AT BEST. HELL, IT AINT ROCKET SCIENCE, YOU MAKE BEER, YOU SELL BEER, WE DRINK BEER. SIMPLE RIGHT? YES SIMPLE LIKE QUANTUM TRIGONOMETRY? RIGHT?. NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A TAD MORE COMPLICATED THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND THAT IS WHY I AM TRULY HONOURED / THRILLED THAT YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO TAKE MY COMPLAINT SERIOUSLY AND KEEP ME INFORMED. YOU DON’T OFTEN FIND THIS KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE IN THIS COUNTRY. SO TO YOU GUYS, I SAY THANK YOU. YOU HAVE REINSTALLED MY FAITH IN YOUR BRAND. AS WE “SPEAK” I AM ENJOYING A FROSTY BEVERAGE, AAAAHHHH LIQUID GOLD.
I JUST WISH THAT IN TODAY`S FAST FOOD, MASS PRODUCED, SUPPLY AND DEMAND MARKET STYLED LIFE, MORE PEOPLE WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE THAT LITTLE EXTRA EFFORT AS YOU HAVE DONE TO ADDRESS THE “SMALL” DUDES COMPLAINTS. ITS DEFINITELY KUDO`S TO YOU.
NOW IF ONLY I COULD GET THE SAME TYPE OF DEDICATION AND CUSTOMER RELATION SKILLS FROM THE DREADFUL PROSTITUTE I SOLICITED LAST FRIDAY EVE. I COMPLAINED BITTERLY AND EVEN WENT AS FAR AS THREATENING TO FORFEIT PAYMENT AND TAKE HER PIMP TO THE BUREAU OF STANDARDS! ALL I GOT WAS A “TALK TO THE HAND” ATTITUDE AND SOME THREAT FROM THE PIMP IN SOME FOREIGN LANGUAGE. HELLS TEETH, I GOT STANDARDS! I DISLIKE SPENDING MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON DUD PRODUCTS. I WILL THEREFORE NO LONGER FREQUENT THAT PARTICULAR ROAD IN ROSETTENVILLE EVER AGAIN TILL SERIOUS REPARATIONS ARE MADE. THAT SWAMP DONKEY WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER PENNY FROM ME! ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY AND MAKING AN EFFORT TO REPAIR CUSTOMER RELATIONS IS ONE OF THE MOST VALUABLE TOOLS IN BUSINESS AND YOU GUYS HAVE ACED THAT. I ONCE AGAIN DRINK MY FAVE BEER WITH GUSTO AND CONFIDENCE AND ABSOLUTE PEACE OF MIND.
SO GUYS ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO A CUSTOMER. THE BEST PART IS I DON’T HAVE TO VISIT THE “THE WINDY CORNER” FRIDGE,,,, I CAN KEEP IT REAL….. SOUTH AFRICAN REAL!
So where do I send my c.v.?
YOURS TRULY:
A VERY HAPPY CUSTOMER
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
Sunday, July 26, 2009
FORMULA 1 SAFETY
HOW TO IMPROVE THE SPORT OF SPORTS
JULY 25TH WAS AN IMPLAUSIBLY DIFFICULT DAY TO PREDICT THAT A SINGULAR PIECE OF METAL FROM THE TAIL END OF BARRICHELLO`S BRAWN MERCEDES WOULD WORK ITS WAY LOOSE, FLY UP INTO THE AIR AT HIGH SPEED AND DIRECT ITSELF STRAIGHT INTO MASSA`A HELMET. PUNCTURING A HOLE IN THE HELMET AND KNOCKING HIM DIZZNESS. MASSA THEN CAREENS HEAD ON INTO THE TYRE WALL AT 260KM/H+
AT FIRST THERE WERE REPORTS THAT MASSA WAS GEARING DOWN AND BRAKING. THIS IS HOWEVER MOST LIKELY WRONG. I BELIEVE HE WAS ALREADY SEEING BIRDIES AND WAS NOTHING MORE THAN AN UNCONSCIOUS PASSENGER. THE GEAR CHANGING PEOPLE ALLUDED TO WAS NOTHING MORE THAN HIS HANDS LIMP ON THE WHEEL SHAKING ABOUT. THE LINES WE SEE IN THE GRAVEL PRIOR TO PERFORMING A NEAR PERFECT SENNA WALL PARK WERE NOT BRAKE MARKS BUT SIMPLY THE DE ACCELERATION OF THE CAR ON ITS OWN AS ITS “BOGGED” DOWN IN THE GRAVEL, THE TWO STRIPES ARE SIMPLY THE TRACKS OF THE WHEELS.
SO NOW IT IS SUNDAY AND THE REPORTS ARE THAT MASSA HAS 2 FRACTURES IN HIS SKULL AND A NASTY GASH ABOVE HIS LEFT EYE. IF THAT IS ALL THAT IS WRONG AND HE RECOVERS FULLY, HE WILL BE AMONGST THE ILLUSTRIOUS GROUP OF PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO HAVE HAD AND SURVIVED “AMAZING” ESCAPES THIS YEAR. THESE PERSONS USUALLY FIND THEMSELVES FEATURED IN TELEVISION PROGRAMS LIKE DESTROYED IN SECONDS, REAL T.V.RIPLEYS BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I SHOULDNT BE ALIVE AND OTHERS.
SO. HOW TO MAKE THE FORMULA 1 CAR MORE SAFE AND YET STILL COMPETITIVE? SIMPLE REALLY! ENCLOSE THE COCKPIT OF THE FORMULA 1 CAR WITH A PLEXIGLASS CANOPY, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONE YOU FIND ON A FIGHTER PLANE AND FORMULA 1 POWER BOATS?
ADD TO THAT HIGH SPEED IMPACT ONLY DEPLOYMENT SIDE AND FRONT AIRBAGS. YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONES YOU FIND IN SAY A TATA INDIGO? I HAVE CHOSEN THE TATA AS IT IS A CHEAP CAR THAT EVEN HAS AIRBAGS. WHY DOES FORMULA 1 NOT HAVE THEM?
THE COCKPIT CANOPY WILL PROVIDE ADDED PROTECTION FOR INCIDENTS SUCH AS MASSA`S AND THAT UNFORTUNATE DUDE, SURTEE WHO WAS KILLED I BELIEVE BY AN ERRANT WHEEL AT BRANDS HATCH IN AN OPEN WHEELED/ COCKPIT RACE CAR..
WHEN IT IS CLASSIFIED AS A WET RACE THE CANOPY CAN BE DISPENSED WITH DUE TO THE FACT THAT OVERALL SPEED IS LOWERED AND AIRBONE PARTS STRIKES ARE MINIMIZED. THE DRIER THE TRACK THE FASTER THE RACE PACE WILL BE. AIRBAGS THAT ONLY DEPLOY IN HIGH SPEED SHUNTS WILL LESSEN WHIPLASH AND OTHER IMPACT RELATED INJURIES.
I FORSEE HOWEVER THAT MASSA WILL RECOVER AND MAYBE RACE TILL THE END OF THE SEASON AND THEN WILL MOST LIKELY RETIRE. THIS WAS A REALITY CALL AND FOR A MAN SO RELIGIOUS AND WHO IS JUST ABOUT TO BECOME A DADDY MAY JUST HEED THE REAPERS WARNING. “MASSA :: I GOT YOUR NUMBER, I GOT YOUR TICKET” SENNA MAY HAVE BEEN HIS IDOL, HOWEVER I DOUBT HE WANTS TO EMULATE HIM TO THE DEATH.
FURTHERMORE, IT WOULDNT SURPRISE ME IF BARRICHELLO ANNOUNCES HIS RETIREMENT SOON, PART OF THE DECISION WOULD NO DOUBT BE THE LOOSE SPARE PART vs MASSA INCIDENT IN HUNGARY. I DONT THINK HE LIKES THE THOUGHT THAT HE AS A BRAZILIAN NEARLY WACKED A FELLOW BRAZILIAN. FORMULA 1 MAY JUST LOOSE TWO GREAT BRAZILIAN DRIVERS. THATS MY THEORY ANYWAYS.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com Michael b da silva on facebook
THE DA SILVA CODE
HOW TO IMPROVE THE SPORT OF SPORTS
JULY 25TH WAS AN IMPLAUSIBLY DIFFICULT DAY TO PREDICT THAT A SINGULAR PIECE OF METAL FROM THE TAIL END OF BARRICHELLO`S BRAWN MERCEDES WOULD WORK ITS WAY LOOSE, FLY UP INTO THE AIR AT HIGH SPEED AND DIRECT ITSELF STRAIGHT INTO MASSA`A HELMET. PUNCTURING A HOLE IN THE HELMET AND KNOCKING HIM DIZZNESS. MASSA THEN CAREENS HEAD ON INTO THE TYRE WALL AT 260KM/H+
AT FIRST THERE WERE REPORTS THAT MASSA WAS GEARING DOWN AND BRAKING. THIS IS HOWEVER MOST LIKELY WRONG. I BELIEVE HE WAS ALREADY SEEING BIRDIES AND WAS NOTHING MORE THAN AN UNCONSCIOUS PASSENGER. THE GEAR CHANGING PEOPLE ALLUDED TO WAS NOTHING MORE THAN HIS HANDS LIMP ON THE WHEEL SHAKING ABOUT. THE LINES WE SEE IN THE GRAVEL PRIOR TO PERFORMING A NEAR PERFECT SENNA WALL PARK WERE NOT BRAKE MARKS BUT SIMPLY THE DE ACCELERATION OF THE CAR ON ITS OWN AS ITS “BOGGED” DOWN IN THE GRAVEL, THE TWO STRIPES ARE SIMPLY THE TRACKS OF THE WHEELS.
SO NOW IT IS SUNDAY AND THE REPORTS ARE THAT MASSA HAS 2 FRACTURES IN HIS SKULL AND A NASTY GASH ABOVE HIS LEFT EYE. IF THAT IS ALL THAT IS WRONG AND HE RECOVERS FULLY, HE WILL BE AMONGST THE ILLUSTRIOUS GROUP OF PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO HAVE HAD AND SURVIVED “AMAZING” ESCAPES THIS YEAR. THESE PERSONS USUALLY FIND THEMSELVES FEATURED IN TELEVISION PROGRAMS LIKE DESTROYED IN SECONDS, REAL T.V.RIPLEYS BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I SHOULDNT BE ALIVE AND OTHERS.
SO. HOW TO MAKE THE FORMULA 1 CAR MORE SAFE AND YET STILL COMPETITIVE? SIMPLE REALLY! ENCLOSE THE COCKPIT OF THE FORMULA 1 CAR WITH A PLEXIGLASS CANOPY, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONE YOU FIND ON A FIGHTER PLANE AND FORMULA 1 POWER BOATS?
ADD TO THAT HIGH SPEED IMPACT ONLY DEPLOYMENT SIDE AND FRONT AIRBAGS. YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONES YOU FIND IN SAY A TATA INDIGO? I HAVE CHOSEN THE TATA AS IT IS A CHEAP CAR THAT EVEN HAS AIRBAGS. WHY DOES FORMULA 1 NOT HAVE THEM?
THE COCKPIT CANOPY WILL PROVIDE ADDED PROTECTION FOR INCIDENTS SUCH AS MASSA`S AND THAT UNFORTUNATE DUDE, SURTEE WHO WAS KILLED I BELIEVE BY AN ERRANT WHEEL AT BRANDS HATCH IN AN OPEN WHEELED/ COCKPIT RACE CAR..
WHEN IT IS CLASSIFIED AS A WET RACE THE CANOPY CAN BE DISPENSED WITH DUE TO THE FACT THAT OVERALL SPEED IS LOWERED AND AIRBONE PARTS STRIKES ARE MINIMIZED. THE DRIER THE TRACK THE FASTER THE RACE PACE WILL BE. AIRBAGS THAT ONLY DEPLOY IN HIGH SPEED SHUNTS WILL LESSEN WHIPLASH AND OTHER IMPACT RELATED INJURIES.
I FORSEE HOWEVER THAT MASSA WILL RECOVER AND MAYBE RACE TILL THE END OF THE SEASON AND THEN WILL MOST LIKELY RETIRE. THIS WAS A REALITY CALL AND FOR A MAN SO RELIGIOUS AND WHO IS JUST ABOUT TO BECOME A DADDY MAY JUST HEED THE REAPERS WARNING. “MASSA :: I GOT YOUR NUMBER, I GOT YOUR TICKET” SENNA MAY HAVE BEEN HIS IDOL, HOWEVER I DOUBT HE WANTS TO EMULATE HIM TO THE DEATH.
FURTHERMORE, IT WOULDNT SURPRISE ME IF BARRICHELLO ANNOUNCES HIS RETIREMENT SOON, PART OF THE DECISION WOULD NO DOUBT BE THE LOOSE SPARE PART vs MASSA INCIDENT IN HUNGARY. I DONT THINK HE LIKES THE THOUGHT THAT HE AS A BRAZILIAN NEARLY WACKED A FELLOW BRAZILIAN. FORMULA 1 MAY JUST LOOSE TWO GREAT BRAZILIAN DRIVERS. THATS MY THEORY ANYWAYS.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com Michael b da silva on facebook
THE DA SILVA CODE
Monday, July 20, 2009
A BREWERY TOO FAR
A BREWERY TOO FAR!
THE STORY OF A GOOD BEER GONE BAD PART 2
STARRING :CARLING BLACK LABEL
5 TIME INTERNATIONAL AWARD WINNER
DIRECTED,
PRODUCED,
DISTRIBUTED BY. :SAB MILLER.
SOUNDS COOL DONT IT? HOWEVER THIS IS A TALE OF BETRAYEL AND MISERY.
PEOPLE PLEASE, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING AT THE BREWERIES? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I AM WRITING TO YOU PERTAINING TO THE HORRID KAK TASTE THAT IS FINDING ITS WAY INTO THE CAN RANGE OF BLACK LABEL BEERS. I HAD WRITTEN THAT I WAS GETTING UP TO 2 “OFF” BEERS PER SIX PACK WITH THE “BLACK” PULL TABS. HOWEVER THIS TERRORISM STILL PERSISTST. I HAVE FIGURED OUT WHERE THE PROBLEM LIES. IT IS IN YOUR QUALITY CONTROL DEPARTMENT AND THE “DUDE” THAT IS ADDING THE CHEMICALS THAT AID IN FERMENTATION. I HAVE DEDUCED THIS THROUGH MY KEEN SENSE OF DEDUCTION AND LOOKING UNDER THE BEER CANS.
UNDER THE CAN I HAVE FOUND NUMBERS PRINTED IN SOME CODE FORM.(a da vinci code i suspect). I HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT THE NUMBER IS THE DAY OF THE YEAR THE ALE WAS PRODUCED. SO AS I SIT HERE AND SWALLOW THE LAST SIP OF NUMBER 159 09 B I BELIEVE IT TO BE PRODUCED ON THE 159TH DAY OF 2009.
NOW, I ALWAYS LOOK UNDER THE SIX PACK AND LOOK FOR HIGH MARKED NUMBERS, HOWEVER I STILL GET THE SOURISH, CIDERISH FOAMY BUSHPIG PISS TASTING BEER. HERE I HAVE NOTED THAT THE NUMBER UNDER THOSE CANS ARE MISPRINTED AND SEEM ALL BUNCHED UP AND ILLEGIBLE. : EG : 159 09 B ON A NORMAL CAN BECOMES . MISPRINTED IN THE CORNER OF THE CAN RIM. I BELIEVE THESE TO BE THE DUDS AND OUTCASTS THAT WERE DESTINED FOR THE DRAIN, HOWEVER THEY ARE WINDING UP SHRINK WRAPPED ALONG WITH GOOD BEERS. NOW! I HAVE SPENT A TINY FORTUNE DEDUCING THIS THEORY THAT HAS NOT PROVED ME WRONG YET. TONIGHT WAS A GOOD EXAMPLE. I WENT TO A DECENT BOTTLE STORE AND PASSED OVER THREE SIX PACKS WITH MISPRINTED DATES TILL I FOUND ONE WITH CLEARLY DEMARCATED DATES PRINTED. THERE IS A SICKNESS IN THE BEER INDUSTRY AND THAT IS WHY TONIGHTS BLACK LABELS ARE TO BE MY LAST TILL THE BREWERY CLEAN UP THEIR SHOP. TILL THEN I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE MY WAY TO THE DRAFTY SIDE OF THE STORE AND TAKE UP “SHAFT” ON HIS ASSURANCE THAT THEY KEEP IT REAL AND THEY DONT AIR PUNCH OR DRINK PINK DRINKS AS THEY ARE MOST DEFINITELY NOT IN VEGAS AND ARENT LIVING LA VIDA LOCA! ACCORDING TO SHAFT, PEOPLE LIKE US MAY JUST HAVE A FUTURE AT THEIR BREWERY. I AM BEGINNING TO THINK I MAY.
NOW LET ME TELL YOU A TALE OF A TIME LONG TIME AGO WHEN I SPENT TIME IN THE LAND OF THE “WINDY CORNER” IN THE FABLED KINGDOM OF SOUTH WEST AFRICA (NAMIBIA) WHEN I WAS A KNIGHT ERRANT OF SORTS. I WAS LOYAL TO THE BREWERY OF OUR MIGHTY KINGDOM. THE ALLMIGHTY S A B. I DRANK ONLY THEIR BEER AND WAS A VEHEMENT ENEMY TOTHE WINDY CORNER VARIETY! MY HOW THOSE DAYS HAVE CHANGED. YOU GUYS HAVE WONDERFUL ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS THAT EXHALT MERE MORTALS TO SUPER HUMANS AND WE SEE IMAGES OF FRIENDS ON ROAD TRIPS SHARING GREAT DAYS. YEAH... RIGHT... I SEE NOTHING ABOUT THE HORRIBLE BEERS YOU ADD TO THE SIX PACKS. I DONT SEE ONE FRIEND LOOKING OVER TO HIS PAL AND SAYING “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY BEER”?” WHY DOES IT TASTE LIKE DREK?”
I REALISE THERE IS A THING CALLED SUPPLY AND DEMAND AND I ACCEPT THAT AS DEMAND SKYROCKETS THE SUPPLY MUST BE KEPT UP TO EQUALISE THAT EQUATION. HOWEVER, SLIPPING OFF BEERS INTO EVERY SIX PACK IS UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE WRITTEN TO THE BREWERY WITH THIS PROBLEM, AND I MUST ADMIT I GOT A CALL FROM A DOLLY BIRD THAT SOUNDED OH SO CARING AND ASSURED ME I WOULD BE CONTACTED AND HAVE THE SELL BY DATE EXPLAINED TO ME. WELL THAT NEVER CAME TO FRUITION. SO I HAVE THEREFORE BEEN FORCED TO DIRECT ANOTHER LETTER TO SAB MILLER REQUESTING AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY MY FAVOURITE BEVERAGE IS TASTING LIKE SHIT?. IN THE INTERIM I WILL TAKE MY BLACK LABEL CAP AND CHUCK IT INTO A CORNER SOMEWHERE. I WONT THROW IT AWAY. HELL NO! I AM TIRED OF CHUCKING MONEY AWAY ALONG WITH 2 OF 6 BEERS NEARLY EVERYTIME I BUY.
WHY MUST I SCRUTINISE EVERY SIX PACK? ITS NOT LIKE I AM CHOOSING A SEX PARTNER AND NEED TO KNOW HER PRIOR HISTORY! ITS JUST BEER MAN! I JUST WANT TO BUY GOOD BEER AND ENJOY A TOOT AFTER WORK AND MAYBE BEAUTIFY THE WOMAN I AM ASKING FOR A SEXUAL CURRICULUM VITAE FROM AT THE PUB. NOW WHEN I PURCHASE MY BEER I HAVE TO SEE IF THERE ARE MISPRINTED DUDS IN THE GROUP? WHAT GIVES DUDES!
TILL I AM HAPPY THAT MY FAVOURITE BRAND OF BEER IS UP TO SCRATCH, I WILL HAVE NO OTHER OPTION THAN TO PROCURE MY BEERS FROM THE WINDY CORNER FRIDGE AND TAKE A CHANCE WITH SHAFT AND DAVE.
PS: I GENUINELY DONT LIKE PINK DRINKS, INCIDENTALLY.
YOURS , TORN APART:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 078 948 9847 po box 620 glenvista 2058
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
THE STORY OF A GOOD BEER GONE BAD PART 2
STARRING :CARLING BLACK LABEL
5 TIME INTERNATIONAL AWARD WINNER
DIRECTED,
PRODUCED,
DISTRIBUTED BY. :SAB MILLER.
SOUNDS COOL DONT IT? HOWEVER THIS IS A TALE OF BETRAYEL AND MISERY.
PEOPLE PLEASE, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING AT THE BREWERIES? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I AM WRITING TO YOU PERTAINING TO THE HORRID KAK TASTE THAT IS FINDING ITS WAY INTO THE CAN RANGE OF BLACK LABEL BEERS. I HAD WRITTEN THAT I WAS GETTING UP TO 2 “OFF” BEERS PER SIX PACK WITH THE “BLACK” PULL TABS. HOWEVER THIS TERRORISM STILL PERSISTST. I HAVE FIGURED OUT WHERE THE PROBLEM LIES. IT IS IN YOUR QUALITY CONTROL DEPARTMENT AND THE “DUDE” THAT IS ADDING THE CHEMICALS THAT AID IN FERMENTATION. I HAVE DEDUCED THIS THROUGH MY KEEN SENSE OF DEDUCTION AND LOOKING UNDER THE BEER CANS.
UNDER THE CAN I HAVE FOUND NUMBERS PRINTED IN SOME CODE FORM.(a da vinci code i suspect). I HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT THE NUMBER IS THE DAY OF THE YEAR THE ALE WAS PRODUCED. SO AS I SIT HERE AND SWALLOW THE LAST SIP OF NUMBER 159 09 B I BELIEVE IT TO BE PRODUCED ON THE 159TH DAY OF 2009.
NOW, I ALWAYS LOOK UNDER THE SIX PACK AND LOOK FOR HIGH MARKED NUMBERS, HOWEVER I STILL GET THE SOURISH, CIDERISH FOAMY BUSHPIG PISS TASTING BEER. HERE I HAVE NOTED THAT THE NUMBER UNDER THOSE CANS ARE MISPRINTED AND SEEM ALL BUNCHED UP AND ILLEGIBLE. : EG : 159 09 B ON A NORMAL CAN BECOMES . MISPRINTED IN THE CORNER OF THE CAN RIM. I BELIEVE THESE TO BE THE DUDS AND OUTCASTS THAT WERE DESTINED FOR THE DRAIN, HOWEVER THEY ARE WINDING UP SHRINK WRAPPED ALONG WITH GOOD BEERS. NOW! I HAVE SPENT A TINY FORTUNE DEDUCING THIS THEORY THAT HAS NOT PROVED ME WRONG YET. TONIGHT WAS A GOOD EXAMPLE. I WENT TO A DECENT BOTTLE STORE AND PASSED OVER THREE SIX PACKS WITH MISPRINTED DATES TILL I FOUND ONE WITH CLEARLY DEMARCATED DATES PRINTED. THERE IS A SICKNESS IN THE BEER INDUSTRY AND THAT IS WHY TONIGHTS BLACK LABELS ARE TO BE MY LAST TILL THE BREWERY CLEAN UP THEIR SHOP. TILL THEN I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE MY WAY TO THE DRAFTY SIDE OF THE STORE AND TAKE UP “SHAFT” ON HIS ASSURANCE THAT THEY KEEP IT REAL AND THEY DONT AIR PUNCH OR DRINK PINK DRINKS AS THEY ARE MOST DEFINITELY NOT IN VEGAS AND ARENT LIVING LA VIDA LOCA! ACCORDING TO SHAFT, PEOPLE LIKE US MAY JUST HAVE A FUTURE AT THEIR BREWERY. I AM BEGINNING TO THINK I MAY.
NOW LET ME TELL YOU A TALE OF A TIME LONG TIME AGO WHEN I SPENT TIME IN THE LAND OF THE “WINDY CORNER” IN THE FABLED KINGDOM OF SOUTH WEST AFRICA (NAMIBIA) WHEN I WAS A KNIGHT ERRANT OF SORTS. I WAS LOYAL TO THE BREWERY OF OUR MIGHTY KINGDOM. THE ALLMIGHTY S A B. I DRANK ONLY THEIR BEER AND WAS A VEHEMENT ENEMY TOTHE WINDY CORNER VARIETY! MY HOW THOSE DAYS HAVE CHANGED. YOU GUYS HAVE WONDERFUL ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS THAT EXHALT MERE MORTALS TO SUPER HUMANS AND WE SEE IMAGES OF FRIENDS ON ROAD TRIPS SHARING GREAT DAYS. YEAH... RIGHT... I SEE NOTHING ABOUT THE HORRIBLE BEERS YOU ADD TO THE SIX PACKS. I DONT SEE ONE FRIEND LOOKING OVER TO HIS PAL AND SAYING “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY BEER”?” WHY DOES IT TASTE LIKE DREK?”
I REALISE THERE IS A THING CALLED SUPPLY AND DEMAND AND I ACCEPT THAT AS DEMAND SKYROCKETS THE SUPPLY MUST BE KEPT UP TO EQUALISE THAT EQUATION. HOWEVER, SLIPPING OFF BEERS INTO EVERY SIX PACK IS UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE WRITTEN TO THE BREWERY WITH THIS PROBLEM, AND I MUST ADMIT I GOT A CALL FROM A DOLLY BIRD THAT SOUNDED OH SO CARING AND ASSURED ME I WOULD BE CONTACTED AND HAVE THE SELL BY DATE EXPLAINED TO ME. WELL THAT NEVER CAME TO FRUITION. SO I HAVE THEREFORE BEEN FORCED TO DIRECT ANOTHER LETTER TO SAB MILLER REQUESTING AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY MY FAVOURITE BEVERAGE IS TASTING LIKE SHIT?. IN THE INTERIM I WILL TAKE MY BLACK LABEL CAP AND CHUCK IT INTO A CORNER SOMEWHERE. I WONT THROW IT AWAY. HELL NO! I AM TIRED OF CHUCKING MONEY AWAY ALONG WITH 2 OF 6 BEERS NEARLY EVERYTIME I BUY.
WHY MUST I SCRUTINISE EVERY SIX PACK? ITS NOT LIKE I AM CHOOSING A SEX PARTNER AND NEED TO KNOW HER PRIOR HISTORY! ITS JUST BEER MAN! I JUST WANT TO BUY GOOD BEER AND ENJOY A TOOT AFTER WORK AND MAYBE BEAUTIFY THE WOMAN I AM ASKING FOR A SEXUAL CURRICULUM VITAE FROM AT THE PUB. NOW WHEN I PURCHASE MY BEER I HAVE TO SEE IF THERE ARE MISPRINTED DUDS IN THE GROUP? WHAT GIVES DUDES!
TILL I AM HAPPY THAT MY FAVOURITE BRAND OF BEER IS UP TO SCRATCH, I WILL HAVE NO OTHER OPTION THAN TO PROCURE MY BEERS FROM THE WINDY CORNER FRIDGE AND TAKE A CHANCE WITH SHAFT AND DAVE.
PS: I GENUINELY DONT LIKE PINK DRINKS, INCIDENTALLY.
YOURS , TORN APART:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 078 948 9847 po box 620 glenvista 2058
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
Saturday, July 18, 2009
CONVERSATIONS WITH ZOMBIES
CONVERSATIONS WITH ZOMBIES
THERE ARE TIMES IN OUR DAILY LIVES WHEN WE ARE BOUND TO BE TAKEN BY THE PANGS OF HUNGER THEREFORE NECESSITATING A QUICK STOP AT A FAST FOOD PLACE FOR INSTANTANEOUS REPLENISHMENT. IN TODAYS MAD RUSH LIFE WE CANNOT ALWAYS SIT IN A RESTAURANT AND BE WAITED ON. WE NEED TO BE MOBILE IN MERE SECONDS WITH OUR BELLIES FULL BEFORE WE GET BACK INTO TRAFFIC.
THE IDEA OF DRIVE THROUGH FAST FOOD JOINTS IS A MODERN MARVEL OF HUMAN INGENUITY. BY THE TIME YOU HAVE BYPASSED WINDOW NUMBER 1 WITH YOUR ORDER PLACED AND PAID AT WINDOW NUMBER 2, YOU ARRIVE FOR A BRIEF MOMENT AT WINDOW NUMBER 3 AND COLLECT YOUR GRUB FROM WHAT SEEMS A DISMEMBERED FLOATING ARM THAT HAS A SEEMINGLY UNINTELLIGIBLE PRE PROGRAMMED VOICE. THIS IS THEN WHERE THE ZOMBIES ENTER THE EQUATION. TRY WALKING INTO THIS FAST “FOOD” EMPORIUM OF HORRORS AND ORDER FACE TO FACE FROM GORMLESS BARELY EDUCATED SELF PONTIFICATING SLOP HOPPERS. THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF THE MC DONALDS CHAIN AND I WILL SINGLE OUT TWO STORES THAT HAVE TAKEN SHIT SERVICE TO DIZZYING NEW HEIGHTS.
THE ROSETTENVILLE AND ORMONDE BRANCH ARE THE WORST FAST FOOD OUTLETS I HAVE EVER SET FOOT IN. THE DISORGANISATION IS MIND BOGGLING. NO ONE HAS A CLUE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. THE MANAGERESS WITH HER “STENCILED” “TATTOOED” PURPLE EYEBROWS RUNS AMOK IN THE PLACE SCARING THE KIDS, SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF “MOS EISLEY SPACE PORT” IN THE STAR WARS MOVIE. THE CASHIERS BELIEVE THEY ARE HIGHER IN THE FOOD CHAIN SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CAN PRESS A BUTTON ON THEIR TILLS WHICH CORRESPONDS TO A NUMBERED MEAL ON THE SLOP DISPLAY ABOVE THE COUNTER. FURTHERMORE THESE INGRATES ARE RUDE AND UNCOUTH.
THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF THE KLAN AT THE ROSETTENVILLE BRANCH WHO ARE XENOPHOBIC TO BOOT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN BLACK PEOPLE SO RACIST AND XENOPHOBIC TO FELLOW FOREIGN BLACKS. THEY TREAT THE MOZAMBICAN, ZIMBO, CONGOLESE AND NIGERIANS WITH CONTEMPT.
DONT THESE FUCK WITS REALISE THAT THESE “FOREIGNERS” ARE PAYING THEIR SALARIES AND ENSURING THEIR EMPLOYMENT?.SO FUCKING MUCH FOR THE SPIRIT OF UBUNTU.
IF ANYONE REGARDLESS OF COLOUR, CREED, RELIGION, SPECIES SPOKE TO ME IN THE SAME TONE AS THESE RACIST BLACKS TREAT THEIR FOREIGN BLACK “BROTHERS”, I WOULD LEAN ACCROSS THE COUNTER AND FUCK THE THING UP!
IT SEEMS ETHICS AND CUSTOMER SERVICE WENT BY THE WAY SIDE ALONG WITH QUALITY FAST FOOD. SPEAKING TO THE TWO LOTS OF STAFF AT THESE MC DONALDS OUTLETS IS LIKE TRYING TO HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION EXPLORING THE MERITS OF EXISTENTIALISM WITH A ZOMBIE. THE ROSETTENVILLE BRANCH STORE MAKE THE GUARDS AT AUSCHWITZ SEEM FRIENDLY.
THEN ADD TO THE MIX, THE TASTELESS GOOP THAT IS SERVED UP AS BURGERS. THE QUALITY IS WANING. NOW I MAY NOT BE A BURGER AFFICIONADO BUT I AM PRETTY SURE THAT “BEEF” THAT IS DEVOID OF ALL COLOUR AND ARRIVES IN A BAG THEN IS PRESSED INTO A PATTY AINT NO COW.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT A PIECE OF BEEF CAN BE SO FLAVOURLESS? I HAVE NEVER SEEN A PROCESSED COW IN A FIELD, FURTHERMORE ARE MC DONALDS PATTIES REALLY MEAT OF SOME SORT OR IS IT DERIVED FROM A “SOYA COW”... I HAVE MORE FLAVOUR IN THE TIP OF MY PENIS!
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THE VALIDITY THAT MC DONALDS PATTIES WERE EVER PART OF A COW AT ANY STAGE. LOOK AT THE PATTY AND SMELL IT BEFORE THE RELISH IS ADDED TO COVER UP THE BLANDNESS. OTHER FAST FOOD OUTLETS HAVE PATTIES WITH TEXTURE AT LEAST. YOU CAN ALMOST IMAGINE THE COW FROM WHICH YOUR PATTY ORIGINATED GRAZING IN A FIELD OF DAISIES. I PROPOSE WE EAT THE CARDBOARD BOX THE BIG MAC BURGER ARRIVES IN FOR POSSIBLY MORE PROTEIN AND ROUGHAGE.
THE NEXT ANNOYING ITEM ON MY LIST IS THE USE OF “RONALD MCDONALD” A CLOWN WITH ALL THE LOOKS OF A PAEDOPHILE. CHOOSING A RED HAIRED CLOWN AS YOUR MASCOT WAS A TERRIBLE BLUNDER. MANY CHILDREN ARE SHIT SCARED OF CLOWNS AND OBVIOUSLY THE FOUNDER OF MCDONALDS NEVER HEARD OF A ONE JOHN WAYNE GAYCE. HE USED TO DRESS AS A CLOWN WITH A RED WIG AND ENTERTAIN KIDDIES AT PARTIES, HE THEN USED TO ENTERTAIN HIMSELF WITH SAID KIDDIES AND DISPOSE OF THEIR CORPSES UNDER THE PORCH IN THE CRAWL SPACE OF HIS HOUSE OF HORRORS. RONALD MCDONALD HAS NO PLACE IN TODAY`S AGE.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FAST FOOD, IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR “FOOD”(loosely used term) AND MORE IMPORTANTLY REPLACE THE RACIST ZOMBIES WHO DEAL WITH CUSTOMERS IN STORE. TILL THEN I WILL NEVER SET FOOT INSIDE ANOTHER MC DONALDS STORE EVER AGAIN, AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BOARD ROOM!
YOURS IN UTTER DISGUST:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PS: REMEMBER WE HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT ENTRENCHED IN OUR FLEDGLING DEMOCRACY TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
THERE ARE TIMES IN OUR DAILY LIVES WHEN WE ARE BOUND TO BE TAKEN BY THE PANGS OF HUNGER THEREFORE NECESSITATING A QUICK STOP AT A FAST FOOD PLACE FOR INSTANTANEOUS REPLENISHMENT. IN TODAYS MAD RUSH LIFE WE CANNOT ALWAYS SIT IN A RESTAURANT AND BE WAITED ON. WE NEED TO BE MOBILE IN MERE SECONDS WITH OUR BELLIES FULL BEFORE WE GET BACK INTO TRAFFIC.
THE IDEA OF DRIVE THROUGH FAST FOOD JOINTS IS A MODERN MARVEL OF HUMAN INGENUITY. BY THE TIME YOU HAVE BYPASSED WINDOW NUMBER 1 WITH YOUR ORDER PLACED AND PAID AT WINDOW NUMBER 2, YOU ARRIVE FOR A BRIEF MOMENT AT WINDOW NUMBER 3 AND COLLECT YOUR GRUB FROM WHAT SEEMS A DISMEMBERED FLOATING ARM THAT HAS A SEEMINGLY UNINTELLIGIBLE PRE PROGRAMMED VOICE. THIS IS THEN WHERE THE ZOMBIES ENTER THE EQUATION. TRY WALKING INTO THIS FAST “FOOD” EMPORIUM OF HORRORS AND ORDER FACE TO FACE FROM GORMLESS BARELY EDUCATED SELF PONTIFICATING SLOP HOPPERS. THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF THE MC DONALDS CHAIN AND I WILL SINGLE OUT TWO STORES THAT HAVE TAKEN SHIT SERVICE TO DIZZYING NEW HEIGHTS.
THE ROSETTENVILLE AND ORMONDE BRANCH ARE THE WORST FAST FOOD OUTLETS I HAVE EVER SET FOOT IN. THE DISORGANISATION IS MIND BOGGLING. NO ONE HAS A CLUE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. THE MANAGERESS WITH HER “STENCILED” “TATTOOED” PURPLE EYEBROWS RUNS AMOK IN THE PLACE SCARING THE KIDS, SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF “MOS EISLEY SPACE PORT” IN THE STAR WARS MOVIE. THE CASHIERS BELIEVE THEY ARE HIGHER IN THE FOOD CHAIN SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CAN PRESS A BUTTON ON THEIR TILLS WHICH CORRESPONDS TO A NUMBERED MEAL ON THE SLOP DISPLAY ABOVE THE COUNTER. FURTHERMORE THESE INGRATES ARE RUDE AND UNCOUTH.
THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE OF THE KLAN AT THE ROSETTENVILLE BRANCH WHO ARE XENOPHOBIC TO BOOT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN BLACK PEOPLE SO RACIST AND XENOPHOBIC TO FELLOW FOREIGN BLACKS. THEY TREAT THE MOZAMBICAN, ZIMBO, CONGOLESE AND NIGERIANS WITH CONTEMPT.
DONT THESE FUCK WITS REALISE THAT THESE “FOREIGNERS” ARE PAYING THEIR SALARIES AND ENSURING THEIR EMPLOYMENT?.SO FUCKING MUCH FOR THE SPIRIT OF UBUNTU.
IF ANYONE REGARDLESS OF COLOUR, CREED, RELIGION, SPECIES SPOKE TO ME IN THE SAME TONE AS THESE RACIST BLACKS TREAT THEIR FOREIGN BLACK “BROTHERS”, I WOULD LEAN ACCROSS THE COUNTER AND FUCK THE THING UP!
IT SEEMS ETHICS AND CUSTOMER SERVICE WENT BY THE WAY SIDE ALONG WITH QUALITY FAST FOOD. SPEAKING TO THE TWO LOTS OF STAFF AT THESE MC DONALDS OUTLETS IS LIKE TRYING TO HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION EXPLORING THE MERITS OF EXISTENTIALISM WITH A ZOMBIE. THE ROSETTENVILLE BRANCH STORE MAKE THE GUARDS AT AUSCHWITZ SEEM FRIENDLY.
THEN ADD TO THE MIX, THE TASTELESS GOOP THAT IS SERVED UP AS BURGERS. THE QUALITY IS WANING. NOW I MAY NOT BE A BURGER AFFICIONADO BUT I AM PRETTY SURE THAT “BEEF” THAT IS DEVOID OF ALL COLOUR AND ARRIVES IN A BAG THEN IS PRESSED INTO A PATTY AINT NO COW.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT A PIECE OF BEEF CAN BE SO FLAVOURLESS? I HAVE NEVER SEEN A PROCESSED COW IN A FIELD, FURTHERMORE ARE MC DONALDS PATTIES REALLY MEAT OF SOME SORT OR IS IT DERIVED FROM A “SOYA COW”... I HAVE MORE FLAVOUR IN THE TIP OF MY PENIS!
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THE VALIDITY THAT MC DONALDS PATTIES WERE EVER PART OF A COW AT ANY STAGE. LOOK AT THE PATTY AND SMELL IT BEFORE THE RELISH IS ADDED TO COVER UP THE BLANDNESS. OTHER FAST FOOD OUTLETS HAVE PATTIES WITH TEXTURE AT LEAST. YOU CAN ALMOST IMAGINE THE COW FROM WHICH YOUR PATTY ORIGINATED GRAZING IN A FIELD OF DAISIES. I PROPOSE WE EAT THE CARDBOARD BOX THE BIG MAC BURGER ARRIVES IN FOR POSSIBLY MORE PROTEIN AND ROUGHAGE.
THE NEXT ANNOYING ITEM ON MY LIST IS THE USE OF “RONALD MCDONALD” A CLOWN WITH ALL THE LOOKS OF A PAEDOPHILE. CHOOSING A RED HAIRED CLOWN AS YOUR MASCOT WAS A TERRIBLE BLUNDER. MANY CHILDREN ARE SHIT SCARED OF CLOWNS AND OBVIOUSLY THE FOUNDER OF MCDONALDS NEVER HEARD OF A ONE JOHN WAYNE GAYCE. HE USED TO DRESS AS A CLOWN WITH A RED WIG AND ENTERTAIN KIDDIES AT PARTIES, HE THEN USED TO ENTERTAIN HIMSELF WITH SAID KIDDIES AND DISPOSE OF THEIR CORPSES UNDER THE PORCH IN THE CRAWL SPACE OF HIS HOUSE OF HORRORS. RONALD MCDONALD HAS NO PLACE IN TODAY`S AGE.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FAST FOOD, IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR “FOOD”(loosely used term) AND MORE IMPORTANTLY REPLACE THE RACIST ZOMBIES WHO DEAL WITH CUSTOMERS IN STORE. TILL THEN I WILL NEVER SET FOOT INSIDE ANOTHER MC DONALDS STORE EVER AGAIN, AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BOARD ROOM!
YOURS IN UTTER DISGUST:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PS: REMEMBER WE HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT ENTRENCHED IN OUR FLEDGLING DEMOCRACY TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
Friday, July 17, 2009
THE DA SILVA CODE. DE CODED
MY RELIGION.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN A CONFORMIST. I HAVE ALWAYS QUESTIONED THE AUTHORITY AND VALIDITY OF THE BOOKS WITH WHICH WE LIVE AND BASE OUR LIVES ON. THE PARABLES AND FABLES WE AS HUMANS TAKE AT FACE FALUE. I HAVE ALWAYS BELEIVED THAT THE BIBLE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A “MANUAL” FOR LIFE. HOWEVER YOU CANNOT LIVE BY A MANUAL WRITTEN VIA HERESAY AND BY WORD OF MOUTH 2000 YEARS AGO. JUST LIKE YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY SERVICE OR REPAIR A 2001 MODEL VW BEETLE WITH A 1950 MODEL SERVICE MANUAL. TIMES HAVE MOVED ON. THIS IS MY POINT. WE TAKE WHAT WE READ AS GOSPEL, BE IT IN A BIBLE OR ON THE NET. PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE TO MAKE AMMENDS BEFORE THE THE GREAT UNDOING, THUS ENSURING THEIR PLACE IN “HEAVEN”. ARE PEOPLE FOR REAL? REALLY? WHAT PEOPLE DONT SEEM TO GRASP IS THAT THE BIBLE HAS BEEN TO THE EDITORS OFFICE MANY TIMES OVER THE MILLENNIA TO “ALTER” IT TO SUIT THE TIMES. I BET, THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE A “KING JAMES REVISED EDITION” IN THEIR HOMES.
FOR FUCK SAKES! THAT ALONE SAYS IT ALL! KING JAMES WAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE AGES “REVISED” THE BIBLE TO THE WAY HE DIGGED IT, AND THEN NAMED IT AFTER HIMSELF. ARE PEOPLE THAT MIND NUMBED?
WE READ THE STORIES AND ARE TRANSFIXED BY THE OVERWHELMING GOODNESS AND LOVE OF THE “HIPPY” LIKE FIGURE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BUT ARE CONSCIOUSLY OBLIVIOUS TO THE WRATHFUL MURDEROUS FEAR MONGERING GOD OF THE OLD TESTAMENT THAT TAUGHT EAR FOR AN EAR, LIFE FOR A LIFE. THE GOD WHO LET HIS “CHOSEN” NATION BE DESSIMATED BY PHILLISTINES AND BE LED ON A LONG DESTRUCTIVE WALK FOR 40 YEARS THROUGH A DESERT THAT WAS AS BIG AS THE KRUGER NATIONAL PARK. (MOSES WAS IN DIRE NEED OF A GARMIN AND IN MY OPINION ONE OF THE WORLDS WORST MASS MURDERERS, HE MARCHED MANY PEOPLE TO DEATH ON SOME CRAZY ARSE WHIM). GOD SENT “PROPHETS” TO TRY AND SUPPOSEDLY LEAD THE NATION BACK TO HIM. TILL THIS DAY PEOPLE PROFESS THAT THEY ARE “GOD FEARING FOLK”. WHY SHOULD YOU FEAR YOUR GOD? THAT IS A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS. ARE PEOPLE THAT MISGUIDED BY CHURCHES? GOD DONT NEED YOUR MONEY AND SURE AS HELL DOES NOT REQUIRE YOU TO CONGREGATE AT SOME OBTUCE PLACE OF WORSHIP. IF YOU SO CHOOSE, YOU CAN MAKE COMMUNION WITH YOUR GOD AT ANY TIME, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE AND IN ANY LOCATION. A CHURCH IS JUST ANOTHER BASTION OF CONTROL OVER THE MASSES THAT LULLS PEOPLE INTO A FALSE SENCE OF BEING. IT IS A CULT!
MY RELIGION IS BORN OUT OF MANY RELIGIONS. I HAVE TAKEN WHAT I BELEIVE TO BE THE BEST TRAITS OF THE VARIOUS RELIGIONS AND MELDED THEM INTO A SINGULAR ENTITY. I HAVE WELDED PARTS OF CHRISTIANITY, CATHOLICISM, ISLAM, SATANISM, AGNOSTICISM, BUDDAHISM ETC INTO ONE BELEIF.
FIRSTLY. I FIND THE IDEA OF EASTER BARBARIC AND EVIL. HOW CAN A PERSON WITH UNDERSTANDING OPENLY CELEBRATE A DAY SO HIDEOUSLY TRAGIC AS GOOD? IT WASNT SUCH A GOOD FRIDAY FOR JESUS, HE WAS A FANTASTIC PROPHET WHO WAS DOUBLE CROSSED, BETRAYED, IMPRISONED BRIEFLY, BERATED, TORTURED, BEATEN, SPAT ON, FORCED TO CARRY HIS TORTURE DEVICE, STRAPPED TO AND NAILED TO HIS TORURE DEVICE, STABBED AND HOISTED TO DIE A HORRID END. THIS THE CHRISTIANS CALL GOOD FRIDAY! YOU ARE SICK!!! IT WASNT SUCH A GOOD FUCKING FRIDAY FOR JESUS OF NAZARETH. SIS ON YOU! TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE YOU WEAR THE CROSS, A SYMBOL OF TORTURE AROUND YOUR NECKS. THAT IS FUCKED UP AND MORBID. THAT WOULD BE LIKE THE ISRAELI`S WEARING LITTLE CHARMS OF GAS CHAMBERS AROUND THEIR NECKS AND JACKIE KENNEDY WEARING A CHARM RESEMBLING A “MANNLICHER CARCANO” RIFLE AROUND HER NECK. IT IS TWISTED. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, HIS WORST DAY ON THIS WICKED FUCKING PLANET IS TRIVIALISED BY CELEBRATING EASTER. TEACHING KIDS THAT EASTER IS ABOUT CHOCOLATE FUCKING RABBITS AND CHICKENS. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT.
ARE YOU CRIMINALLY INSANE OR JUST IRRETRIEVABLY STUPID? HOW CAN WE AS EDUCATED 21ST CENTURY PEOPLE STILL BE LIVING BY SOME ANTIQUATED STORY BOOK? SURE, THERE ARE A FEW GEMS IN IT, BUT IS IT REALLY THE BOOK OF BOOKS? THE 10 COMMANDMENTS NEED ADJUSTING FOR TODAYS LIFE STYLE. THE BOOK OF LEVITICUS AND DEUTERONOMY SHOULD BE EITHER DELETED OR MAJORLY ALTERED TO MAKE ITSELF MORE FLUID WITH TODAY`S LFESTYLE. THE COMMANDMENTS ARE IFFY AT BEST. ONE COMMANDMENT THAT IS CONSTANTLY MISUSED IS THE THE ONE THAT READS, AND I QUOTE. ”THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE, OR ANY LIKENESS OF ANY THING THAT IS IN THE HEAVEN ABOVE, OR THAT IS IN THE THE EARTH BENEATH, OR THAT IS IN THE WATER UNDER THE EARTH.” THE DICTIONARY SAYS THAT A GRAVEN IMAGE IS AS PART OF AN IDOL. THE CHRISTIANS AND CATHOLICS ESPECIALLY IDOLISE THE CRUCIFIX WITH JESUS ON IT. THEY EVEN KISS THE THING IN MASS ON SUNDAY. PRAY TO IT AND SEEK SOLACE FROM SOME MAN MADE TRINKET.
SO WHAT DO THE CHRISTIANS AND CATHOLICS ET AL DO? THEY MAKE MOBILE IDOLS OF JESUS ON THE TORTURE DEVICE AND WEAR THEM ABOUT THEIR NECKS AND HANG THESE ABOMINATIONS IN THEIR HOMES. SIS, YOU ARE BREAKING COMMANDMENT NUMBER 3 YOU FUCK WITS! YOU ARE TRIVIALISING A SERIOUS TIME IN HISTORY. THEN YOU LOT GO ABOUT BUYING EASTER EGGS AND BUNNIES AND CALL THIS CHALLENGING DAY IN MANKINDS HISTORY GOOD FRIDAY. ARE YOU LOT FUCKING STUPID?????????????????????????
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS TO UNFUCK ITSELF WHOLESALE AND SEE THAT RELIGION HAS BEEN DOMINATED BY BUSINESS MEN AND WAR CRIMES CRIMINALS. EVERY WAR HAS IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BEEN FAUGHT IN THE NAME OF RELIGION, OR HAS HAD SOME RELIGIOUS UNDERCURRENT. IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT A WAR THEN DO SO STRICTLY BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING FUN. NEED SOMETHING TO BREAK SO LETS INVADE! KILL PEOPLE IN DISTANT LANDS SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE CULTURALLY DIFFERENT TO YOU AND SPEAK SOME CRAZY DIALECT YOU DONT FULLY UNDERSTAND AND DONT CARE TO UNDERSTAND. THE PROLIFERATION OF PSEUDO PASTORS AND PROPHETS IN THE MODERN AGE IS NOTHING MORE THAN MONEY MONGERING. THESE ARSE HOLES HAVE MORE MONEY THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH. I DETEST THESE CLOWN PASTORS WHO BABBLE ON STAGE TO “SHEEP LIKE” FOLLOWERS AND EXTORT MONEY FROM THEIR POCKETS TO BUY THEMSELVES HARLEY DAVIDSON MOTOR CYCLES, WEAR BRANDED NAME TAILORED SUITS, SHOES, SOCKS, JOCKS, SHADES AND POWERFUL MOTOR CARS. YOU KNOW WHAT DIM BULBS? JESUS WORE OLD ROBES, SANDALS AND RODE ON A FUCKING DONKEY INTO JERUSALEM. IF THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR JESUS THEN WHY DO THESE MODERN CHARISMATIC CHARLATANS NEED 300 HORSE POWER CARS AND CARDUCCI SUITS TO GET THEM TO SOME SIN LIKE CASINOESQUE EXCUSE FOR A PLACE OF WORSHIP? WHO EXACTLY ARE THEY WORSHIPPING? MORE IMPORTANTLY WHO ARE YOU PAYING? GOD OR THE CUNT IN THE CLOWN SUIT SELLING YOU FAKE SALVATION WITH HIS SILKY SMOOTH TONGUE AND PREDICTIONS OF DOOM AND GLOOM.
I AM HORRIFIED BY THE STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW BLINDLY IN SOME MISTAKEN HOPE AND PROMISE OF ETERNAL SALVATION SOLD TO YOU BY A DUDE 100 FOLD RICHER THAN ANYONE SEATED IN HIS “ARENA CHURCH” ... THIS APPLIES TO ALL RELIGIONS, INCLUDING THAT EX NAZI SOLDIER THAT HEADS UP THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.
MY RELIGION IS SIMPLE, IT TAKES THE TENNETS OF CHRISTIANITY, SATANISM, ISLAM AND MAKES FOR A WHOLESOME WAY TO LIVE.
THE COMMANDMENTS OF “THE DA SILVA CODE”
1.THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGES OR ANY LIKENESS OF ANYTHING THAT IS IN HEAVEN ABOVE, OR THAT IS IN THE EARTH BENEATH OR THAT IS IN THE WATER UNDER THE EARTH.
2.THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.
3. AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
4.NEVER TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.THAT SHOWS WEAKNESS, AND OTHERS WILL CAPITALISE ON THAT WEAKNESS.
5. SHOW RESPONSIBILTY TO THE RESPONSIBLE, INSTEAD OF CONCERN FOR PSYCHIC VAMPIRES.
6. BE KIND TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT INSTEAD OF LOVE WASTED ON INGRATES.
7. SHARE WITH THE POOR WHO ASK FOR FOOD, GIVE A THIRD OF YOUR” SHEEP” TO YOUR FAMILY AND A PORTION TO THOSE LESS FORTUNATE.
8.COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL ENTITY AT LEAST ONCE A DAY.
9. EMBRACE ALL OF THE SO CALLED CHRISTIAN SINS NOT MENTIONED HERE AS THEY ALL LEAD TO PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL GRATIFICATION.
10.SEEK UNDEFILED WISDOM INSTEAD OF HYPOCRITICAL SELF DECEIT.
11.WHEN IN ANOTHER`S “LAIR”, SHOW THEM RESPECT OR ELSE DO NOT GO THERE.
12.IF A GUEST IN YOUR” LAIR” ANNOYS YOU OR TREATS YOU WITH NO RESPECT, TREAT HIM CRUELLY AND WITHOUT MERCY.
13.DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES UNLESS GIVEN THE MATING SIGNAL.
14.DO NOT TAKE WHAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU UNLESS IT IS A BURDEN TO THE OTHER PERSON AND HE CRIES OUT TO BE RELIEVED.
15.DO NOT HARM CHILDREN.
16. DO NOT KILL ANIMALS FOR SPORT. ONLY KILL ANIMALS IF ATTACKED OR FOR FOOD.
17. WHEN IN PUBLIC, BOTHER NO ONE. IF SOMEONE GREETS YOU, GREET THEM IN REPLY. IF A PERSON BOTHERS OR ATTACKS YOU, DESTROY THEM.
18.SEEK VITAL EXISTANCE INSTEAD OF SPIRITUAL PIPE DREAMS.
19.ACKNOWLEDGE MAGIC. IF YOU HAVE EMPLOYED MAGIC AND HAVE GAINED FROM IT AND YOU THEN OPENLY DENY THE POWER OF MAGIC, YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOU HAVE GAINED.
20.MAN IS JUST ANOTHER ANIMAL, SOMETIMES BETTER, OFTEN WORSE THAN THAN THOSE THAT WALK ON ALL FOURS, WHO, BECAUSE OF HIS “DIVINE SPIRITUAL AND INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT” HAS BECOME THE MOST VICIOUS ANIMAL OF ALL.
21 STUPIDITY IS A SIN. ALL THINGS ARE FORGIVABLE EXCEPT BLATANT STUPIDITY AND IGNORANCE.
22..RESIST GLUTTONY.
23.RESIST SLOTH.
24.RESIST OVERT VANITY.
25.RESIST GREED.
26.RESIST PROCRASTINATION.
27.LIVE AS IF TODAY IS THE FINAL DAY. LEAVE NOTHING UNDONE.
28. NEVER FORGET THE PAST.HOWEVER , DO NOT DWELL ON IT TOO MUCH AND DONT DAY DREAM OF THE FUTURE TOO MUCH. THE NOW IS BUT A MILLISECOND TILL IT PASSES TO THE PAST AND A MILLISECOND BEFORE IT BECOMES THE FUTURE.
29. LIVE FREE OF THE CONFINEMENTS OF CHRISTIAN RELIGIOUS DOGMA AND FEAR OF THE TIME YOU WILL EXPIRE.
30. HAPPINESS IS IN YOUR HANDS. SHARE YOUR SMILE WITH THOSE THAT DESERVE IT. FROWN ON THOSE THAT STEAL YOUR SMILE.
31.NEVER TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. LAUGH AT YOURSELF, LAUGH AT YOUR OWN FOLLY.
32. START LIVING FROM TODAY WITHOUT FEAR.STOP BEING A VICTIM, ITS NOT TOO LATE
33. ABOVE ALL. QUESTION AUTHORITY AND THE ORIGINS OF OUR HUMANITY. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. UNQUESTIOINED OBEDIENCE IS IMPRISONMENT.
34. KARMA IS A REALITY. WHAT GOES AROUND WILL COME AROUND.
35. PARTY YOUR PANTS OFF. INDULGE INSTEAD OF ABSTAINING. WE ARE BUT ONLY HERE FOR A SHORT TIME. MAKE EVERY SECOND COUNT.
THE DA SILVA CODE
(MMIX)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN A CONFORMIST. I HAVE ALWAYS QUESTIONED THE AUTHORITY AND VALIDITY OF THE BOOKS WITH WHICH WE LIVE AND BASE OUR LIVES ON. THE PARABLES AND FABLES WE AS HUMANS TAKE AT FACE FALUE. I HAVE ALWAYS BELEIVED THAT THE BIBLE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A “MANUAL” FOR LIFE. HOWEVER YOU CANNOT LIVE BY A MANUAL WRITTEN VIA HERESAY AND BY WORD OF MOUTH 2000 YEARS AGO. JUST LIKE YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY SERVICE OR REPAIR A 2001 MODEL VW BEETLE WITH A 1950 MODEL SERVICE MANUAL. TIMES HAVE MOVED ON. THIS IS MY POINT. WE TAKE WHAT WE READ AS GOSPEL, BE IT IN A BIBLE OR ON THE NET. PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE TO MAKE AMMENDS BEFORE THE THE GREAT UNDOING, THUS ENSURING THEIR PLACE IN “HEAVEN”. ARE PEOPLE FOR REAL? REALLY? WHAT PEOPLE DONT SEEM TO GRASP IS THAT THE BIBLE HAS BEEN TO THE EDITORS OFFICE MANY TIMES OVER THE MILLENNIA TO “ALTER” IT TO SUIT THE TIMES. I BET, THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE A “KING JAMES REVISED EDITION” IN THEIR HOMES.
FOR FUCK SAKES! THAT ALONE SAYS IT ALL! KING JAMES WAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE AGES “REVISED” THE BIBLE TO THE WAY HE DIGGED IT, AND THEN NAMED IT AFTER HIMSELF. ARE PEOPLE THAT MIND NUMBED?
WE READ THE STORIES AND ARE TRANSFIXED BY THE OVERWHELMING GOODNESS AND LOVE OF THE “HIPPY” LIKE FIGURE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BUT ARE CONSCIOUSLY OBLIVIOUS TO THE WRATHFUL MURDEROUS FEAR MONGERING GOD OF THE OLD TESTAMENT THAT TAUGHT EAR FOR AN EAR, LIFE FOR A LIFE. THE GOD WHO LET HIS “CHOSEN” NATION BE DESSIMATED BY PHILLISTINES AND BE LED ON A LONG DESTRUCTIVE WALK FOR 40 YEARS THROUGH A DESERT THAT WAS AS BIG AS THE KRUGER NATIONAL PARK. (MOSES WAS IN DIRE NEED OF A GARMIN AND IN MY OPINION ONE OF THE WORLDS WORST MASS MURDERERS, HE MARCHED MANY PEOPLE TO DEATH ON SOME CRAZY ARSE WHIM). GOD SENT “PROPHETS” TO TRY AND SUPPOSEDLY LEAD THE NATION BACK TO HIM. TILL THIS DAY PEOPLE PROFESS THAT THEY ARE “GOD FEARING FOLK”. WHY SHOULD YOU FEAR YOUR GOD? THAT IS A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS. ARE PEOPLE THAT MISGUIDED BY CHURCHES? GOD DONT NEED YOUR MONEY AND SURE AS HELL DOES NOT REQUIRE YOU TO CONGREGATE AT SOME OBTUCE PLACE OF WORSHIP. IF YOU SO CHOOSE, YOU CAN MAKE COMMUNION WITH YOUR GOD AT ANY TIME, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE AND IN ANY LOCATION. A CHURCH IS JUST ANOTHER BASTION OF CONTROL OVER THE MASSES THAT LULLS PEOPLE INTO A FALSE SENCE OF BEING. IT IS A CULT!
MY RELIGION IS BORN OUT OF MANY RELIGIONS. I HAVE TAKEN WHAT I BELEIVE TO BE THE BEST TRAITS OF THE VARIOUS RELIGIONS AND MELDED THEM INTO A SINGULAR ENTITY. I HAVE WELDED PARTS OF CHRISTIANITY, CATHOLICISM, ISLAM, SATANISM, AGNOSTICISM, BUDDAHISM ETC INTO ONE BELEIF.
FIRSTLY. I FIND THE IDEA OF EASTER BARBARIC AND EVIL. HOW CAN A PERSON WITH UNDERSTANDING OPENLY CELEBRATE A DAY SO HIDEOUSLY TRAGIC AS GOOD? IT WASNT SUCH A GOOD FRIDAY FOR JESUS, HE WAS A FANTASTIC PROPHET WHO WAS DOUBLE CROSSED, BETRAYED, IMPRISONED BRIEFLY, BERATED, TORTURED, BEATEN, SPAT ON, FORCED TO CARRY HIS TORTURE DEVICE, STRAPPED TO AND NAILED TO HIS TORURE DEVICE, STABBED AND HOISTED TO DIE A HORRID END. THIS THE CHRISTIANS CALL GOOD FRIDAY! YOU ARE SICK!!! IT WASNT SUCH A GOOD FUCKING FRIDAY FOR JESUS OF NAZARETH. SIS ON YOU! TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE YOU WEAR THE CROSS, A SYMBOL OF TORTURE AROUND YOUR NECKS. THAT IS FUCKED UP AND MORBID. THAT WOULD BE LIKE THE ISRAELI`S WEARING LITTLE CHARMS OF GAS CHAMBERS AROUND THEIR NECKS AND JACKIE KENNEDY WEARING A CHARM RESEMBLING A “MANNLICHER CARCANO” RIFLE AROUND HER NECK. IT IS TWISTED. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, HIS WORST DAY ON THIS WICKED FUCKING PLANET IS TRIVIALISED BY CELEBRATING EASTER. TEACHING KIDS THAT EASTER IS ABOUT CHOCOLATE FUCKING RABBITS AND CHICKENS. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT.
ARE YOU CRIMINALLY INSANE OR JUST IRRETRIEVABLY STUPID? HOW CAN WE AS EDUCATED 21ST CENTURY PEOPLE STILL BE LIVING BY SOME ANTIQUATED STORY BOOK? SURE, THERE ARE A FEW GEMS IN IT, BUT IS IT REALLY THE BOOK OF BOOKS? THE 10 COMMANDMENTS NEED ADJUSTING FOR TODAYS LIFE STYLE. THE BOOK OF LEVITICUS AND DEUTERONOMY SHOULD BE EITHER DELETED OR MAJORLY ALTERED TO MAKE ITSELF MORE FLUID WITH TODAY`S LFESTYLE. THE COMMANDMENTS ARE IFFY AT BEST. ONE COMMANDMENT THAT IS CONSTANTLY MISUSED IS THE THE ONE THAT READS, AND I QUOTE. ”THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE, OR ANY LIKENESS OF ANY THING THAT IS IN THE HEAVEN ABOVE, OR THAT IS IN THE THE EARTH BENEATH, OR THAT IS IN THE WATER UNDER THE EARTH.” THE DICTIONARY SAYS THAT A GRAVEN IMAGE IS AS PART OF AN IDOL. THE CHRISTIANS AND CATHOLICS ESPECIALLY IDOLISE THE CRUCIFIX WITH JESUS ON IT. THEY EVEN KISS THE THING IN MASS ON SUNDAY. PRAY TO IT AND SEEK SOLACE FROM SOME MAN MADE TRINKET.
SO WHAT DO THE CHRISTIANS AND CATHOLICS ET AL DO? THEY MAKE MOBILE IDOLS OF JESUS ON THE TORTURE DEVICE AND WEAR THEM ABOUT THEIR NECKS AND HANG THESE ABOMINATIONS IN THEIR HOMES. SIS, YOU ARE BREAKING COMMANDMENT NUMBER 3 YOU FUCK WITS! YOU ARE TRIVIALISING A SERIOUS TIME IN HISTORY. THEN YOU LOT GO ABOUT BUYING EASTER EGGS AND BUNNIES AND CALL THIS CHALLENGING DAY IN MANKINDS HISTORY GOOD FRIDAY. ARE YOU LOT FUCKING STUPID?????????????????????????
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS TO UNFUCK ITSELF WHOLESALE AND SEE THAT RELIGION HAS BEEN DOMINATED BY BUSINESS MEN AND WAR CRIMES CRIMINALS. EVERY WAR HAS IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BEEN FAUGHT IN THE NAME OF RELIGION, OR HAS HAD SOME RELIGIOUS UNDERCURRENT. IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT A WAR THEN DO SO STRICTLY BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING FUN. NEED SOMETHING TO BREAK SO LETS INVADE! KILL PEOPLE IN DISTANT LANDS SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE CULTURALLY DIFFERENT TO YOU AND SPEAK SOME CRAZY DIALECT YOU DONT FULLY UNDERSTAND AND DONT CARE TO UNDERSTAND. THE PROLIFERATION OF PSEUDO PASTORS AND PROPHETS IN THE MODERN AGE IS NOTHING MORE THAN MONEY MONGERING. THESE ARSE HOLES HAVE MORE MONEY THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH. I DETEST THESE CLOWN PASTORS WHO BABBLE ON STAGE TO “SHEEP LIKE” FOLLOWERS AND EXTORT MONEY FROM THEIR POCKETS TO BUY THEMSELVES HARLEY DAVIDSON MOTOR CYCLES, WEAR BRANDED NAME TAILORED SUITS, SHOES, SOCKS, JOCKS, SHADES AND POWERFUL MOTOR CARS. YOU KNOW WHAT DIM BULBS? JESUS WORE OLD ROBES, SANDALS AND RODE ON A FUCKING DONKEY INTO JERUSALEM. IF THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR JESUS THEN WHY DO THESE MODERN CHARISMATIC CHARLATANS NEED 300 HORSE POWER CARS AND CARDUCCI SUITS TO GET THEM TO SOME SIN LIKE CASINOESQUE EXCUSE FOR A PLACE OF WORSHIP? WHO EXACTLY ARE THEY WORSHIPPING? MORE IMPORTANTLY WHO ARE YOU PAYING? GOD OR THE CUNT IN THE CLOWN SUIT SELLING YOU FAKE SALVATION WITH HIS SILKY SMOOTH TONGUE AND PREDICTIONS OF DOOM AND GLOOM.
I AM HORRIFIED BY THE STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW BLINDLY IN SOME MISTAKEN HOPE AND PROMISE OF ETERNAL SALVATION SOLD TO YOU BY A DUDE 100 FOLD RICHER THAN ANYONE SEATED IN HIS “ARENA CHURCH” ... THIS APPLIES TO ALL RELIGIONS, INCLUDING THAT EX NAZI SOLDIER THAT HEADS UP THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.
MY RELIGION IS SIMPLE, IT TAKES THE TENNETS OF CHRISTIANITY, SATANISM, ISLAM AND MAKES FOR A WHOLESOME WAY TO LIVE.
THE COMMANDMENTS OF “THE DA SILVA CODE”
1.THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGES OR ANY LIKENESS OF ANYTHING THAT IS IN HEAVEN ABOVE, OR THAT IS IN THE EARTH BENEATH OR THAT IS IN THE WATER UNDER THE EARTH.
2.THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.
3. AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
4.NEVER TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.THAT SHOWS WEAKNESS, AND OTHERS WILL CAPITALISE ON THAT WEAKNESS.
5. SHOW RESPONSIBILTY TO THE RESPONSIBLE, INSTEAD OF CONCERN FOR PSYCHIC VAMPIRES.
6. BE KIND TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT INSTEAD OF LOVE WASTED ON INGRATES.
7. SHARE WITH THE POOR WHO ASK FOR FOOD, GIVE A THIRD OF YOUR” SHEEP” TO YOUR FAMILY AND A PORTION TO THOSE LESS FORTUNATE.
8.COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL ENTITY AT LEAST ONCE A DAY.
9. EMBRACE ALL OF THE SO CALLED CHRISTIAN SINS NOT MENTIONED HERE AS THEY ALL LEAD TO PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL GRATIFICATION.
10.SEEK UNDEFILED WISDOM INSTEAD OF HYPOCRITICAL SELF DECEIT.
11.WHEN IN ANOTHER`S “LAIR”, SHOW THEM RESPECT OR ELSE DO NOT GO THERE.
12.IF A GUEST IN YOUR” LAIR” ANNOYS YOU OR TREATS YOU WITH NO RESPECT, TREAT HIM CRUELLY AND WITHOUT MERCY.
13.DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES UNLESS GIVEN THE MATING SIGNAL.
14.DO NOT TAKE WHAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU UNLESS IT IS A BURDEN TO THE OTHER PERSON AND HE CRIES OUT TO BE RELIEVED.
15.DO NOT HARM CHILDREN.
16. DO NOT KILL ANIMALS FOR SPORT. ONLY KILL ANIMALS IF ATTACKED OR FOR FOOD.
17. WHEN IN PUBLIC, BOTHER NO ONE. IF SOMEONE GREETS YOU, GREET THEM IN REPLY. IF A PERSON BOTHERS OR ATTACKS YOU, DESTROY THEM.
18.SEEK VITAL EXISTANCE INSTEAD OF SPIRITUAL PIPE DREAMS.
19.ACKNOWLEDGE MAGIC. IF YOU HAVE EMPLOYED MAGIC AND HAVE GAINED FROM IT AND YOU THEN OPENLY DENY THE POWER OF MAGIC, YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOU HAVE GAINED.
20.MAN IS JUST ANOTHER ANIMAL, SOMETIMES BETTER, OFTEN WORSE THAN THAN THOSE THAT WALK ON ALL FOURS, WHO, BECAUSE OF HIS “DIVINE SPIRITUAL AND INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT” HAS BECOME THE MOST VICIOUS ANIMAL OF ALL.
21 STUPIDITY IS A SIN. ALL THINGS ARE FORGIVABLE EXCEPT BLATANT STUPIDITY AND IGNORANCE.
22..RESIST GLUTTONY.
23.RESIST SLOTH.
24.RESIST OVERT VANITY.
25.RESIST GREED.
26.RESIST PROCRASTINATION.
27.LIVE AS IF TODAY IS THE FINAL DAY. LEAVE NOTHING UNDONE.
28. NEVER FORGET THE PAST.HOWEVER , DO NOT DWELL ON IT TOO MUCH AND DONT DAY DREAM OF THE FUTURE TOO MUCH. THE NOW IS BUT A MILLISECOND TILL IT PASSES TO THE PAST AND A MILLISECOND BEFORE IT BECOMES THE FUTURE.
29. LIVE FREE OF THE CONFINEMENTS OF CHRISTIAN RELIGIOUS DOGMA AND FEAR OF THE TIME YOU WILL EXPIRE.
30. HAPPINESS IS IN YOUR HANDS. SHARE YOUR SMILE WITH THOSE THAT DESERVE IT. FROWN ON THOSE THAT STEAL YOUR SMILE.
31.NEVER TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. LAUGH AT YOURSELF, LAUGH AT YOUR OWN FOLLY.
32. START LIVING FROM TODAY WITHOUT FEAR.STOP BEING A VICTIM, ITS NOT TOO LATE
33. ABOVE ALL. QUESTION AUTHORITY AND THE ORIGINS OF OUR HUMANITY. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. UNQUESTIOINED OBEDIENCE IS IMPRISONMENT.
34. KARMA IS A REALITY. WHAT GOES AROUND WILL COME AROUND.
35. PARTY YOUR PANTS OFF. INDULGE INSTEAD OF ABSTAINING. WE ARE BUT ONLY HERE FOR A SHORT TIME. MAKE EVERY SECOND COUNT.
THE DA SILVA CODE
(MMIX)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
FAIRY LAND: THE SICKENING TRUTH REVEALED!
THE DOWNFALL OF THE FAIRY LAND
THE WRETCHED TRUTH BEHIND DRUGS, MURDER AND CORRUPTION
WE THOUGHT OUR WORLD WAS IN CHAOS WITH CORRUPTION, WAR, DRUGS, HUMAN TRAFFICKING, MURDER, CIVIL UNREST, GLOBAL WARMING AND MANY OTHER CALAMITIES. FEAR NOT HUMANS. . . LET ME TELL YOU THAT FAIRY WORLD AINT TO FUCKING GREAT EITHER.
NODDY WAS ARRESTED RECENTLY FOR DRIVING WHILST INTOXIACATED.
MISTER PLOD WAS SUSPENDED FOR ACCEPTING BRIBES.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD WAS JAILED FOR PROSTITUTION AND SOLICIITATION.
THE BIG BAD WOLF HAS ADMITTED TO A GAY RELATIONSHIP WITH ROGER RABBIT.
SNOW WHITE WAS ARRESTED AT THAILAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR SMUGGLING CHINA WHITE.
THE UGLY DUCKLING SUED FOR DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER AND STEREOTYPING OF THOSE SUFFERING FROM BUTT UGLINESS.
OLD MOTHER HUBBARD WAS CHARGED WITH CHILD TRAFFICKING AND RUNNING A SWEAT SHOP.
JACK AND JILL WERE EMBROILED IN AN INCESTUOUS HOME VIDEO SCANDAL WITH HANSEL AND GRETEL. IT SCORED 100MILLION HITS ONLINE.
DONALD DUCK AND PLUTO WERE CUT FROM ALL TV SHOWS AFTER IT WAS FOUND THAT THEY HAD BEEN ENGAGED IN A KIDNAPPING ATTEMPT OF MINNIE MOUSE.
PINNOCHIO WAS USED AS A SEX SLAVE BY THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST WHO SAT ON HIS FACE AND SCREAMED, “TELL ME I AM GOOD, LIE TO ME LIE TO ME. PINNOCHIO IS CURRENTLY IN A SLEW OF PORN FLICKS.
THE SEVEN DWARVES WERE KICKED OUT OF NEVERLAND FOR GANG BANGING SLEEPING BEAUTY. TILL TODAY SHE HAS NO RECOLLECTION OF THE EVENT.
LITTLE JACK HORNER WHO SAT IN THE CORNER OVERDOSED ON CRYSTAL METH.
MARY MURDERED HER LITTLE LAMB.
RUMPLE STILT SKIN ENDED UP AT THE BETTY FORD CLINIC TO BE TREATED FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE.
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS CONVERTED TO JUDAISM.
COW AND CHICKEN RELEASED A TELL ALL AUTO BIOGRAPY ENTITLED “NO ORDINARY COCK AND BULL STORY”.
SHREK FINALLY DIVORCED FIONA ON GROUNDS OF INFIDELIY. THE RUMOUR WAS THAT FIONA AND DONKEY WERE SECRETLY AN ITEM, AS IS EVIDENT FROM THE “BARN SCENE” IN THE FIRST SHREK MOVIE.
ALICE AND THE MAD HATTER TEAMED UP TO BECOME THE LARGEST IMPORTERS AND DISTRIBUTORS OF LSD IN AMERICA.
CINDERELLA WAS ACTUALLY A CROSS DRESSING TRANSVESTITE.
RAPUNZEL GOT HER WIGS FROM THE SAME SUPPLIER AS TINA TURNER.
PRINCE CHARMING FINALLY TIED THE KNOT WITH LONG TIME LOVE GEORGE MICHAEL.
TOM THUMB NOT ONLY STUCK HIS FINGER IN THE PIE. HE WAS ARRESTED FOR STICKING IT ELSEWHERE ASWELL IN PUBLIC.
MISS MUFFETT WENT ONTO A LONG AND PROSPEROUS ADULT FILM CAREER.
GEORGIE PORGIE DIED FROM A FATAL HEART ATTACK DUE TO OBESITY.
POSTMAN PAT WENT POSTAL AND MACHINE GUNNED ELEVEN FELLOW POST OFFICE WORKERS DEAD, AFTER BEING DEEMED REDUNDANT DUE TO THE DECLINE IN SNAIL MAIL AND THE GROWING USE OF EMAIL.
BETTY BOOP RECENTLY ANNOUNCED HER ENGAGEMENT TO SHOCK ROCKER MARILYN MANSON.
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY DOO WERE CHARGED IN A LOS ANGELES COURT ROOM FOR BEASTIALITY.
HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS PUSHED! IT IS WIDELY BELEIVED HE WAS MURDERED DUE TO HIS CONNECTIONS WITH THE TEAMSTSERS UNION AND THE MOB. HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO REVEAL THE LOCATION OF MOB LIEUTENANT "BILLY BATS" AND LEGENDARY UNION BOSS JIMMY HOFFA`S BODIES.. IT IS SUSPECTED THAT THE BONANO CRIME FAMILY HAD HUMPTY ICED JUST PRIOR TO HIS CONFESSIONS TO THE FEDS.
AND WE THOUGHT OUR WORLD HAD PROBLEMS!
THE WRETCHED TRUTH BEHIND DRUGS, MURDER AND CORRUPTION
WE THOUGHT OUR WORLD WAS IN CHAOS WITH CORRUPTION, WAR, DRUGS, HUMAN TRAFFICKING, MURDER, CIVIL UNREST, GLOBAL WARMING AND MANY OTHER CALAMITIES. FEAR NOT HUMANS. . . LET ME TELL YOU THAT FAIRY WORLD AINT TO FUCKING GREAT EITHER.
NODDY WAS ARRESTED RECENTLY FOR DRIVING WHILST INTOXIACATED.
MISTER PLOD WAS SUSPENDED FOR ACCEPTING BRIBES.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD WAS JAILED FOR PROSTITUTION AND SOLICIITATION.
THE BIG BAD WOLF HAS ADMITTED TO A GAY RELATIONSHIP WITH ROGER RABBIT.
SNOW WHITE WAS ARRESTED AT THAILAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR SMUGGLING CHINA WHITE.
THE UGLY DUCKLING SUED FOR DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER AND STEREOTYPING OF THOSE SUFFERING FROM BUTT UGLINESS.
OLD MOTHER HUBBARD WAS CHARGED WITH CHILD TRAFFICKING AND RUNNING A SWEAT SHOP.
JACK AND JILL WERE EMBROILED IN AN INCESTUOUS HOME VIDEO SCANDAL WITH HANSEL AND GRETEL. IT SCORED 100MILLION HITS ONLINE.
DONALD DUCK AND PLUTO WERE CUT FROM ALL TV SHOWS AFTER IT WAS FOUND THAT THEY HAD BEEN ENGAGED IN A KIDNAPPING ATTEMPT OF MINNIE MOUSE.
PINNOCHIO WAS USED AS A SEX SLAVE BY THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST WHO SAT ON HIS FACE AND SCREAMED, “TELL ME I AM GOOD, LIE TO ME LIE TO ME. PINNOCHIO IS CURRENTLY IN A SLEW OF PORN FLICKS.
THE SEVEN DWARVES WERE KICKED OUT OF NEVERLAND FOR GANG BANGING SLEEPING BEAUTY. TILL TODAY SHE HAS NO RECOLLECTION OF THE EVENT.
LITTLE JACK HORNER WHO SAT IN THE CORNER OVERDOSED ON CRYSTAL METH.
MARY MURDERED HER LITTLE LAMB.
RUMPLE STILT SKIN ENDED UP AT THE BETTY FORD CLINIC TO BE TREATED FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE.
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS CONVERTED TO JUDAISM.
COW AND CHICKEN RELEASED A TELL ALL AUTO BIOGRAPY ENTITLED “NO ORDINARY COCK AND BULL STORY”.
SHREK FINALLY DIVORCED FIONA ON GROUNDS OF INFIDELIY. THE RUMOUR WAS THAT FIONA AND DONKEY WERE SECRETLY AN ITEM, AS IS EVIDENT FROM THE “BARN SCENE” IN THE FIRST SHREK MOVIE.
ALICE AND THE MAD HATTER TEAMED UP TO BECOME THE LARGEST IMPORTERS AND DISTRIBUTORS OF LSD IN AMERICA.
CINDERELLA WAS ACTUALLY A CROSS DRESSING TRANSVESTITE.
RAPUNZEL GOT HER WIGS FROM THE SAME SUPPLIER AS TINA TURNER.
PRINCE CHARMING FINALLY TIED THE KNOT WITH LONG TIME LOVE GEORGE MICHAEL.
TOM THUMB NOT ONLY STUCK HIS FINGER IN THE PIE. HE WAS ARRESTED FOR STICKING IT ELSEWHERE ASWELL IN PUBLIC.
MISS MUFFETT WENT ONTO A LONG AND PROSPEROUS ADULT FILM CAREER.
GEORGIE PORGIE DIED FROM A FATAL HEART ATTACK DUE TO OBESITY.
POSTMAN PAT WENT POSTAL AND MACHINE GUNNED ELEVEN FELLOW POST OFFICE WORKERS DEAD, AFTER BEING DEEMED REDUNDANT DUE TO THE DECLINE IN SNAIL MAIL AND THE GROWING USE OF EMAIL.
BETTY BOOP RECENTLY ANNOUNCED HER ENGAGEMENT TO SHOCK ROCKER MARILYN MANSON.
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY DOO WERE CHARGED IN A LOS ANGELES COURT ROOM FOR BEASTIALITY.
HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS PUSHED! IT IS WIDELY BELEIVED HE WAS MURDERED DUE TO HIS CONNECTIONS WITH THE TEAMSTSERS UNION AND THE MOB. HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO REVEAL THE LOCATION OF MOB LIEUTENANT "BILLY BATS" AND LEGENDARY UNION BOSS JIMMY HOFFA`S BODIES.. IT IS SUSPECTED THAT THE BONANO CRIME FAMILY HAD HUMPTY ICED JUST PRIOR TO HIS CONFESSIONS TO THE FEDS.
AND WE THOUGHT OUR WORLD HAD PROBLEMS!
Monday, July 6, 2009
my inventions in rough form
MY WACKY IDEAS. GOING CHEAP THIS WEEK ONLY. I HAVE TRIED TO GET MY IDEAS TO THOSE IN THE LOOP, UNFORTUNATELY THE LOOP IS LOOPY. I KNOW I HAVE SOMETHING HERE SO I AM GOING TO PUBLISH THIS ON THE BLOG BEFORE SOME CLOWN TRIES TO PINCH MY INSANE IDEA THAT MAY JUST FRIKKIN WORK. I have sent this to a couple recipients.
WE ALL KNOW THAT LEONARDO DA VINCI WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY VISIONARY. HIS CRUDE PAPER DRAWINGS WERE IN FACT BLUE PRINTS FOR MACHINERY THAT HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER ARE SEEMINGLY NOW TAKEN FOR GRANTED. HIS INVENTIONS HAVE ALTERED OUR LIVES FOR EVER. UNFORTUNATELY MANKIND SEEMS TO ONLY BE INTERESTED IN THE FOSSIL FUEL SIDE OF THE INVENTIONS. SO WHAT ABOUT A CAR THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO EMISSIONS, NOT EVEN WATER AND HAS PERPETUAL POWER!
I HAVE WRITTEN TO A LOCAL SOUTH AFRICAN CAR MAGAZINE AND VERY ROUGHLY PUT AN IDEA ACCROSS ABOUT THIS THEORY. I WONDER WHY NO ONE HAS TRIED THIS BEFORE? BELOW IS A BASIC IDEA OF WHAT I BELEIVE COULD BE THE FUTURE OF CARS OF THE VERY NEAR FUTURE, YOU KNOW LIKE NEXT YEAR.
I TRUST YOU WILL GIVE IT A READ THROUGH AND TRY IT.
THANKS MIKE
IDEA 1 THIS TAKEN FROM THE ARTICLE I WROTE
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 6911125162083
JOHANNESBURG.
0789489847.
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
I HOPE YOU HAVE LOOKED AT MY IDEA AND BETWEEN YOUR TEAM CAN COOK UP A WORKING PROTOTYPE. THE ORIGINAL “PLANS” ARE IN LEONARDO DA VINCI`S DRAWING WHICH ARE AVAILABLE ON THE NET AND IT SHOWS A VERY CRUDE VERSION OF HIS SPRING CAR. FOLLOWING IS THE COMPLETE LETTER THAT I SENT SO YOU CAN GET WHERE I WAS COMING FROM. I AM ATOTAL PETROL HEAD, I LOVE CARS THE SMELL OF OCTANE.
SO GO ON GUYS. I DARE YOU
WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE IDEA AND ALL THE ALTERNATIVES TO CONVENTIONAL FUELLED VEHICLES. I HAVE ADDED IT TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHERE I AM COMING FROM.
FULL ARTICLE
DIESEL. HYDROGEN. ELECTRICITY. STEAM.COMPRESSED AIR. SPRINGS.
THESE ARE MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON THE MERITS OR LACK THEREOF PERTAINING TO ALTERNATE POWER SOURCES FOR THE MOTOR CAR.
THE WORLD IS IN A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN RACE IS STEADILY FUCKING UP THE PLANET WITHOUT ANY THOUGHTS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. IT STARTED IN EARNEST AT THE TURN OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EXPENDABLE FOSSIL FUELS ARE BEING USED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE. MANKIND ARE SLOWLY TRYING TO FIND ALTERNATE METHODS TO MAINTAIN OUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH CARS. LETS FACE IT NOTHING QUITE FREES YOU AND ALLOWS YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF QUITE LIKE DRIVING A CAR. UNLESS OF COURSE YOU TRAVEL DAILY IN TOKYO OR KUALA LUMPUR, OR WORSE YET YOU COMMUTE DAILY IN INDIA IN PEAK TRAFFIC. EVERY TIME YOU START YOUR CAR THERE ARE A BUNCH OF ARABS SMILING BROADLY, YOU ARE KEEPING THEM IN THE LAP OF LUXURY. HOWEVER THEIR GRINS MAY SOON BE TURNED TO MISERY WHEN THE PLANET CAN LONGER YIELD MORE OF THE SLIPPERY BLACK STUFF.
ENGINEERS TURNED TO DIESEL YONKS AGO. A VERY INDUSTRIOUS GERMAN WHOSE SURNAME WAS DIESEL CAME UP WITH A WONDEROUS INVENTION. THE DIESEL ENGINE. IT IS AN AMAZING FORM OF POWER PLANT FOR TRACTORS AND TRUCKS, BUT IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL IN A PASSENGER CAR! END OF DISCUSSION. MANUFACTURERS DUMP DIESEL LUMPS INTO THE ENGINE BAY OF BEAUTIFULLY SCULPTED CARS SUCH AS BMW, MERCEDES ,AUDI AND THE PORSCHE CAYENNE. ARE THEY INSANE???? DOING THAT IS LIKE DRAWING A DICK ON THE FACE OF THE MONA LISA PAINTING AT THE LOUVRE. A DIESEL ENGINE IS A TRAVESTY WHEN USED IN A CAR. THE CAR LOOKS SVELTE AND POWERFUL, THEN THE ENGINE IS CRANKED AND THE CLATTER OF THE DIESEL PLANT PIERCES YOUR PEACE OF MIND. ITS HORRENDOUS. IF YOU LIKE THE DIESEL DIN, DRIVE A FUCKING MASSEY FERGUSON TO WORK. INEVITABLY THERE WILL BE PLUMES OF BLACK SMOKE BEING BELCHED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE. SIS MAN! THATS LIKE STANDING NEXT TO A DROP DEAD SEXY BLOND, SHE GIVES YOU THE COME HITHER LOOK, SEDUCTIVELY LICKS HER LIPS, THEN FARTS LOUDLY. ITS JUST PLAIN SICK! A DIESEL ENGINE HAS NO PLACE IN A CAR. SOME DILDO WILL SAY “YES, BUT ITS MORE ENVIROMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND YOU CAN RUN YOUR CAR ON MIELIES AND PEANUTS, OH AND YOU CAN RUN IT ON USED COOKING OIL”. SO FUCKING WHAT! I CAN RUN MY CAR RIGHT OVER YOU! WHO WANTS THEIR CAR TO SMELL LIKE A FISH AND CHIPS SHOP? STICK TO PETROL.
HYDROGEN. ITS THE NEXT BIG THING. ITS THE MOST ABUNDANT GAS IN THE UNIVERSE. THATS THE ADVERTISING BLURB. YEAH RIGHT, SO WHERE ARE ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF HYDROGEN PUMPS FOR FILLING YOUR CAR? THERE IS ABOUT 20- OR SO IN THE UNITED STATES, ITS A FUCKING LONG DRIVE TO FILL THE TANK. THEY SAY ITS INERT SO ITS SAFE. HMMM, SO WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF HYDROGEN BOMBS THEN? BMW WENT AND MADE A HYDROGEN POWERED 7 SERIES, BRAD PITT PITCHED UP AT THE OSCARS IN ONE, WHAT AN ADVERTISING COUP. THE ONLY BY PRODUCT BEING EMITTED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE IS WATER. GREAT SO YOUR CARS DRIPS WHEN YOU DRIVE, ITS SOMETHING LIKE AUTOMOTIVE GONORRHOEA, THAT ANNOYING DRIP, DRIP. WHY HAVE AN EXHAUST PIPE? WHY NOT HAVE TAP STICKING OUT THE BACK INSTEAD? OH AND DID I MENTION THESE CARS THAT ARE POWERED BY HYDROGEN DONT COME CHEAP. THEN THERE IS THE SCIENCE BEHIND MAKING THE HYDROGEN AND THE EXHORBITANT COSTS INVOLVED BEFORE IT ENDS UP WITH THE END USER. STICK TO PETROL.
ELECTRICITY. ELECTRIC HYBRIDS LIKE THE PRIUS WHICH IS A BIG BATTERY OPERATING IN CONJUNCTION WITH A PETROL ENGINE IS SILLY. HALF BATTERY HALF PETROL THATS LIKE SCREWING USING A CONDOM WITH A HOLE IN IT. THE PRIUS IS PLAIN DANGEROUS. WE AS HUMANS ARE EASILY DISTRACTED BY TOYS. IN THE PRIUS YOU HAVE A DISPLAY SCREEN THAT SHOWS YOU THE POWER USE. POWER OUT AND POWER IN. WHICH SOURCE IS BEING USED WHICH WAY THE POWER IS GOING. YOU END UP STARING AT THE DISPLAY INSTEAD OF THE ROAD. YOU CAN TURN THE DISPLAY OFF, BUT WHO WILL? WE ARE HUMAN. SO WHILE YOU ARE PEERING AT THE DISPLAY ALONG WITH ALL THE PASSENGERS IN THE CAR NO ONE REMEMBERS THE HEAD ON COLLISION. NOW THE CAR IS TOTALLED, HOW DO YOU DISPOSE OF ALL THOSE BATTERIES. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO BIO DEGRADE?
ELECTRIC POWER ONLY CARS ARE PLAIN DILLY. TAKE THE TESLA FOR EXAMPLE. IF YOU OWN ONE IN SOUTH AFRICA IN WINTER, AND YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE TERM LOAD SHEDDING, YOU WILL BE GOING NOWHERE QUICKLY. SO YOU CHARGE YOUR TESLA AND GO FOR A ROAD TRIP, THE FASTER YOU DRIVE THE QUICKER THE POWER IS EXPENDED, THEN AS FATE WILL HAVE IT YOU RUN OUT OF POWER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DEATH VALLEY AT NOON IN SUMMER. NOT A FUCKING PLUG ANYWHERE! FOUR DAYS LATER THEY FIND YOUR DEHYDRATED CORPSE STRAPPED INTO YOUR TESLA WITH AN OMINOUS WARNING BEING DISPLAYED ON THE DASH DISPLAY.”BATTERY LOW PLEASE RECHARGE”. THE SAME SCENARIO CAN BE PLAYED OUT IN COLD ENVIRONMENTS. STICK TO PETROL.
SOLAR POWER. ITS DUMB END OF STORY. HORRIBLY SLOW AND INEFFECTIVE IF USED IN ENGLAND. CAN ONLY BE USED IN THE AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK AND ABU DHABI. I DONT THINK THOSE PLACES HAVE INVENTED CLOUDS YET. OH, AND THEY HAVENT YET INVENTED A SOLAR CAR THAT CAN BE SAT IN COMFORTABLY. NIGHT JOURNEYS COULD BE DODGY. BATTERIES ALWAYS FAIL YOU AT THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. STICK TO PETROL.
STEAM. STUPID. WHO WANTS TO DRIVE A MOBILE BOMB? STICK TO PETROL.
COMPRESSED AIR. ANOTHER DUMB ONE. SOME CLOWN HAS ACTUALLY BUILT ONE IN FRANCE. HOW MANY HAS HE SOLD? NOT MANY. MAYBE A HANDFUL, AS HUMANS WE WILL BUY SOMETHING DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE ARE THE TV GENERATION. HOW MANY USELESS THINGS HAVE YOU GOT THAT YOU NEVER USE THAT YOU BOUGHT OFF THE TV. WE ARE THE HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL GENERATION. COMPRESSED AIR CARS ARE A BY PRODUCT OF THAT. STICK TO PETROL.
METHANE. YES METHANE! OK SO THIS IS THE DEAL. SOME SCIENTISTS PATENTED THE METHANE POWERED SYSTEM ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. METHANE IS LIGHTER THAN AIR AND AN AVERAGE TANK WILL GIVE YOU A RANGE OF AROUND 482 KM`S FOR AROUND 12 EUROS, ABOUT R 145. HOLY FART THAT IS FANTASTIC! THIS THEN IS MY PROBLEM WITH METHANE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF A SINGLE SOLITARY METHANE FILLING STATION. SO YOU TAKE YOUR METHANE POWERED FIAT PUNTO WHICH HAVE ADOPTED THIS ANAL IDEA, NOT SURPRISING FROM A COMPANY HEADED BY LAPO ELKANN WHO WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL, HIS GRAND PA`S SUITS AND A CROSS DRESSING FAG TOOK FIAT TO THE BRINK OF DOOM. SO ANYWAYS, YOU ARE DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE AND AS MURPHY WOULD HAVE IT YOUR METHANE POWERED PUNTO FARTS TO A HALT. REMEMBER THAT METHANE IS A BY PRODUCT OF WASTE. WASTE? WHAT WASTE? THINK SHIT, ROTTING FOOD ON LANDFILLS. SO BACK TO THE COUNTRY ROAD YOU ARE STRANDED ON, YOU ARE IN A BIT OF A PREDICAMENT. BUT WAIT, WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE ON THE FIELDS MULLING AROUND? YES, THEY ARE COWS. HOLY COW YOU ARE SAVED, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HARVEST SOME MOBILE METHANE. ITS SIMPLE. YES RIGHT. PICTURE A DUDE RUNNING OUT ONTO THE PASTURE AND SHOVING A PIPE UP A COWS ARSE AND WAITING FOR IT TO FART A QUARTER TANK OF “FUEL” FOR YOU. ARE THE SCIENTISTS FUCKING DILLY? DIDNT ANYONE WATCH THE TRAGIC NEWS FOOTAGE ON CNN WITH THAT LITTLE EXPLOSION IN MEXICO CITY WHICH WAS CAUSED BY A METHANE EXPLOSION. UPWARDS OF 6 CITY BLOCKS WERE BLOWN TO SHIT BY METHANE THAT IGNITED IN THE SEWER SYSTEM. METHANE IS A STUPID IDEA NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU LOOK AT IT. THERE IS SIMPLY NO INFRASTRUCTURE IN PLACE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TO MAKE METHANE FEASABLE. THIS IDEA SIMPLY STINKS. STICK TO PETROL.
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA.
JOHANNESBURG.
NOW I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA THAT I KNOW WILL WORK AND WILL DEFINATELY BENEFIT PEOPLE IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. ALSO IDEA COULD REVOLUTIONISE CONVERIBLE / CABRIOLET SPORTSCARS. FOLLOWING THAT I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA WHICH I AM SURPRISED HAS NOT YET BEEN DONE. IT JUST SEEMS BLATANTLY OBVIOUS.
IDEA 2
RECENTLY I WATCHED A PROGRAM CALLED SMASH LAB WHERE THEY USED “RHINO LINER” IN A BAKKIE, OR AS YOU CALL IT ,A TRUCK BIN LINER. THEY BLEW UP A COUPLE VEHICLES AND WALLS THEN SPRAYED THE INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR OF A BUILDING THEY BUILT.IT WORKED OUTSTANDINGLY. THE AIM WAS TO SHOW THE STRENGTH THAT THE BIN LINER ADDED TO THE PICK UP TRUCKS BIN AND THE WALL OF THE BUILDING THEY WERE TRYING TO BOMB PROOF. THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY WAS MAINTAINED BY A SIMPLE APPLICATION OF THE PRODUCT, HOWEVER I FEEL THEY NEVER REALLY TRIED IT ON REAL WORLD APPLICTIONS WHERE THE BIN LINER WOULD AND WILL SAVE LIVES AND BETTER THE TORSIONAL RIGIDITY OF CERTAIN CARS. RHINO LINING IS A SPRAY ON COATING THAT WAS INTENDED TO PROTECT THE LINING OF A PICK UP TRUCKS LOAD BIN AGAINST EXCESSIVE WEAR AND TARE.
HERE THEN IS MY IDEA.
I PROPOSE THAT YOU USE THE SAME EASILY APPLIED BIN LINER TO THE INSIDE OF A MILITARY HUMMER. THE WHOLE FLOOR AREA, DOORS, CEILINGAND INSIDE AREA OF THE FIRE WALL. THEN SPRAY THE EXTERIOR OF THE HUMMER INCLUDING THE WHEEL ARCHES ,ENGINE BAY AND CHASSIS. WITH THIS COATING THE HUMMER WOULD BE RENDERED A SHIT LOAD SAFER THAN STANDARD. ALL INTERIOR TRIM IS THEN REPLACED AND THE HUMMER PAINTED IN CAMMO OR WHATEVER. USE AN ASSAULT RIFLE FIRING NUMEROUS ROUNDS INTO THE BODYWORK. LEAVE A FEW BALLISTIC DUMMIES INSIDE AND WATERMELONS FOR EFFECT. THEN HAVE EXPLOSIVE DUDES RIG UP A STANDARD BAGHDAD STYLE ROAD SIDE BOMB. DETONATE IT AND SEE WHAT YOU SEE WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS, I AM SURE YOU KNOW WHERE I GOING WITH THIS EXPERIMENT. THE OVERALL WEIGHT ADDED WILL BE MINIMAL BUT VERY EFFECTIVE. THIS COULD ALSO BE EFFECTIVELY USED ON CASH IN TRANSIT VANS. FOR A SECOND TEST I PROPOSE YOU USE A COST EFFECTIVE PRE OWNED 1997 ALFA ROMEO SPYDER CONVERTIBLE. THIS CAR IS WORLD RENOWNED AS HAVING A SHIT CHASSIS THAT FLEXES AND HAS HORRID SCUTTLE SHAKE. MANY CONVERTIBLES SUFFER FROM THIS AILMENT DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE ROOF IS NO LONGER THERE TO PROVIDE TORSIONABLE RIGIDITY. SO WHAT YOU DO IS STRIP OUT THE CARPETS, SEATS AND OTHER PERIPHERY OF THE ALFA`S INTRIOR AND THEN APPLY A LAYER OF RHINO LINING MAKING SURE YOU MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR THE HOLES THAT THE SEATS ARE BOLTED TO. REPLACE THE CARPETS, SEATS AND OTHER INTERIOR TRIM SUCH AS CONSOLES AND STUFF. IT MUST BE CLEAR TO WEIGH THE CAR BEFORE AND THEN AFTER WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUEL IN ITS PETROL TANK..THEN FINALLY SEE WHAT YOU SEE. A TEST DRIVE BEFORE BY AND AFTER BY A GENUINE MOTORING JOURNO AND SOMEBODY WITHIN THE MOTORING INDUSTRY THAT IS IN THE KNOW SHOULD PROVE OR RUBBISH THE IDEA. RHINO LINING CAN ALSO BE EFFECTIVELY USED IN RALLY CARS AND OTHER RACE CARS TO ADD TO SAFETY. FURTHERMORE I BELEIVE THAT THIS SIMPLE TOUGH AND VERY COST EFFECTIVE MATERIAL WILL ADD STRENGTH AND SAFETY TO THE HUMMER AND RIGIDITY TO THE CONVERIBLE. THE SPRAYING ON OF RHINO LINER WONT LOOK PRETTY ON A CAR, BUT HEY WHO CARES A HUMMER IS NOT PRETTY TO START WITH. THE HUMMER WILL BE PAINTED OVER ANYWAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY NOT TRY SPRAYING THE INTERIOR OF THE HUMMERS TYRES TO ADD AN ELEMENT OF STRENGTH? I MEAN THE ACTUAL INSIDE OF THE TYRE WHICH HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE RIM. TEST DRIVE A BEFORE APPLICATION THEN AFTER. WITH THE INSIDE OF THE TYRE SPRAYED ON ITS WALLS WILL MAKE THE TYRES LESS PRONE TO TYRE WALL PUNCTURES. IT COULD JUST BE NUTS ENOUGH TO WORK. GRANTED YOU WILL WITHOUT A DOUBT NEED TO BALANCE THE TYRES QUITE A BIT AND DO ALIGNMENT. IT MUST SIMPLY BE A THIN LAYER AND NOT 6 INCHES THICK.
MANY THANKS, AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH REGARDS TO MY IDEA AND THE ONE I SENT WITH REGARDS TO DA VINCI`S SPRING CAR. I AM GOING TO SEND THAT ONE ASWELL JUST IN CASE IT WENT AWOL IN THE MAIL.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
NEXT IDEA.:
IT IS FACT THAT THE GPS SYSTEM IS A MODERN MARVEL, ALLOWING THE MOST DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED DWEEB TO FIND HIS WAY AROUND. THE GPS SYSTEMS ARE SMALL AND PORTABLE ALLOWING THEM TO BE USED IN CAR AND OUTSIDE THE VEHICLE. THE GPS SYSTEM HAS SHRUNK SMALLER AND SMALLER AND HAVE MADE THEIR WAY INTO CELLPHONES AND EVEN A WATCH I BELEIVE. NOW THIS IS WHERE MY IDEA REALLY STARTS. I PROPOSE A WRIST WATCH WITH A TRANSPONDER CHIP FITTED IN THE WATCH THAT IS ACTIVATED IN AN EMERGENCY BY EITHER THE BREAKING OF THE GLASS FACE AND OR BREAKING OF THE STRAP BY THE PINS. THUS THIS IS THE PERFECT TOOL FOR A PERSON TO USE IF INVOLVED IN AN ACCIDENT OR FOR USE BY THOSE WHO WORK IN HIGH RISK AREAS WHERE FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT KIDNAPPING IS RIFE SUCH AS COLOMBIA AND NIGERIA. THE TRANSPONDER MUST BE HOUSED IN A STRONG HOUSING WITHIN THE WATCH BODY AND WHEN THE WEARER EITHER SMASHES THE FACE OR BREAKS THE STRAP A POSITIONING LOCATION IS SENT OUT TO FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE 5 RECIPIENTS. THIS WATCH COULD BE USED BY EXTREME SPORTSMEN AND THE PUBLIC ASWELL. IN CARS A SIMILAR SYSTEM COULD BE INSTALLED TO WORK IN CONJUCTION WITH THE CARS AIRBAG SYSTEM. WHEN THE AIRBAGS DEPLOY A SOS IS SENT AND THE COORDINATES ARE SENT TO THE INSURANCE COMPANY AND 4 OTHER PRE PROGRAMMED RECIPIENTS. OLDER CARS WITHOUT AIRBAGS COULD USE A MERCURY TIP SWITCH OF SORTS. IF A COLLISION OCCURS THE SWITCH WILL MOVE AND MAKE CONTACT SENDING A SIGNAL AND COORDINATES. THE SWITCH COULD ALSO BE SET TO MONITOR ROLL OVER. FOR EXAMPLE IF THE CAR TIPS MORE THAN 45 DEGREES TO THE LEFT SIDE OR RIGHT THE SYSTEM TRIGGERS. THIS IS ESPECIALLY BENEFITIAL TO PEOPLE WHO TRAVEL RURAL NON FREQUENTLY USED ROADS. IN THE EVENT OF A BREAKDOWN OR RUNNING OUT OF FUEL IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE OR FOR SOME OTHER EMERGENCY NOT INVOLVING A CRASH, A DASH MOUNTED BUTTON WITH A SEAL THAT WOULD NEED TO BE BROKEN IN ORDER TO ACTIVATE THE GPS SYSTEM. THE SEAL WOULD PREVENT ACCIDENTAL USE AND ONCE USED THE SEAL WOULD HAVE TO BE REPLACED AND SYSTEM RESET BY A QUALIFIED DEALER.
TO AID IN THE RECOVERY OF A CRASHED AIRCRAFTS EXACT LAST LOCATION, THIS SYSTEM WOULD ALSO WORK WELL. ITS FINE AND WELL THAT THE BLACK BOX EMITS A SIGNAL BUT IT IS STILL A DAUNTING TASK TO LOCATE THE EXACT CRASH SITE ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN. HERE 3 UNITS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR TRIANGULATING A CRASH SITE. FURTHERMORE I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY COMMERCIAL AIRCRAFT DONT HAVE THEIR FUSELAGES AND BOTTOM OF THE WINGS PAINTED DAY GLOW ORANGE. THIS WOULD AID IN THE SIGHTING OF WRECKAGE MUCH EASIER THAN LOOKING FOR SILVERY PIECES OF FUSELAGE IN AN OCEAN WITH WHITE SWELLS AND SQUALLS. THIS WILL ALSO MAKE OTHER PILOTS SPOT HIGHER FLYING PLANES QUICKER THAN ONES THAT BLEND INTO THE SKY, ESPECIALLY BRITISH AIRWAYS WITH THEIR IDIOTIC BLUE PAINT SCHEME ON THE UNDERBELLIES OF THEIR PLANES. HIGH VISIBILITY ORANGE OR YELLOW MAKES MORE SENSE. DAY GLOW FUSELAGES WILL BENEFIT SEARCH AND RESCUE IN ALL TERRAINS AND WITH GPS BEACONS ACTIVATING IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH THE PLANES WILL BE FOUND EVEN IN REMOTE AREAS IN QUARTER THE TIME AT LEAST.
I BELEIVE THE GPS WATCH THAT ACTIVATES WHEN BROKEN EITHER DURING AN ACCIDENT OR ON PURPOSE IS THE WAY TO GO. THE WATCH MUST LOOK INNOCUOUS SO AS NOT TO RAISE SUSPICION IF USED BY THOSE WORKING IN HIGH RISK AREAS. WHEN ACTIVATED BY BREAKING THE WOULD BE KIDNAPPERS WILL LOSE INTEREST IN A BUSTED WATCH AND MOST LIKELY NOT EVEN REMOVE IT FROM THE OWNER. THEY WILL JUST BE SURPRISED AS HELL WHEN SPECIAL FORCES TEAMS CRAWL DOWN THEIR THROATS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THIS TECHNOLOGY WILL TAKE TIME TO CATCH ON ENSURING THE WATCHES EFFECTIVENESS.
SO DUDES, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 6911125162083
+27 789489847 0789489847
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot .com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
I MAY NOT BE A SCIENTIST BUT MY MIND IS LIKE A COW PASTURE , VERY FERTILE.
WE ALL KNOW THAT LEONARDO DA VINCI WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY VISIONARY. HIS CRUDE PAPER DRAWINGS WERE IN FACT BLUE PRINTS FOR MACHINERY THAT HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER ARE SEEMINGLY NOW TAKEN FOR GRANTED. HIS INVENTIONS HAVE ALTERED OUR LIVES FOR EVER. UNFORTUNATELY MANKIND SEEMS TO ONLY BE INTERESTED IN THE FOSSIL FUEL SIDE OF THE INVENTIONS. SO WHAT ABOUT A CAR THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO EMISSIONS, NOT EVEN WATER AND HAS PERPETUAL POWER!
I HAVE WRITTEN TO A LOCAL SOUTH AFRICAN CAR MAGAZINE AND VERY ROUGHLY PUT AN IDEA ACCROSS ABOUT THIS THEORY. I WONDER WHY NO ONE HAS TRIED THIS BEFORE? BELOW IS A BASIC IDEA OF WHAT I BELEIVE COULD BE THE FUTURE OF CARS OF THE VERY NEAR FUTURE, YOU KNOW LIKE NEXT YEAR.
I TRUST YOU WILL GIVE IT A READ THROUGH AND TRY IT.
THANKS MIKE
IDEA 1 THIS TAKEN FROM THE ARTICLE I WROTE
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 6911125162083
JOHANNESBURG.
0789489847.
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
I HOPE YOU HAVE LOOKED AT MY IDEA AND BETWEEN YOUR TEAM CAN COOK UP A WORKING PROTOTYPE. THE ORIGINAL “PLANS” ARE IN LEONARDO DA VINCI`S DRAWING WHICH ARE AVAILABLE ON THE NET AND IT SHOWS A VERY CRUDE VERSION OF HIS SPRING CAR. FOLLOWING IS THE COMPLETE LETTER THAT I SENT SO YOU CAN GET WHERE I WAS COMING FROM. I AM ATOTAL PETROL HEAD, I LOVE CARS THE SMELL OF OCTANE.
SO GO ON GUYS. I DARE YOU
WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE IDEA AND ALL THE ALTERNATIVES TO CONVENTIONAL FUELLED VEHICLES. I HAVE ADDED IT TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHERE I AM COMING FROM.
FULL ARTICLE
DIESEL. HYDROGEN. ELECTRICITY. STEAM.COMPRESSED AIR. SPRINGS.
THESE ARE MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON THE MERITS OR LACK THEREOF PERTAINING TO ALTERNATE POWER SOURCES FOR THE MOTOR CAR.
THE WORLD IS IN A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN RACE IS STEADILY FUCKING UP THE PLANET WITHOUT ANY THOUGHTS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. IT STARTED IN EARNEST AT THE TURN OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EXPENDABLE FOSSIL FUELS ARE BEING USED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE. MANKIND ARE SLOWLY TRYING TO FIND ALTERNATE METHODS TO MAINTAIN OUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH CARS. LETS FACE IT NOTHING QUITE FREES YOU AND ALLOWS YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF QUITE LIKE DRIVING A CAR. UNLESS OF COURSE YOU TRAVEL DAILY IN TOKYO OR KUALA LUMPUR, OR WORSE YET YOU COMMUTE DAILY IN INDIA IN PEAK TRAFFIC. EVERY TIME YOU START YOUR CAR THERE ARE A BUNCH OF ARABS SMILING BROADLY, YOU ARE KEEPING THEM IN THE LAP OF LUXURY. HOWEVER THEIR GRINS MAY SOON BE TURNED TO MISERY WHEN THE PLANET CAN LONGER YIELD MORE OF THE SLIPPERY BLACK STUFF.
ENGINEERS TURNED TO DIESEL YONKS AGO. A VERY INDUSTRIOUS GERMAN WHOSE SURNAME WAS DIESEL CAME UP WITH A WONDEROUS INVENTION. THE DIESEL ENGINE. IT IS AN AMAZING FORM OF POWER PLANT FOR TRACTORS AND TRUCKS, BUT IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL IN A PASSENGER CAR! END OF DISCUSSION. MANUFACTURERS DUMP DIESEL LUMPS INTO THE ENGINE BAY OF BEAUTIFULLY SCULPTED CARS SUCH AS BMW, MERCEDES ,AUDI AND THE PORSCHE CAYENNE. ARE THEY INSANE???? DOING THAT IS LIKE DRAWING A DICK ON THE FACE OF THE MONA LISA PAINTING AT THE LOUVRE. A DIESEL ENGINE IS A TRAVESTY WHEN USED IN A CAR. THE CAR LOOKS SVELTE AND POWERFUL, THEN THE ENGINE IS CRANKED AND THE CLATTER OF THE DIESEL PLANT PIERCES YOUR PEACE OF MIND. ITS HORRENDOUS. IF YOU LIKE THE DIESEL DIN, DRIVE A FUCKING MASSEY FERGUSON TO WORK. INEVITABLY THERE WILL BE PLUMES OF BLACK SMOKE BEING BELCHED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE. SIS MAN! THATS LIKE STANDING NEXT TO A DROP DEAD SEXY BLOND, SHE GIVES YOU THE COME HITHER LOOK, SEDUCTIVELY LICKS HER LIPS, THEN FARTS LOUDLY. ITS JUST PLAIN SICK! A DIESEL ENGINE HAS NO PLACE IN A CAR. SOME DILDO WILL SAY “YES, BUT ITS MORE ENVIROMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND YOU CAN RUN YOUR CAR ON MIELIES AND PEANUTS, OH AND YOU CAN RUN IT ON USED COOKING OIL”. SO FUCKING WHAT! I CAN RUN MY CAR RIGHT OVER YOU! WHO WANTS THEIR CAR TO SMELL LIKE A FISH AND CHIPS SHOP? STICK TO PETROL.
HYDROGEN. ITS THE NEXT BIG THING. ITS THE MOST ABUNDANT GAS IN THE UNIVERSE. THATS THE ADVERTISING BLURB. YEAH RIGHT, SO WHERE ARE ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF HYDROGEN PUMPS FOR FILLING YOUR CAR? THERE IS ABOUT 20- OR SO IN THE UNITED STATES, ITS A FUCKING LONG DRIVE TO FILL THE TANK. THEY SAY ITS INERT SO ITS SAFE. HMMM, SO WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF HYDROGEN BOMBS THEN? BMW WENT AND MADE A HYDROGEN POWERED 7 SERIES, BRAD PITT PITCHED UP AT THE OSCARS IN ONE, WHAT AN ADVERTISING COUP. THE ONLY BY PRODUCT BEING EMITTED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE IS WATER. GREAT SO YOUR CARS DRIPS WHEN YOU DRIVE, ITS SOMETHING LIKE AUTOMOTIVE GONORRHOEA, THAT ANNOYING DRIP, DRIP. WHY HAVE AN EXHAUST PIPE? WHY NOT HAVE TAP STICKING OUT THE BACK INSTEAD? OH AND DID I MENTION THESE CARS THAT ARE POWERED BY HYDROGEN DONT COME CHEAP. THEN THERE IS THE SCIENCE BEHIND MAKING THE HYDROGEN AND THE EXHORBITANT COSTS INVOLVED BEFORE IT ENDS UP WITH THE END USER. STICK TO PETROL.
ELECTRICITY. ELECTRIC HYBRIDS LIKE THE PRIUS WHICH IS A BIG BATTERY OPERATING IN CONJUNCTION WITH A PETROL ENGINE IS SILLY. HALF BATTERY HALF PETROL THATS LIKE SCREWING USING A CONDOM WITH A HOLE IN IT. THE PRIUS IS PLAIN DANGEROUS. WE AS HUMANS ARE EASILY DISTRACTED BY TOYS. IN THE PRIUS YOU HAVE A DISPLAY SCREEN THAT SHOWS YOU THE POWER USE. POWER OUT AND POWER IN. WHICH SOURCE IS BEING USED WHICH WAY THE POWER IS GOING. YOU END UP STARING AT THE DISPLAY INSTEAD OF THE ROAD. YOU CAN TURN THE DISPLAY OFF, BUT WHO WILL? WE ARE HUMAN. SO WHILE YOU ARE PEERING AT THE DISPLAY ALONG WITH ALL THE PASSENGERS IN THE CAR NO ONE REMEMBERS THE HEAD ON COLLISION. NOW THE CAR IS TOTALLED, HOW DO YOU DISPOSE OF ALL THOSE BATTERIES. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO BIO DEGRADE?
ELECTRIC POWER ONLY CARS ARE PLAIN DILLY. TAKE THE TESLA FOR EXAMPLE. IF YOU OWN ONE IN SOUTH AFRICA IN WINTER, AND YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE TERM LOAD SHEDDING, YOU WILL BE GOING NOWHERE QUICKLY. SO YOU CHARGE YOUR TESLA AND GO FOR A ROAD TRIP, THE FASTER YOU DRIVE THE QUICKER THE POWER IS EXPENDED, THEN AS FATE WILL HAVE IT YOU RUN OUT OF POWER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DEATH VALLEY AT NOON IN SUMMER. NOT A FUCKING PLUG ANYWHERE! FOUR DAYS LATER THEY FIND YOUR DEHYDRATED CORPSE STRAPPED INTO YOUR TESLA WITH AN OMINOUS WARNING BEING DISPLAYED ON THE DASH DISPLAY.”BATTERY LOW PLEASE RECHARGE”. THE SAME SCENARIO CAN BE PLAYED OUT IN COLD ENVIRONMENTS. STICK TO PETROL.
SOLAR POWER. ITS DUMB END OF STORY. HORRIBLY SLOW AND INEFFECTIVE IF USED IN ENGLAND. CAN ONLY BE USED IN THE AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK AND ABU DHABI. I DONT THINK THOSE PLACES HAVE INVENTED CLOUDS YET. OH, AND THEY HAVENT YET INVENTED A SOLAR CAR THAT CAN BE SAT IN COMFORTABLY. NIGHT JOURNEYS COULD BE DODGY. BATTERIES ALWAYS FAIL YOU AT THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. STICK TO PETROL.
STEAM. STUPID. WHO WANTS TO DRIVE A MOBILE BOMB? STICK TO PETROL.
COMPRESSED AIR. ANOTHER DUMB ONE. SOME CLOWN HAS ACTUALLY BUILT ONE IN FRANCE. HOW MANY HAS HE SOLD? NOT MANY. MAYBE A HANDFUL, AS HUMANS WE WILL BUY SOMETHING DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE ARE THE TV GENERATION. HOW MANY USELESS THINGS HAVE YOU GOT THAT YOU NEVER USE THAT YOU BOUGHT OFF THE TV. WE ARE THE HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL GENERATION. COMPRESSED AIR CARS ARE A BY PRODUCT OF THAT. STICK TO PETROL.
METHANE. YES METHANE! OK SO THIS IS THE DEAL. SOME SCIENTISTS PATENTED THE METHANE POWERED SYSTEM ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. METHANE IS LIGHTER THAN AIR AND AN AVERAGE TANK WILL GIVE YOU A RANGE OF AROUND 482 KM`S FOR AROUND 12 EUROS, ABOUT R 145. HOLY FART THAT IS FANTASTIC! THIS THEN IS MY PROBLEM WITH METHANE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF A SINGLE SOLITARY METHANE FILLING STATION. SO YOU TAKE YOUR METHANE POWERED FIAT PUNTO WHICH HAVE ADOPTED THIS ANAL IDEA, NOT SURPRISING FROM A COMPANY HEADED BY LAPO ELKANN WHO WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL, HIS GRAND PA`S SUITS AND A CROSS DRESSING FAG TOOK FIAT TO THE BRINK OF DOOM. SO ANYWAYS, YOU ARE DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE AND AS MURPHY WOULD HAVE IT YOUR METHANE POWERED PUNTO FARTS TO A HALT. REMEMBER THAT METHANE IS A BY PRODUCT OF WASTE. WASTE? WHAT WASTE? THINK SHIT, ROTTING FOOD ON LANDFILLS. SO BACK TO THE COUNTRY ROAD YOU ARE STRANDED ON, YOU ARE IN A BIT OF A PREDICAMENT. BUT WAIT, WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE ON THE FIELDS MULLING AROUND? YES, THEY ARE COWS. HOLY COW YOU ARE SAVED, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HARVEST SOME MOBILE METHANE. ITS SIMPLE. YES RIGHT. PICTURE A DUDE RUNNING OUT ONTO THE PASTURE AND SHOVING A PIPE UP A COWS ARSE AND WAITING FOR IT TO FART A QUARTER TANK OF “FUEL” FOR YOU. ARE THE SCIENTISTS FUCKING DILLY? DIDNT ANYONE WATCH THE TRAGIC NEWS FOOTAGE ON CNN WITH THAT LITTLE EXPLOSION IN MEXICO CITY WHICH WAS CAUSED BY A METHANE EXPLOSION. UPWARDS OF 6 CITY BLOCKS WERE BLOWN TO SHIT BY METHANE THAT IGNITED IN THE SEWER SYSTEM. METHANE IS A STUPID IDEA NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU LOOK AT IT. THERE IS SIMPLY NO INFRASTRUCTURE IN PLACE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TO MAKE METHANE FEASABLE. THIS IDEA SIMPLY STINKS. STICK TO PETROL.
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA.
JOHANNESBURG.
NOW I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA THAT I KNOW WILL WORK AND WILL DEFINATELY BENEFIT PEOPLE IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. ALSO IDEA COULD REVOLUTIONISE CONVERIBLE / CABRIOLET SPORTSCARS. FOLLOWING THAT I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA WHICH I AM SURPRISED HAS NOT YET BEEN DONE. IT JUST SEEMS BLATANTLY OBVIOUS.
IDEA 2
RECENTLY I WATCHED A PROGRAM CALLED SMASH LAB WHERE THEY USED “RHINO LINER” IN A BAKKIE, OR AS YOU CALL IT ,A TRUCK BIN LINER. THEY BLEW UP A COUPLE VEHICLES AND WALLS THEN SPRAYED THE INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR OF A BUILDING THEY BUILT.IT WORKED OUTSTANDINGLY. THE AIM WAS TO SHOW THE STRENGTH THAT THE BIN LINER ADDED TO THE PICK UP TRUCKS BIN AND THE WALL OF THE BUILDING THEY WERE TRYING TO BOMB PROOF. THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY WAS MAINTAINED BY A SIMPLE APPLICATION OF THE PRODUCT, HOWEVER I FEEL THEY NEVER REALLY TRIED IT ON REAL WORLD APPLICTIONS WHERE THE BIN LINER WOULD AND WILL SAVE LIVES AND BETTER THE TORSIONAL RIGIDITY OF CERTAIN CARS. RHINO LINING IS A SPRAY ON COATING THAT WAS INTENDED TO PROTECT THE LINING OF A PICK UP TRUCKS LOAD BIN AGAINST EXCESSIVE WEAR AND TARE.
HERE THEN IS MY IDEA.
I PROPOSE THAT YOU USE THE SAME EASILY APPLIED BIN LINER TO THE INSIDE OF A MILITARY HUMMER. THE WHOLE FLOOR AREA, DOORS, CEILINGAND INSIDE AREA OF THE FIRE WALL. THEN SPRAY THE EXTERIOR OF THE HUMMER INCLUDING THE WHEEL ARCHES ,ENGINE BAY AND CHASSIS. WITH THIS COATING THE HUMMER WOULD BE RENDERED A SHIT LOAD SAFER THAN STANDARD. ALL INTERIOR TRIM IS THEN REPLACED AND THE HUMMER PAINTED IN CAMMO OR WHATEVER. USE AN ASSAULT RIFLE FIRING NUMEROUS ROUNDS INTO THE BODYWORK. LEAVE A FEW BALLISTIC DUMMIES INSIDE AND WATERMELONS FOR EFFECT. THEN HAVE EXPLOSIVE DUDES RIG UP A STANDARD BAGHDAD STYLE ROAD SIDE BOMB. DETONATE IT AND SEE WHAT YOU SEE WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS, I AM SURE YOU KNOW WHERE I GOING WITH THIS EXPERIMENT. THE OVERALL WEIGHT ADDED WILL BE MINIMAL BUT VERY EFFECTIVE. THIS COULD ALSO BE EFFECTIVELY USED ON CASH IN TRANSIT VANS. FOR A SECOND TEST I PROPOSE YOU USE A COST EFFECTIVE PRE OWNED 1997 ALFA ROMEO SPYDER CONVERTIBLE. THIS CAR IS WORLD RENOWNED AS HAVING A SHIT CHASSIS THAT FLEXES AND HAS HORRID SCUTTLE SHAKE. MANY CONVERTIBLES SUFFER FROM THIS AILMENT DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE ROOF IS NO LONGER THERE TO PROVIDE TORSIONABLE RIGIDITY. SO WHAT YOU DO IS STRIP OUT THE CARPETS, SEATS AND OTHER PERIPHERY OF THE ALFA`S INTRIOR AND THEN APPLY A LAYER OF RHINO LINING MAKING SURE YOU MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR THE HOLES THAT THE SEATS ARE BOLTED TO. REPLACE THE CARPETS, SEATS AND OTHER INTERIOR TRIM SUCH AS CONSOLES AND STUFF. IT MUST BE CLEAR TO WEIGH THE CAR BEFORE AND THEN AFTER WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF FUEL IN ITS PETROL TANK..THEN FINALLY SEE WHAT YOU SEE. A TEST DRIVE BEFORE BY AND AFTER BY A GENUINE MOTORING JOURNO AND SOMEBODY WITHIN THE MOTORING INDUSTRY THAT IS IN THE KNOW SHOULD PROVE OR RUBBISH THE IDEA. RHINO LINING CAN ALSO BE EFFECTIVELY USED IN RALLY CARS AND OTHER RACE CARS TO ADD TO SAFETY. FURTHERMORE I BELEIVE THAT THIS SIMPLE TOUGH AND VERY COST EFFECTIVE MATERIAL WILL ADD STRENGTH AND SAFETY TO THE HUMMER AND RIGIDITY TO THE CONVERIBLE. THE SPRAYING ON OF RHINO LINER WONT LOOK PRETTY ON A CAR, BUT HEY WHO CARES A HUMMER IS NOT PRETTY TO START WITH. THE HUMMER WILL BE PAINTED OVER ANYWAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY NOT TRY SPRAYING THE INTERIOR OF THE HUMMERS TYRES TO ADD AN ELEMENT OF STRENGTH? I MEAN THE ACTUAL INSIDE OF THE TYRE WHICH HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE RIM. TEST DRIVE A BEFORE APPLICATION THEN AFTER. WITH THE INSIDE OF THE TYRE SPRAYED ON ITS WALLS WILL MAKE THE TYRES LESS PRONE TO TYRE WALL PUNCTURES. IT COULD JUST BE NUTS ENOUGH TO WORK. GRANTED YOU WILL WITHOUT A DOUBT NEED TO BALANCE THE TYRES QUITE A BIT AND DO ALIGNMENT. IT MUST SIMPLY BE A THIN LAYER AND NOT 6 INCHES THICK.
MANY THANKS, AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH REGARDS TO MY IDEA AND THE ONE I SENT WITH REGARDS TO DA VINCI`S SPRING CAR. I AM GOING TO SEND THAT ONE ASWELL JUST IN CASE IT WENT AWOL IN THE MAIL.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
NEXT IDEA.:
IT IS FACT THAT THE GPS SYSTEM IS A MODERN MARVEL, ALLOWING THE MOST DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED DWEEB TO FIND HIS WAY AROUND. THE GPS SYSTEMS ARE SMALL AND PORTABLE ALLOWING THEM TO BE USED IN CAR AND OUTSIDE THE VEHICLE. THE GPS SYSTEM HAS SHRUNK SMALLER AND SMALLER AND HAVE MADE THEIR WAY INTO CELLPHONES AND EVEN A WATCH I BELEIVE. NOW THIS IS WHERE MY IDEA REALLY STARTS. I PROPOSE A WRIST WATCH WITH A TRANSPONDER CHIP FITTED IN THE WATCH THAT IS ACTIVATED IN AN EMERGENCY BY EITHER THE BREAKING OF THE GLASS FACE AND OR BREAKING OF THE STRAP BY THE PINS. THUS THIS IS THE PERFECT TOOL FOR A PERSON TO USE IF INVOLVED IN AN ACCIDENT OR FOR USE BY THOSE WHO WORK IN HIGH RISK AREAS WHERE FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT KIDNAPPING IS RIFE SUCH AS COLOMBIA AND NIGERIA. THE TRANSPONDER MUST BE HOUSED IN A STRONG HOUSING WITHIN THE WATCH BODY AND WHEN THE WEARER EITHER SMASHES THE FACE OR BREAKS THE STRAP A POSITIONING LOCATION IS SENT OUT TO FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE 5 RECIPIENTS. THIS WATCH COULD BE USED BY EXTREME SPORTSMEN AND THE PUBLIC ASWELL. IN CARS A SIMILAR SYSTEM COULD BE INSTALLED TO WORK IN CONJUCTION WITH THE CARS AIRBAG SYSTEM. WHEN THE AIRBAGS DEPLOY A SOS IS SENT AND THE COORDINATES ARE SENT TO THE INSURANCE COMPANY AND 4 OTHER PRE PROGRAMMED RECIPIENTS. OLDER CARS WITHOUT AIRBAGS COULD USE A MERCURY TIP SWITCH OF SORTS. IF A COLLISION OCCURS THE SWITCH WILL MOVE AND MAKE CONTACT SENDING A SIGNAL AND COORDINATES. THE SWITCH COULD ALSO BE SET TO MONITOR ROLL OVER. FOR EXAMPLE IF THE CAR TIPS MORE THAN 45 DEGREES TO THE LEFT SIDE OR RIGHT THE SYSTEM TRIGGERS. THIS IS ESPECIALLY BENEFITIAL TO PEOPLE WHO TRAVEL RURAL NON FREQUENTLY USED ROADS. IN THE EVENT OF A BREAKDOWN OR RUNNING OUT OF FUEL IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE OR FOR SOME OTHER EMERGENCY NOT INVOLVING A CRASH, A DASH MOUNTED BUTTON WITH A SEAL THAT WOULD NEED TO BE BROKEN IN ORDER TO ACTIVATE THE GPS SYSTEM. THE SEAL WOULD PREVENT ACCIDENTAL USE AND ONCE USED THE SEAL WOULD HAVE TO BE REPLACED AND SYSTEM RESET BY A QUALIFIED DEALER.
TO AID IN THE RECOVERY OF A CRASHED AIRCRAFTS EXACT LAST LOCATION, THIS SYSTEM WOULD ALSO WORK WELL. ITS FINE AND WELL THAT THE BLACK BOX EMITS A SIGNAL BUT IT IS STILL A DAUNTING TASK TO LOCATE THE EXACT CRASH SITE ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN. HERE 3 UNITS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR TRIANGULATING A CRASH SITE. FURTHERMORE I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY COMMERCIAL AIRCRAFT DONT HAVE THEIR FUSELAGES AND BOTTOM OF THE WINGS PAINTED DAY GLOW ORANGE. THIS WOULD AID IN THE SIGHTING OF WRECKAGE MUCH EASIER THAN LOOKING FOR SILVERY PIECES OF FUSELAGE IN AN OCEAN WITH WHITE SWELLS AND SQUALLS. THIS WILL ALSO MAKE OTHER PILOTS SPOT HIGHER FLYING PLANES QUICKER THAN ONES THAT BLEND INTO THE SKY, ESPECIALLY BRITISH AIRWAYS WITH THEIR IDIOTIC BLUE PAINT SCHEME ON THE UNDERBELLIES OF THEIR PLANES. HIGH VISIBILITY ORANGE OR YELLOW MAKES MORE SENSE. DAY GLOW FUSELAGES WILL BENEFIT SEARCH AND RESCUE IN ALL TERRAINS AND WITH GPS BEACONS ACTIVATING IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH THE PLANES WILL BE FOUND EVEN IN REMOTE AREAS IN QUARTER THE TIME AT LEAST.
I BELEIVE THE GPS WATCH THAT ACTIVATES WHEN BROKEN EITHER DURING AN ACCIDENT OR ON PURPOSE IS THE WAY TO GO. THE WATCH MUST LOOK INNOCUOUS SO AS NOT TO RAISE SUSPICION IF USED BY THOSE WORKING IN HIGH RISK AREAS. WHEN ACTIVATED BY BREAKING THE WOULD BE KIDNAPPERS WILL LOSE INTEREST IN A BUSTED WATCH AND MOST LIKELY NOT EVEN REMOVE IT FROM THE OWNER. THEY WILL JUST BE SURPRISED AS HELL WHEN SPECIAL FORCES TEAMS CRAWL DOWN THEIR THROATS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THIS TECHNOLOGY WILL TAKE TIME TO CATCH ON ENSURING THE WATCHES EFFECTIVENESS.
SO DUDES, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 6911125162083
+27 789489847 0789489847
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot .com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
I MAY NOT BE A SCIENTIST BUT MY MIND IS LIKE A COW PASTURE , VERY FERTILE.
the cult news letter weekly
CULT NEWS LETTER
GREETINGS CULTISTS, MAY YOUR BELIEFS BE WITH YOU DEAR SHEEP.
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE THAT “WE” ARE PUBLISHING THIS NEWS LETTER FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE OUR COSMIC BRETHEREN.
CULTISM IS A MODERNISTIC PHENOMENON THAT HAS TAKEN THE WORLD BY STORM TO FIND OUR PLACE IN THIS WICKED WORLD. WE ARE AT THE BECK AND CALL OF OUR SIMPLISTIC RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. WE NEED TO FIND OUR “VEHICLE” TO IMMORTALITY AND HOLISTIC COMPLETENESS. JUST REMEMBER THAT THOSE AROUND US WILL BELITTLE US AND MOCK OUR APPROACH TO DIVINITY. CULTISIM IS NOT A NEW PHENOMENON BUT A TRIED AND TRUSTED WAY TO FIND INNER PEACE THAT HAS BEEN PERFECTED BY OUR REVOLUTIONARY BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO HAVE “TRAVELLED” BEFORE US. OUR DEVOTED HERO MARSHALL APPLEWHITE AND PEEP, THE ILLUSTRIOUS REVEREND JIM JONES AND THE UBER CHARISMATIC DAVID KORESH. THESE ARE JUST A FEW GREATS TO MENTION.
CULTS ARE NOT INHERENTLY BAD, ITS JUST OUR DETRACTORS WHO SEE THE MISUNDERSTOOD WAYS THAT THEY BELEIVE ARE EVIL. WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH TURNING YOUR BACKS ON THE MONEY LOVING WORLD AND ALL ITS HATE MONGERERS THAT WANT TO BE RICH, FAMOUS, BEAUTIFUL, POPULAR AND LOVELY? WE SIMPLY WANT TO LIVE BY OUR OWN DRUM BEAT. HAVE TOTAL OWNERSHIP OVER OUR MEMBERS AND TELL THEM THAT THEY MAY NEVER INTERACT WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND PRIOR FRIENDS AGAIN, GIVE UP THEIR CAREERS AND GIVE UP THEIR WIVES AND RIGHT TO MARITAL INTERCOURSE SO WE CAN MATE AND IMPLANT THE “SEED” OF THE LAMB INTO THEIR WIVES. WE ARENT ASKING A LOT TO HAVE THE POLICE AND GOVERNMENT LET US BE, WE JUST WANT TO STOCKPILE WEAPONS TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THE FASCISTS IN POWER. WE WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO HAVE SEX THE WAY “OUR BIBLE” SAYS WE MAY BY OUR INTERPRETATION OF THE BIBLE IN OUR EYES. WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO RECRUIT NEW MEMBERS WHO WE FIND ON SOCIAL NETWORKS SUCH AS FACE BOOK , MYSPACE AND OTHERS WHO ARE DESPERATELY SEEKING A PLACE IN THIS WORLD AND FIND COMPANIONSHIP ONLINE. HEY, THEY ARE THE LONELY ONES, WE JUST “WANT TO HELP”. REMEMBER, MASS CULT SUICIDE ISNT PUNISHABLE BY LAW AS THE LAW ARE THE DEMONS WHO WANT TO SHRINK OUR MEMBER BASE. IF WE WANT TO WEAR NIKE RUNNING SHOES AND MATCHING NIKE TRACK SUITS AND THEN DRINK A COCKTAIL OF VODKA AND PHENOL BARBITOL WHILST AWAITING ELVIS IN HIS SPACE SHIP TRAILING BEHIND THE WAKE OF A COMET , SO BE IT. MAN BASED LAW DOESNT APPLY TO US! SO FUCK YOU!
MANKIND IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO CULTISM. BE IT FACE BOOK, MY SPACE, A GYM , ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, CATHOLICISM,QUILTING GROUP, MOTORBIKE CLUB, SCRAP BOOKING CLUB,FREE MASONRY, ETC. PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE TO BE NOTED AND FIND A PLACE THAT THEY FEEL THAT THEY ARE WANTED AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THIS IS WHY FACEBOOK HAS TAKEN OFF SO AMAZINGLY. NOBODY WANTS TO BE FORGOTTEN. EVERYONE ON MY SPACE AND FACE BOOK BELONG TO A CULT WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. FACE THE FACTS.
THE DICTIONARY EXPLAINS THAT A CULT IS A SYSTEM OF RELIGIOUS WORSHIP, DEVOTION OR HOMAGE TO A PERSON OR THING, POPULAR FASHION ESPECIALLY FOLLOWED BY A SPECIFIC SECTION OF SOCIETY, DENOTING A PERSON OR THING POPULARIZED IN THIS WAY.
WELCOME TO THE FACEBOOK CULT! We are all part of it.
THIS CONCLUDES OUR FIRST CULT NEWS LETTER, OH AND PLEASE VISIT ME ON FACE BOOK. MICHAEL B DA SILVA CULTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE.
“THE DA SILVA CODE”.
GREETINGS CULTISTS, MAY YOUR BELIEFS BE WITH YOU DEAR SHEEP.
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE THAT “WE” ARE PUBLISHING THIS NEWS LETTER FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE OUR COSMIC BRETHEREN.
CULTISM IS A MODERNISTIC PHENOMENON THAT HAS TAKEN THE WORLD BY STORM TO FIND OUR PLACE IN THIS WICKED WORLD. WE ARE AT THE BECK AND CALL OF OUR SIMPLISTIC RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. WE NEED TO FIND OUR “VEHICLE” TO IMMORTALITY AND HOLISTIC COMPLETENESS. JUST REMEMBER THAT THOSE AROUND US WILL BELITTLE US AND MOCK OUR APPROACH TO DIVINITY. CULTISIM IS NOT A NEW PHENOMENON BUT A TRIED AND TRUSTED WAY TO FIND INNER PEACE THAT HAS BEEN PERFECTED BY OUR REVOLUTIONARY BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO HAVE “TRAVELLED” BEFORE US. OUR DEVOTED HERO MARSHALL APPLEWHITE AND PEEP, THE ILLUSTRIOUS REVEREND JIM JONES AND THE UBER CHARISMATIC DAVID KORESH. THESE ARE JUST A FEW GREATS TO MENTION.
CULTS ARE NOT INHERENTLY BAD, ITS JUST OUR DETRACTORS WHO SEE THE MISUNDERSTOOD WAYS THAT THEY BELEIVE ARE EVIL. WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH TURNING YOUR BACKS ON THE MONEY LOVING WORLD AND ALL ITS HATE MONGERERS THAT WANT TO BE RICH, FAMOUS, BEAUTIFUL, POPULAR AND LOVELY? WE SIMPLY WANT TO LIVE BY OUR OWN DRUM BEAT. HAVE TOTAL OWNERSHIP OVER OUR MEMBERS AND TELL THEM THAT THEY MAY NEVER INTERACT WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND PRIOR FRIENDS AGAIN, GIVE UP THEIR CAREERS AND GIVE UP THEIR WIVES AND RIGHT TO MARITAL INTERCOURSE SO WE CAN MATE AND IMPLANT THE “SEED” OF THE LAMB INTO THEIR WIVES. WE ARENT ASKING A LOT TO HAVE THE POLICE AND GOVERNMENT LET US BE, WE JUST WANT TO STOCKPILE WEAPONS TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THE FASCISTS IN POWER. WE WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO HAVE SEX THE WAY “OUR BIBLE” SAYS WE MAY BY OUR INTERPRETATION OF THE BIBLE IN OUR EYES. WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO RECRUIT NEW MEMBERS WHO WE FIND ON SOCIAL NETWORKS SUCH AS FACE BOOK , MYSPACE AND OTHERS WHO ARE DESPERATELY SEEKING A PLACE IN THIS WORLD AND FIND COMPANIONSHIP ONLINE. HEY, THEY ARE THE LONELY ONES, WE JUST “WANT TO HELP”. REMEMBER, MASS CULT SUICIDE ISNT PUNISHABLE BY LAW AS THE LAW ARE THE DEMONS WHO WANT TO SHRINK OUR MEMBER BASE. IF WE WANT TO WEAR NIKE RUNNING SHOES AND MATCHING NIKE TRACK SUITS AND THEN DRINK A COCKTAIL OF VODKA AND PHENOL BARBITOL WHILST AWAITING ELVIS IN HIS SPACE SHIP TRAILING BEHIND THE WAKE OF A COMET , SO BE IT. MAN BASED LAW DOESNT APPLY TO US! SO FUCK YOU!
MANKIND IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO CULTISM. BE IT FACE BOOK, MY SPACE, A GYM , ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, CATHOLICISM,QUILTING GROUP, MOTORBIKE CLUB, SCRAP BOOKING CLUB,FREE MASONRY, ETC. PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE TO BE NOTED AND FIND A PLACE THAT THEY FEEL THAT THEY ARE WANTED AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THIS IS WHY FACEBOOK HAS TAKEN OFF SO AMAZINGLY. NOBODY WANTS TO BE FORGOTTEN. EVERYONE ON MY SPACE AND FACE BOOK BELONG TO A CULT WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. FACE THE FACTS.
THE DICTIONARY EXPLAINS THAT A CULT IS A SYSTEM OF RELIGIOUS WORSHIP, DEVOTION OR HOMAGE TO A PERSON OR THING, POPULAR FASHION ESPECIALLY FOLLOWED BY A SPECIFIC SECTION OF SOCIETY, DENOTING A PERSON OR THING POPULARIZED IN THIS WAY.
WELCOME TO THE FACEBOOK CULT! We are all part of it.
THIS CONCLUDES OUR FIRST CULT NEWS LETTER, OH AND PLEASE VISIT ME ON FACE BOOK. MICHAEL B DA SILVA CULTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE.
“THE DA SILVA CODE”.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
ESTATE/ FOUR DOOR SALOON/
SPORTSCAR
DO WE REALLY NEED THEM?
EVER SINCE THE CAR WAS INVENTED MAN HAS ENDEAVOURED TO CHANGE THE DESIGN AND INCREASE THE USES OF THE AUTOMOBILE TO SUIT THE EVER INCREASING NEEDS OF PEOPLE. THIS IS, AS THE CUSTOMERS NEEDS CHANGED , SO HIS CAR HAD TO KEEP UP WITH THOSE NEEDS. THIS THEN WAS THE DRAFT BY WHICH THE AUTO INDUSTRY WORKED FROM.
THE FIRST MOTORISED THING WAS BASICALLY A HORSELESS BUGGY THAT WAS POWERED BY SOMETHING REMINISCENT OF AN ENGINE THAT HAD AWESOME PERFORMANCE! A ZERO TO 100 KM/H IN AROUND 10 YEARS. THAT WAS HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR THE TECHNOLOGY TO ALLOW A MOTORISED CONTRAPTION TO REACH 100KM/H. ONCE POPULAR, THE CAR WAS BETTERED MILLION FOLD IN A FEW MERE YEARS. CARS WERE ENCLOSED AND PROVIDED THE OCCUPANTS WITH RESPITE FROM THE ELEMENTS SO THAT THE CAR COULD BE USED IN SHITTY WEATHER. EARLY CARS WERE SUNNY WARM DAY DRIVING AFFAIRS ONLY. IT WOULDNT BE LONG BEFORE VEHICLES WITH REAL WORLD LOAD ABILITY WERE NEEDED BY CORN FARMERS IN THE RURAL MIDWEST AMERICA. THE BAKKIE “TRUCK” WAS BORN AND HILLBILLIES WERE GIVEN FREEDOM TO ROAM UNCHECKED FROM COUNTY TO COUNTY. THE FAMILY CAR WAS CHANGING TOO. MORE POWERFUL, EXTRAVAGANT AND UNSAFE. IN AMERICA THE SEATBELT WAS AN AMUSEMENT AND ONLY LIKELY TO BE USED TO HOG TIE A WOMAN DOWN AT THE DRIVE IN BEFORE BILLY BOB WAS CONCEIVED. TIME MARCHED ON AND SOME ARSE HOLE THOUGHT HE HAD AN EPIPHANY AND INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO HIS ABOMINATION CALLED THE “STATION WAGON”!. WHAT THE WORLD DIDNT NEED WAS A STATION WAGON AND IT STILL DOESNT.
THIS NOW IS WHERE THE TITLE OF THIS PIECE COMES TO BEAR. WHEN THE CAR WAS MADE THERE WERE TWO BASIC MODELS, THE SPORTSCAR AND THE SALOON CAR AND THATS THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE STAYED, END OF STORY. HOWEVER THE POWERS THAT BE BELEIVED THEY FOUND A NICHE MARKET THAT SEEMINGLY REQUIRED A SALOON WITH THE BOOT LID NULLIFIED AND A BARN DOOR ADDED IN ITS PLACE, LATER STILL THE MANUFACTURERS DECIDED TO PUT MONSTER ENGINES IN THESE UGLY HEARSE LIKE SLABS. WHY PUT IN A FIRE BREATHING M5 ENGINE INTO AN ESTATE CAR? STRANGELY THE MANUFACTURERS THOUGHT THAT BY CHANGING THE MONIKER STATION WAGON TO ESTATE WOULD MAKE THE CAR SOUND MORE APPEALING. IT FUCKING DOESNT!! IT STILL IS A STATION WAGON. WHY DO YOU WANT A MOTOR THAT IS BASICALLY A HIGH PERFORMANCE LUMP THAT CAN PROPEL YOU FROM STANDSTILL TO 100KM/H IN 6 SECONDS FLAT IN A STATION WAGON? I HAVE VISIONS OF MOMS DRIVING THE KIDDY WINKLES TO SCHOOL AT 240KM/H, IF THE KIDS ARE GOING TO BE LATE THEN THE M5 ESTATE /RS 6 ESTATE/ CHRYSLER 300C ESTATE/ MERCEDES E55 AMG ESTATE ETC WONT HELP YOU GO BACK IN TIME. FOR THAT YOU WILL NEED MARTY MC FLY, 1.21JIGGAWATTS AND A DE LOREAN. ARRIVING OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL WITH YOUR KIDS PINNED TO THE WINDSCREEN SCREAMING IN TERROR IS NOT THE KIND OF PUBLICITY YOU WANT TO PORTRAY AS A CARING RESPONSIBLE PARENT. THIS THEN IS THE SAME FOR SPORTSCARS. IF IT WAS DESIGNED AND BUILT AS A SPORTSCAR LEAVE IT ALONE, LET IT BE WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE. FOR THE LOVE OF PEANUT BUTTER DONT TAKE AN EXISTING ICONIC SHAPE AND TRY AND STRETCH IT FROM TWO TO FOUR DOORS. POINT IN CASE THE ABOMINATION THAT IS THE PORSCHE PANAMERA. IT IS FUCKING UGLY! IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS STRETCHED ON PHOTO SHOP. I DONT CARE THAT THE CAR TESTERS SAY IT IS SUBLIME TO DRIVE AND HAS A GOD LIKE INTERIOR WITH AN EXHAUST SYMPHONY OF ANGELS ON METH. IT IS HORRID TO BEHOLD. ITS AKIN TO SAYING THAT THE WOMAN YOU SNAGGED LAST NIGHT KISSED LIKE AN ANGEL, FUCKED LIKE A POSSESSED DEMON AND COULD SUCK THE CHROME OFF A TOW BAR, UNFORTUNATELY HOWEVER SHE IS AS UGLY AS A PIG! THE CLOWNS AT LAMBORGHINI WHO HAVE ALSO DESIGNED A FOUR DOOR SUPER CAR ARE ALSO CRACK ADDICTS THAT HAVE DESIGNED THE UGLIEST SUPER SALOON TO DATE. IT IS UGLY BEYOND THE UGLINESS OF THE PORSCHE, IT IS TACKY WITH ITS SILLY ARSE “JET FIGHTER” SWITCH GEAR CONTROLS IN THE CAB. LISTEN,, IF YOU WANT JET FIGHTER CONTROLS, FUCKING BUY A JET FIGHTER! IT ISNT A JET FIGHTER SO WHY GO KITSCH WITH JET FIGHTER-ESQUE WINDOW WINDING BUTTONS? WHY DO THEY DO THIS? SIMPLE, TO DETRACT ATTENTION FROM THE OVERALL STUPIDNESS OF THE CAR BY HAVING GIMMICKS THAT WILL ENTHRALL DIM WITTED HUMANS. I PICTURE THE SCENE AS THUS. THE OWNER SITS IN THE DRIVERS SEAT AND TELLS HIS FRIEND, “LOOK, THIS BUTTON LOOKS JUST LIKE THE FIRE CONTROL BUTTON IN A F16 FIGHTER”. OH YES, REALLY? WHEN LAST WERE YOU IN THE COCKPIT OF A F16 YOU DUNCE? HOW SMALL THE HUMAN MIND IS!
PORSCHE ARE LOSING THE BALL. WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE WAS DESIGN A TOTALLY NEW SHAPE AND LEFT THE 911 OUT OF THE PICTURE, THEN MAYBE THEY WOULD HAVE HAD A CAR THAT WOULD NOT LOOK RETARDED. WAIT. WAIT, THEY DO AND HAVE DONE THAT, IT IS CALLED THE CAYENNE. WHAT PORSCHE ARE DOING IS SIMPLY STUPID. THE ONLY SUPERCAR MANUFACTURER THAT HAVE PERFECTED THE 4 DOOR SALOON ARE MASERATI WITH THEIR QUATTRO PORTE. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND COMPETENT THAT WHEN I SEE ONE I AM LEFT WITH A BIG RUBBERY ONE IN MY PANTS.
PORSCHE, LAMBORGHINI SIS ON YOU FOR SULLYING YOUR HERITAGE AND BOWING TO SILLY SUPPOSED MARKET RESEARCH. KEEP SPORTSCARS AS SPORTSCARS. I WONDER WHEN PAGANI ZONDA AND KOENNIGGSEGG ARE GOING TO MAKE A FOUR DOOR DERIVATIVE OF THEIR SPORTSCARS? NEVER, IN MY MIND.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
SPORTSCAR
DO WE REALLY NEED THEM?
EVER SINCE THE CAR WAS INVENTED MAN HAS ENDEAVOURED TO CHANGE THE DESIGN AND INCREASE THE USES OF THE AUTOMOBILE TO SUIT THE EVER INCREASING NEEDS OF PEOPLE. THIS IS, AS THE CUSTOMERS NEEDS CHANGED , SO HIS CAR HAD TO KEEP UP WITH THOSE NEEDS. THIS THEN WAS THE DRAFT BY WHICH THE AUTO INDUSTRY WORKED FROM.
THE FIRST MOTORISED THING WAS BASICALLY A HORSELESS BUGGY THAT WAS POWERED BY SOMETHING REMINISCENT OF AN ENGINE THAT HAD AWESOME PERFORMANCE! A ZERO TO 100 KM/H IN AROUND 10 YEARS. THAT WAS HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR THE TECHNOLOGY TO ALLOW A MOTORISED CONTRAPTION TO REACH 100KM/H. ONCE POPULAR, THE CAR WAS BETTERED MILLION FOLD IN A FEW MERE YEARS. CARS WERE ENCLOSED AND PROVIDED THE OCCUPANTS WITH RESPITE FROM THE ELEMENTS SO THAT THE CAR COULD BE USED IN SHITTY WEATHER. EARLY CARS WERE SUNNY WARM DAY DRIVING AFFAIRS ONLY. IT WOULDNT BE LONG BEFORE VEHICLES WITH REAL WORLD LOAD ABILITY WERE NEEDED BY CORN FARMERS IN THE RURAL MIDWEST AMERICA. THE BAKKIE “TRUCK” WAS BORN AND HILLBILLIES WERE GIVEN FREEDOM TO ROAM UNCHECKED FROM COUNTY TO COUNTY. THE FAMILY CAR WAS CHANGING TOO. MORE POWERFUL, EXTRAVAGANT AND UNSAFE. IN AMERICA THE SEATBELT WAS AN AMUSEMENT AND ONLY LIKELY TO BE USED TO HOG TIE A WOMAN DOWN AT THE DRIVE IN BEFORE BILLY BOB WAS CONCEIVED. TIME MARCHED ON AND SOME ARSE HOLE THOUGHT HE HAD AN EPIPHANY AND INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO HIS ABOMINATION CALLED THE “STATION WAGON”!. WHAT THE WORLD DIDNT NEED WAS A STATION WAGON AND IT STILL DOESNT.
THIS NOW IS WHERE THE TITLE OF THIS PIECE COMES TO BEAR. WHEN THE CAR WAS MADE THERE WERE TWO BASIC MODELS, THE SPORTSCAR AND THE SALOON CAR AND THATS THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE STAYED, END OF STORY. HOWEVER THE POWERS THAT BE BELEIVED THEY FOUND A NICHE MARKET THAT SEEMINGLY REQUIRED A SALOON WITH THE BOOT LID NULLIFIED AND A BARN DOOR ADDED IN ITS PLACE, LATER STILL THE MANUFACTURERS DECIDED TO PUT MONSTER ENGINES IN THESE UGLY HEARSE LIKE SLABS. WHY PUT IN A FIRE BREATHING M5 ENGINE INTO AN ESTATE CAR? STRANGELY THE MANUFACTURERS THOUGHT THAT BY CHANGING THE MONIKER STATION WAGON TO ESTATE WOULD MAKE THE CAR SOUND MORE APPEALING. IT FUCKING DOESNT!! IT STILL IS A STATION WAGON. WHY DO YOU WANT A MOTOR THAT IS BASICALLY A HIGH PERFORMANCE LUMP THAT CAN PROPEL YOU FROM STANDSTILL TO 100KM/H IN 6 SECONDS FLAT IN A STATION WAGON? I HAVE VISIONS OF MOMS DRIVING THE KIDDY WINKLES TO SCHOOL AT 240KM/H, IF THE KIDS ARE GOING TO BE LATE THEN THE M5 ESTATE /RS 6 ESTATE/ CHRYSLER 300C ESTATE/ MERCEDES E55 AMG ESTATE ETC WONT HELP YOU GO BACK IN TIME. FOR THAT YOU WILL NEED MARTY MC FLY, 1.21JIGGAWATTS AND A DE LOREAN. ARRIVING OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL WITH YOUR KIDS PINNED TO THE WINDSCREEN SCREAMING IN TERROR IS NOT THE KIND OF PUBLICITY YOU WANT TO PORTRAY AS A CARING RESPONSIBLE PARENT. THIS THEN IS THE SAME FOR SPORTSCARS. IF IT WAS DESIGNED AND BUILT AS A SPORTSCAR LEAVE IT ALONE, LET IT BE WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE. FOR THE LOVE OF PEANUT BUTTER DONT TAKE AN EXISTING ICONIC SHAPE AND TRY AND STRETCH IT FROM TWO TO FOUR DOORS. POINT IN CASE THE ABOMINATION THAT IS THE PORSCHE PANAMERA. IT IS FUCKING UGLY! IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS STRETCHED ON PHOTO SHOP. I DONT CARE THAT THE CAR TESTERS SAY IT IS SUBLIME TO DRIVE AND HAS A GOD LIKE INTERIOR WITH AN EXHAUST SYMPHONY OF ANGELS ON METH. IT IS HORRID TO BEHOLD. ITS AKIN TO SAYING THAT THE WOMAN YOU SNAGGED LAST NIGHT KISSED LIKE AN ANGEL, FUCKED LIKE A POSSESSED DEMON AND COULD SUCK THE CHROME OFF A TOW BAR, UNFORTUNATELY HOWEVER SHE IS AS UGLY AS A PIG! THE CLOWNS AT LAMBORGHINI WHO HAVE ALSO DESIGNED A FOUR DOOR SUPER CAR ARE ALSO CRACK ADDICTS THAT HAVE DESIGNED THE UGLIEST SUPER SALOON TO DATE. IT IS UGLY BEYOND THE UGLINESS OF THE PORSCHE, IT IS TACKY WITH ITS SILLY ARSE “JET FIGHTER” SWITCH GEAR CONTROLS IN THE CAB. LISTEN,, IF YOU WANT JET FIGHTER CONTROLS, FUCKING BUY A JET FIGHTER! IT ISNT A JET FIGHTER SO WHY GO KITSCH WITH JET FIGHTER-ESQUE WINDOW WINDING BUTTONS? WHY DO THEY DO THIS? SIMPLE, TO DETRACT ATTENTION FROM THE OVERALL STUPIDNESS OF THE CAR BY HAVING GIMMICKS THAT WILL ENTHRALL DIM WITTED HUMANS. I PICTURE THE SCENE AS THUS. THE OWNER SITS IN THE DRIVERS SEAT AND TELLS HIS FRIEND, “LOOK, THIS BUTTON LOOKS JUST LIKE THE FIRE CONTROL BUTTON IN A F16 FIGHTER”. OH YES, REALLY? WHEN LAST WERE YOU IN THE COCKPIT OF A F16 YOU DUNCE? HOW SMALL THE HUMAN MIND IS!
PORSCHE ARE LOSING THE BALL. WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE WAS DESIGN A TOTALLY NEW SHAPE AND LEFT THE 911 OUT OF THE PICTURE, THEN MAYBE THEY WOULD HAVE HAD A CAR THAT WOULD NOT LOOK RETARDED. WAIT. WAIT, THEY DO AND HAVE DONE THAT, IT IS CALLED THE CAYENNE. WHAT PORSCHE ARE DOING IS SIMPLY STUPID. THE ONLY SUPERCAR MANUFACTURER THAT HAVE PERFECTED THE 4 DOOR SALOON ARE MASERATI WITH THEIR QUATTRO PORTE. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND COMPETENT THAT WHEN I SEE ONE I AM LEFT WITH A BIG RUBBERY ONE IN MY PANTS.
PORSCHE, LAMBORGHINI SIS ON YOU FOR SULLYING YOUR HERITAGE AND BOWING TO SILLY SUPPOSED MARKET RESEARCH. KEEP SPORTSCARS AS SPORTSCARS. I WONDER WHEN PAGANI ZONDA AND KOENNIGGSEGG ARE GOING TO MAKE A FOUR DOOR DERIVATIVE OF THEIR SPORTSCARS? NEVER, IN MY MIND.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 http://michaelbdasilva.blogspot.com
Friday, July 3, 2009
SOUTH AFRICAN BREWERIES
WHY IS MY BEER TASTING LIKE SHIT?
FOR ATTENTION: QUALITY CONTROL AND WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR CUSTOMER CARE AT SAB MILLER SOUTH AFRICA
FROM: A SERIOUSLY DISGRUNTLED CONSUMER.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
I HAVE STARTED TO NOTICE A TREND IN THE QUALITY OF YOUR BEER. WITHIN A SIX PACK OF BLACK LABEL CANS THAT HAVE THE BLACK TABS I HAVE HAD AT LEAST TWO BEERS THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT! IT HAS AN OFF ALMOST CIDERY SWEET TASTE. I THINK OF MYSELF AS A PERSON WITH PRETTY GOOD TASTE BUDS AND THE OFFENDING TASTE OF BAD BEER JUST MAKES MY TOE NAILS CURL. THIS OFF TASTE ONLY MANIFESTS ITSELF IN THE BLACK TAB BLACK LABEL CANS. IT IS NOT A CASE OF THE WHOLE SIX PACK IS WAY PAST ITS SELL BY DATE AND THE BOTTLE STORE IS MIXING OLD AND NEW STOCK. 4 OF THE 6 WILL BE “LEKKKERR” AND THE OTHER TWO HORRID. ITS LIKE CHATTING UP A BEAUTIFUL CHICK AND GETTING HER HOME JUST TO FIND “SHE” HAS A DICK! UNACCEPTABLE. THERE ARE BOTTLE STORES THAT DO MIX OLD AND NEW STOCK SUCH AS THE STORE IN BELLAVISTA ROAD BELLAVISTA JOHANNESBURG SOUTH, JUST OPPOSITE THE BUILDING THAT LOOKS AS IF THE SERB ARMY HAS JUST WAGED THROUGH. ANOTHER IS THE BOTTLE STORE IN THE SOUTHDALE SHOPPING CENTRE. I DONT UTILISE THESE SHIT HOLES ANYMORE. I DONT APPRECIATE BUYING A DOZEN BEERS AND TAKING HOME A FAMILY OF COCKROACHES IN THE SHRINK WRAP ASWELL! THE STORE I USE IS THE TOPS BOTTLE STORE IN MEYERSDAL MALL. IT IS AN EXCELLENT STORE AND IMPECCABLY MAINTAINED. HOWEVER THE FROT BEER SYNDROME PERSISTS!!! DUDES WHAT GIVES? I FIND IT BULLSHIT THAT I MUST BASICALLY CHUCK AWAY 8 BEERS FOR EVERY 24 PURCHASED! PLEASE EXPLAIN THE “MECHANICS” INVOLVED AND WHY MY FAVOURITE BEER IS TASTING LIKE DREK? IS IT A CUNNING PLOT TO STOP YOUR CUSTOMERS FROM PURCHASING YOUR PRODUCTS? IF IT IS, YOU ARE SUCCEEDING. I LIKE BUYING THE 330 ML CANS AS THEY PACK EASILY INTO MY BAR FRIDGE AND ARE EASILY DISPOSED OF WITHOUT BROKEN GLASS ALL OVER THE PLACE IF YOU HAPPEN TO DROP ONE. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE HOPS FIX THIS ABOMINATION BEFORE I AM DRIVEN TO EXTREMES AND STOP DRINKING BEER ALTOGETHER!
NOW YOU DUDES GET SOME CHICKY DOO TO CALL ME AND SAY THAT YOU WOULD LET ME KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEMO WAS AND I AM STILL WAITING! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SWITCH TO SOME OTHER BRAND THAT YOU LOT DONT MONOPOLISE. I REALLY DESPISE KAK BEER! HOWEVER I DONT DESPISE IT MORE THAN EMPTY PROMISES.
THANK YOU
MICHAEL B DA SILVA . . . . . . .
FOR ATTENTION: QUALITY CONTROL AND WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR CUSTOMER CARE AT SAB MILLER SOUTH AFRICA
FROM: A SERIOUSLY DISGRUNTLED CONSUMER.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
I HAVE STARTED TO NOTICE A TREND IN THE QUALITY OF YOUR BEER. WITHIN A SIX PACK OF BLACK LABEL CANS THAT HAVE THE BLACK TABS I HAVE HAD AT LEAST TWO BEERS THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT! IT HAS AN OFF ALMOST CIDERY SWEET TASTE. I THINK OF MYSELF AS A PERSON WITH PRETTY GOOD TASTE BUDS AND THE OFFENDING TASTE OF BAD BEER JUST MAKES MY TOE NAILS CURL. THIS OFF TASTE ONLY MANIFESTS ITSELF IN THE BLACK TAB BLACK LABEL CANS. IT IS NOT A CASE OF THE WHOLE SIX PACK IS WAY PAST ITS SELL BY DATE AND THE BOTTLE STORE IS MIXING OLD AND NEW STOCK. 4 OF THE 6 WILL BE “LEKKKERR” AND THE OTHER TWO HORRID. ITS LIKE CHATTING UP A BEAUTIFUL CHICK AND GETTING HER HOME JUST TO FIND “SHE” HAS A DICK! UNACCEPTABLE. THERE ARE BOTTLE STORES THAT DO MIX OLD AND NEW STOCK SUCH AS THE STORE IN BELLAVISTA ROAD BELLAVISTA JOHANNESBURG SOUTH, JUST OPPOSITE THE BUILDING THAT LOOKS AS IF THE SERB ARMY HAS JUST WAGED THROUGH. ANOTHER IS THE BOTTLE STORE IN THE SOUTHDALE SHOPPING CENTRE. I DONT UTILISE THESE SHIT HOLES ANYMORE. I DONT APPRECIATE BUYING A DOZEN BEERS AND TAKING HOME A FAMILY OF COCKROACHES IN THE SHRINK WRAP ASWELL! THE STORE I USE IS THE TOPS BOTTLE STORE IN MEYERSDAL MALL. IT IS AN EXCELLENT STORE AND IMPECCABLY MAINTAINED. HOWEVER THE FROT BEER SYNDROME PERSISTS!!! DUDES WHAT GIVES? I FIND IT BULLSHIT THAT I MUST BASICALLY CHUCK AWAY 8 BEERS FOR EVERY 24 PURCHASED! PLEASE EXPLAIN THE “MECHANICS” INVOLVED AND WHY MY FAVOURITE BEER IS TASTING LIKE DREK? IS IT A CUNNING PLOT TO STOP YOUR CUSTOMERS FROM PURCHASING YOUR PRODUCTS? IF IT IS, YOU ARE SUCCEEDING. I LIKE BUYING THE 330 ML CANS AS THEY PACK EASILY INTO MY BAR FRIDGE AND ARE EASILY DISPOSED OF WITHOUT BROKEN GLASS ALL OVER THE PLACE IF YOU HAPPEN TO DROP ONE. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE HOPS FIX THIS ABOMINATION BEFORE I AM DRIVEN TO EXTREMES AND STOP DRINKING BEER ALTOGETHER!
NOW YOU DUDES GET SOME CHICKY DOO TO CALL ME AND SAY THAT YOU WOULD LET ME KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEMO WAS AND I AM STILL WAITING! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SWITCH TO SOME OTHER BRAND THAT YOU LOT DONT MONOPOLISE. I REALLY DESPISE KAK BEER! HOWEVER I DONT DESPISE IT MORE THAN EMPTY PROMISES.
THANK YOU
MICHAEL B DA SILVA . . . . . . .
WHAT GIVES DUDES????
IT IS HORRIFIC, THIS THING THAT HAS BECOME GQ CARS... DUDES,, WHAT GIVES?
AFTER A LONG WAIT AT THE NEWS AGENTS, I FINALLY GOT HOLD OF GQ CARS NOW SOLD PART AND PARCEL WITH GQ. COOL,,? I SUPPOSE ITS ALL ABOUT SAVING MONEY OR SOMETHING?
DUDES, WHAT GIVES? ??
FIRSTLY, LET ME IF I MAY TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY BACK IN TIME TO VOLUME 1 OF GQ CARS MEASURING 21 CM BY 29.5 CM BY7MM THICK AND 136 PAGES IN TOTAL, FULL OF WONDEROUS ARTICLES AND GLOSSY PICTURES AND A MAJORLY COOL QUIZ. LIFE WAS SWEET FOR MOTORING FANATICS, FINALLY A KICK ASS MAG.
HOWEVER SHANGRILAH WASNT LONG LIVED THOUGH, THE QUIZ WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE BY VOLUME 6 NEVER TO BE SEEN ALIVE AGAIN!SHIT WE DIDNT EVEN GET A RANSOM CALL OR RECEIVE A PROOF OF LIFE! THE QUIZ, I FEAR IS IN THE SAME LOCATION AS JIMMY HOFFA! THEN BY VOLUME 8 THE HOLY GRAIL OF MOTORING MAGAZINES WENT ON THE ATKINS DIET, SHEDDING WEIGHT QUICKER THAN THE OLSEN TWINS. BY NOW THE MAGAZINE WAS MEASURING 27.5 CM BY21 CM BY 5MM THICK AT 120 PAGES IN TOTAL.. GRANTED IT WAS DARE I SAY CUTER, STILL MANAGING GREAT AND INFORMATIVE ARTICLES, AMONG THE BEST IS STILL THE PIECE ABOUT LAPO ELKANN WHO ARMED WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL SNORTED ALL FIATS PROFITS AWAY AND ENDED UP IN ALL KINDS OF EMBARRESING SITUATIONS INVOLVING AMONGST OTHERS BEING FOUND IN A TRANSVESTITE PROSTITUTES HOME IN A COMATOSE WAY SEMI NUDE SURROUNDED BY HIS GRAND PA`S OLD CLOTHES. THEN ONTO, I THINK VOLUME 11. ( NOWHERE ON THE COVER DOES IT SAY WHAT IT IS). THE ATKINS DIET THAT GQ MAGAZINE WAS ON HAS NOW DEGENERATED INTO FULL BLOWN UNCONTROLLED AUTOMOTIVE ANOREXIA NERVOSA!!!!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF TRUFFLES AND NATIVITY SCENES PLEASE FEED IT BEFORE IT WASTES AWAY TO THE SOUNDS OF THE CARPENTERS! IT NOW MEASURES 21 CM BY27.6 CM BY4MM THICK. 72 PAGES??
VOLUME 10 STILL MANAGED A VERY RESPECTFUL 120 PAGES OF GLOSSYNESS. SHIT, VOLUME 3 HAD 128 COOL PAGES. VOLUME 8 ON DIET ALREADY STILL HAD 120 CARB LOADED PAGES! SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT GQ IN THE LAST MONTHS? YOU MAKE US SWEAT IT OUT FOR A QUARTER AND THEN GIVE US LETTUCE LEAVES! WHAT GIVES DUDES??? PLEASE SUPPLEMENT YOUR MOTORING DIETS BEFORE YOU WASTE AWAY LIKE THE AFOREMENTIONED KAREN CARPENTER. I AM A PERSISTANT MAN AND I ONCE AGAIN WAITED FOR THE NEXT “ISSUE” OF GQ CARS IN THE GQ MAG WITH THE BLURB ON THE THE COVER PROFESSING “GQ GOES TO HOLLYWOOD”
THIS ABOMINATION IS BY FAR THE PREVERBIAL STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK! THE ISSUE THAT BROKE MY BALLS. I JUST CANT HANDLE DRIVEL OF THAT MAGNITUDE, ITS SIMPLY HORROR ON AN ENORMOUS SCALE. GLOSSY FILTER HAPPY PHOTOGRAPHERS CHURNING OUT AD AFTER SICKENING AD, PAGE AFTER BORING PAGE IS STARTING TO EMBED EVIL WICKED THOUGHTS IN MY ALREADY TWISTED PSYCHE . THE GQ CARS PART OF THE MAG HAS NOW BEEN DECLARED DECEASED DUE TO MASSIVE MALNUTRITION ON A BIBLICAL GALACTIC LEVEL. ALAS THERE IS NO MORE TO LIVE FOR .WHAT IS BEING DONE TO US READERS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF AUTOMOTIVE JOURNALISTIC GENOCIDE BY STARVATION OF THE SENSES BY CRUEL EVIL PEOPLE WITHIN YOUR ORGANISATION, WHO ARE SURREPTITIOUSLY BANKROLLING THE MILITARY WING OF THE SALVATION ARMY WITH THE MONIES GARNERED FROM GQ CARS SALES! I HAVE THE PROOF .
GIVE US CAKE MAN!!!! FEED US! WE ARE HUNGRY ! PLEASE SIR, MAY I HAVE MORE?
I WILL BUY THE NEXT ISSUE, OH ,, OH, AND I TRUST IT WILL BE “MEATIER”. WILL IT NOT? HMMM?
HUNGRY READINGLY YOURS:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA johannesburg
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
po box 620
glenvista
AFTER A LONG WAIT AT THE NEWS AGENTS, I FINALLY GOT HOLD OF GQ CARS NOW SOLD PART AND PARCEL WITH GQ. COOL,,? I SUPPOSE ITS ALL ABOUT SAVING MONEY OR SOMETHING?
DUDES, WHAT GIVES? ??
FIRSTLY, LET ME IF I MAY TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY BACK IN TIME TO VOLUME 1 OF GQ CARS MEASURING 21 CM BY 29.5 CM BY7MM THICK AND 136 PAGES IN TOTAL, FULL OF WONDEROUS ARTICLES AND GLOSSY PICTURES AND A MAJORLY COOL QUIZ. LIFE WAS SWEET FOR MOTORING FANATICS, FINALLY A KICK ASS MAG.
HOWEVER SHANGRILAH WASNT LONG LIVED THOUGH, THE QUIZ WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE BY VOLUME 6 NEVER TO BE SEEN ALIVE AGAIN!SHIT WE DIDNT EVEN GET A RANSOM CALL OR RECEIVE A PROOF OF LIFE! THE QUIZ, I FEAR IS IN THE SAME LOCATION AS JIMMY HOFFA! THEN BY VOLUME 8 THE HOLY GRAIL OF MOTORING MAGAZINES WENT ON THE ATKINS DIET, SHEDDING WEIGHT QUICKER THAN THE OLSEN TWINS. BY NOW THE MAGAZINE WAS MEASURING 27.5 CM BY21 CM BY 5MM THICK AT 120 PAGES IN TOTAL.. GRANTED IT WAS DARE I SAY CUTER, STILL MANAGING GREAT AND INFORMATIVE ARTICLES, AMONG THE BEST IS STILL THE PIECE ABOUT LAPO ELKANN WHO ARMED WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL SNORTED ALL FIATS PROFITS AWAY AND ENDED UP IN ALL KINDS OF EMBARRESING SITUATIONS INVOLVING AMONGST OTHERS BEING FOUND IN A TRANSVESTITE PROSTITUTES HOME IN A COMATOSE WAY SEMI NUDE SURROUNDED BY HIS GRAND PA`S OLD CLOTHES. THEN ONTO, I THINK VOLUME 11. ( NOWHERE ON THE COVER DOES IT SAY WHAT IT IS). THE ATKINS DIET THAT GQ MAGAZINE WAS ON HAS NOW DEGENERATED INTO FULL BLOWN UNCONTROLLED AUTOMOTIVE ANOREXIA NERVOSA!!!!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF TRUFFLES AND NATIVITY SCENES PLEASE FEED IT BEFORE IT WASTES AWAY TO THE SOUNDS OF THE CARPENTERS! IT NOW MEASURES 21 CM BY27.6 CM BY4MM THICK. 72 PAGES??
VOLUME 10 STILL MANAGED A VERY RESPECTFUL 120 PAGES OF GLOSSYNESS. SHIT, VOLUME 3 HAD 128 COOL PAGES. VOLUME 8 ON DIET ALREADY STILL HAD 120 CARB LOADED PAGES! SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT GQ IN THE LAST MONTHS? YOU MAKE US SWEAT IT OUT FOR A QUARTER AND THEN GIVE US LETTUCE LEAVES! WHAT GIVES DUDES??? PLEASE SUPPLEMENT YOUR MOTORING DIETS BEFORE YOU WASTE AWAY LIKE THE AFOREMENTIONED KAREN CARPENTER. I AM A PERSISTANT MAN AND I ONCE AGAIN WAITED FOR THE NEXT “ISSUE” OF GQ CARS IN THE GQ MAG WITH THE BLURB ON THE THE COVER PROFESSING “GQ GOES TO HOLLYWOOD”
THIS ABOMINATION IS BY FAR THE PREVERBIAL STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK! THE ISSUE THAT BROKE MY BALLS. I JUST CANT HANDLE DRIVEL OF THAT MAGNITUDE, ITS SIMPLY HORROR ON AN ENORMOUS SCALE. GLOSSY FILTER HAPPY PHOTOGRAPHERS CHURNING OUT AD AFTER SICKENING AD, PAGE AFTER BORING PAGE IS STARTING TO EMBED EVIL WICKED THOUGHTS IN MY ALREADY TWISTED PSYCHE . THE GQ CARS PART OF THE MAG HAS NOW BEEN DECLARED DECEASED DUE TO MASSIVE MALNUTRITION ON A BIBLICAL GALACTIC LEVEL. ALAS THERE IS NO MORE TO LIVE FOR .WHAT IS BEING DONE TO US READERS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF AUTOMOTIVE JOURNALISTIC GENOCIDE BY STARVATION OF THE SENSES BY CRUEL EVIL PEOPLE WITHIN YOUR ORGANISATION, WHO ARE SURREPTITIOUSLY BANKROLLING THE MILITARY WING OF THE SALVATION ARMY WITH THE MONIES GARNERED FROM GQ CARS SALES! I HAVE THE PROOF .
GIVE US CAKE MAN!!!! FEED US! WE ARE HUNGRY ! PLEASE SIR, MAY I HAVE MORE?
I WILL BUY THE NEXT ISSUE, OH ,, OH, AND I TRUST IT WILL BE “MEATIER”. WILL IT NOT? HMMM?
HUNGRY READINGLY YOURS:
MICHAEL B DA SILVA johannesburg
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
po box 620
glenvista
FOR ATTENTION::: THE BIG BOSS IN THE A1GP TEAM SOUTH AFRICA CIRCUS.
FROM:::: A VERY DISGRUNTLED MOTORSPORT FAN BY THE NAME OF MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PLEASE, I EMPLORE YOU TO TAKE A LONG SERIOUS LOOK AT THE SOUTH AFRICAN TEAM! FROM THE “TEAM MANAGER” DOWN TO THE “SUPPOSED DRIVER”.
TELL ME PLEASE LIKE I AM AN OUTSIDER THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT CARS, RACING, DRIVER TALENT AND NATIONALITY, WHAT GIVES THE EMPLOYEES WITHIN THE TEAM ANY RIGHT TO ACTUALLY BE THERE? FROM WATCHING I THINK THAT EVERYONE WAS SIMPLY HIRED BECAUSE THEY WERE THE CHEAPEST CHARACTERS THAT HAD APPLIED FOR THE JOB. I MUST CLEAR ONE THING UP. I AM A FAN OF THE A1 GP SERIES, ITS GREAT. I HAVE ON MANY OCCASSIONS DEFENDED THE SERIES IN CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO DITZ A1 GP AS A JOKE. I ALWAYS SAY THAT WHAT A1 IS DOING IS PROVIDING BONA FIDE ACROSS THE BOARD EQUAL COMPETITION. IT IS ALSO A POSSIBLE SPRING BOARD TO F1. THE BONUS PART IS THAT YOU DUDES ARE ALL POWERED BY FERRARI. YES I AM A “TO THE DEATH TIFOSI” . TEAM SOUTH AFRICA THEN ROLLS OUT WITH “VULINDLELA” AND A TEAM MANAGER THAT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT COULD MANAGE TO RUN A CHICKEN LICKEN FAST FOOD OUTLET. HE HAS ZERO CHARACTER WHEN BEING INTERVIEWED AND SEEMS CLUELESS ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND HIM. THE PIT CREW WITH THEIR OH SO FASHIONABLE BOARD SHORTS AND SERIOUS LACK OF PIT TEAM WORK HAMPER THE TEAM DURING PIT STOPS. THE DRIVER YOU HAVE EMPLOYED IS LESS THAN SPECTACULAR TO SAY THE LEAST. HE IS SWISS, HE IS NOT SOUTH AFRICAN! HE MAY HAVE A MOM THAT LIVES SOMEWHERE IN THE WESTERN CAPE BUT HE LIVES AND WAS EDUCATED IN SWITZERLAND. CAN HE ACTUALLY SPEAK ANY OF HIS MOTHER TONGUE? YOU KNOW THAT IS AFRIKAANS. I BET MY BOTTOM DOLLAR ON IT THAT HE CANNOT. YOU GUYS HIRED HIM STRICTLY BECAUSE HIS DAD HAD A CHILD WITH A SOUTH AFRICAN. WHY WASNT HE BROUGHT UP HERE AS OPPOSED TO OVER THERE? HE JUST IS NOT SOUTH AFRICAN. HE IS SWISS! WE HAVE A PLETHORA OF OUTSTANDING “”SOUTH AFRICAN”” DRIVERS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN USED. FOR EXAMPLE. THE SCHECKTER BOY, OR MAYBE A GENUINELY GOOD DRIVER ,GARY FORMATO, OR MAYBE A CHAMPION IN HIS OWN RIGHT NAMED GENIEL DE VILLIERS. WHAT ABOUT A “GENUINE” SOUTH AFRICAN DRIVER, GUGU ZULU? I HAVE HEARD A VICIOUS RUMOUR THAT HE CAN DRIVE WELL! I AM SURE THERE MAY EVEN BE SOME HOME GROWN WOMAN WHO CAN RACE WITH THE BEST. YOUR TEAM NEEDS A SERIOUS ARSE KICKING SESSION AND LETTERS OF TERMINATION ISSUED. HIRE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE KNOW AND HAVE DRIVE AND AMBITION. THE CAR IS ONE PART, THE DRIVER IS ANOTHER PART, THE PIT CREW IS YET ANOTHER PART AND THE MANAGEMENT IS VITAL TO SUCCESS. ALL THE PARTS NEED TO WORK IN SYNCH TO WIN RACES AND ULTIMATELY THE CHAMPIONSHIP. PLEASE FOR THE PRIDE OF OUR NATION, START “YOUR” ENGINE! TILL THEN I RECCOMMEND YOU CHANGE THE NAME OF VULINDLELA TO “SKORRO SKORRO” OR “MAMPARA”.DONT COMPROMISE TEAM SOUTH AFRICA`S CHANCES BY RETAINING DUNCES WITHIN THE TEAM, PLEASE I EMPLORE YOU!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA0789489847 0114328331 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
FROM:::: A VERY DISGRUNTLED MOTORSPORT FAN BY THE NAME OF MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PLEASE, I EMPLORE YOU TO TAKE A LONG SERIOUS LOOK AT THE SOUTH AFRICAN TEAM! FROM THE “TEAM MANAGER” DOWN TO THE “SUPPOSED DRIVER”.
TELL ME PLEASE LIKE I AM AN OUTSIDER THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT CARS, RACING, DRIVER TALENT AND NATIONALITY, WHAT GIVES THE EMPLOYEES WITHIN THE TEAM ANY RIGHT TO ACTUALLY BE THERE? FROM WATCHING I THINK THAT EVERYONE WAS SIMPLY HIRED BECAUSE THEY WERE THE CHEAPEST CHARACTERS THAT HAD APPLIED FOR THE JOB. I MUST CLEAR ONE THING UP. I AM A FAN OF THE A1 GP SERIES, ITS GREAT. I HAVE ON MANY OCCASSIONS DEFENDED THE SERIES IN CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO DITZ A1 GP AS A JOKE. I ALWAYS SAY THAT WHAT A1 IS DOING IS PROVIDING BONA FIDE ACROSS THE BOARD EQUAL COMPETITION. IT IS ALSO A POSSIBLE SPRING BOARD TO F1. THE BONUS PART IS THAT YOU DUDES ARE ALL POWERED BY FERRARI. YES I AM A “TO THE DEATH TIFOSI” . TEAM SOUTH AFRICA THEN ROLLS OUT WITH “VULINDLELA” AND A TEAM MANAGER THAT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT COULD MANAGE TO RUN A CHICKEN LICKEN FAST FOOD OUTLET. HE HAS ZERO CHARACTER WHEN BEING INTERVIEWED AND SEEMS CLUELESS ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND HIM. THE PIT CREW WITH THEIR OH SO FASHIONABLE BOARD SHORTS AND SERIOUS LACK OF PIT TEAM WORK HAMPER THE TEAM DURING PIT STOPS. THE DRIVER YOU HAVE EMPLOYED IS LESS THAN SPECTACULAR TO SAY THE LEAST. HE IS SWISS, HE IS NOT SOUTH AFRICAN! HE MAY HAVE A MOM THAT LIVES SOMEWHERE IN THE WESTERN CAPE BUT HE LIVES AND WAS EDUCATED IN SWITZERLAND. CAN HE ACTUALLY SPEAK ANY OF HIS MOTHER TONGUE? YOU KNOW THAT IS AFRIKAANS. I BET MY BOTTOM DOLLAR ON IT THAT HE CANNOT. YOU GUYS HIRED HIM STRICTLY BECAUSE HIS DAD HAD A CHILD WITH A SOUTH AFRICAN. WHY WASNT HE BROUGHT UP HERE AS OPPOSED TO OVER THERE? HE JUST IS NOT SOUTH AFRICAN. HE IS SWISS! WE HAVE A PLETHORA OF OUTSTANDING “”SOUTH AFRICAN”” DRIVERS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN USED. FOR EXAMPLE. THE SCHECKTER BOY, OR MAYBE A GENUINELY GOOD DRIVER ,GARY FORMATO, OR MAYBE A CHAMPION IN HIS OWN RIGHT NAMED GENIEL DE VILLIERS. WHAT ABOUT A “GENUINE” SOUTH AFRICAN DRIVER, GUGU ZULU? I HAVE HEARD A VICIOUS RUMOUR THAT HE CAN DRIVE WELL! I AM SURE THERE MAY EVEN BE SOME HOME GROWN WOMAN WHO CAN RACE WITH THE BEST. YOUR TEAM NEEDS A SERIOUS ARSE KICKING SESSION AND LETTERS OF TERMINATION ISSUED. HIRE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE KNOW AND HAVE DRIVE AND AMBITION. THE CAR IS ONE PART, THE DRIVER IS ANOTHER PART, THE PIT CREW IS YET ANOTHER PART AND THE MANAGEMENT IS VITAL TO SUCCESS. ALL THE PARTS NEED TO WORK IN SYNCH TO WIN RACES AND ULTIMATELY THE CHAMPIONSHIP. PLEASE FOR THE PRIDE OF OUR NATION, START “YOUR” ENGINE! TILL THEN I RECCOMMEND YOU CHANGE THE NAME OF VULINDLELA TO “SKORRO SKORRO” OR “MAMPARA”.DONT COMPROMISE TEAM SOUTH AFRICA`S CHANCES BY RETAINING DUNCES WITHIN THE TEAM, PLEASE I EMPLORE YOU!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA0789489847 0114328331 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
19/3/2007 - WHAT WAS THE VATICAN THINKING?
Posted in CODEX
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
a while back the sanctimonius pompous arse holes within the vatican launched a scathing attack on the dakar race. it was certainly a surprise for the vatican hacks to label the rally as a ruthless evil. a column was written in the auto trader supplement of a local paper where the author gave the vatican a piece of his mind.
in support i wrote a letter which was published albeit heavily edited.
it is silly for the vatican to have attacked a sporting event because there have been fatalaties among the spectators and drivers/ riders.
i had written that it was high time that the sanctimonius liars and frauds when to mind their own business and clean house before embarking on a religious tirade about a motor sports event. hell, lets face it , they could be a tad more vocal about the mindless slaughter of people in say, eritrea, somalia, darfur sudan, iraq, afghanistan etc. however why should they say anything let alone maybe actually get off their golden thrones and actually help these people! what? never, in a million years and 9 crusades. afterall these countries are predominantly muslim and those are afterall the godless heathens they marched out to eradicate during the crusades. i am of The opinion that the vatican and its defacto nazi leader should really concentrate on church stuff and brotherly love and all that jazz.
was their attack on the dakar race a PR attempt at diverting attention away from their skeletons that have been popping out of their proverbial closets lately? i think so.
afterall, they have a horrid track record for their oh so holy ordained priests having an appetite for bonking young boys. its called rape! you sick twisted paedophiles! the vatican doesnt hand over the offending bastards to the authorities, no they "deal with it internally". yes right. they send said kiddy bonkers to africa or south america to some obscure mission as punishment, where they now have a whole horde more targets to abuse.
coming back to pope benedict the xvi, why does he insist on using an alias? he is joseph alois ratzinger. a former nazi soldier. he says he deserted towrds the end of the war, just as a rat does just like the first three letters of his surname! big woof, so did a shit load of other nazi soldiers. it was cool to wear the cool nazi uniform, wear the uber cool jack boots and don the swastica when things were going swimmingly for the nazi`s. however when the shit went the other way, suddenly he deserted, JA, him and everyone else that wanted to avoid a visit to nuremburg after the war! nice try HERR POPE!
now motor sport can be dangerous, and by its very definition it has never tried to be otherwise.
a "race" driver propels his "race" car forward at full tilt to "beat" the "race" drivers he is "competing" against.
nowhere in the motorsports hand book does it say that the race drivers will be driving miss daisy..
it is high time that politics and religion be practiced by their own crowd and take their meddling noses out of motor sport!
i wonder if the PAPAL HAUPTMANN will decree that ice hockey is a barbaric and a ruthlessly evil sport, seeing as there has been fatalaties in that sport aswell? maybe the next sport on the PAPAL HITLIST might be cricket, football, athletics, rugby, golf, cycling or even boxing as there have been fatalaties in all those disciplines too. ( just look at the murder of pakistani cricket coach bob woolmer at the 2007 world cup in jamaica, poor guy was just the coach and gets murdered for his trouble, i believe that its high time that the pakistani`s end their strangle hold on international cricket). while we are at it, maybe the vatican should unilaterally rule that the toilet is an evil device, the dear old crapper has too claimed lives! george11 of great britain died on the shitter on october 25 1760 from aortic dissection, man that must have been one stubborn turd!! later in 1996, american film producer don simpson too lost his life whilst sending a "fax". ELVIS died on or near the white telephone. edmund the 11 of england was unceremoniously stabbed in the bowels whilst turning his morning coil. lupe velez of beverly hills overdosed on secrobarbital, but instead of making her drowsy she got a monumentous case of upset guts and shat herself to death on the porcelain express. catherine the great died of a massive stroke while taking a dump. novelist evelyn waugh died sitting on the throne due to a heart attack after being too pissed and fat to get his fat arse off the bog. lenny bruce bought the farm whilst overdosing on morphine sitting on the toilet.. thus the toilet is an evil device that should be avoided at all costs! i think i shall just crap in my rods,,,,,aahhh,, sweet release. but, i digress.
in conclusion. the vatican are cold hearted money and attention mongers. they lambaste the dakar rally as a ruthless evil! so by association they are branding poor elmer symons and eric aubijoux as ruthless and evil people. imagine what their families must feel, they lose their son/ husband/ brother after being killed during the last dakar race and the strokers at the vatican news paper say things like they did.
my last words to the vatican is, !!!SIS ON YOU!!!!
Posted in CODEX
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
a while back the sanctimonius pompous arse holes within the vatican launched a scathing attack on the dakar race. it was certainly a surprise for the vatican hacks to label the rally as a ruthless evil. a column was written in the auto trader supplement of a local paper where the author gave the vatican a piece of his mind.
in support i wrote a letter which was published albeit heavily edited.
it is silly for the vatican to have attacked a sporting event because there have been fatalaties among the spectators and drivers/ riders.
i had written that it was high time that the sanctimonius liars and frauds when to mind their own business and clean house before embarking on a religious tirade about a motor sports event. hell, lets face it , they could be a tad more vocal about the mindless slaughter of people in say, eritrea, somalia, darfur sudan, iraq, afghanistan etc. however why should they say anything let alone maybe actually get off their golden thrones and actually help these people! what? never, in a million years and 9 crusades. afterall these countries are predominantly muslim and those are afterall the godless heathens they marched out to eradicate during the crusades. i am of The opinion that the vatican and its defacto nazi leader should really concentrate on church stuff and brotherly love and all that jazz.
was their attack on the dakar race a PR attempt at diverting attention away from their skeletons that have been popping out of their proverbial closets lately? i think so.
afterall, they have a horrid track record for their oh so holy ordained priests having an appetite for bonking young boys. its called rape! you sick twisted paedophiles! the vatican doesnt hand over the offending bastards to the authorities, no they "deal with it internally". yes right. they send said kiddy bonkers to africa or south america to some obscure mission as punishment, where they now have a whole horde more targets to abuse.
coming back to pope benedict the xvi, why does he insist on using an alias? he is joseph alois ratzinger. a former nazi soldier. he says he deserted towrds the end of the war, just as a rat does just like the first three letters of his surname! big woof, so did a shit load of other nazi soldiers. it was cool to wear the cool nazi uniform, wear the uber cool jack boots and don the swastica when things were going swimmingly for the nazi`s. however when the shit went the other way, suddenly he deserted, JA, him and everyone else that wanted to avoid a visit to nuremburg after the war! nice try HERR POPE!
now motor sport can be dangerous, and by its very definition it has never tried to be otherwise.
a "race" driver propels his "race" car forward at full tilt to "beat" the "race" drivers he is "competing" against.
nowhere in the motorsports hand book does it say that the race drivers will be driving miss daisy..
it is high time that politics and religion be practiced by their own crowd and take their meddling noses out of motor sport!
i wonder if the PAPAL HAUPTMANN will decree that ice hockey is a barbaric and a ruthlessly evil sport, seeing as there has been fatalaties in that sport aswell? maybe the next sport on the PAPAL HITLIST might be cricket, football, athletics, rugby, golf, cycling or even boxing as there have been fatalaties in all those disciplines too. ( just look at the murder of pakistani cricket coach bob woolmer at the 2007 world cup in jamaica, poor guy was just the coach and gets murdered for his trouble, i believe that its high time that the pakistani`s end their strangle hold on international cricket). while we are at it, maybe the vatican should unilaterally rule that the toilet is an evil device, the dear old crapper has too claimed lives! george11 of great britain died on the shitter on october 25 1760 from aortic dissection, man that must have been one stubborn turd!! later in 1996, american film producer don simpson too lost his life whilst sending a "fax". ELVIS died on or near the white telephone. edmund the 11 of england was unceremoniously stabbed in the bowels whilst turning his morning coil. lupe velez of beverly hills overdosed on secrobarbital, but instead of making her drowsy she got a monumentous case of upset guts and shat herself to death on the porcelain express. catherine the great died of a massive stroke while taking a dump. novelist evelyn waugh died sitting on the throne due to a heart attack after being too pissed and fat to get his fat arse off the bog. lenny bruce bought the farm whilst overdosing on morphine sitting on the toilet.. thus the toilet is an evil device that should be avoided at all costs! i think i shall just crap in my rods,,,,,aahhh,, sweet release. but, i digress.
in conclusion. the vatican are cold hearted money and attention mongers. they lambaste the dakar rally as a ruthless evil! so by association they are branding poor elmer symons and eric aubijoux as ruthless and evil people. imagine what their families must feel, they lose their son/ husband/ brother after being killed during the last dakar race and the strokers at the vatican news paper say things like they did.
my last words to the vatican is, !!!SIS ON YOU!!!!
19/3/2007 - TRUE OR FALSE
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
this is a short true or false quiz.
give it a bash.
T OR F. the umbilical cord is part of a parachute?
T OR F. the pubic hair is a type of wild australian rabbit?
T OR F. a mons pubis is the small mound of soil found at the entrance of a burrow of the wild australian pubic hair?
T OR F. the fallopian tube is found in a t.v. set?
T OR F. genitalia is the name of italy`s official airline?
T OR F. the sphinctor is an architectural marvel found next to the pyramids at giza in egypt?
T OR F. moby dick is a type of venereal disease?
T OR F. gonnorreah is a world famous show jumping horse?
T OR F. coitus interruptus is a latin term used by roman catholic priests during an exorcism?
T OR F. the menstrual cycle has 3 wheels?
T OR F. a vulva is a motor car built in sweden?
T OR F. dildo is a term used to confirm a statement without repeating the statement? eg. i love you.. "dildo"
T OR F. consumate, is what a black widow does to her mate after procreation?
T OR F. genes were first patented by levi strauss in 1886?
T OR F. relative humidity is the sweat and heat that builds up around your balls when you have s e x with your cousin?
T OR F. pumpkin, , , , is what hillbilly rednecks from alabama like to do? T OR F. david caruso`s characters name in the popular television series CSI, is lieutenant fellatio caine? T OR F. dyslexia is caused as a result of brian damage?
T OR F. haemmeroids are huge asteroids threatening to crash into uranus?
T OR F. the islets of langerhans are a group of tourist islands off the coast of norway?
T OR F. asphyxia is the reconstructive plastic surgery performed on the buttocks?
T OR F. endoplasmic reticulum is a galaxy within our solar system?
T OR F. the clitoris is a small plant indigenous to the transvaal?
T OR F. a gay man with an erection is known by the genus name, homo erectus?
T OR F. lesbians is the collective term for women who live in lisbon portugal?
T OR F. jabberwocky, is the surname of chewbacca the wookie in the star wars movies?
T OR F. gobbledeegook is a term first coined by an american seargent outside na trang during the vietnam war after witnessing a bengal tiger eating the remains of a VC soldier?
T OR F. female oral contraception is spitting as opposed to swallowing?
T OR F. afterbirth...... the doctor slaps you?
T OR F. a big apple crumble is indeed osama bin laden`s favourite dessert?
T OR F. the archbishop of canterbury is known by the title" primate of all england"?
T OR F. the clerk of the closet in the u.k. is the sovereigns principle chaplain?
if you answered the last 2 question as true, you were indeed correct.
its strange that for a group that vehemently denies/ denounces and absolutely refuses to entertain the notion of evolution and that man evoluted from apes.then they go and call the arch a primate? funny thing that. indeed?
a dude known as the clerk of the closet just screams gay guy keeping the register of all the queens and queers stepping out of the "closet" ?
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
this is a short true or false quiz.
give it a bash.
T OR F. the umbilical cord is part of a parachute?
T OR F. the pubic hair is a type of wild australian rabbit?
T OR F. a mons pubis is the small mound of soil found at the entrance of a burrow of the wild australian pubic hair?
T OR F. the fallopian tube is found in a t.v. set?
T OR F. genitalia is the name of italy`s official airline?
T OR F. the sphinctor is an architectural marvel found next to the pyramids at giza in egypt?
T OR F. moby dick is a type of venereal disease?
T OR F. gonnorreah is a world famous show jumping horse?
T OR F. coitus interruptus is a latin term used by roman catholic priests during an exorcism?
T OR F. the menstrual cycle has 3 wheels?
T OR F. a vulva is a motor car built in sweden?
T OR F. dildo is a term used to confirm a statement without repeating the statement? eg. i love you.. "dildo"
T OR F. consumate, is what a black widow does to her mate after procreation?
T OR F. genes were first patented by levi strauss in 1886?
T OR F. relative humidity is the sweat and heat that builds up around your balls when you have s e x with your cousin?
T OR F. pumpkin, , , , is what hillbilly rednecks from alabama like to do? T OR F. david caruso`s characters name in the popular television series CSI, is lieutenant fellatio caine? T OR F. dyslexia is caused as a result of brian damage?
T OR F. haemmeroids are huge asteroids threatening to crash into uranus?
T OR F. the islets of langerhans are a group of tourist islands off the coast of norway?
T OR F. asphyxia is the reconstructive plastic surgery performed on the buttocks?
T OR F. endoplasmic reticulum is a galaxy within our solar system?
T OR F. the clitoris is a small plant indigenous to the transvaal?
T OR F. a gay man with an erection is known by the genus name, homo erectus?
T OR F. lesbians is the collective term for women who live in lisbon portugal?
T OR F. jabberwocky, is the surname of chewbacca the wookie in the star wars movies?
T OR F. gobbledeegook is a term first coined by an american seargent outside na trang during the vietnam war after witnessing a bengal tiger eating the remains of a VC soldier?
T OR F. female oral contraception is spitting as opposed to swallowing?
T OR F. afterbirth...... the doctor slaps you?
T OR F. a big apple crumble is indeed osama bin laden`s favourite dessert?
T OR F. the archbishop of canterbury is known by the title" primate of all england"?
T OR F. the clerk of the closet in the u.k. is the sovereigns principle chaplain?
if you answered the last 2 question as true, you were indeed correct.
its strange that for a group that vehemently denies/ denounces and absolutely refuses to entertain the notion of evolution and that man evoluted from apes.then they go and call the arch a primate? funny thing that. indeed?
a dude known as the clerk of the closet just screams gay guy keeping the register of all the queens and queers stepping out of the "closet" ?
19/3/2007 - ASSASSINATIONS THAT ROCKED THE FOUNDATIONS OF DEMOCRACY
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
this is a list of assassinations that rocked the world and led in many cases to the decline of society.
sennacherib of assyria.
jesus of nazareth.
john the baptist.
caligula (roman emperor)
eric iv king of denmark.
lord darnley, second husband of mary queen of scots.
abraham lincoln.
james . a garfield (US president).
alexander ii king of russia.
sitting bull, chief of the sioux american indian tribe.
william mckinley, (US president)
grigori e rasputin.
michael collins.
arch duke franz ferdinand.
pancho villa.
leon trotsky.
reinhard heydrich.
mahatma gandhi.
patrice lumumba.
john f kennedy.
ngo dinh diem, president of south vietnam.
malcolm x.
hendrik verwoerd.
ernesto "che" guevara.
martin luther king.
robert f kennedy.
faisal, king of saudi arabia.
jimmy hoffa.
steve biko.
aldo moro, italian prime minister.
lord mountbatten.
park chung hee, president of south korea.
john lennon.
anwar sadat.
indira gandhi.
olof palme, swedish prime minister.
rajiv gandhi.
chris hani.
yitzhak rabin.
maurizio gucci.
gianni versace.
humpty dumpty!
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
this is a list of assassinations that rocked the world and led in many cases to the decline of society.
sennacherib of assyria.
jesus of nazareth.
john the baptist.
caligula (roman emperor)
eric iv king of denmark.
lord darnley, second husband of mary queen of scots.
abraham lincoln.
james . a garfield (US president).
alexander ii king of russia.
sitting bull, chief of the sioux american indian tribe.
william mckinley, (US president)
grigori e rasputin.
michael collins.
arch duke franz ferdinand.
pancho villa.
leon trotsky.
reinhard heydrich.
mahatma gandhi.
patrice lumumba.
john f kennedy.
ngo dinh diem, president of south vietnam.
malcolm x.
hendrik verwoerd.
ernesto "che" guevara.
martin luther king.
robert f kennedy.
faisal, king of saudi arabia.
jimmy hoffa.
steve biko.
aldo moro, italian prime minister.
lord mountbatten.
park chung hee, president of south korea.
john lennon.
anwar sadat.
indira gandhi.
olof palme, swedish prime minister.
rajiv gandhi.
chris hani.
yitzhak rabin.
maurizio gucci.
gianni versace.
humpty dumpty!
26/3/2007 - OF MULTIPLA`S AND DACIA`S
Posted in THE AUTO FILES
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
recently i wrote a letter to a top notch motoring magazine which was published much to my delight, it was mere ramblings about the motor car and stuff..
i was mortified by the horrid reviews the testers gave the alfa romeo spyder. i felt as though they had burglarised my soul. they knocked the beauty hard. look it may have its niggles, like torsional rigidity and an insane price, but then again women cost just as much and are full of shit to boot. make no mistake, i love women, but like italian cars are tempermental but loads of fun. the americans produce cars. the japanese mass produce cars. the germans build cars. the english hand build cars. the french assemble cars, but, the italians "create" cars. their lines just as curvy and s e x y as those of a woman. however not all italian manufacturers are design gurus though. point in case, the crack addicts at fiat that designed, pitched and built the multipla.
it is a mongoloid of a car! what the hell were they thinking. there is no way in hell you stand a chance of getting laid driving one of those mongrel mobiles. i shudder to think of the reception one would receive pulling up to the news cafe in a multipla? the horror! the horror! you would be the laughing stock of the place. it just isnt a panty dropper. the only s e x you would have in that car would be with yourself.
my point is, if you purchase a car that is going to cost you a large chunk of your hard earned salary why the f u c k waste it on a car that is going to be your social downfall why do you want to commit social suicide by being seen in the mutt mobile? a car is supposed to represent your position in life and where you figure your way into society. an extension of your personality so to say. so then you go and buy a multipla? are you high on drugs, is your brain clinically dead, are you bereft of all common sense?... or.... did you buy it on a dare? personally i would rather eat a turd than be seen dead in a multipla.
now i know there are those that will try and defend their SHIT choice of car in buying the multipla by saying it is practical and i dont have the time or care very much about trivial things like car choices. maybe they will try and logicise it by saying its just a car. to them i say. SIR YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE WANKER. so if its just a car and you dont give a twally if its butt ugly, what does that say about your ability to distinguish taste? i bet your wife is as mortifyingly frightening as your ugly car! in that case maybe all multipla drivers should sell their multipla`s or better yet torch the monstrosities and save thousands by scouring the second hand pages for a car of equal crappiness, the dacia. we all remember the dacia dont we? the only car to dispense with the notion of the internal combustion engine and be powered by the spontaneous combustion engine. the dacia is crap and ugly just like the multipla. so trade in the multipla and get yourself a dacia. to the design knuckleheads at fiat and to all multipla owners and those unfortunate enough to have to drive one by decree or any other form of torture i say this. i have more taste and creativity in the tip of my penis than you lot have in your entire bodies!!!! get rid of the multipla now, for the sake of humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps# i am glad to hear that the drug addict that was running/ ruining fiat has been deposed and hopefully enturned in a rehab facility where he can try and kick his filthy habit. never , never , never let him near a motoring plant again!
Posted in THE AUTO FILES
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
recently i wrote a letter to a top notch motoring magazine which was published much to my delight, it was mere ramblings about the motor car and stuff..
i was mortified by the horrid reviews the testers gave the alfa romeo spyder. i felt as though they had burglarised my soul. they knocked the beauty hard. look it may have its niggles, like torsional rigidity and an insane price, but then again women cost just as much and are full of shit to boot. make no mistake, i love women, but like italian cars are tempermental but loads of fun. the americans produce cars. the japanese mass produce cars. the germans build cars. the english hand build cars. the french assemble cars, but, the italians "create" cars. their lines just as curvy and s e x y as those of a woman. however not all italian manufacturers are design gurus though. point in case, the crack addicts at fiat that designed, pitched and built the multipla.
it is a mongoloid of a car! what the hell were they thinking. there is no way in hell you stand a chance of getting laid driving one of those mongrel mobiles. i shudder to think of the reception one would receive pulling up to the news cafe in a multipla? the horror! the horror! you would be the laughing stock of the place. it just isnt a panty dropper. the only s e x you would have in that car would be with yourself.
my point is, if you purchase a car that is going to cost you a large chunk of your hard earned salary why the f u c k waste it on a car that is going to be your social downfall why do you want to commit social suicide by being seen in the mutt mobile? a car is supposed to represent your position in life and where you figure your way into society. an extension of your personality so to say. so then you go and buy a multipla? are you high on drugs, is your brain clinically dead, are you bereft of all common sense?... or.... did you buy it on a dare? personally i would rather eat a turd than be seen dead in a multipla.
now i know there are those that will try and defend their SHIT choice of car in buying the multipla by saying it is practical and i dont have the time or care very much about trivial things like car choices. maybe they will try and logicise it by saying its just a car. to them i say. SIR YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE WANKER. so if its just a car and you dont give a twally if its butt ugly, what does that say about your ability to distinguish taste? i bet your wife is as mortifyingly frightening as your ugly car! in that case maybe all multipla drivers should sell their multipla`s or better yet torch the monstrosities and save thousands by scouring the second hand pages for a car of equal crappiness, the dacia. we all remember the dacia dont we? the only car to dispense with the notion of the internal combustion engine and be powered by the spontaneous combustion engine. the dacia is crap and ugly just like the multipla. so trade in the multipla and get yourself a dacia. to the design knuckleheads at fiat and to all multipla owners and those unfortunate enough to have to drive one by decree or any other form of torture i say this. i have more taste and creativity in the tip of my penis than you lot have in your entire bodies!!!! get rid of the multipla now, for the sake of humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps# i am glad to hear that the drug addict that was running/ ruining fiat has been deposed and hopefully enturned in a rehab facility where he can try and kick his filthy habit. never , never , never let him near a motoring plant again!
29/3/2007 - FABULOUS FALAFELS AND CHARIOTS
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
the other day i was at a shopping mall in alberton with my son kyle reece watching a puppet show put on for the kids in the main food court area.the show was silly but fun. the kids liked it. what got me was the sudden waft of hot freshly prepared falafels from the anat falafel franchise kiosk just behind me. man that smell was heavenly and immediately transported me back to a previous life where one saturday i was at the colloseum in rome with my then son maximillion silverius. we were just settling down on the third tier in our seats to watch the saturday matinee`. we had just bought our favourite food. falafels. the finest falafels this side of judea. bought from the franchise that was started in judea years earlier, after reaching fame as the venue for the biblical "last supper", CRAZY FAIZELS FABULOUS FALAFEL INN AND SPORTS BAR. man they were addictive. saturdays at the colloseum were special treats, the kids loved it. there is nothing quite like the sound of shrieks of delight from the kids as the chariots whipped by chasing down the screaming christians. the chariot gladiators were super stars of their day ( like the michael schumachers and undertakers of today), all the kids wanted to grow up to be just like their heroes and also thunder around the arena riding over their christian victims. i miss those times, man they were the good old days, crazy faizels fabulous falafels and the atmosphere of the tournaments. granted nowadays the entertainment is a tad drab by comparison but the time spent with your son is great. so back to the puppet show in alberton and the anat falafels and i revel in that great nostalgic feeling.
i do so miss my past lives.
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
the other day i was at a shopping mall in alberton with my son kyle reece watching a puppet show put on for the kids in the main food court area.the show was silly but fun. the kids liked it. what got me was the sudden waft of hot freshly prepared falafels from the anat falafel franchise kiosk just behind me. man that smell was heavenly and immediately transported me back to a previous life where one saturday i was at the colloseum in rome with my then son maximillion silverius. we were just settling down on the third tier in our seats to watch the saturday matinee`. we had just bought our favourite food. falafels. the finest falafels this side of judea. bought from the franchise that was started in judea years earlier, after reaching fame as the venue for the biblical "last supper", CRAZY FAIZELS FABULOUS FALAFEL INN AND SPORTS BAR. man they were addictive. saturdays at the colloseum were special treats, the kids loved it. there is nothing quite like the sound of shrieks of delight from the kids as the chariots whipped by chasing down the screaming christians. the chariot gladiators were super stars of their day ( like the michael schumachers and undertakers of today), all the kids wanted to grow up to be just like their heroes and also thunder around the arena riding over their christian victims. i miss those times, man they were the good old days, crazy faizels fabulous falafels and the atmosphere of the tournaments. granted nowadays the entertainment is a tad drab by comparison but the time spent with your son is great. so back to the puppet show in alberton and the anat falafels and i revel in that great nostalgic feeling.
i do so miss my past lives.
13/4/2007 - BUMPER BANNERS
Posted in THE AUTO FILES
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
DISCIPLINE THROUGH VOLTAGE!
MANY A TRUTH WERE SPOKEN WITH ELECTRODES CONNECTED TO YOUR SCROTUM!
GOD USED TO BE MY CO PILOT, BUT THEN WE CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM!
THE FLOGGINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!
PLANET EARTH IS THE SKID MARK ON THE COSMIC UNDERPANTS!
COMPUTERS: WORKING DAILY TO MAKE THE HUMAN BRAIN OBSOLETE!
EVERYTHING THAT USED TO BE A SIN IS NOW A DISEASE.
IMMORTALITY IS A LONG SHOT, I ADMIT.. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE FIRST..
MY WIFE MADE ME GET GLASSES. I WASN`T SEEING THINGS HER WAY!
THE 11TH COMMANDMENT.. THOU SHALT NOT BE FOUND OUT.
A CYNIC IS A MAN WHO, WHEN HE SMELLS FLOWERS, LOOKS AROUND FOR A COFFIN.
ALL THE THINGS I LOVE TO DO ARE EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL OR FATTENING!
SCHIZOPHRENICS ARE PEOPLE TWO?
JOIN THE JEFFREY DAHMER FAN CLUB. ALL YOU NEED IS A DISMEMBERSHIP CARD.
HAVE YOU FOUND GOD?...... I DIDNT REALISE HE WAS MISSING!
BEAUTY IS ONLY SIN DEEP.
WHEN A MAN STEALS YOUR WIFE, THERE IS NO BETTER REVENGE THAN TO LET HIM KEEP HER!
DONT MARRY FOR MONEY: YOU CAN BORROW IT CHEAPER.
NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG TO RUN AWAY FROM.
I LIKE WORK: IT FASCINATES ME: I CAN SIT AND LOOK AT IT FOR HOURS:
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE, IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEY ARE YOURS: IF THEY DONT. HUNT THE BITCH DOWN AND KILL HER!!!!
WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A HELLS ANGEL WITH A JEHOVAS WITNESS?... A MAN THAT COMES TO YOUR DOOR RINGS THE BELL AND TELLS YOU TO F U C K OFF!
ARGENTINIAN RUGBY PLAYERS EAT THEIR OWN!
CAUTION!.. MIDLIFE CRISIS IN TRANSIT.
ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE ISSUED LITHIUM!
A MANS PERFECT WOMAN. SHE MUST BE A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK, A MASTER IN THE KITCHEN, A SAINT IN PUBLIC AND A WHORE IN THE BEDROOM.
IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED. DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED.
MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION, BUT WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN AN INSTITUTION?
A GOOD DEED NEVER GOES UNPUNISHED.
TOO BAD ABOUT THE KAMIKAZE PILOTS. THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME.
WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. ... I STEPPED ON A RAKE!
I AM NOBODY. NOBODY IS PERFECT. THEREFORE, I MUST BE PERFECT.
A MAN IN LOVE IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE IS MARRIED. THEN HE IS FINISHED!
SHE WAS A LOVELY GIRL. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS FAST & FURIOUS. I WAS FAST, SHE WAS FURIOUS.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR BIGAMY...... YOU GET 2 MOTHERS IN LAW!
ALL I ASK IS A CHANCE TO PROVE THAT MONEY CANT MAKE ME HAPPY!
CIGARETTE SALES WOULD DROP TO ZERO OVERNIGHT IF THE WARNING SAID. CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT THEN THE HANDLE BROKE!
MY FRIENDS TELL ME THAT I HAVE AN INTIMACY PROBLEM, BUT THEY DONT REALLY KNOW ME.
A HOSPITAL BED IS A PARKED TAXI WITH THE METER RUNNING.
TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON THE SAME BODY!
I GOT THE BILL FROM MY OPERATION, NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WEAR MASKS!
Posted in THE AUTO FILES
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
DISCIPLINE THROUGH VOLTAGE!
MANY A TRUTH WERE SPOKEN WITH ELECTRODES CONNECTED TO YOUR SCROTUM!
GOD USED TO BE MY CO PILOT, BUT THEN WE CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM!
THE FLOGGINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!
PLANET EARTH IS THE SKID MARK ON THE COSMIC UNDERPANTS!
COMPUTERS: WORKING DAILY TO MAKE THE HUMAN BRAIN OBSOLETE!
EVERYTHING THAT USED TO BE A SIN IS NOW A DISEASE.
IMMORTALITY IS A LONG SHOT, I ADMIT.. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE FIRST..
MY WIFE MADE ME GET GLASSES. I WASN`T SEEING THINGS HER WAY!
THE 11TH COMMANDMENT.. THOU SHALT NOT BE FOUND OUT.
A CYNIC IS A MAN WHO, WHEN HE SMELLS FLOWERS, LOOKS AROUND FOR A COFFIN.
ALL THE THINGS I LOVE TO DO ARE EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL OR FATTENING!
SCHIZOPHRENICS ARE PEOPLE TWO?
JOIN THE JEFFREY DAHMER FAN CLUB. ALL YOU NEED IS A DISMEMBERSHIP CARD.
HAVE YOU FOUND GOD?...... I DIDNT REALISE HE WAS MISSING!
BEAUTY IS ONLY SIN DEEP.
WHEN A MAN STEALS YOUR WIFE, THERE IS NO BETTER REVENGE THAN TO LET HIM KEEP HER!
DONT MARRY FOR MONEY: YOU CAN BORROW IT CHEAPER.
NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG TO RUN AWAY FROM.
I LIKE WORK: IT FASCINATES ME: I CAN SIT AND LOOK AT IT FOR HOURS:
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE, IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEY ARE YOURS: IF THEY DONT. HUNT THE BITCH DOWN AND KILL HER!!!!
WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A HELLS ANGEL WITH A JEHOVAS WITNESS?... A MAN THAT COMES TO YOUR DOOR RINGS THE BELL AND TELLS YOU TO F U C K OFF!
ARGENTINIAN RUGBY PLAYERS EAT THEIR OWN!
CAUTION!.. MIDLIFE CRISIS IN TRANSIT.
ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE ISSUED LITHIUM!
A MANS PERFECT WOMAN. SHE MUST BE A PROFESSIONAL AT WORK, A MASTER IN THE KITCHEN, A SAINT IN PUBLIC AND A WHORE IN THE BEDROOM.
IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED. DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED.
MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION, BUT WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN AN INSTITUTION?
A GOOD DEED NEVER GOES UNPUNISHED.
TOO BAD ABOUT THE KAMIKAZE PILOTS. THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME.
WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. ... I STEPPED ON A RAKE!
I AM NOBODY. NOBODY IS PERFECT. THEREFORE, I MUST BE PERFECT.
A MAN IN LOVE IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE IS MARRIED. THEN HE IS FINISHED!
SHE WAS A LOVELY GIRL. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS FAST & FURIOUS. I WAS FAST, SHE WAS FURIOUS.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR BIGAMY...... YOU GET 2 MOTHERS IN LAW!
ALL I ASK IS A CHANCE TO PROVE THAT MONEY CANT MAKE ME HAPPY!
CIGARETTE SALES WOULD DROP TO ZERO OVERNIGHT IF THE WARNING SAID. CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT THEN THE HANDLE BROKE!
MY FRIENDS TELL ME THAT I HAVE AN INTIMACY PROBLEM, BUT THEY DONT REALLY KNOW ME.
A HOSPITAL BED IS A PARKED TAXI WITH THE METER RUNNING.
TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON THE SAME BODY!
I GOT THE BILL FROM MY OPERATION, NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WEAR MASKS!
30/5/2007 - RENAULTS SUCK
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
IT IS OFFICIAL! RENAULT MAKE SHITTY CARS THAT ARE BUTT UGLY!
I WAS DRIVING THE OTHER DAY AND WAS STOPPED BEHIND A RENAULT MODUS, MAN ITS AN UGLY, UGLY TIN CAN. TAKE THIS QUICK TEST. STOP BEHIND ONE AND TAKE A GANDER AT THE REAR LIGHT CLUSTERS, THEN THINK BACK TO THE CARTOONIST IMPRESSIONS OF THE JACOB ZUMA TRIAL. WHERE OLE MAN ZUMA WAS CARICATURED WITH BIG BULGING EYES, THEN LOOK AT THE RENAULT MODUS AGAIN. IT WILL DAWN ON YOU THAT THE TWO ARE ONE AND THE SAME! THE MODUS LIGHT CLUSTERS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MADE IN ZUMAS LIKENESS. I ALMOST SWAZZED MYSELF I LAUGHED SO HARD.
THEN WE GET TO THE RENAULT LAGUNA, WHAT A KAK CAR! IT WAS RECENTLY VOTED THE CAR WITH THE FASTEST AND BIGGEST LOSS IN VALUE IN A YEAR. IT DEPPRECIATES MORE THAN 50% OF ITS VALUE. BESIDES THAT IT IS BUTT UGLY. THE RENAULT SCENICS ARE DILDO MOBILES AND SHOULD BE BANNED FOR SPOILING OUR ROADS. THE MEGANE SPORT F1 IS A JOKE. THEY SLAPPED ON A COUPLE OF GO FASTER STICKERS AND DRILLED THE BRAKE DISKS.. THESE HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO NOT AID THE CAR IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. ITS JUST A "GEE WHIZ" ADDITION TO THE COFFIN STYLED PIECE OF JUNK. IT HAS HORRENDOUS TORQUE STEER AND WILL LEAVE YOU WITH KIDNEY FAILURE IF YOU DRIVE IT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR ON END. I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO BUY A TATA INDICA AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE THAN A RENAULT. THE ALFA ROMEO GTA`S ARE A BETTER BET FOR ACCELERATION AND POISE. THE ARSE HOLES WHO BOUGHT THE MEGANE F1`S ARE A STUPID BUNCH INDEED. THEY WERE OVERCHARGED JUST BECAUSE RENAULT WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP AND NOW ARE NOWHERE!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!!! I AM HAPPY WITH MY 1996 BMW 540i. 210KILOWATTS-- 286BHP. IT GOES LIKE IT IS POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF. WHEN I ONEDAY LOSE ALL MY SELF DIGNITY AND WHATEVER COOLNESS I HAVE, I WILL PURCHASE A RENAULT... BUT THEN AGAIN, MONKEYS ARE MORE LIKELY TO FLY OUT OF MY ARSE.
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
IT IS OFFICIAL! RENAULT MAKE SHITTY CARS THAT ARE BUTT UGLY!
I WAS DRIVING THE OTHER DAY AND WAS STOPPED BEHIND A RENAULT MODUS, MAN ITS AN UGLY, UGLY TIN CAN. TAKE THIS QUICK TEST. STOP BEHIND ONE AND TAKE A GANDER AT THE REAR LIGHT CLUSTERS, THEN THINK BACK TO THE CARTOONIST IMPRESSIONS OF THE JACOB ZUMA TRIAL. WHERE OLE MAN ZUMA WAS CARICATURED WITH BIG BULGING EYES, THEN LOOK AT THE RENAULT MODUS AGAIN. IT WILL DAWN ON YOU THAT THE TWO ARE ONE AND THE SAME! THE MODUS LIGHT CLUSTERS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MADE IN ZUMAS LIKENESS. I ALMOST SWAZZED MYSELF I LAUGHED SO HARD.
THEN WE GET TO THE RENAULT LAGUNA, WHAT A KAK CAR! IT WAS RECENTLY VOTED THE CAR WITH THE FASTEST AND BIGGEST LOSS IN VALUE IN A YEAR. IT DEPPRECIATES MORE THAN 50% OF ITS VALUE. BESIDES THAT IT IS BUTT UGLY. THE RENAULT SCENICS ARE DILDO MOBILES AND SHOULD BE BANNED FOR SPOILING OUR ROADS. THE MEGANE SPORT F1 IS A JOKE. THEY SLAPPED ON A COUPLE OF GO FASTER STICKERS AND DRILLED THE BRAKE DISKS.. THESE HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO NOT AID THE CAR IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. ITS JUST A "GEE WHIZ" ADDITION TO THE COFFIN STYLED PIECE OF JUNK. IT HAS HORRENDOUS TORQUE STEER AND WILL LEAVE YOU WITH KIDNEY FAILURE IF YOU DRIVE IT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR ON END. I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO BUY A TATA INDICA AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE THAN A RENAULT. THE ALFA ROMEO GTA`S ARE A BETTER BET FOR ACCELERATION AND POISE. THE ARSE HOLES WHO BOUGHT THE MEGANE F1`S ARE A STUPID BUNCH INDEED. THEY WERE OVERCHARGED JUST BECAUSE RENAULT WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP AND NOW ARE NOWHERE!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!!! I AM HAPPY WITH MY 1996 BMW 540i. 210KILOWATTS-- 286BHP. IT GOES LIKE IT IS POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF. WHEN I ONEDAY LOSE ALL MY SELF DIGNITY AND WHATEVER COOLNESS I HAVE, I WILL PURCHASE A RENAULT... BUT THEN AGAIN, MONKEYS ARE MORE LIKELY TO FLY OUT OF MY ARSE.
27/6/2007 - ALIEN ABDUCTIONS: THE TRUTH!
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
A LOT HAS BEEN INCORRECTLY REPORTED ABOUT ALIEN ABDUCTIONS IN THE MEDIA AND IN MOVIES. THEY HAVE IT ALL WRONG!! I KNOW, I AM A HAPPY ABDUCTEE.
THIS NONSENSE OF ALIENS NABBING YOU OUT OF YOUR BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND PERFORMING WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS ON YOUR PERSON ARE CRAP. YES, THEY DO ":BEAM" YOU UP TO THEIR CRAFTS AND INSERT A "TRACKING" DEVICE INTO YOUR BODY, BUT IT ISNT A CAPSULE SHAPED IMPLANT MADE OUT OF SOME EXOTIC METAL, NOT ANYMORE ANYHOW. OVER TIME THE GREYS/GRAYS HAVE MADE LEAPS FORWARD IN IMPLANT TECHNOLOGY, GONE ARE THE CRUDE DAYS OF IMPLANTS VIA THE RECTUM (CIRCA 1947) AND HELLO THE NEW AND IMPROVED ORGANIC STRAND INPLANTS (VIA THE NOSE, SOMETIMES LEADING TO NOSE BLEEDS,, MINOR SIDE EFFECT..) MINE IS IN MY NECK JUST BELOW MY CORTEX. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT SURGICALLY REMOVED TWICE. THE DUNCE DOCTORS CLAIM ITS JUST A LIPOMA THAT JUST HAPPENS TO RE-GROW AT THE SAME PLACE.
THESE GRAYS ARE A WILY BUNCH INDEED. MY ONLY GRIPE IS THAT WHEN I REMOVE IT, FOR COSMETIC PURPOSES THE KNUCKLEHEADS PUT IT BACK IN THE SAME PLACE! CANT THEY IMPLANT IT ELSEWHERE? I TAPE A MESSAGE TO THE BACK OF MY NECK AT NIGHT INSTRUCTING THE MORONS TO PUT IT ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY JUST DONT GET IT!
WHY WE ARE ABDUCTED IS THE REASON FOR MY CONSTANT REQUESTS TO BE TAKEN AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. WE ARE NOT TAKEN FOR WEIRD TESTS AND IMPREGNATION, NOPE NOT AT ALL, WE ARE TAKEN AS A SORT OF INTERGALACTIC PORN STAR.
AFTERALL, LETS FACE IT, THE GRAYS ARE ONLY 4 FEET TALL AND DONT EXACTLY HAVE THE BIGGEST DICKS IN THE GALAXY. HENCE THE NEED FOR EARTHLINGS WHO HAVE QUESTIONABLE MORALS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. WE WILL F U C K ANYTHING WITH A HEARTBEAT!
WE ARE TAKEN TO PLEASURE THE GRAY FEMALES AND ARE THE COSMIC CHIPPENDALES AT THEIR LEISURE, AND FOR THEIR STRANGE PARTIES. EARTHLING FEMALES ARE TAKEN IN PAIRS AND IN THREES TO "ENTERTAIN" THE GRAY MALES IN WILD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION IN THEIR "CLUBS", AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING RACIALLY STEREOTYPICAL, THE MALE GRAYS CLUBS ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ORIENTAL KARAOKE BARS.
THE GRAYS USUALLY ABDUCT THE RURAL/FARM FOLK DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEY ON AVERAGE HAVE THE LARGER TALLY WHACKERS ON EARTH. I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE OPEN RANGES AND CLEARER AIR... SO I AM VERY HONOURED AS A CITY BOY TO BE ABDUCTED FOR THEIR "PROGRAM".
SO NEXT TIME YOU FEEL YOU HAVE LOST A FEW HOURS THAT YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN, JUST SIT BACK AND LIGHT UP A SMOKE AND REVEL IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A COSMIC PORN STAR. THE ALIENS ARE MAKING USE OF YOU FOR YOUR ABILITY TO SHAG THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THEIR ALMOND EYED WIVES. MAN AINT LIFE SWELL??????
Posted in MENTAL MASTURBATION
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
A LOT HAS BEEN INCORRECTLY REPORTED ABOUT ALIEN ABDUCTIONS IN THE MEDIA AND IN MOVIES. THEY HAVE IT ALL WRONG!! I KNOW, I AM A HAPPY ABDUCTEE.
THIS NONSENSE OF ALIENS NABBING YOU OUT OF YOUR BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND PERFORMING WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS ON YOUR PERSON ARE CRAP. YES, THEY DO ":BEAM" YOU UP TO THEIR CRAFTS AND INSERT A "TRACKING" DEVICE INTO YOUR BODY, BUT IT ISNT A CAPSULE SHAPED IMPLANT MADE OUT OF SOME EXOTIC METAL, NOT ANYMORE ANYHOW. OVER TIME THE GREYS/GRAYS HAVE MADE LEAPS FORWARD IN IMPLANT TECHNOLOGY, GONE ARE THE CRUDE DAYS OF IMPLANTS VIA THE RECTUM (CIRCA 1947) AND HELLO THE NEW AND IMPROVED ORGANIC STRAND INPLANTS (VIA THE NOSE, SOMETIMES LEADING TO NOSE BLEEDS,, MINOR SIDE EFFECT..) MINE IS IN MY NECK JUST BELOW MY CORTEX. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT SURGICALLY REMOVED TWICE. THE DUNCE DOCTORS CLAIM ITS JUST A LIPOMA THAT JUST HAPPENS TO RE-GROW AT THE SAME PLACE.
THESE GRAYS ARE A WILY BUNCH INDEED. MY ONLY GRIPE IS THAT WHEN I REMOVE IT, FOR COSMETIC PURPOSES THE KNUCKLEHEADS PUT IT BACK IN THE SAME PLACE! CANT THEY IMPLANT IT ELSEWHERE? I TAPE A MESSAGE TO THE BACK OF MY NECK AT NIGHT INSTRUCTING THE MORONS TO PUT IT ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY JUST DONT GET IT!
WHY WE ARE ABDUCTED IS THE REASON FOR MY CONSTANT REQUESTS TO BE TAKEN AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. WE ARE NOT TAKEN FOR WEIRD TESTS AND IMPREGNATION, NOPE NOT AT ALL, WE ARE TAKEN AS A SORT OF INTERGALACTIC PORN STAR.
AFTERALL, LETS FACE IT, THE GRAYS ARE ONLY 4 FEET TALL AND DONT EXACTLY HAVE THE BIGGEST DICKS IN THE GALAXY. HENCE THE NEED FOR EARTHLINGS WHO HAVE QUESTIONABLE MORALS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. WE WILL F U C K ANYTHING WITH A HEARTBEAT!
WE ARE TAKEN TO PLEASURE THE GRAY FEMALES AND ARE THE COSMIC CHIPPENDALES AT THEIR LEISURE, AND FOR THEIR STRANGE PARTIES. EARTHLING FEMALES ARE TAKEN IN PAIRS AND IN THREES TO "ENTERTAIN" THE GRAY MALES IN WILD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION IN THEIR "CLUBS", AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING RACIALLY STEREOTYPICAL, THE MALE GRAYS CLUBS ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ORIENTAL KARAOKE BARS.
THE GRAYS USUALLY ABDUCT THE RURAL/FARM FOLK DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEY ON AVERAGE HAVE THE LARGER TALLY WHACKERS ON EARTH. I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE OPEN RANGES AND CLEARER AIR... SO I AM VERY HONOURED AS A CITY BOY TO BE ABDUCTED FOR THEIR "PROGRAM".
SO NEXT TIME YOU FEEL YOU HAVE LOST A FEW HOURS THAT YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN, JUST SIT BACK AND LIGHT UP A SMOKE AND REVEL IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A COSMIC PORN STAR. THE ALIENS ARE MAKING USE OF YOU FOR YOUR ABILITY TO SHAG THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THEIR ALMOND EYED WIVES. MAN AINT LIFE SWELL??????
ROAD CRASH INVESTIGATION
THE DILLY FILES
THE DEMISE OF A DANCER
ISADORA DUNCAN 1878-1929
ISADORA DUNCAN, WORLD FAMOUS DANCER AND SOCIALITE OF HER DAY. THE INIMITABLE LADY OF THE DANCE “SCENE” IN THE 1920`S WAS THE PARIS HILTON OF THE ROARING TWENTIES INDEED. SHE WAS ADORED AND LOVED BY ALL, HER GRACE ON THE DANCE FLOOR WAS STUPENDOUS. LIKE HER LATTER DAY COUNTERPART MISS HILTON, ISADORE LOVED THE HIGH LIFE AND LIME LIGHT WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS OF FAME, FORTUNE, FABULOUS CLOTHES, CARS, MEN, BUNOINS AND INSANE AMOUNTS OF CHAMPAGNE.
MISS DUNCANS CAREER WAS FLYING HIGH IN THE LATTER PART OF THE DECADE SHE WAS QUITE LITERALLY PIROUETTING HERSELF TO NEAR LEVELS OF IMMORTALITY ON THE STAGES OF AMERICA AND EUROPE, NOT UNLIKE CELINE DION IS CURRENTLY DOING WITH HER CAREER TODAY.LIFE WAS SWELL AND EVERYTHING WAS COMING UP ROSES FOR ISADORA. HER LOVE OF THE AUTOMOBILE WAS ALMOST AS STRONG AS THAT OF DANCING. SHE LOVED THE THRILL OF TOP DOWN GRAN TOURISMO DRIVING IN ALL MAKES OF EXOTICA, ESPECIALLY THE BUGATTI AND AMIL CARS OF THE DAY. HOWEVER, LIFE WAS TO TAKE A NASTY “TURN” FOR THE WORSE FOR POOR ISADORA. ONE SUNNY DAY SHE WAS SEATED IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF THE BUGATTI (AMIL CAR). THERE IS A BIT OF CONFUSION AS TO WHICH CAR IT WAS EXACTLY. HOWEVER, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS STORY WE WILL SAY IT WAS A BUGATTI TYPE 35. THIS WAS A 2.2LITRE 138 CUBIC INCH FRONT MOUNTED V8 4 SPEED REAR WHEEL DRIVE SUPER CHARGED 130 HORSE POWER OPEN TOP BEAUTY PRODUCED BETWEEN 1924 TO 1931.MISS DUNCAN WAS KNOWN FOR HER GRACE AND IMPECCABLE DRESS SENSE, HER LONG SILK SCARVES WERE HER “TRADE MARK”. PICTURE THE SCENE. A HOT MAMA WEARING FINE CLOTHES WITH HER SUNGLASSES ON AND A SILKY SIX FOOT SCARF DRAPED ELEGANTLY AROUND HER HEAD AND NECK WAFTING OUT BEHIND HER WHILE SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD. SHE WAS A SIGHT TO BEHOLD INDEED, ESPECIALLY WHEN SAID SCARF WOUND ITS WAY AROUND THE REAR PASSENGER SIDE TYRE AND SHE WAS STRANGULATED TO DEATH IN AN INSTANT! HOW BIZARRE MUST IT HAVE BEEN TO SEE THE EXPRESSION CHANGE ON HER FACE IN AN INSTANT? IN ALL OF THE CAR RELATED DEATHS, MISS DUNCAN`S MUST DEFINATELY BE CLASSED AS ONE OF THE WEIRDEST.
SO IN CONCLUSION.
MISS PARIS HILTON, DONT TRY AND EMULATE OTHERS BY BEING SO FABULOUS. WE ALL WATCHED PARIS BEING OFFED IN THE DREADFUL HOUSE OF WAX, THE ENTIRE CINEMA ERUPTED IN APPLAUSE WHEN SHE WAS MURDERLISED. I COULD JUST IMAGINE THE PAPARAZZI GOING BONKERS GETTING THAT PICTURE OF PARIS BEING STRANGLED BY A SCARF THAT GOT ITSELF WOUND AROUND THE WHEEL OF HER MERCEDES SL OR BENTLEY. PARIS IS SIMPLY SO DUMB THAT SHE COULD VERY LIKELY DO IT. HELL WE HAVE SEEN PICS OF HER EXITING HER CAR FLASHING HER GUAVA TO THE WORLD. I WOULD PAY BIG BUCKS FOR THE SCARF PIC.!
SO POOR MISS DUNCAN MANAGED TO STRANGLE HERSELF IN HER QUEST FOR FABULOSITY.
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com po box 620 glenvista 2058
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 0789489847 www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
THE DILLY FILES
THE DEMISE OF A DANCER
ISADORA DUNCAN 1878-1929
ISADORA DUNCAN, WORLD FAMOUS DANCER AND SOCIALITE OF HER DAY. THE INIMITABLE LADY OF THE DANCE “SCENE” IN THE 1920`S WAS THE PARIS HILTON OF THE ROARING TWENTIES INDEED. SHE WAS ADORED AND LOVED BY ALL, HER GRACE ON THE DANCE FLOOR WAS STUPENDOUS. LIKE HER LATTER DAY COUNTERPART MISS HILTON, ISADORE LOVED THE HIGH LIFE AND LIME LIGHT WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS OF FAME, FORTUNE, FABULOUS CLOTHES, CARS, MEN, BUNOINS AND INSANE AMOUNTS OF CHAMPAGNE.
MISS DUNCANS CAREER WAS FLYING HIGH IN THE LATTER PART OF THE DECADE SHE WAS QUITE LITERALLY PIROUETTING HERSELF TO NEAR LEVELS OF IMMORTALITY ON THE STAGES OF AMERICA AND EUROPE, NOT UNLIKE CELINE DION IS CURRENTLY DOING WITH HER CAREER TODAY.LIFE WAS SWELL AND EVERYTHING WAS COMING UP ROSES FOR ISADORA. HER LOVE OF THE AUTOMOBILE WAS ALMOST AS STRONG AS THAT OF DANCING. SHE LOVED THE THRILL OF TOP DOWN GRAN TOURISMO DRIVING IN ALL MAKES OF EXOTICA, ESPECIALLY THE BUGATTI AND AMIL CARS OF THE DAY. HOWEVER, LIFE WAS TO TAKE A NASTY “TURN” FOR THE WORSE FOR POOR ISADORA. ONE SUNNY DAY SHE WAS SEATED IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF THE BUGATTI (AMIL CAR). THERE IS A BIT OF CONFUSION AS TO WHICH CAR IT WAS EXACTLY. HOWEVER, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS STORY WE WILL SAY IT WAS A BUGATTI TYPE 35. THIS WAS A 2.2LITRE 138 CUBIC INCH FRONT MOUNTED V8 4 SPEED REAR WHEEL DRIVE SUPER CHARGED 130 HORSE POWER OPEN TOP BEAUTY PRODUCED BETWEEN 1924 TO 1931.MISS DUNCAN WAS KNOWN FOR HER GRACE AND IMPECCABLE DRESS SENSE, HER LONG SILK SCARVES WERE HER “TRADE MARK”. PICTURE THE SCENE. A HOT MAMA WEARING FINE CLOTHES WITH HER SUNGLASSES ON AND A SILKY SIX FOOT SCARF DRAPED ELEGANTLY AROUND HER HEAD AND NECK WAFTING OUT BEHIND HER WHILE SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD. SHE WAS A SIGHT TO BEHOLD INDEED, ESPECIALLY WHEN SAID SCARF WOUND ITS WAY AROUND THE REAR PASSENGER SIDE TYRE AND SHE WAS STRANGULATED TO DEATH IN AN INSTANT! HOW BIZARRE MUST IT HAVE BEEN TO SEE THE EXPRESSION CHANGE ON HER FACE IN AN INSTANT? IN ALL OF THE CAR RELATED DEATHS, MISS DUNCAN`S MUST DEFINATELY BE CLASSED AS ONE OF THE WEIRDEST.
SO IN CONCLUSION.
MISS PARIS HILTON, DONT TRY AND EMULATE OTHERS BY BEING SO FABULOUS. WE ALL WATCHED PARIS BEING OFFED IN THE DREADFUL HOUSE OF WAX, THE ENTIRE CINEMA ERUPTED IN APPLAUSE WHEN SHE WAS MURDERLISED. I COULD JUST IMAGINE THE PAPARAZZI GOING BONKERS GETTING THAT PICTURE OF PARIS BEING STRANGLED BY A SCARF THAT GOT ITSELF WOUND AROUND THE WHEEL OF HER MERCEDES SL OR BENTLEY. PARIS IS SIMPLY SO DUMB THAT SHE COULD VERY LIKELY DO IT. HELL WE HAVE SEEN PICS OF HER EXITING HER CAR FLASHING HER GUAVA TO THE WORLD. I WOULD PAY BIG BUCKS FOR THE SCARF PIC.!
SO POOR MISS DUNCAN MANAGED TO STRANGLE HERSELF IN HER QUEST FOR FABULOSITY.
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com po box 620 glenvista 2058
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 0789489847 www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
ROAD CRASH INVESTIGATION
AN AUTOPSY OF THE JAMES DEAN CRASH AS I BELEIVE IT HAPPENED AND ITS MAIN CAUSE:
JAMES BYRON DEAN WAS THE “FRESH FACE OF THE FIFTIES”, HE WAS THE CONFUSED , CONVOLUTED REBEL AND LIKE ALL ACTORS HE LOVED FAST CARS AND THE THRILL OF SPEED. HE SHOWED SOME TALENT AS AN UPCOMING ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD. ALL HE NEEDED WAS TO GET OUT OF THE STEREOTYPICAL PIDGEON HOLE HE WAS SO EASILY CASTED INTO. LETS FACE IT, HIS ACTING RANGE WAS NOT THAT GOOD. HE HAS SURVIVED AS A CULT FIGURE SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WROTE HIMSELF OFF AT A YOUNG AGE AND WITH MUCH FLAIR. WITH A TAD MORE ACTING LESSONS AND DIALOGUE COACHING HE COULD HAVE BEEN TRULY GREAT. UNFORTUNATELY HE WAS VERY PREDICTABLE IN HIS ACTING, DIALOGUE DELIVERY AND SOMEWHAT WOODEN ON SCREEN CHARISMA. BASICALLY HE STUNK! TODAY HE HAS MANY “HEADLINING” ACTORS DESPERATELY TRYING TO EMULATE HIS ACTING EXCELLENCE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE, MESSERS, STEVEN SEAGAL, JASON STATHAM, KEANU REEVES, CHUCK NORRIS, SLY STALLONE, JAMES FRANCO AND DOLF LUNDGREN TO NAME BUT A FEW . THEIR ACTING RANGES ARE DESPERATELY HAMPERED BY LACK OF TRUE TALENT.IF YOU ARE TOTALLY BEREFT OF TALENT THEN SIMPLY ACT THE PART OF AN ANGRY WRONG DONE GUY WHO HAS TO SNARL AND POSTURE A LOT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO VOCAB AND TEND TO MUMBLE SEMI INCOHERENTLY. IT DOES HELP TO SLAUGHTER UPWARDS OF 500 EXTRAS IN THE EXECUTION OF THE FLIMSY PLOT LINE. JAMES DEAN WAS ALMOST AT THAT TURNING POINT IN HIS WONDEROUS ACTING CARREER. FERDINAND PORSCHE MADE SURE MR DEAN WOULD NOT HAVE TO STOOP SO LOW AS TO COMMIT CELLULOID SUICIDE BY BEING TYPE CAST AS HE WOULD SURELY HAVE BEEN. COULD YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WILL, THE FOLLOWING. “JAMES DEAN, AS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE” HIS MAN BIATCH HAS BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE BY THE VILLAINOUS COUNT ESS MARKO OF SEVILLE, HIS EVIL BOOTYLICIOUS PLAN TO HOLD THE WORLD TO HANDSOME RANSOM, IF THE POLITICIANS DONT COMPLY THE COUNTESS WILL UNLEASH HIS FABULOUSLY ATTIRED STORM TROOPERS TO BITCH SLAP THE COMMIES IN CAPITOL HILL! IT IS NOW UP TO JAMES DEAN AND HIS FEARLESS SUNKEN CHEAKED SIDE KICK ROCK HUDSON AS WILLY GALORE TO SAVE THE WORLD! THIS IS MANO A MANO AT ITS BEST!!! THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE SUNK TO WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT IN MY MIND. THE DUDE WAS AS BENT AS A BANANA.
JAMES FOR THE FIFTIES WAS A REVELATION, AND A TOTAL COUP TO THE HOLLYWOOD EXECS THAT HAD A MARKETABLE, BANKABLE ICON FOR MEN TO WANT TO BE AND THE CHICKS GETTING ALL GOOEY OVER. THE EXECS WERE VERY UNHAPPY WITH HIS MOTOR CYCLE RIDING ANTICS AND HIS NEED FOR SPEED. THEY EVEN TRIED WITHOUT LUCK TO GET HIM TO ENTER INTO A CONTRACT THAT WOULD CURB HIS BIKE RIDING AND RACING. I PERSONALLY THINK THE EXECS SAW EXACTLY HOW BAD HE TRULY WAS. A REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE OF EFFECTIVE SPEED MANAGEMENT AND UNDERSTANDING. AFTERALL, THEY DONT WANT TO SEE THEIR MEAL TICKET STREWN ALL OVER RODEO DRIVE AFTER A SPILL ON HIS BIKE. ROASTIES AND LEVIS DONT REALLY DRAW THE FANS UNLESS YOU ARE A FAN OF MAN WITHOUT A FACE.
MISTER DEAN SAUGHT HIS JOLLIES IN THE COCKPIT OF A CAR, TURNING TO PORSCHE FOR HIS CHARRIOT. THE 1955 356 SPEEDSTER WAS A NICE CAR FOR ITS DAY, IT WAS CRUDE AND SIMPLE. A 1582CC MOTOR OUTBACK CONNECTED TO THE REAR WHEELS GOING THROUGH A 4 SPEED BOX IN FLAT 4 GUISE. IT ONLY PUT OUT 60BHP AND A TOP PELT OF ABOUT 160KM/H WITH 0 TO 100 KM/H FINALLY “COMING” IN 16.5 SECONDS. SOUNDS TERRIBLY BLAND BUT FOR THE FIFTIES THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! REMEMBER THE ROADSTER HAD NO SEATBELTS TO CONTAIN YOU WITHIN THE CAR IN THE EVENT OF A DREADFUL ACCIDENT.IT HAD NO ROLL BAR, SO IF YOU MANAGED TO CHUCK IT OVER YOU WOULD USE YOUR MELON AS THE ROLL BAR. IT HAD NO ABS BRAKES, NO AIRBAGS, NO STABILITY PROGRAMS, NO TRACTION CONTROL, NO SIDE IMPACT PROTECTION BARS, NO REAL CRUMPLE ZONES OTHER THAN YOUR UPPER, LOWER BODY AND FACE. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS!
THE LAD GOT INVOLVED IN VARIOUS RACES AND WAS TREATED LIKE A MOTORING GOD, THIS IS A DEADLY TACTIC AS IT LEADS TO THE YOUNGSTER THINKING HE IS BETTER THAN HE REALLY IS. JAMES WAS ALSO AN ADVOCATE OF CAR SAFETY AND MADE HIS DEBUT IN THE PUBLIC SERVICE ARENA LOOKING ALL COOL AND REBELLIOUS WITH HIS DRAB ACCENT AND COWBOY HAT UTTERING SOME NONSENSE TO THE EFFECT OF “ TAKE IT EASY OUT THERE, THE NEXT LIFE YOU SAVE COULD BE MINE” THEN WITH A SMIRKY SMIRK HE WALKS OUT OF SHOT AND OUT OF THE BUILDING. ITS ONLY A WEEK OR SO LATER THAT HE EXPIRES IN A TERRIBLE AUTO FUCK UP OF NOTE. ART ALWAYS IMMITATES LIFE AND VICE VERSA, ITS A COSMIC CARMA THANG DUDE.
HIS LOVE FOR HIS LITTLE PORSCHE LED HIM TO NAME THE CAR THE “LITTLE BASTARD”. HE HAD THE NAME SCRAWLED ACROSS THE RUMP ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE. SO THEN AS IF BY MAGIC WE FAST FORWARD TO THE FATEFUL DAY OF SEPTEMBER 30th 1955 ON SOME OR OTHER ROAD NEAR PASO ROBLES CALIFORNIA. MR DEAN IN THE DRIVERS SIDE OF THE CAR IS CARESSING THE THE WHITE STEERING WHEEL AND STOMPING THE ACCELERATOR ALMOST THROUGH THE FLOOR BOARD. THE LEFT HAND SEAT IS AKIN TO AUTOMOTIVE ERECTILE HEAVEN. POWER AT YOUR COMMAND. TO HIS RIGHT IS HIS BURLY GERMAN PERSONAL MECHANIC WHO LOVES AND IN A FREAKY GERMAN WAY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING THE CAR GO LIKE HELL. SO AS THE INTREPID FAUX PRO DRIVER AND CO DRIVER ARE BARRELING DOWN THE FATEFUL ROAD TO AUTO ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ALL THE WHILE POSSIBLY WAVING THEIR ARMS IN THE AIR WITH GAY ABANDON AND SINGING IN HARMONY “THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC”. NOW QUICKLY IS A GOOD TIME TO INFORM YOU ALL OF THE CLEARLY OBVIOUS.. IN THE LAND OF YANK THEY DRIVE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD IN LEFT HAND DRIVE CARS, THAT IS TOTALLY FUCKING IDIOTIC AS WE CIVILISED PEOPLE KNOW THAT THE CORRECT FASHION IS THE REVERSE OF WHAT THE “IMIGRANTS” DO. WE DRIVE ON THE LEFT IN RIGHT HAND DRIVE CARS, SIT IN A LEFTY AND YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY FEEL THAT IT IS ALL WRONG, JUST LIKE GETTING A BONER WATCHING YOUR SISTER UNDRESSING!
“”PUBLIC HEALTH ADDRESS””! ! !
IT IS ONLY LEGAL TO GET A HALF ON OR FULLY BLOWN BONER WATCHING YOUR BLOOD KIN IF YOU ARE RESIDENT WITHIN THE CONSTITUENCY OF ARKANSAS, ALABAMA,MISSISSIPPI AND KENTUCKY.
SO ONCE AGAIN, MR DEAN WAS HEADING ON DOWN THE HIGHWAY, HAND UPON THE WHEEL, WHEN SUDDENLY SOME DORK IN A FORD WHO WAS TRAVELLING TOWARD MR DEAN DECIDED TO MAKE A LEFT TURN. SAID DORK WAS DRIVING INTO THE SUN AND COULDNT SEE THE ONCOMING MR DEAN AND GREASE MONKEY AS THEIR LOW PROFILED PORSCHE WAS OBSCURED BY THE SUN. MR DORK WAS TRAVELLING WEST. MR DEAN WAS TRAVELLING EAST. I DEDUCE THIS THROUGH MY KEEN SENSE OF SCIENTIFIC DEDUCTION THAT FOR MILLENNIA THE SUN AS ARISEN IN THE EAST AND DOZED OFF AFTER TOO MANY BUDWEISERS IN THE WEST. RIGHT,,BACK TO SEPTEMBER 30th. MR DORK EXECUTES HIS LEFT TURN AND PROVIDES AN ENORMOUS RIGHT SLAB SIDE OF THE FORD ACROSS THE ROAD. MR DEAN THEN BITCH PANICS AND STEERS INTO THE ACCIDENT AS OPPOSED TO OUT OF IT THEN STABS THE BRAKES. ITS AN ABYSMAL SCENE AS THE PORSCHE LOCKS ITS BRAKES AND TRAVELS INTO MR DORKS CAR, PLUNGING INTO THE RIGHT SIDE. ALL THE KINETIC ENERGY IS CENTERED TO THE FRONT LEFT END OF THE PORSCHE KILLING JAMES DEAN. NOW IF WE COULD MAGICALLY TRAVEL BACK AND CHANGE JAMES DEAN DUMB CHOICE OF TURNING THE WHEEL RIGHT INSTEAD OF LEFT, THE ENERGY WOULD HAVE BEEN CENTERED ON THE FRONT RIGHT OF THE PORSCHE KILLING THE MECHANIC AND POSSIBLY SPARING JAMES DEAN. THE FORCE OF THE CRASH WOULD HAVE BEEN DISSIPATED AWAY FROM THE FORD AND TOWARD THE CENTRE OR OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD. SO ONCE AGAIN JAMES DEAN MAY HAVE SURVIVED IF HE DIDNT TURN INTO THE CRASH AND THE MECHANIC WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE PLAYING THE HARP INSTEAD. AS IT IS THE MECHANIC SURVIVED. SO THEREFORE IT WAS A SURVIVABLE CRASH, IT WAS ALL LET DOWN BY SHITTY DRIVING AND INEXPERIENCE ON THE BEHALF OF JAMES DEAN. OH WELL I SUPPOSE ITS ALL PAR FOR THE COURSE AND JAMES DEAN IN A SPLIT SECOND WAS TO BE IMMORTALISED FOREVER AS THE REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE WHO TRAGICALLY WAS KILLED IN A FREAK AUTO ACCIDENT. IT IS ALL BULLSHIT OF COURSE. JAMES DEAN COULDNT ACT WORTH SHIT AND COULDNT DRIVE WORTH SHIT AND WORST OF ALL HE SEEMED TO HAVE SOME WEIRD PREDILICTION FOR ROCK HUDSONS BUM. MEDIOCRE ACTING ABILITY, MEDIOCRE DRIVING SKILL AND WORST OF ALL A MEDIOCRE LIST OF FEMALE CONQUESTS ,THE DUDE WAS A QUEEN IN A STETSON MADE FAMOUS IN THE EIGHTIES BY THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. TO BE OPENLY GAY IN THE FIFTIES WAS A SURE WAY OF BEING OSTRACIZED BY A GOVERNMENT HELLBENT ON PROSECUTING COMMIES AND FAGS. SO IT IS BETTER TO PRETEND TO BE THE MANS MAN ALL ROUND DUDE THAN COMING OUT AND BEING CHARGED WITH BEING A COMMIE LOVING FAG! A LOT OF TINSEL TOWNS LEADING MEN WERE OF THE BUTT HOLE SURFING FRATERNITY. THE COWBOY LOOK WORKED WELL IN THE FIFTIES TO COVER THE GAY DUDES, HOWEVER BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN PUT PAID TO THE NOTION THAT COWBOYS ARE RUGGED MANLY MEN.SO IN CONCLUSION THE ACCIDENT THAT CLAIMED JAMES DEAN WAS PROBABLY A GODSEND TO A “MAN OF MEN” WHO SIMPLY WANTED TO DRESS JUST LIKE FAY WRAY.
JAMES DEAN WAS KILLED BECAUSE HE WASNT A GOOD DRIVER END OF STORY! HE PANIKED AND WENT OUT FABULOUSLY. IT WAS ULTIMATELY A FUCKING AWESOME BUSINESS MOVE. HE BECAME AN IDOL INSTANTLY AND IS STILL AN IDOL 54 YEARS AFTER HIS MESSY DEMISE. AT LEAST HE WENT OUT IN STYLE DRIVING A PORSCHE AS OPPOSED TO A 1955 FIAT MULTIPLA OR 1953 NASH RAMBLER. MANY ACTORS HAVE TAKEN UP THE RACING LINE TO BECOME MORE BUTCH TO THE LADIES SO THEY CAN SCREW THEM SIDEWAYS. WE LOOK AT PAUL NEWMAN , HE WAS A REALLY GOOD ACTOR THAT PRETTY MUCH WAS A DUDE WHO DUG THE WOMEN AND SHAGGED THEM DILLY, HE HAD A LONG ILLUSTRIOUS CARREER AND WAS A DARN FINE RACE DRIVER. HE SUCCUMBED TO THE GRIM REAPER AFTER A LIFETIME OF NICOTINE USE AND MISUSE. THE WARNINGS ON THE CIGARETTE PACKS WERE FUNNILY PRETTY ACCURATE. WHO KNEW? ANOTHER MANS MAN WHO WAS A REBEL IN HIS OWN RIGHT THAT HAD MORE FEMALE VAGINA MILEAGE ON HIS PENIS THAN ANYONE ALIVE WAS STEVE MCQUEEN. HE WAS A LEGENDARY WHEEL MAN AND CHICK MAGNET. ALI MCGRAW CAN ATTEST TO THAT. MR MCQUEEN AND MR NEWMAN HAD 102OCTANE COARSING THROUGH THEIR VEINS.
I HOPE MY INVESTIGATION INTO THE CAUSE AND EFFECT OF THE CRASH THAT TOOK JAMES DEAN WAS AN INSIGHTFUL ONE. I MAY NEXT INVESTIGATE THE DILLY DEMISE OF THE DANCER ISADORA DUNCAN WHO WAS REPORTEDLY STRANGLED TO DEATH BY HER LONG FLOWING SCARF FLITTING IN THE WIND THAT CRAZILY WOUND AROUND THE REAR WHEEL OF HER “ BUGATTI”. WE WILL DELVE INTO THIS MORE DEEPLY SOON.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA
2058
JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA
+27789489847
+27114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/
AN AUTOPSY OF THE JAMES DEAN CRASH AS I BELEIVE IT HAPPENED AND ITS MAIN CAUSE:
JAMES BYRON DEAN WAS THE “FRESH FACE OF THE FIFTIES”, HE WAS THE CONFUSED , CONVOLUTED REBEL AND LIKE ALL ACTORS HE LOVED FAST CARS AND THE THRILL OF SPEED. HE SHOWED SOME TALENT AS AN UPCOMING ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD. ALL HE NEEDED WAS TO GET OUT OF THE STEREOTYPICAL PIDGEON HOLE HE WAS SO EASILY CASTED INTO. LETS FACE IT, HIS ACTING RANGE WAS NOT THAT GOOD. HE HAS SURVIVED AS A CULT FIGURE SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WROTE HIMSELF OFF AT A YOUNG AGE AND WITH MUCH FLAIR. WITH A TAD MORE ACTING LESSONS AND DIALOGUE COACHING HE COULD HAVE BEEN TRULY GREAT. UNFORTUNATELY HE WAS VERY PREDICTABLE IN HIS ACTING, DIALOGUE DELIVERY AND SOMEWHAT WOODEN ON SCREEN CHARISMA. BASICALLY HE STUNK! TODAY HE HAS MANY “HEADLINING” ACTORS DESPERATELY TRYING TO EMULATE HIS ACTING EXCELLENCE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE, MESSERS, STEVEN SEAGAL, JASON STATHAM, KEANU REEVES, CHUCK NORRIS, SLY STALLONE, JAMES FRANCO AND DOLF LUNDGREN TO NAME BUT A FEW . THEIR ACTING RANGES ARE DESPERATELY HAMPERED BY LACK OF TRUE TALENT.IF YOU ARE TOTALLY BEREFT OF TALENT THEN SIMPLY ACT THE PART OF AN ANGRY WRONG DONE GUY WHO HAS TO SNARL AND POSTURE A LOT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO VOCAB AND TEND TO MUMBLE SEMI INCOHERENTLY. IT DOES HELP TO SLAUGHTER UPWARDS OF 500 EXTRAS IN THE EXECUTION OF THE FLIMSY PLOT LINE. JAMES DEAN WAS ALMOST AT THAT TURNING POINT IN HIS WONDEROUS ACTING CARREER. FERDINAND PORSCHE MADE SURE MR DEAN WOULD NOT HAVE TO STOOP SO LOW AS TO COMMIT CELLULOID SUICIDE BY BEING TYPE CAST AS HE WOULD SURELY HAVE BEEN. COULD YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WILL, THE FOLLOWING. “JAMES DEAN, AS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE” HIS MAN BIATCH HAS BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE BY THE VILLAINOUS COUNT ESS MARKO OF SEVILLE, HIS EVIL BOOTYLICIOUS PLAN TO HOLD THE WORLD TO HANDSOME RANSOM, IF THE POLITICIANS DONT COMPLY THE COUNTESS WILL UNLEASH HIS FABULOUSLY ATTIRED STORM TROOPERS TO BITCH SLAP THE COMMIES IN CAPITOL HILL! IT IS NOW UP TO JAMES DEAN AND HIS FEARLESS SUNKEN CHEAKED SIDE KICK ROCK HUDSON AS WILLY GALORE TO SAVE THE WORLD! THIS IS MANO A MANO AT ITS BEST!!! THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE SUNK TO WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT IN MY MIND. THE DUDE WAS AS BENT AS A BANANA.
JAMES FOR THE FIFTIES WAS A REVELATION, AND A TOTAL COUP TO THE HOLLYWOOD EXECS THAT HAD A MARKETABLE, BANKABLE ICON FOR MEN TO WANT TO BE AND THE CHICKS GETTING ALL GOOEY OVER. THE EXECS WERE VERY UNHAPPY WITH HIS MOTOR CYCLE RIDING ANTICS AND HIS NEED FOR SPEED. THEY EVEN TRIED WITHOUT LUCK TO GET HIM TO ENTER INTO A CONTRACT THAT WOULD CURB HIS BIKE RIDING AND RACING. I PERSONALLY THINK THE EXECS SAW EXACTLY HOW BAD HE TRULY WAS. A REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE OF EFFECTIVE SPEED MANAGEMENT AND UNDERSTANDING. AFTERALL, THEY DONT WANT TO SEE THEIR MEAL TICKET STREWN ALL OVER RODEO DRIVE AFTER A SPILL ON HIS BIKE. ROASTIES AND LEVIS DONT REALLY DRAW THE FANS UNLESS YOU ARE A FAN OF MAN WITHOUT A FACE.
MISTER DEAN SAUGHT HIS JOLLIES IN THE COCKPIT OF A CAR, TURNING TO PORSCHE FOR HIS CHARRIOT. THE 1955 356 SPEEDSTER WAS A NICE CAR FOR ITS DAY, IT WAS CRUDE AND SIMPLE. A 1582CC MOTOR OUTBACK CONNECTED TO THE REAR WHEELS GOING THROUGH A 4 SPEED BOX IN FLAT 4 GUISE. IT ONLY PUT OUT 60BHP AND A TOP PELT OF ABOUT 160KM/H WITH 0 TO 100 KM/H FINALLY “COMING” IN 16.5 SECONDS. SOUNDS TERRIBLY BLAND BUT FOR THE FIFTIES THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! REMEMBER THE ROADSTER HAD NO SEATBELTS TO CONTAIN YOU WITHIN THE CAR IN THE EVENT OF A DREADFUL ACCIDENT.IT HAD NO ROLL BAR, SO IF YOU MANAGED TO CHUCK IT OVER YOU WOULD USE YOUR MELON AS THE ROLL BAR. IT HAD NO ABS BRAKES, NO AIRBAGS, NO STABILITY PROGRAMS, NO TRACTION CONTROL, NO SIDE IMPACT PROTECTION BARS, NO REAL CRUMPLE ZONES OTHER THAN YOUR UPPER, LOWER BODY AND FACE. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS!
THE LAD GOT INVOLVED IN VARIOUS RACES AND WAS TREATED LIKE A MOTORING GOD, THIS IS A DEADLY TACTIC AS IT LEADS TO THE YOUNGSTER THINKING HE IS BETTER THAN HE REALLY IS. JAMES WAS ALSO AN ADVOCATE OF CAR SAFETY AND MADE HIS DEBUT IN THE PUBLIC SERVICE ARENA LOOKING ALL COOL AND REBELLIOUS WITH HIS DRAB ACCENT AND COWBOY HAT UTTERING SOME NONSENSE TO THE EFFECT OF “ TAKE IT EASY OUT THERE, THE NEXT LIFE YOU SAVE COULD BE MINE” THEN WITH A SMIRKY SMIRK HE WALKS OUT OF SHOT AND OUT OF THE BUILDING. ITS ONLY A WEEK OR SO LATER THAT HE EXPIRES IN A TERRIBLE AUTO FUCK UP OF NOTE. ART ALWAYS IMMITATES LIFE AND VICE VERSA, ITS A COSMIC CARMA THANG DUDE.
HIS LOVE FOR HIS LITTLE PORSCHE LED HIM TO NAME THE CAR THE “LITTLE BASTARD”. HE HAD THE NAME SCRAWLED ACROSS THE RUMP ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE. SO THEN AS IF BY MAGIC WE FAST FORWARD TO THE FATEFUL DAY OF SEPTEMBER 30th 1955 ON SOME OR OTHER ROAD NEAR PASO ROBLES CALIFORNIA. MR DEAN IN THE DRIVERS SIDE OF THE CAR IS CARESSING THE THE WHITE STEERING WHEEL AND STOMPING THE ACCELERATOR ALMOST THROUGH THE FLOOR BOARD. THE LEFT HAND SEAT IS AKIN TO AUTOMOTIVE ERECTILE HEAVEN. POWER AT YOUR COMMAND. TO HIS RIGHT IS HIS BURLY GERMAN PERSONAL MECHANIC WHO LOVES AND IN A FREAKY GERMAN WAY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING THE CAR GO LIKE HELL. SO AS THE INTREPID FAUX PRO DRIVER AND CO DRIVER ARE BARRELING DOWN THE FATEFUL ROAD TO AUTO ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ALL THE WHILE POSSIBLY WAVING THEIR ARMS IN THE AIR WITH GAY ABANDON AND SINGING IN HARMONY “THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC”. NOW QUICKLY IS A GOOD TIME TO INFORM YOU ALL OF THE CLEARLY OBVIOUS.. IN THE LAND OF YANK THEY DRIVE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD IN LEFT HAND DRIVE CARS, THAT IS TOTALLY FUCKING IDIOTIC AS WE CIVILISED PEOPLE KNOW THAT THE CORRECT FASHION IS THE REVERSE OF WHAT THE “IMIGRANTS” DO. WE DRIVE ON THE LEFT IN RIGHT HAND DRIVE CARS, SIT IN A LEFTY AND YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY FEEL THAT IT IS ALL WRONG, JUST LIKE GETTING A BONER WATCHING YOUR SISTER UNDRESSING!
“”PUBLIC HEALTH ADDRESS””! ! !
IT IS ONLY LEGAL TO GET A HALF ON OR FULLY BLOWN BONER WATCHING YOUR BLOOD KIN IF YOU ARE RESIDENT WITHIN THE CONSTITUENCY OF ARKANSAS, ALABAMA,MISSISSIPPI AND KENTUCKY.
SO ONCE AGAIN, MR DEAN WAS HEADING ON DOWN THE HIGHWAY, HAND UPON THE WHEEL, WHEN SUDDENLY SOME DORK IN A FORD WHO WAS TRAVELLING TOWARD MR DEAN DECIDED TO MAKE A LEFT TURN. SAID DORK WAS DRIVING INTO THE SUN AND COULDNT SEE THE ONCOMING MR DEAN AND GREASE MONKEY AS THEIR LOW PROFILED PORSCHE WAS OBSCURED BY THE SUN. MR DORK WAS TRAVELLING WEST. MR DEAN WAS TRAVELLING EAST. I DEDUCE THIS THROUGH MY KEEN SENSE OF SCIENTIFIC DEDUCTION THAT FOR MILLENNIA THE SUN AS ARISEN IN THE EAST AND DOZED OFF AFTER TOO MANY BUDWEISERS IN THE WEST. RIGHT,,BACK TO SEPTEMBER 30th. MR DORK EXECUTES HIS LEFT TURN AND PROVIDES AN ENORMOUS RIGHT SLAB SIDE OF THE FORD ACROSS THE ROAD. MR DEAN THEN BITCH PANICS AND STEERS INTO THE ACCIDENT AS OPPOSED TO OUT OF IT THEN STABS THE BRAKES. ITS AN ABYSMAL SCENE AS THE PORSCHE LOCKS ITS BRAKES AND TRAVELS INTO MR DORKS CAR, PLUNGING INTO THE RIGHT SIDE. ALL THE KINETIC ENERGY IS CENTERED TO THE FRONT LEFT END OF THE PORSCHE KILLING JAMES DEAN. NOW IF WE COULD MAGICALLY TRAVEL BACK AND CHANGE JAMES DEAN DUMB CHOICE OF TURNING THE WHEEL RIGHT INSTEAD OF LEFT, THE ENERGY WOULD HAVE BEEN CENTERED ON THE FRONT RIGHT OF THE PORSCHE KILLING THE MECHANIC AND POSSIBLY SPARING JAMES DEAN. THE FORCE OF THE CRASH WOULD HAVE BEEN DISSIPATED AWAY FROM THE FORD AND TOWARD THE CENTRE OR OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD. SO ONCE AGAIN JAMES DEAN MAY HAVE SURVIVED IF HE DIDNT TURN INTO THE CRASH AND THE MECHANIC WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE PLAYING THE HARP INSTEAD. AS IT IS THE MECHANIC SURVIVED. SO THEREFORE IT WAS A SURVIVABLE CRASH, IT WAS ALL LET DOWN BY SHITTY DRIVING AND INEXPERIENCE ON THE BEHALF OF JAMES DEAN. OH WELL I SUPPOSE ITS ALL PAR FOR THE COURSE AND JAMES DEAN IN A SPLIT SECOND WAS TO BE IMMORTALISED FOREVER AS THE REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE WHO TRAGICALLY WAS KILLED IN A FREAK AUTO ACCIDENT. IT IS ALL BULLSHIT OF COURSE. JAMES DEAN COULDNT ACT WORTH SHIT AND COULDNT DRIVE WORTH SHIT AND WORST OF ALL HE SEEMED TO HAVE SOME WEIRD PREDILICTION FOR ROCK HUDSONS BUM. MEDIOCRE ACTING ABILITY, MEDIOCRE DRIVING SKILL AND WORST OF ALL A MEDIOCRE LIST OF FEMALE CONQUESTS ,THE DUDE WAS A QUEEN IN A STETSON MADE FAMOUS IN THE EIGHTIES BY THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. TO BE OPENLY GAY IN THE FIFTIES WAS A SURE WAY OF BEING OSTRACIZED BY A GOVERNMENT HELLBENT ON PROSECUTING COMMIES AND FAGS. SO IT IS BETTER TO PRETEND TO BE THE MANS MAN ALL ROUND DUDE THAN COMING OUT AND BEING CHARGED WITH BEING A COMMIE LOVING FAG! A LOT OF TINSEL TOWNS LEADING MEN WERE OF THE BUTT HOLE SURFING FRATERNITY. THE COWBOY LOOK WORKED WELL IN THE FIFTIES TO COVER THE GAY DUDES, HOWEVER BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN PUT PAID TO THE NOTION THAT COWBOYS ARE RUGGED MANLY MEN.SO IN CONCLUSION THE ACCIDENT THAT CLAIMED JAMES DEAN WAS PROBABLY A GODSEND TO A “MAN OF MEN” WHO SIMPLY WANTED TO DRESS JUST LIKE FAY WRAY.
JAMES DEAN WAS KILLED BECAUSE HE WASNT A GOOD DRIVER END OF STORY! HE PANIKED AND WENT OUT FABULOUSLY. IT WAS ULTIMATELY A FUCKING AWESOME BUSINESS MOVE. HE BECAME AN IDOL INSTANTLY AND IS STILL AN IDOL 54 YEARS AFTER HIS MESSY DEMISE. AT LEAST HE WENT OUT IN STYLE DRIVING A PORSCHE AS OPPOSED TO A 1955 FIAT MULTIPLA OR 1953 NASH RAMBLER. MANY ACTORS HAVE TAKEN UP THE RACING LINE TO BECOME MORE BUTCH TO THE LADIES SO THEY CAN SCREW THEM SIDEWAYS. WE LOOK AT PAUL NEWMAN , HE WAS A REALLY GOOD ACTOR THAT PRETTY MUCH WAS A DUDE WHO DUG THE WOMEN AND SHAGGED THEM DILLY, HE HAD A LONG ILLUSTRIOUS CARREER AND WAS A DARN FINE RACE DRIVER. HE SUCCUMBED TO THE GRIM REAPER AFTER A LIFETIME OF NICOTINE USE AND MISUSE. THE WARNINGS ON THE CIGARETTE PACKS WERE FUNNILY PRETTY ACCURATE. WHO KNEW? ANOTHER MANS MAN WHO WAS A REBEL IN HIS OWN RIGHT THAT HAD MORE FEMALE VAGINA MILEAGE ON HIS PENIS THAN ANYONE ALIVE WAS STEVE MCQUEEN. HE WAS A LEGENDARY WHEEL MAN AND CHICK MAGNET. ALI MCGRAW CAN ATTEST TO THAT. MR MCQUEEN AND MR NEWMAN HAD 102OCTANE COARSING THROUGH THEIR VEINS.
I HOPE MY INVESTIGATION INTO THE CAUSE AND EFFECT OF THE CRASH THAT TOOK JAMES DEAN WAS AN INSIGHTFUL ONE. I MAY NEXT INVESTIGATE THE DILLY DEMISE OF THE DANCER ISADORA DUNCAN WHO WAS REPORTEDLY STRANGLED TO DEATH BY HER LONG FLOWING SCARF FLITTING IN THE WIND THAT CRAZILY WOUND AROUND THE REAR WHEEL OF HER “ BUGATTI”. WE WILL DELVE INTO THIS MORE DEEPLY SOON.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA
2058
JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA
+27789489847
+27114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/
A TALE OF BMW, OOMPAH BANDS, ALIENS AND OCTOBER FEST!
BMW. GERMAN ENGINEERING AT ITS ABSOLUTE BEST.
TO START WITH, BMW IS THE FINEST AUTO BRAND ON THE PLANET AND VERY POSSIBLY IN THE KNOWN GALAXY. OF ALL BMW`S THAT ARE STOLEN, I BELIEVE THEY ARE BEING “ABDUCTED” BY ALIENS WHO ALSO WANT TO LOOK UBER COOL ON THEIR ROADS. WITH THE BOUNDS AND LEAPS IN AUTO ENGINEERING AND AIRCRAFT DESIGN THERE IS DEFINATELY A LINK BETWEEN EXTRA TERRESTRIAL INTELLIGENCE BEING SWAPPED FOR BAVARIAS FINEST (QUICK CASE IN POINT: JUST LOOK AT THE UBER FUTURISTIC BMW BUILDING IN MUNICH, IT IS A MARVEL OF CONSTRUCTION NOT UNLIKE THAT WHICH WE SEE IN EGYPT AT GIZA)
ONE YEAR WE HAVE AIRBAGS, THE NEXT WE HAVE INFRA RED PEDESTRIAN SAFETY PROGRAMS THAT MONITOR THE PERSONS ALGORITHMS IN THE DARK HALF WAY ROUND A BEND. SAME GOES FOR THE AERO INDUSTRY. WE SUDDENLY HAVE TWO REDNECK YANKS NAMED WILBUR AND ORVILLE WHO USED TO MAKE BICYCLES, AND SHODDY ONES AT THAT, TO SUDDENLY INVENTING AND FLYING KITTY HAWK. TALK ABOUT A DUFUS NAME. THEN FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS AND YOU HAVE BIPLANES PUDNOCKING ACROSS THE SKY OVER FRANCE DOG FIGHTING, TO A FEW YEARS LATER AND FROM MESSERSCHMIDT AND HEINKEL, SUDDENLY THE GERMANS ROLL OUT THE ME 262 JET POWERED PLANE. IT DOES NOT END THERE! THE JET AGE GREW IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS AND ALONG WITH IT A WHOLE NEW SPACE PROGRAM HEADED BY GERMANS WHO WERE OFFERED FREEDOM FROM PROSECUTION AFTER WORLD WAR 2, AND PAID WELL. IN AMONGST ALL THIS YOU SAY SO WHAT THE FUCK DO ALIENS, GERMANS ,AIRPLANES, SPACE CRAFT AND BMW HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER? SIMPLE.... BMW STARTED OFF AS AN AERONAUTICAL COMPANY HENCE THE NOW FAMED BMW BADGE. IT SIGNIFIES THE VIEW FROM THE COCKPIT LOOKING THROUGH THE PROPELLERS INTO THE BIG BLUE YONDER. SO INEVITABLY MANY BMW SCIENTISTS, DESIGNERS AND PRODUCTIONISTS WERE EVENTUALLY USED IN THE SOVIET AND ALLIED AEROSPACE AND SPACE PROGRAMS! TADAA..
THEN YOU MUST LOGICALLY ASK YOURSELF, WHERE EXACTLY DID THESE LIEDERHOSEN WEARING, OOMPAH BAND, OCTOBER FEST BEER SWILLING DUDES GET ALL THIS ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY FROM?
THE ALIENS, I TELL YOU. ITS THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION. SO IN EXCHANGE FOR TECHNOLOGY WAY AHEAD OF ITS TIME ALL THE HUMANS HAD TO DO WAS LET THE ALIENS TAKE A FEW PEOPLE FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION AND “STEAL” OUR BEEMERS. ITS NOT SUCH A BAD DEAL REALLY. I JUST WISHED THEY SHOWED US HOW BEST TO MAKE EFFECTIVE USE OF FOSSIL FUEL POWER SOURCES OR SOME OTHER ABUNDANT RARE EARTH MATERIAL.
BMW HAS A LONG AND PROSPEROUS HISTORY WHEN IT COMES TO CARS. THEY WERE TRUE PIONEERS IN THE FIELD. THE LINE UP OF MODELS AND FORESIGHTED TECHNOLOGY IS A LONG AND LABORIOUS ONE, SO I WONT GO INTO A LONG TOME OF THEIR HISTORY. JUST POINT OUT A FEW OF THE BEST. OK THAT SAID, EVERY BMW IS THE BEST THEY EVER MADE. SIMPLE ISNT IT? THEY DID GO OFF ON TANGENTS OCCASSIONALLY AND IN FITS OF LUNACY AND UNDOUBTATELY HUMUNGOUS AMOUNTS OF BEER CAME UP WITH TRULY WACKY DESIGNS. ITS TOUGH BEING NUMERO UNO AND CONSTANTLY TURNING OUT BEAUTY ,BRAWN AND BRAINS ALL THE TIME, SO JUST TO PROVE YOU DONT GIVE A TWALLY YOU RELEASE THE BMW ISETTA BUBBLE CAR. INSANE, RIDICULOUS, UNDENIABLY QUAINT BUT IT HELD A FAR MORE USEFUL ATTRIBUTE! IT WAS CUNNING, THE ISETTA WAS THE ONLY CAR EXEMPT FROM BEING SEARCHED AT THE EAST GERMAN CHECKPOINTS DURING THE COLD WAR. THE EAST GERMANS AND THEIR RUSKY OVERLORDS WERE OF THE THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD IN NO WAY BE ABLE TO BE USED TO SMUGGLE EAST GERMANS TO THE WEST. IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE MASTERSTROKE! ADD TO THAT THE FACT THAT TODAY THEY ARE COLLECTABLES AND COMMAND INSANE PRICES AT AUCTIONS.
BMW RELEASED ITS FIRST TURBOCHARGED PRODUCTION CAR THE 2002. IT WAS NOT THE WORLDS FIRST PRODUCTION TURBOCHARGED CAR BUT IT WAS A TINY BEAST POSSESSED BY SATAN HIMSELF WHEN BOSCH FUEL INJECTION WAS ADDED IN 1981. THE JAPANESE SAN CERTAINLY TOOK NOTES ON EFFECTIVE FORCED INDUCTION TECHNIQUES. STRANGELY, ANOTHER BMW THAT IS SUPER COLLECTABLE. ANOTHER SUPER COLLECTABLE IS THE BMW 30CSL “BATMOBILE” .POWER AND BEAUTY. THEN THERE IS THE ORIGINAL BMW 328 CIRCA 1936-39. A ROADSTER OF STUPIFYINGLY BEAUTIFUL LINES. THE BMW 507 ROADSTER CIRCA 1956-59 IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE INSPIRATION WHEN THE SUBLIME Z3 WAS PENNED. ONLY 253 BMW 507`S WERE CREATED BY GOD HIMSELF, THUS ELEVATING THEM TO COSMICALLY COLLECTABLE AND SUPER DUPER STATUS. THE LIST JUST GOES ON AND ON. THE BMW 635CSI WAS A BEAST, AND WHEN DRIVEN AT THE LIMIT AGAINST OTHER LESSER AUTO CRAP ON THE ROADS IT SIMPLY MURDERLISED THE OPPOSITION. I BELEIVE THE “CSI” IN ITS NAME DOES ACTUALLY MEAN “CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION” BECAUSE THAT WAS WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF ALL THE 635`S BUTCHERY AND SENSELESS SLAUGHTER IT DISHED OUT ON THE ROADS AND TRACKS ALIKE! IT WAS POWERED BY THE BMW M1 SUPERCARS POWER PLANT AND FEATURED A NEW “ALIEN” DESIGN CUE WITHIN THE CAR. THE DASH WAS RAKED IN TOWARDS THE DRIVER, OR SHALL WE SAY PILOT? IT WAS AMAZING, BEING SURROUNDED BY THE CONTROLS AND DASH, WHEN YOU DROVE IT YOU WERE INVINCIBLE! THE BMW 850i WAS ANOTHER ABSOLUTE BEAUTY. END OF STORY. 5.5 LITRE V8 M SPECCED FRONT ENGINED REAR WHEEL DRIVE HANNIBAL LECTER OF A CAR, A TOTALLY REFINED SERIAL KILLER.
WE IN SOUTH AFRICA HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE BOX SHAPE BEEMERS WHO JUST KEEP GOING, I HAVE OWNED TWO 318i EXAMPLES, THEY WERE CHEAP TO BUY SECOND HAND WENT ON AND ON AND ON. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO MURDER THEIR ENGINES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHY SO MANY ARE USED AT DRAGS WHERE YOU CAN BURNOUT ALL NIGHT TILL YOU SPIN THE REAR TYRES TO DESTRUCTION. THE 325`S AND SHADOWLINES ARE SPECTACULARLY COSTLY IN THE SECOND HAND CAR MARKET WITH POSSIBLY THE MOST INSTANTLY RECOGNISABLE EXHAUST PIPE SYMPHONY FOUND IN A CAR.
THE NEXT GEN 3 SERIES, THE “DOLPHIN” SHAPE WERE ALLROUND GOOD CARS THAT CAN BE BOUGHT AT EXCELLENT PRICES NOWADAYS. THE M3 WAS A GODSEND WITH PERFORMANCE AND EXHAUST PIPE TONE THAT IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY ACTUALLY GROWLS THE PHRASE,”MAN I AM REALLY FUCKING OFF” THERE IS NO ARGUMENT THAT BMW MAKE THE BEST STRAIGHT 6 MOTOR IN THE UNIVERSE. THE NEXT M3 JUST WENT ON A BODY BUILDING MISSION AND THE “4 PIPE” WAS BORN TO SCREAM UP THE ROADS AND TERRORISE THE GENERAL POPULACE. THEN JUST WHEN EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT THESE AUTOMOTIVE STORM TROOPERS IN BAVARIA HAD DEFINATELY RUN OUT OF IDEAS, THEY BLITZ THE WORLD WITH THE NEXT GEN M3, WITH A V8 AND BONNET BULGE TO FIT THAT MURDEROUS FIRE BREATHING TAR EATING DRAGON THINLY DISGUISED AS AN ENGINE INTO THE FRONT END OF THE CAR. THEY RELEASED IT WITH 4 DOORS AS ALL M3`S WERE. ITS KIND OF FUTILE REALLY. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DROP THE KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL AT 250 KM/H, PEELING THEIR FACES OFF THE WINDSCREEN AS YOU COME TO AN ABRUPT HALT THANKS TO SOME OF THE BEST DESIGNED BRAKES AND ABS PROGRAMS ON THE PLANET. AN ADULT CAN WITHSTAND 10 G`S MAX, KIDDIES HOWEVER CAN ONLY WITHSTAND PROBABLY HALF THAT. SO WHY HAVE A 4 DOOR MASS MURDERER OF A CAR? SIMPLE, BECAUSE YOU CAN !!! HENCE THE INTRODUCTION OF THE M5 SALOON RANGE. FABULOUS FABULOUS. FABULOUS! I WANT POWER TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND CRUSH THE LITTLE PEOPLE IN THEIR LITTLE FRENCH, JAPANESE, KOREAN, CHINESE AND INDIAN TIN CAN CARS! THE SEVEN SERIES IS WHAT GOD WOULD USE IF HE WERE TO VISIT US AND DRIVE ABOUT ON OUR ROADS. HE WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DEMAND THE FINEST IN REFINEMENT AND POWER, WITH REAR LEGROOM THAT COULD ACCOMODATE AN OSTRICH`S LEGS.THE NEW 750i IS A BEHEMOTH THAT IS POWERED BY A 4.4 LITRE TWIN TURBO V8 PSYCOPATH UNDER THE BONNET, YET PUTS IT DOWN LIKE THE LONDON PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA PERFORMING FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES WHILE TAKING A HIT OFF A CRACK BONG.
THE M6 IS SIMPLY DIVINTY ON EARTH. IT MAY HAVE LOVE HATE STYLING. SO IN OTHER WORDS IF YOU HATE IT I WILL BE FORCED TO CHOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF! IT IS BEAUTIFUL. IF BATMAN WERE GERMAN, HE WOULD DRIVE AN M6. END OF STORY. THE SUV MARKET IS ONE THAT HAS SPRUNG UP THANKS TO THE YANKS. HOWEVER LETS FACE IT, THE YANKS HAVE NOTHING TO STAND UPTO THE GERMAN OFFERINGS. THEY HAVE A DILLY BOX WITH TINY WINDOWS, THE HUMMER. THE RIDICULOUS CADDY ESCALADE AND THE DREARY AS HELL CHEV CAPTIVA. THE X5 IS A MASTERPIECE, THE X3 UNNECESSARY UNFORTUNATELY. THE X1 I FEAR IS ANOTHER DILLY IDEA. IF YOU WANT A SMALL CAR WITH A HIGHER SEATING POSITION, I RECCOMEND BUYING A 3 SERIES SALOON AND SIT ON A PILLOW. THE PROBLEM WITHIN BMW IS THAT THEY ARE STUPIDLY TRYING TO CUT INTO A MARKET SHARE OF LAME SUV`S. THEY DONT REALISE THAT THEY DONT HAVE TO. LEAVE THE DILLY SOFTROADERS TO NISSAN, AUDI, VW, RENAULT ETC. BMW ARE THE PREMIUM DUDES, STICK TO THAT. THE X 6 IS HOWEVER A CROSSOVER/SUV/THING THAT IS MOST DEFINATELY NEEDED FOR NO MORE REASON THAN IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. IT IS ANOTHER BATMOBILE.
IN MY CAR OWNERSHIP LIFETIME I HAVE OWNED 6 VARIOUS BEEMERS. I HAVE HAD 2 OLD 5 SERIES MODELS, A 1977 518. A 1981 520. THEY WERE BY NO MEANS THAT FAST BUT THEY WERE BMW. WONDERFULLY SET OUT INTERIORS, UP TO DATE EXTERIOR STYLING FOR ITS DAY, (DISMAL CARBS THOUGH). I LOVED THEM NEVER THE LESS . I HAVE ALSO OWNED 2 “BOX SHAPE” BMW 318i`s. A 1990 MODEL AND A 1991 MODEL, THEY WERE AMAZING. EXCELLENT FUEL ECONOMY AND BULLET PROOF 4 POT ENGINES. I THEN STEPPED UP TO THE V8 BMW SCHOOL A CULTURED V8. I PURCHASED A 1994 BMW 540i, IT WAS AN ANIMAL WITH A SPECTACULAR EXHAUST NOTE ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TRAMPED THE HAPPY PEDAL ON THE RIGHT SIDE. CURRENTLY I OWN A 1995 BMW740i. IT HAS EVERY LUXURY WITH OODLES OF POWER TO BOOT. I READ THE OWNERS MANUAL THOROUGHLY AND LEARNED THAT THEY USE WATER BUFFALO HIDE FOR THE LEATHER INTERIOR. I WAS SUITABLY SURPRISED HOWEVER FOR A CAR THAT FUCKS OFF LIKE THE 740 DOES, THE ROAR FORM THE EXHAUSTS THE SHEAR TERROR IT UNLEASHES ON PEDESTRIANS AND TATA DRIVERS I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED THE LEATHER TO BE MADE BY ED GEIN. YOU KNOW THE BARMY DUDE THAT KILLED PEOPLE AND MADE HUMAN SKIN LEATHER SEATS AND LAMP COVERS. ONCE AGAIN THE 7 IS A CAR THAT IS DRESSED UP IN A TUXEDO, COMES FROM VERY REGAL AND UPPER CLASS STOCK, AND LIKE MOST PEOPLE FROM THESE IMPECCABLE GENES HAVE SERIOUS BIPOLAR DISORDER. ONE MOMENT CALM AND COLLECTED, THE NEXT A STARK RAVING MANIACAL MASS MURDERER. I ENJOY DRIVING MY 740 SLOWLY AND WITHOUT MUCH ADO (fuel is not a cheap commodity in a big v8 740i) , HOWEVER NOTHING IS AS LIBERATING AS DRIVING NEXT TO A TYPICAL”BOY RACER” IN HIS FLAME STICKERED UP MOMO LOGO MOBILE WITH THE NOW OBLIGATORY DOWN FORCE WING STUCK ON WITH DOUBLE SIDED TAPE, REVVING HIS ANAL 1600CC VIBRATOR VW CITY GOLF OR OBLIGATORY 2 LITRE POLO AND THROUGH HIS FULL FACE GAY SHADES WITH BED HEAD SPIKEY HAIRDO EGGING YOU ON FOR A DICE. HE BELEIVES THE BMW 740i IS JUST A GERIATRIC OLD FARTS CAR. THE AFOREMENTIONED ”BOY RACER” IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO IMPRESS HIS DITZY LOVE HERSELF BIMBO GIRLFRIEND. WITH MUCH PURPOSE HE STABS IT FROM TAKE OFF FLAT SPOTTING EVERY GEAR, SITTING UPRIGHT AND CLUTCHING THE STEERING WHEEL AS IF HIS VERY MORTALITY WERE AT STAKE. OVER THE DIN OF THE TIN CAN VW YOU HEAR THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF RIHANNA AND P DIDDY, THE DRIVERS G UNIT CAP IS JAUNTILY PERCHED ATOP HIS MELON WITH THE CAPS PEAK WORN OFF TO THE SIDE PROVIDING SHADE FOR HIS RIGHT EAR LOBE ONLY, THIS DUDE IS A CHOP! DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT HE AINT A NIGGA IN DA HOOD?DUDE YOU ARE CAUCASIAN AND YOU JUST DONT PULL OFF DA STYLE YOU WHIPPERSNAPPER, YOU ARE WHITE BREAD DUDE NOT WHOLEWHEAT . . . SUDDENLY AN UNHOLY ROAR SHATTERS THE AIR AS IF MOUNT VESUVIOUS WERE ERUPTING AND THEN THE 740 DISAPPEARS INTO THE FUTURE. IT WILL TEACH THE PUPPIES TO WANT TO PISS WITH THE BIG DOGS! IT LEAVES THE “BOY RACER” SHAKING AND WANTING TO GO BACK HOME AND SUCKLE ON HIS MOTHERS TIT AGAIN.
HOWEVER THAT IS NOT THE END OF THIS TALE. IT HAS A DARK SIDE! WHEN I FIRST SET ABOUT WITH THIS PIECE I OWNED A BMW 740i BUT THROUGH A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE I NO LONGER OWN THAT CAR. YOU SEE I INVESTED MONEY WITH A CHARACTER IN THE FOREX MARKET AND AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT HE MADE A RUNNER. GOOD NEWS BEING I TRACKED THE SLUT DOWN AND TURNED THE SCREWS TIGHT. HE IS BUSY MAKING PLANS TO REPAY WHAT HE OWES ME. I THINK HE MAY BE PEDDLING HIS ARSE ON THE CORNER OF GRAYSTON AND CATHERINE AVENUES TO RAISE MY MONEY. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS. I HAD COMMITMENTS OF MY OWN AND BILLS TO PAY, SO I DID IN MY MIND THE ONLY LOGICAL THING, I SWAPPED MY 1995 MODEL 740 FOR A 1994 MODEL 540i AND A CASH ADJUSTMENT IN MY FAVOUR.SO I STILL OWN A BEEMER AND HAVE A POCKET FLUSH WITH CASH. I HAVE SEEN MANY TIMES IN THE PAST , WHERE PEOPLE SELL THEIR CARS OR TRADE THEM IN BECAUSE THEY CANNOT AFFORD TO RUN THEM ANYMORE, BE IT MONTHLY REPAYMENTS OR THE COST OF PETROL, HOWEVER THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF ARE THE DILDO`S THAT TRADE IN AN AUDI A4 1.8T FOR A HYUNDAI GETZ! ARE THEY MAD???? OR EVEN WORSE. SOME TWALLY TRADED HIS CHEV LUMINA SS 5.8 LITRE V8 FOR , WAIT FOR IT, WAIT, WAIT, HE TRADED IT IN ON A CHEVY AVEO! ( A MOMENTS SILENCE PLEASE) . YES FUEL IS HEAVY IN THE SS BUT FOR THE LOVE OF OCTANE DONT BE A BLITHERING IDIOT AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE BY TRADING THAT FAR DOWN THE AUTOMOTIVE LADDER. AT LEAST TRY AND TRADE FOR THE BABY LUMINA FOR FUCK SAKES! THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO THE MORAL OF MY STORY, WHEN IN THE DWANG DONT SELL OR TRADE IN FOR SHIT, STAY WITHIN THE MARQUE AND SIMPLY SET YOUR SIGHTS A TAD LOWER. DONT FALL RIGHT THROUGH YOUR OWN ARSE HOLE AND GET THE MOST LIMP CAR ON THE DEALER LOT. I BELEIVE I TRADED RIGHT. I MAY NOT HAVE THE REFINEMENT OF THE SEVEN SERIES ANYMORE BUT I STILL HAVE AN ASS KICKING 4 LITRE V8 BEEMER. HOW DOES THE PALOOKA THAT TRADED THE AUDI FOR THE GETZ AND THE CHEESE DICK THAT TRADED THE SS FOR THE AVEO FACE HIS FAMILY? WORSE STILL,, HOW DOES HE FACE HIS MATES AT THE PUB? ON MONDAY HE HAD A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON,THEN ON FRIDAY HE HAD A DANDELION BLOWING GAY ELF. YOU TWAT!!!!
THUS THEN. THE BMW IS THE BEST CAR ON THE PLANET. IT HAS BEEN DESIGNED BY SCIENTISTS WHO WERE GIFTED MYSTICAL KNOWLEDGE BY ALIENS THAT SAW TRUE POTENTIAL AT THE BAYERISCHE MOTOREN WERKE.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
BMW. GERMAN ENGINEERING AT ITS ABSOLUTE BEST.
TO START WITH, BMW IS THE FINEST AUTO BRAND ON THE PLANET AND VERY POSSIBLY IN THE KNOWN GALAXY. OF ALL BMW`S THAT ARE STOLEN, I BELIEVE THEY ARE BEING “ABDUCTED” BY ALIENS WHO ALSO WANT TO LOOK UBER COOL ON THEIR ROADS. WITH THE BOUNDS AND LEAPS IN AUTO ENGINEERING AND AIRCRAFT DESIGN THERE IS DEFINATELY A LINK BETWEEN EXTRA TERRESTRIAL INTELLIGENCE BEING SWAPPED FOR BAVARIAS FINEST (QUICK CASE IN POINT: JUST LOOK AT THE UBER FUTURISTIC BMW BUILDING IN MUNICH, IT IS A MARVEL OF CONSTRUCTION NOT UNLIKE THAT WHICH WE SEE IN EGYPT AT GIZA)
ONE YEAR WE HAVE AIRBAGS, THE NEXT WE HAVE INFRA RED PEDESTRIAN SAFETY PROGRAMS THAT MONITOR THE PERSONS ALGORITHMS IN THE DARK HALF WAY ROUND A BEND. SAME GOES FOR THE AERO INDUSTRY. WE SUDDENLY HAVE TWO REDNECK YANKS NAMED WILBUR AND ORVILLE WHO USED TO MAKE BICYCLES, AND SHODDY ONES AT THAT, TO SUDDENLY INVENTING AND FLYING KITTY HAWK. TALK ABOUT A DUFUS NAME. THEN FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS AND YOU HAVE BIPLANES PUDNOCKING ACROSS THE SKY OVER FRANCE DOG FIGHTING, TO A FEW YEARS LATER AND FROM MESSERSCHMIDT AND HEINKEL, SUDDENLY THE GERMANS ROLL OUT THE ME 262 JET POWERED PLANE. IT DOES NOT END THERE! THE JET AGE GREW IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS AND ALONG WITH IT A WHOLE NEW SPACE PROGRAM HEADED BY GERMANS WHO WERE OFFERED FREEDOM FROM PROSECUTION AFTER WORLD WAR 2, AND PAID WELL. IN AMONGST ALL THIS YOU SAY SO WHAT THE FUCK DO ALIENS, GERMANS ,AIRPLANES, SPACE CRAFT AND BMW HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER? SIMPLE.... BMW STARTED OFF AS AN AERONAUTICAL COMPANY HENCE THE NOW FAMED BMW BADGE. IT SIGNIFIES THE VIEW FROM THE COCKPIT LOOKING THROUGH THE PROPELLERS INTO THE BIG BLUE YONDER. SO INEVITABLY MANY BMW SCIENTISTS, DESIGNERS AND PRODUCTIONISTS WERE EVENTUALLY USED IN THE SOVIET AND ALLIED AEROSPACE AND SPACE PROGRAMS! TADAA..
THEN YOU MUST LOGICALLY ASK YOURSELF, WHERE EXACTLY DID THESE LIEDERHOSEN WEARING, OOMPAH BAND, OCTOBER FEST BEER SWILLING DUDES GET ALL THIS ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY FROM?
THE ALIENS, I TELL YOU. ITS THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION. SO IN EXCHANGE FOR TECHNOLOGY WAY AHEAD OF ITS TIME ALL THE HUMANS HAD TO DO WAS LET THE ALIENS TAKE A FEW PEOPLE FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION AND “STEAL” OUR BEEMERS. ITS NOT SUCH A BAD DEAL REALLY. I JUST WISHED THEY SHOWED US HOW BEST TO MAKE EFFECTIVE USE OF FOSSIL FUEL POWER SOURCES OR SOME OTHER ABUNDANT RARE EARTH MATERIAL.
BMW HAS A LONG AND PROSPEROUS HISTORY WHEN IT COMES TO CARS. THEY WERE TRUE PIONEERS IN THE FIELD. THE LINE UP OF MODELS AND FORESIGHTED TECHNOLOGY IS A LONG AND LABORIOUS ONE, SO I WONT GO INTO A LONG TOME OF THEIR HISTORY. JUST POINT OUT A FEW OF THE BEST. OK THAT SAID, EVERY BMW IS THE BEST THEY EVER MADE. SIMPLE ISNT IT? THEY DID GO OFF ON TANGENTS OCCASSIONALLY AND IN FITS OF LUNACY AND UNDOUBTATELY HUMUNGOUS AMOUNTS OF BEER CAME UP WITH TRULY WACKY DESIGNS. ITS TOUGH BEING NUMERO UNO AND CONSTANTLY TURNING OUT BEAUTY ,BRAWN AND BRAINS ALL THE TIME, SO JUST TO PROVE YOU DONT GIVE A TWALLY YOU RELEASE THE BMW ISETTA BUBBLE CAR. INSANE, RIDICULOUS, UNDENIABLY QUAINT BUT IT HELD A FAR MORE USEFUL ATTRIBUTE! IT WAS CUNNING, THE ISETTA WAS THE ONLY CAR EXEMPT FROM BEING SEARCHED AT THE EAST GERMAN CHECKPOINTS DURING THE COLD WAR. THE EAST GERMANS AND THEIR RUSKY OVERLORDS WERE OF THE THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD IN NO WAY BE ABLE TO BE USED TO SMUGGLE EAST GERMANS TO THE WEST. IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE MASTERSTROKE! ADD TO THAT THE FACT THAT TODAY THEY ARE COLLECTABLES AND COMMAND INSANE PRICES AT AUCTIONS.
BMW RELEASED ITS FIRST TURBOCHARGED PRODUCTION CAR THE 2002. IT WAS NOT THE WORLDS FIRST PRODUCTION TURBOCHARGED CAR BUT IT WAS A TINY BEAST POSSESSED BY SATAN HIMSELF WHEN BOSCH FUEL INJECTION WAS ADDED IN 1981. THE JAPANESE SAN CERTAINLY TOOK NOTES ON EFFECTIVE FORCED INDUCTION TECHNIQUES. STRANGELY, ANOTHER BMW THAT IS SUPER COLLECTABLE. ANOTHER SUPER COLLECTABLE IS THE BMW 30CSL “BATMOBILE” .POWER AND BEAUTY. THEN THERE IS THE ORIGINAL BMW 328 CIRCA 1936-39. A ROADSTER OF STUPIFYINGLY BEAUTIFUL LINES. THE BMW 507 ROADSTER CIRCA 1956-59 IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE INSPIRATION WHEN THE SUBLIME Z3 WAS PENNED. ONLY 253 BMW 507`S WERE CREATED BY GOD HIMSELF, THUS ELEVATING THEM TO COSMICALLY COLLECTABLE AND SUPER DUPER STATUS. THE LIST JUST GOES ON AND ON. THE BMW 635CSI WAS A BEAST, AND WHEN DRIVEN AT THE LIMIT AGAINST OTHER LESSER AUTO CRAP ON THE ROADS IT SIMPLY MURDERLISED THE OPPOSITION. I BELEIVE THE “CSI” IN ITS NAME DOES ACTUALLY MEAN “CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION” BECAUSE THAT WAS WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF ALL THE 635`S BUTCHERY AND SENSELESS SLAUGHTER IT DISHED OUT ON THE ROADS AND TRACKS ALIKE! IT WAS POWERED BY THE BMW M1 SUPERCARS POWER PLANT AND FEATURED A NEW “ALIEN” DESIGN CUE WITHIN THE CAR. THE DASH WAS RAKED IN TOWARDS THE DRIVER, OR SHALL WE SAY PILOT? IT WAS AMAZING, BEING SURROUNDED BY THE CONTROLS AND DASH, WHEN YOU DROVE IT YOU WERE INVINCIBLE! THE BMW 850i WAS ANOTHER ABSOLUTE BEAUTY. END OF STORY. 5.5 LITRE V8 M SPECCED FRONT ENGINED REAR WHEEL DRIVE HANNIBAL LECTER OF A CAR, A TOTALLY REFINED SERIAL KILLER.
WE IN SOUTH AFRICA HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE BOX SHAPE BEEMERS WHO JUST KEEP GOING, I HAVE OWNED TWO 318i EXAMPLES, THEY WERE CHEAP TO BUY SECOND HAND WENT ON AND ON AND ON. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO MURDER THEIR ENGINES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHY SO MANY ARE USED AT DRAGS WHERE YOU CAN BURNOUT ALL NIGHT TILL YOU SPIN THE REAR TYRES TO DESTRUCTION. THE 325`S AND SHADOWLINES ARE SPECTACULARLY COSTLY IN THE SECOND HAND CAR MARKET WITH POSSIBLY THE MOST INSTANTLY RECOGNISABLE EXHAUST PIPE SYMPHONY FOUND IN A CAR.
THE NEXT GEN 3 SERIES, THE “DOLPHIN” SHAPE WERE ALLROUND GOOD CARS THAT CAN BE BOUGHT AT EXCELLENT PRICES NOWADAYS. THE M3 WAS A GODSEND WITH PERFORMANCE AND EXHAUST PIPE TONE THAT IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY ACTUALLY GROWLS THE PHRASE,”MAN I AM REALLY FUCKING OFF” THERE IS NO ARGUMENT THAT BMW MAKE THE BEST STRAIGHT 6 MOTOR IN THE UNIVERSE. THE NEXT M3 JUST WENT ON A BODY BUILDING MISSION AND THE “4 PIPE” WAS BORN TO SCREAM UP THE ROADS AND TERRORISE THE GENERAL POPULACE. THEN JUST WHEN EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT THESE AUTOMOTIVE STORM TROOPERS IN BAVARIA HAD DEFINATELY RUN OUT OF IDEAS, THEY BLITZ THE WORLD WITH THE NEXT GEN M3, WITH A V8 AND BONNET BULGE TO FIT THAT MURDEROUS FIRE BREATHING TAR EATING DRAGON THINLY DISGUISED AS AN ENGINE INTO THE FRONT END OF THE CAR. THEY RELEASED IT WITH 4 DOORS AS ALL M3`S WERE. ITS KIND OF FUTILE REALLY. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DROP THE KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL AT 250 KM/H, PEELING THEIR FACES OFF THE WINDSCREEN AS YOU COME TO AN ABRUPT HALT THANKS TO SOME OF THE BEST DESIGNED BRAKES AND ABS PROGRAMS ON THE PLANET. AN ADULT CAN WITHSTAND 10 G`S MAX, KIDDIES HOWEVER CAN ONLY WITHSTAND PROBABLY HALF THAT. SO WHY HAVE A 4 DOOR MASS MURDERER OF A CAR? SIMPLE, BECAUSE YOU CAN !!! HENCE THE INTRODUCTION OF THE M5 SALOON RANGE. FABULOUS FABULOUS. FABULOUS! I WANT POWER TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND CRUSH THE LITTLE PEOPLE IN THEIR LITTLE FRENCH, JAPANESE, KOREAN, CHINESE AND INDIAN TIN CAN CARS! THE SEVEN SERIES IS WHAT GOD WOULD USE IF HE WERE TO VISIT US AND DRIVE ABOUT ON OUR ROADS. HE WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DEMAND THE FINEST IN REFINEMENT AND POWER, WITH REAR LEGROOM THAT COULD ACCOMODATE AN OSTRICH`S LEGS.THE NEW 750i IS A BEHEMOTH THAT IS POWERED BY A 4.4 LITRE TWIN TURBO V8 PSYCOPATH UNDER THE BONNET, YET PUTS IT DOWN LIKE THE LONDON PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA PERFORMING FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES WHILE TAKING A HIT OFF A CRACK BONG.
THE M6 IS SIMPLY DIVINTY ON EARTH. IT MAY HAVE LOVE HATE STYLING. SO IN OTHER WORDS IF YOU HATE IT I WILL BE FORCED TO CHOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF! IT IS BEAUTIFUL. IF BATMAN WERE GERMAN, HE WOULD DRIVE AN M6. END OF STORY. THE SUV MARKET IS ONE THAT HAS SPRUNG UP THANKS TO THE YANKS. HOWEVER LETS FACE IT, THE YANKS HAVE NOTHING TO STAND UPTO THE GERMAN OFFERINGS. THEY HAVE A DILLY BOX WITH TINY WINDOWS, THE HUMMER. THE RIDICULOUS CADDY ESCALADE AND THE DREARY AS HELL CHEV CAPTIVA. THE X5 IS A MASTERPIECE, THE X3 UNNECESSARY UNFORTUNATELY. THE X1 I FEAR IS ANOTHER DILLY IDEA. IF YOU WANT A SMALL CAR WITH A HIGHER SEATING POSITION, I RECCOMEND BUYING A 3 SERIES SALOON AND SIT ON A PILLOW. THE PROBLEM WITHIN BMW IS THAT THEY ARE STUPIDLY TRYING TO CUT INTO A MARKET SHARE OF LAME SUV`S. THEY DONT REALISE THAT THEY DONT HAVE TO. LEAVE THE DILLY SOFTROADERS TO NISSAN, AUDI, VW, RENAULT ETC. BMW ARE THE PREMIUM DUDES, STICK TO THAT. THE X 6 IS HOWEVER A CROSSOVER/SUV/THING THAT IS MOST DEFINATELY NEEDED FOR NO MORE REASON THAN IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. IT IS ANOTHER BATMOBILE.
IN MY CAR OWNERSHIP LIFETIME I HAVE OWNED 6 VARIOUS BEEMERS. I HAVE HAD 2 OLD 5 SERIES MODELS, A 1977 518. A 1981 520. THEY WERE BY NO MEANS THAT FAST BUT THEY WERE BMW. WONDERFULLY SET OUT INTERIORS, UP TO DATE EXTERIOR STYLING FOR ITS DAY, (DISMAL CARBS THOUGH). I LOVED THEM NEVER THE LESS . I HAVE ALSO OWNED 2 “BOX SHAPE” BMW 318i`s. A 1990 MODEL AND A 1991 MODEL, THEY WERE AMAZING. EXCELLENT FUEL ECONOMY AND BULLET PROOF 4 POT ENGINES. I THEN STEPPED UP TO THE V8 BMW SCHOOL A CULTURED V8. I PURCHASED A 1994 BMW 540i, IT WAS AN ANIMAL WITH A SPECTACULAR EXHAUST NOTE ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TRAMPED THE HAPPY PEDAL ON THE RIGHT SIDE. CURRENTLY I OWN A 1995 BMW740i. IT HAS EVERY LUXURY WITH OODLES OF POWER TO BOOT. I READ THE OWNERS MANUAL THOROUGHLY AND LEARNED THAT THEY USE WATER BUFFALO HIDE FOR THE LEATHER INTERIOR. I WAS SUITABLY SURPRISED HOWEVER FOR A CAR THAT FUCKS OFF LIKE THE 740 DOES, THE ROAR FORM THE EXHAUSTS THE SHEAR TERROR IT UNLEASHES ON PEDESTRIANS AND TATA DRIVERS I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED THE LEATHER TO BE MADE BY ED GEIN. YOU KNOW THE BARMY DUDE THAT KILLED PEOPLE AND MADE HUMAN SKIN LEATHER SEATS AND LAMP COVERS. ONCE AGAIN THE 7 IS A CAR THAT IS DRESSED UP IN A TUXEDO, COMES FROM VERY REGAL AND UPPER CLASS STOCK, AND LIKE MOST PEOPLE FROM THESE IMPECCABLE GENES HAVE SERIOUS BIPOLAR DISORDER. ONE MOMENT CALM AND COLLECTED, THE NEXT A STARK RAVING MANIACAL MASS MURDERER. I ENJOY DRIVING MY 740 SLOWLY AND WITHOUT MUCH ADO (fuel is not a cheap commodity in a big v8 740i) , HOWEVER NOTHING IS AS LIBERATING AS DRIVING NEXT TO A TYPICAL”BOY RACER” IN HIS FLAME STICKERED UP MOMO LOGO MOBILE WITH THE NOW OBLIGATORY DOWN FORCE WING STUCK ON WITH DOUBLE SIDED TAPE, REVVING HIS ANAL 1600CC VIBRATOR VW CITY GOLF OR OBLIGATORY 2 LITRE POLO AND THROUGH HIS FULL FACE GAY SHADES WITH BED HEAD SPIKEY HAIRDO EGGING YOU ON FOR A DICE. HE BELEIVES THE BMW 740i IS JUST A GERIATRIC OLD FARTS CAR. THE AFOREMENTIONED ”BOY RACER” IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO IMPRESS HIS DITZY LOVE HERSELF BIMBO GIRLFRIEND. WITH MUCH PURPOSE HE STABS IT FROM TAKE OFF FLAT SPOTTING EVERY GEAR, SITTING UPRIGHT AND CLUTCHING THE STEERING WHEEL AS IF HIS VERY MORTALITY WERE AT STAKE. OVER THE DIN OF THE TIN CAN VW YOU HEAR THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF RIHANNA AND P DIDDY, THE DRIVERS G UNIT CAP IS JAUNTILY PERCHED ATOP HIS MELON WITH THE CAPS PEAK WORN OFF TO THE SIDE PROVIDING SHADE FOR HIS RIGHT EAR LOBE ONLY, THIS DUDE IS A CHOP! DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT HE AINT A NIGGA IN DA HOOD?DUDE YOU ARE CAUCASIAN AND YOU JUST DONT PULL OFF DA STYLE YOU WHIPPERSNAPPER, YOU ARE WHITE BREAD DUDE NOT WHOLEWHEAT . . . SUDDENLY AN UNHOLY ROAR SHATTERS THE AIR AS IF MOUNT VESUVIOUS WERE ERUPTING AND THEN THE 740 DISAPPEARS INTO THE FUTURE. IT WILL TEACH THE PUPPIES TO WANT TO PISS WITH THE BIG DOGS! IT LEAVES THE “BOY RACER” SHAKING AND WANTING TO GO BACK HOME AND SUCKLE ON HIS MOTHERS TIT AGAIN.
HOWEVER THAT IS NOT THE END OF THIS TALE. IT HAS A DARK SIDE! WHEN I FIRST SET ABOUT WITH THIS PIECE I OWNED A BMW 740i BUT THROUGH A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE I NO LONGER OWN THAT CAR. YOU SEE I INVESTED MONEY WITH A CHARACTER IN THE FOREX MARKET AND AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT HE MADE A RUNNER. GOOD NEWS BEING I TRACKED THE SLUT DOWN AND TURNED THE SCREWS TIGHT. HE IS BUSY MAKING PLANS TO REPAY WHAT HE OWES ME. I THINK HE MAY BE PEDDLING HIS ARSE ON THE CORNER OF GRAYSTON AND CATHERINE AVENUES TO RAISE MY MONEY. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS. I HAD COMMITMENTS OF MY OWN AND BILLS TO PAY, SO I DID IN MY MIND THE ONLY LOGICAL THING, I SWAPPED MY 1995 MODEL 740 FOR A 1994 MODEL 540i AND A CASH ADJUSTMENT IN MY FAVOUR.SO I STILL OWN A BEEMER AND HAVE A POCKET FLUSH WITH CASH. I HAVE SEEN MANY TIMES IN THE PAST , WHERE PEOPLE SELL THEIR CARS OR TRADE THEM IN BECAUSE THEY CANNOT AFFORD TO RUN THEM ANYMORE, BE IT MONTHLY REPAYMENTS OR THE COST OF PETROL, HOWEVER THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF ARE THE DILDO`S THAT TRADE IN AN AUDI A4 1.8T FOR A HYUNDAI GETZ! ARE THEY MAD???? OR EVEN WORSE. SOME TWALLY TRADED HIS CHEV LUMINA SS 5.8 LITRE V8 FOR , WAIT FOR IT, WAIT, WAIT, HE TRADED IT IN ON A CHEVY AVEO! ( A MOMENTS SILENCE PLEASE) . YES FUEL IS HEAVY IN THE SS BUT FOR THE LOVE OF OCTANE DONT BE A BLITHERING IDIOT AND COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE BY TRADING THAT FAR DOWN THE AUTOMOTIVE LADDER. AT LEAST TRY AND TRADE FOR THE BABY LUMINA FOR FUCK SAKES! THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO THE MORAL OF MY STORY, WHEN IN THE DWANG DONT SELL OR TRADE IN FOR SHIT, STAY WITHIN THE MARQUE AND SIMPLY SET YOUR SIGHTS A TAD LOWER. DONT FALL RIGHT THROUGH YOUR OWN ARSE HOLE AND GET THE MOST LIMP CAR ON THE DEALER LOT. I BELEIVE I TRADED RIGHT. I MAY NOT HAVE THE REFINEMENT OF THE SEVEN SERIES ANYMORE BUT I STILL HAVE AN ASS KICKING 4 LITRE V8 BEEMER. HOW DOES THE PALOOKA THAT TRADED THE AUDI FOR THE GETZ AND THE CHEESE DICK THAT TRADED THE SS FOR THE AVEO FACE HIS FAMILY? WORSE STILL,, HOW DOES HE FACE HIS MATES AT THE PUB? ON MONDAY HE HAD A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON,THEN ON FRIDAY HE HAD A DANDELION BLOWING GAY ELF. YOU TWAT!!!!
THUS THEN. THE BMW IS THE BEST CAR ON THE PLANET. IT HAS BEEN DESIGNED BY SCIENTISTS WHO WERE GIFTED MYSTICAL KNOWLEDGE BY ALIENS THAT SAW TRUE POTENTIAL AT THE BAYERISCHE MOTOREN WERKE.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
AUTOMOTIVE HIJINX
MANS QUEST FOR AUTOMOTIVE SATISFACTION AND COOLNESS.
A MAN IS BY HIS VERY DEFINITION AND MOLECULAR MAKE UP A VERY SIMPLE ORGANISM WITH A SIMPLISTIC OUTLOOK ON LIFE. IT MUST HAVE DISPLACEMENT , BE ABLE TO REV TO THE LIMITER, DRIVE AS IF POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF AND ABLE TO BURN UP THE RUBBER COMPOUND WITHIN THE TYRES AT AN ALARMING RATE. DRIVE ON THE OUTER LIMIT OF SANITY ,SAFETY THEN BREAK OUT THE TAIL AROUND EVERY BEND AND AFTER AN HOUR OF RISKING IT ALL GET LIGHT HEADED FROM THE IMMENSE RUSH OF ADRENALIN THAT INTOXICATES YOU LEAVING THE DRIVER WITH A BIG RUBBERY ONE IN HIS PANTS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. HELL YEAH!!! STAB IT AND STEER TO AUTOMOTIVE NOTORIETY! SIGN ME UP, SUIT ME UP I`M READY TO GO!!!
WE ARE THAT PREDICTABLE, WE BUY CARS FOR THE FLASH AND FUSS, SPEED AND POWER ABOVE ALL ELSE. IF IT WERENT SO THEN MANUFACTURERS WOULDNT BOTHER BUILDING SPORTSCARS AND CRAZY ARSE SUV`S. FUCK. WE WOULD ALL BE DRIVING RENAULT SCENICS OR FIAT MULTIPLA`S.
WOMEN ARE MORE BOTHERED BY SILLY THINGS LIKE FUEL ECONOMY, EURO N CAP SAFETY RATINGS, PRACTICALITY AND RELIABILITY. TO THAT I SCREAM, BUHUMBUG! GIVE ME A CAR SO IMPRACTICAL, SO HEAVY ON FUEL, SO ABSOLUTELY DRIVER UNFRIENDLY THAT A TRIP TO THE CAFE IS A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, SO LONG AS I ARRIVE THERE IN A HURRY AND PALL OF TYRE SMOKE WITH GAWKING EYES ALL STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY THE HONEYS. WHEN I WAS GENTLY PROBED WITH BUYING A “FAMILY CAR” SO THAT WE AS A FAMILY COULD TRAVEL IN SAFETY AND COMFORT I OBLIGED IN MY OWN WAY. I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE CRAZIEST MOST POWERFUL “FAMILY CAR” I COULD AFFORD. I GOT ME A 4 LITRE V8 BMW 740i. IT IS POSSESSED BY DEMONS THAT LIVE UNDER THE BONNET AND EAT PEDESTRIANS AND ROAD KILL, IT IS SAFE AS IT HAS BULLET RESISTANT GLASS AND IS ELECTRONICALLY GOVERNED TO 250 KM/H. DUDE I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. HEE HEE HEE. I ALWAYS SAID I WOULD STAY TO A 2 DOOR SPORTS COUPE AS A FAMILY CAR, MY REASONING BEING THAT WHEN MY SON WAS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THE TINY BACK SEAT, IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO BUY HIS OWN FUCKING CAR! I WAS PRESSURISED TO GO LARGER AND MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY. I DULY DID. THE BEEMER IS SAFE AND LARGE BUT GOES LIKE THE CLAPPERS TOO .THE ENVIRONMENT IS SAFE SO LONG AS I STAY ON THE ROAD.
YOU SEE, MEN AND WOMEN ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY WHEN IT COMES TO CARS. WOMAN WANTS TRANSPORT FROM A TO B. A MAN WANTS AN EARTH SHATTERING EXPERIENCE FROM A TO B. HENRY FORD STARTED IT ALL AND I AM A BELIEVER.I NEVER WANT TO SELL OUT MY MANHOOD BECAUSE SOME WOMAN MAKES ME DO IT. I PICTURE THE SCENE AS THUS. “HONEY, YOU ARE A DAD AND HUSBAND NOW, SELL THE ALFA ROMEO GTV AND BUY SOMETHING MORE FAMILY ORIENTATED, LIKE A RENAULT ESPACE OR OPEL ZAFIRA”. WHAT???? ARE YOU HIGH ????. SELL OUT MY INDIVIDUALITY AND SELF EXPRESSION ,SIMPLY TO DRIVE AROUND IN A PUSSY WHIPPED CAR!!! NO, NAY, NEVER! BEST YOU JUST BRING OUT THE DIVORCE PAPERS AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, TAKE THE PANTIES OFF OF THE BATHROOM TOWEL RAIL ALONG WITH YOUR SUPER DUPER ABSORBANT TAMPAX IN THE MEDICINE CABINET WHICH IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY AFTERSHAVE .
WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND THE PRIMORDIAL NEED THAT A MAN HAS WHEN IT COMES TO A CAR. MAKE HIM PURCHASE A HALF ON CAR AND WATCH AS HE DETERIORATES INTO A BLITHERING POT BELLIED WRECK. YES BITCH,, YOU DID IT WITH YOUR WHINING ABOUT GETTING A MINI VAN. WORST OF ALL HE WILL THEN HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH SOME BIMBO AT WORK TO TRY AND MAKE UP FOR HIS LOST MANHOOD. YOU CAUSED IT!!!!! NOW LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. IF YOU HAD SIMPLY LEFT HIM WITH HIS CAR HE WOULD HAVE FELT MORE MANLY AND NOT FELT THE NEED TO GO OUT TO O HAGANS EVERY FRIDAY AND HIT ON SILLY YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE DITZES WITH HIS SCENIC WHICH BY NOW IS ADORNED BY THE STANDARD ISSUE “BABY ON BOARD” STICKER AND KIDDY SEAT IN THE REAR RIGHT. DONT COMPLAIN, THIS IS WHAT YOU DID THINKING YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR MAN. YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE AN EXTENSION OF WHAT YOU WANT IN A MAN BUT HE STILL HAS BLOOD COURSING THROUGH HIS VEINS. THAT BLOOD IS 93 OCTANE. DONT FUCK UP A PERFECTLY GOOD MAN AND MAKE HIM THE LAUGHING STOCK OF ALL MEN. HE WILL RESENT YOU AND ULTIMATELY STRAY. THIS I GUARANTEE. LET HIM DRIVE HIS ALFA, BMW, BIG BLACK DOUBLE CAB AND DONT BERATE HIM WHEN HE SHAVES HIS HEAD AND SUDDENLY SPROUTS A GOATEE.. LET HIM LIVE IN HIS MISGUIDED FADING YOUTH. HE IS HAPPY, WHY MAKE HIM A SISSY?
THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO THE CRUX OF MANS ADDICTION TO THE MOTORCAR. LADIES BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO BECOME FUDDY DUDDIES YOU HAVE ALL BEEN ENGAGED IN AUTO EROTIC SEX. YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN FINGER BANGED AT THE DRIVE IN, YOU HAVE ALL AT ONE TIME OR OTHER PERFORMED 59KM/H HIGHWAY FELLATIO. THE SPEED IS SET AT 59KM/H BECAUSE A MAN CANNOT DRIVE FASTER WHILE LIPS ARE SLIDING UP AND DOWN HIS TALLY WHACKER. YOU CHICKS WERE ONCE WILD” BIATCHES “ AND THE CAR BECAME THE DUDES HAREM, YOU GOT FUNKY ON THE BONNET AT THE DROP OF A HAT. SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHEN EXACTLY DID THE AUTO SEX CONTRACT RUN OUT.? LOOK WE ALL KNOW THAT A CAR WILL EVENTUALLY GET TO THE END OF ITS MOTORPLAN, BUT WHEN DID THAT APPLY TO AUTO EROTIC FUNKINESS? TAKE FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU WILL THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO. YOU ARE GOING OUT TO A FUNCTION, SAY 40 KM`S AWAY, YOU HAVE THE BABYSITTER LOOKING AFTER YOUR STANDARD 2.3 CHILDREN, YOU ARE DRIVING IN YOUR DEAD DRAB KIA CARENS WHICH YOU TOLD YOUR HUSBAND WAS A GOOD CHOICE AS A FAMILY CAR. BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT IS UTTER SHIT! YOU DRIVE THE SAID 40 CLICKS TO YOUR DINNER DATE WITH OTHER BORING DRAB MINDLESS ZOMBIE DORKS WITH CRAPPY CARS,, WHY NOT MAKE THE TRIP FUN? TRY THIS. NEXT TIME YOU ARE WITH YOUR PREMATURELY BALDING HUSBAND PLODDING ALONG THE HIGHWAY, UNZIP HIM AND GO APE. HE WILL BE SUPER STOKED AND EVEN IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT YOU WILL HAVE THE PIECE OF MIND THAT YOU ARE SAFELY COCOONED WITHIN A 5 STAR EURO NCAP CAR. THE PREVERBIAL SPICE WILL ONCE AGAIN BE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. BONUS PART IS YOU WILL BOTH ARRIVE AT THE SAID FUNCTION GLOWING AND BEAMING FROM EAR TO EAR. PLEASE LADIES DONT MURDERLISE US MENS SIMPLICITY AND ATTRACTION TO THE AUTOMOBILE. THE CAR IS A FALLIC SYMBOL OF OUR INDIVIDUALITY AND NOTHING QUITE FUCKS THAT UP LIKE A MINIVAN OR “PEOPLE CARRIER”. BESIDES, HAVE YOU SPARED ONE IOTA OF A THOUGHT TO YOUR KIDS? THEY DONT WANT TO ARRIVE AT SCHOOL IN A TOYOTA AVANZA OR NISSAN LIVINA, OR GODFORFUCKINGBID A NISSAN GRAND LIVINA! PULLING UP AT SCHOOL IN SAY A 290 KILOWATT FIRE BREATHING CHEVY LUMINA SS IS THE SHIT. DONT OPEN YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL YARD BULLYING BECAUSE OF YOUR SHIT CHOICE IN A CAR. I FULLY UNDERSTAND CHILDREN WHO MURDER THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR SLEEP SIMPLY BECAUSE MOM AND DAD WERE DORKS THAT DROVE THE KIDS AROUND IN THEIR FIAT MULTIPLA. DONT DESTROY YOUR CHILDRENS MORAL FIBRE! FOR THE LOVE OF JELLY TOTS AND ALL THINGS HOLY !!!!!
MAN WANTS AND NEEDS TO BE CHILDISH, ITS THE ONLY THING WE HAVE LEFT TO KEEP THE EDGE OFF ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES IN LIFE. A MANS CAR IS HIS OUTLET TO YOUTH EVEN IN LATER LIFE. DONT ROB US OF THAT. PLEASE.! I MISS MY AUTO HIJINXS, MY MANY CREATIVE SEX POSITIONS USING ALL AREAS OF THE CAR, BE IT THE ROOF, BONNET,BOOT , IN THE BOOT, DRIVERS SEAT, PASSENGER SEAT, BACK SEAT, SITTING ON THE ENGINE BLOCK.( OK. THAT ONE WAS FREAKY, THE MATHEMATICS INVOLVED WERE MIND BOGGLING), MY POINT BEING WE AS MEN LOVE OUR CARS AS MUCH AS OUR WOMAN SO WHY NOT SHARE THAT EXPERIENCE WITH US AS AN EXTENSION OF THE BEDROOM?. IT IS LIBERATING IN A WEIRD WAY TO GET FUNKY IN A CAR. LEG OUT OF WINDOW, ARSE SQUEEZED UP AGAINST THE PASSENGER WINDOW, WIPERS GOING, HOOTER BEING HONKED ETC. IT IS THE QUINTESSENTIAL MATING PLACE, A DARN SIDE MORE FUN THE OBLIGATORY CLOSED CURTAINS MISSIONARY HUMP AND PUMPING IN THE BEDROOM. HELL IF YOU FEEL FRISKY ONE EVENING SIMPLY SNEAK OUT TO THE CAR PARKED IN THE GARAGE AND SHAG LIKE STRANGERS ON THE BACK SEAT. WITH TECHNOLOGY AS IT IS TODAY YOU CAN WATCH A DVD IN CAR WHILE GETTING “HANDY” WITH EACH OTHER. THE DRIVE IN LIVES AGAIN. LET ME JUST ADD AN ANECDOTE. IT WAS THE STRANGEST TASTING POPCORN I EVER ATE. I SHIT YOU NOT. A SORT OF AROMATIC SALTY FISHY CHICKENY VINEGARY FLAVOUR.. THE DRIVE IN WAS SEX EDUCATION 101 IN SOUTH AFRICA. IN THE 80`S NO ONE DARED TO UTTER THE WORD SEX AT SCHOOL, WE HAD TO LEARN SOMEWHERE, AND THATS WHY FOR YEARS I WOULD STOP HALF WAY THROUGH GETTING BUSY, THE CHICK WOULD SAY “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”, MY ANSWER WAS ALWAYS HEY ITS INTERMISSION. THAT IS HOW I LEARNED ABOUT SEX THERE WAS ALWAYS AN INTERLUDE BEFORE THE MAIN SHOW. ...NOW, TOP STAR DRIVE IN ON TOP OF A MINE DUMP WAS FOR THE UPPER CLASS CHICKS. SPEEDYS WAS FOR THE STORKS CHICKS. .( QUICK EXPLANATION::, STORKS IS THE NICKNAME FOR A SUBURB CALLED SOUTH HILLS, AND THE HONEY`S FROM THERE ARE SHALL WE SAY “SURE THINGS”. IF YOU CHAT UP A CHICK AT A CLUB AND SHE SAYS SHE LIVES IN SOUTH HILLS YOU JUST KNOW YOU ARE GONNA LAY IT DOWN ON THE RUBBER ROAD THAT NIGHT. THE NAME STORKS WAS ALLOCATED DUE TO THE FACT THAT ON ALMOST EVERY BLOCK THERE WAS A PREGNANT CHICK. SO THEREFORE THE “STORK” WAS VERY BUSY DELIVERING BABIES, MOST THE FEMALES WHO RESIDED IN “STORKS” HAD A BIRTH CERTIFICATE OF AN OFFSPRING IN HAND BEFORE THEY HAD A MATRIC CERTIFICATE OF THEIR OWN..) OK, THAT SORTED LETS GET BACK TO THE STORY. THEN THERE IS PANORAMA DRIVE IN AND THAT WAS WHERE ALL THE BUDS WENT TO CHECK OUT EACH OTHER GETTING IT ON WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND GIVE POINTS FOR EFFORT AND CREATIVITY! THE 80`S WAS THE BEST. WITHOUT THE DRIVE IN AND CAR I SERIOUSLY DOUBT WHETHER ANY OF US WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT SEX WAS OR HOW TO SPAWN ANY OFFSPRING. I ESPECIALLY GET ALL CHOKED UP WITH EMOTION WHEN I HEAR THE DIALOGUE FROM DIE HARD, MR WILLIS UTTERS THE IMMORTAL WORDS “YIPPEEKYAY MOTHER FUCKER”. THOSE FEW WORDS JUST MAGICALLY TRANSPORT ME BACK TO TOP STAR DRIVE IN AND A WONDEROUS BACK SEAT ROMP. IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS BEFORE I ACTUALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE ON VIDEO, AT THE DRIVE IN IT WAS MORE OF AN AURAL EXPERIENCE AS OPPOSED TO A VISUAL ONE. YOU CANT NAVIGATE THE BRA STRAP AND PANTIES , YOUR ZIPPER AND RODS WHILE ACTUALLY WATCHING THE MOVIE. BESIDES, THE MALE WAS INEVITABLY FACING THE WRONG WAY WHILE ON THE BACK SEAT.PEOPLE PARKED BEHIND YOU HAD A VIEW REMINISCENT OF THE GYNAECOLOGISTS OFFICE, THE CHICK HAD ONE LEG OVER THE LEFT HEADREST THE OTHER LEG OVER THE RIGHT HEADREST .THE “STIRRUP” POSITION. THE EXPRESSION ON THE MALES FACE THROUGH THE MISTED UP REAR WINDOW WAS ONE OF A CONQUISTADOR. A TAD RED AND SWEATY BUT HE LOOKS AS IF HE SINGLE HANDEDLY CONQUERED THE MAGICAL CITY OF EL DORADO AND PLUNDERED ALL OF ITS TREASURES.
SO IN CONCLUSION..
LADIES PLEASE DONT BITCH HOUND US SIMPLE MEN ABOUT OUR CHOICE OF CARS. IF YOUR HUBBY OR BEAU ARRIVES HOME WITH A SPORTSCAR JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU TOO WILL LOOK BITCHING IN THE CAR AND UNLESS YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A TROLL OR AN OGRE, THE BABY WILL FIT IN THE SMALL BACK SEAT FOR YEARS TO COME AND WHEN JUNIOR NO LONGER FITS IN THE BACK SEAT ITS HIGH TIME FOR HIM TO GET HIS OWN FUCKING CAR! . THE BOOT MAY BE SMALL BUT IT WILL HOUSE THE STROLLER AND BABY BAG. WHEN YOUR LITTLE TYKE GETS OLDER HE OR SHE WONT BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH THE DOOR HANDLES OR WINDOWS THEREFORE MINIMISING THE RISK OF THE RUG RAT FALLING OUT THE CAR. LADIES , ONE MORE POINT. WHEN YOU USE THE SPORTSCAR TO POP INTO THE SPAR YOU WILL ONCE AGAIN BE A SPANKER AS OPPOSED TO THE MOMS TAXI DRIVER. I BET YOU DIDNT THINK OF THAT DID YOU? WHAT WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE SEEN AS? A BELTER IN A SPORTSCAR OR A” MILF” IN A VOLKSWAGEN CADDY OR EVEN WORSE A CHRYSLER VOYAGER ?. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A “MILF” STANDS FOR? IT IS AN ACRONYM FOR “ MOM I`D LIKE TO FUCK”. NO NO NO! YOU WILL UNDOUBTABLY WANT TO BE CLASSED AS THE STINGER. SO ENCOURAGE YOUR TUBBY HUBBY TO BUY THE SPORTSCAR.
LET US MEN DRIVE CRAZY CARS, WE DESERVE IT. PLEASE. YOU BUST OUR BALLS ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE AT HOME LIKE THE CURTAINS, TILES, BEDDING, THE COLOUR OF THE TOWELS IN THE GUEST TOILET ,THE PLANTS, THE SCATTER CUSHIONS ON THE COUCH,WHERE AND WHEN WE CAN CUT OUR TOENAILS, HAVING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR PREMENSTRUAL MOOD SWINGS, EVEN OUR BARS. A MANS BAR IS HIS HOLY SANCTUM PLEASE LEAVE US WITH SOMETHING!
“OUR BAR AND OUR CAR.”
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
MANS QUEST FOR AUTOMOTIVE SATISFACTION AND COOLNESS.
A MAN IS BY HIS VERY DEFINITION AND MOLECULAR MAKE UP A VERY SIMPLE ORGANISM WITH A SIMPLISTIC OUTLOOK ON LIFE. IT MUST HAVE DISPLACEMENT , BE ABLE TO REV TO THE LIMITER, DRIVE AS IF POWERED BY SATAN HIMSELF AND ABLE TO BURN UP THE RUBBER COMPOUND WITHIN THE TYRES AT AN ALARMING RATE. DRIVE ON THE OUTER LIMIT OF SANITY ,SAFETY THEN BREAK OUT THE TAIL AROUND EVERY BEND AND AFTER AN HOUR OF RISKING IT ALL GET LIGHT HEADED FROM THE IMMENSE RUSH OF ADRENALIN THAT INTOXICATES YOU LEAVING THE DRIVER WITH A BIG RUBBERY ONE IN HIS PANTS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. HELL YEAH!!! STAB IT AND STEER TO AUTOMOTIVE NOTORIETY! SIGN ME UP, SUIT ME UP I`M READY TO GO!!!
WE ARE THAT PREDICTABLE, WE BUY CARS FOR THE FLASH AND FUSS, SPEED AND POWER ABOVE ALL ELSE. IF IT WERENT SO THEN MANUFACTURERS WOULDNT BOTHER BUILDING SPORTSCARS AND CRAZY ARSE SUV`S. FUCK. WE WOULD ALL BE DRIVING RENAULT SCENICS OR FIAT MULTIPLA`S.
WOMEN ARE MORE BOTHERED BY SILLY THINGS LIKE FUEL ECONOMY, EURO N CAP SAFETY RATINGS, PRACTICALITY AND RELIABILITY. TO THAT I SCREAM, BUHUMBUG! GIVE ME A CAR SO IMPRACTICAL, SO HEAVY ON FUEL, SO ABSOLUTELY DRIVER UNFRIENDLY THAT A TRIP TO THE CAFE IS A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, SO LONG AS I ARRIVE THERE IN A HURRY AND PALL OF TYRE SMOKE WITH GAWKING EYES ALL STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY THE HONEYS. WHEN I WAS GENTLY PROBED WITH BUYING A “FAMILY CAR” SO THAT WE AS A FAMILY COULD TRAVEL IN SAFETY AND COMFORT I OBLIGED IN MY OWN WAY. I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE CRAZIEST MOST POWERFUL “FAMILY CAR” I COULD AFFORD. I GOT ME A 4 LITRE V8 BMW 740i. IT IS POSSESSED BY DEMONS THAT LIVE UNDER THE BONNET AND EAT PEDESTRIANS AND ROAD KILL, IT IS SAFE AS IT HAS BULLET RESISTANT GLASS AND IS ELECTRONICALLY GOVERNED TO 250 KM/H. DUDE I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. HEE HEE HEE. I ALWAYS SAID I WOULD STAY TO A 2 DOOR SPORTS COUPE AS A FAMILY CAR, MY REASONING BEING THAT WHEN MY SON WAS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THE TINY BACK SEAT, IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO BUY HIS OWN FUCKING CAR! I WAS PRESSURISED TO GO LARGER AND MORE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY. I DULY DID. THE BEEMER IS SAFE AND LARGE BUT GOES LIKE THE CLAPPERS TOO .THE ENVIRONMENT IS SAFE SO LONG AS I STAY ON THE ROAD.
YOU SEE, MEN AND WOMEN ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY WHEN IT COMES TO CARS. WOMAN WANTS TRANSPORT FROM A TO B. A MAN WANTS AN EARTH SHATTERING EXPERIENCE FROM A TO B. HENRY FORD STARTED IT ALL AND I AM A BELIEVER.I NEVER WANT TO SELL OUT MY MANHOOD BECAUSE SOME WOMAN MAKES ME DO IT. I PICTURE THE SCENE AS THUS. “HONEY, YOU ARE A DAD AND HUSBAND NOW, SELL THE ALFA ROMEO GTV AND BUY SOMETHING MORE FAMILY ORIENTATED, LIKE A RENAULT ESPACE OR OPEL ZAFIRA”. WHAT???? ARE YOU HIGH ????. SELL OUT MY INDIVIDUALITY AND SELF EXPRESSION ,SIMPLY TO DRIVE AROUND IN A PUSSY WHIPPED CAR!!! NO, NAY, NEVER! BEST YOU JUST BRING OUT THE DIVORCE PAPERS AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, TAKE THE PANTIES OFF OF THE BATHROOM TOWEL RAIL ALONG WITH YOUR SUPER DUPER ABSORBANT TAMPAX IN THE MEDICINE CABINET WHICH IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY AFTERSHAVE .
WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND THE PRIMORDIAL NEED THAT A MAN HAS WHEN IT COMES TO A CAR. MAKE HIM PURCHASE A HALF ON CAR AND WATCH AS HE DETERIORATES INTO A BLITHERING POT BELLIED WRECK. YES BITCH,, YOU DID IT WITH YOUR WHINING ABOUT GETTING A MINI VAN. WORST OF ALL HE WILL THEN HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH SOME BIMBO AT WORK TO TRY AND MAKE UP FOR HIS LOST MANHOOD. YOU CAUSED IT!!!!! NOW LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. IF YOU HAD SIMPLY LEFT HIM WITH HIS CAR HE WOULD HAVE FELT MORE MANLY AND NOT FELT THE NEED TO GO OUT TO O HAGANS EVERY FRIDAY AND HIT ON SILLY YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE DITZES WITH HIS SCENIC WHICH BY NOW IS ADORNED BY THE STANDARD ISSUE “BABY ON BOARD” STICKER AND KIDDY SEAT IN THE REAR RIGHT. DONT COMPLAIN, THIS IS WHAT YOU DID THINKING YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR MAN. YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE AN EXTENSION OF WHAT YOU WANT IN A MAN BUT HE STILL HAS BLOOD COURSING THROUGH HIS VEINS. THAT BLOOD IS 93 OCTANE. DONT FUCK UP A PERFECTLY GOOD MAN AND MAKE HIM THE LAUGHING STOCK OF ALL MEN. HE WILL RESENT YOU AND ULTIMATELY STRAY. THIS I GUARANTEE. LET HIM DRIVE HIS ALFA, BMW, BIG BLACK DOUBLE CAB AND DONT BERATE HIM WHEN HE SHAVES HIS HEAD AND SUDDENLY SPROUTS A GOATEE.. LET HIM LIVE IN HIS MISGUIDED FADING YOUTH. HE IS HAPPY, WHY MAKE HIM A SISSY?
THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO THE CRUX OF MANS ADDICTION TO THE MOTORCAR. LADIES BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO BECOME FUDDY DUDDIES YOU HAVE ALL BEEN ENGAGED IN AUTO EROTIC SEX. YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN FINGER BANGED AT THE DRIVE IN, YOU HAVE ALL AT ONE TIME OR OTHER PERFORMED 59KM/H HIGHWAY FELLATIO. THE SPEED IS SET AT 59KM/H BECAUSE A MAN CANNOT DRIVE FASTER WHILE LIPS ARE SLIDING UP AND DOWN HIS TALLY WHACKER. YOU CHICKS WERE ONCE WILD” BIATCHES “ AND THE CAR BECAME THE DUDES HAREM, YOU GOT FUNKY ON THE BONNET AT THE DROP OF A HAT. SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHEN EXACTLY DID THE AUTO SEX CONTRACT RUN OUT.? LOOK WE ALL KNOW THAT A CAR WILL EVENTUALLY GET TO THE END OF ITS MOTORPLAN, BUT WHEN DID THAT APPLY TO AUTO EROTIC FUNKINESS? TAKE FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU WILL THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO. YOU ARE GOING OUT TO A FUNCTION, SAY 40 KM`S AWAY, YOU HAVE THE BABYSITTER LOOKING AFTER YOUR STANDARD 2.3 CHILDREN, YOU ARE DRIVING IN YOUR DEAD DRAB KIA CARENS WHICH YOU TOLD YOUR HUSBAND WAS A GOOD CHOICE AS A FAMILY CAR. BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT IS UTTER SHIT! YOU DRIVE THE SAID 40 CLICKS TO YOUR DINNER DATE WITH OTHER BORING DRAB MINDLESS ZOMBIE DORKS WITH CRAPPY CARS,, WHY NOT MAKE THE TRIP FUN? TRY THIS. NEXT TIME YOU ARE WITH YOUR PREMATURELY BALDING HUSBAND PLODDING ALONG THE HIGHWAY, UNZIP HIM AND GO APE. HE WILL BE SUPER STOKED AND EVEN IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT YOU WILL HAVE THE PIECE OF MIND THAT YOU ARE SAFELY COCOONED WITHIN A 5 STAR EURO NCAP CAR. THE PREVERBIAL SPICE WILL ONCE AGAIN BE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. BONUS PART IS YOU WILL BOTH ARRIVE AT THE SAID FUNCTION GLOWING AND BEAMING FROM EAR TO EAR. PLEASE LADIES DONT MURDERLISE US MENS SIMPLICITY AND ATTRACTION TO THE AUTOMOBILE. THE CAR IS A FALLIC SYMBOL OF OUR INDIVIDUALITY AND NOTHING QUITE FUCKS THAT UP LIKE A MINIVAN OR “PEOPLE CARRIER”. BESIDES, HAVE YOU SPARED ONE IOTA OF A THOUGHT TO YOUR KIDS? THEY DONT WANT TO ARRIVE AT SCHOOL IN A TOYOTA AVANZA OR NISSAN LIVINA, OR GODFORFUCKINGBID A NISSAN GRAND LIVINA! PULLING UP AT SCHOOL IN SAY A 290 KILOWATT FIRE BREATHING CHEVY LUMINA SS IS THE SHIT. DONT OPEN YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL YARD BULLYING BECAUSE OF YOUR SHIT CHOICE IN A CAR. I FULLY UNDERSTAND CHILDREN WHO MURDER THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR SLEEP SIMPLY BECAUSE MOM AND DAD WERE DORKS THAT DROVE THE KIDS AROUND IN THEIR FIAT MULTIPLA. DONT DESTROY YOUR CHILDRENS MORAL FIBRE! FOR THE LOVE OF JELLY TOTS AND ALL THINGS HOLY !!!!!
MAN WANTS AND NEEDS TO BE CHILDISH, ITS THE ONLY THING WE HAVE LEFT TO KEEP THE EDGE OFF ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES IN LIFE. A MANS CAR IS HIS OUTLET TO YOUTH EVEN IN LATER LIFE. DONT ROB US OF THAT. PLEASE.! I MISS MY AUTO HIJINXS, MY MANY CREATIVE SEX POSITIONS USING ALL AREAS OF THE CAR, BE IT THE ROOF, BONNET,BOOT , IN THE BOOT, DRIVERS SEAT, PASSENGER SEAT, BACK SEAT, SITTING ON THE ENGINE BLOCK.( OK. THAT ONE WAS FREAKY, THE MATHEMATICS INVOLVED WERE MIND BOGGLING), MY POINT BEING WE AS MEN LOVE OUR CARS AS MUCH AS OUR WOMAN SO WHY NOT SHARE THAT EXPERIENCE WITH US AS AN EXTENSION OF THE BEDROOM?. IT IS LIBERATING IN A WEIRD WAY TO GET FUNKY IN A CAR. LEG OUT OF WINDOW, ARSE SQUEEZED UP AGAINST THE PASSENGER WINDOW, WIPERS GOING, HOOTER BEING HONKED ETC. IT IS THE QUINTESSENTIAL MATING PLACE, A DARN SIDE MORE FUN THE OBLIGATORY CLOSED CURTAINS MISSIONARY HUMP AND PUMPING IN THE BEDROOM. HELL IF YOU FEEL FRISKY ONE EVENING SIMPLY SNEAK OUT TO THE CAR PARKED IN THE GARAGE AND SHAG LIKE STRANGERS ON THE BACK SEAT. WITH TECHNOLOGY AS IT IS TODAY YOU CAN WATCH A DVD IN CAR WHILE GETTING “HANDY” WITH EACH OTHER. THE DRIVE IN LIVES AGAIN. LET ME JUST ADD AN ANECDOTE. IT WAS THE STRANGEST TASTING POPCORN I EVER ATE. I SHIT YOU NOT. A SORT OF AROMATIC SALTY FISHY CHICKENY VINEGARY FLAVOUR.. THE DRIVE IN WAS SEX EDUCATION 101 IN SOUTH AFRICA. IN THE 80`S NO ONE DARED TO UTTER THE WORD SEX AT SCHOOL, WE HAD TO LEARN SOMEWHERE, AND THATS WHY FOR YEARS I WOULD STOP HALF WAY THROUGH GETTING BUSY, THE CHICK WOULD SAY “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”, MY ANSWER WAS ALWAYS HEY ITS INTERMISSION. THAT IS HOW I LEARNED ABOUT SEX THERE WAS ALWAYS AN INTERLUDE BEFORE THE MAIN SHOW. ...NOW, TOP STAR DRIVE IN ON TOP OF A MINE DUMP WAS FOR THE UPPER CLASS CHICKS. SPEEDYS WAS FOR THE STORKS CHICKS. .( QUICK EXPLANATION::, STORKS IS THE NICKNAME FOR A SUBURB CALLED SOUTH HILLS, AND THE HONEY`S FROM THERE ARE SHALL WE SAY “SURE THINGS”. IF YOU CHAT UP A CHICK AT A CLUB AND SHE SAYS SHE LIVES IN SOUTH HILLS YOU JUST KNOW YOU ARE GONNA LAY IT DOWN ON THE RUBBER ROAD THAT NIGHT. THE NAME STORKS WAS ALLOCATED DUE TO THE FACT THAT ON ALMOST EVERY BLOCK THERE WAS A PREGNANT CHICK. SO THEREFORE THE “STORK” WAS VERY BUSY DELIVERING BABIES, MOST THE FEMALES WHO RESIDED IN “STORKS” HAD A BIRTH CERTIFICATE OF AN OFFSPRING IN HAND BEFORE THEY HAD A MATRIC CERTIFICATE OF THEIR OWN..) OK, THAT SORTED LETS GET BACK TO THE STORY. THEN THERE IS PANORAMA DRIVE IN AND THAT WAS WHERE ALL THE BUDS WENT TO CHECK OUT EACH OTHER GETTING IT ON WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND GIVE POINTS FOR EFFORT AND CREATIVITY! THE 80`S WAS THE BEST. WITHOUT THE DRIVE IN AND CAR I SERIOUSLY DOUBT WHETHER ANY OF US WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT SEX WAS OR HOW TO SPAWN ANY OFFSPRING. I ESPECIALLY GET ALL CHOKED UP WITH EMOTION WHEN I HEAR THE DIALOGUE FROM DIE HARD, MR WILLIS UTTERS THE IMMORTAL WORDS “YIPPEEKYAY MOTHER FUCKER”. THOSE FEW WORDS JUST MAGICALLY TRANSPORT ME BACK TO TOP STAR DRIVE IN AND A WONDEROUS BACK SEAT ROMP. IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS BEFORE I ACTUALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE ON VIDEO, AT THE DRIVE IN IT WAS MORE OF AN AURAL EXPERIENCE AS OPPOSED TO A VISUAL ONE. YOU CANT NAVIGATE THE BRA STRAP AND PANTIES , YOUR ZIPPER AND RODS WHILE ACTUALLY WATCHING THE MOVIE. BESIDES, THE MALE WAS INEVITABLY FACING THE WRONG WAY WHILE ON THE BACK SEAT.PEOPLE PARKED BEHIND YOU HAD A VIEW REMINISCENT OF THE GYNAECOLOGISTS OFFICE, THE CHICK HAD ONE LEG OVER THE LEFT HEADREST THE OTHER LEG OVER THE RIGHT HEADREST .THE “STIRRUP” POSITION. THE EXPRESSION ON THE MALES FACE THROUGH THE MISTED UP REAR WINDOW WAS ONE OF A CONQUISTADOR. A TAD RED AND SWEATY BUT HE LOOKS AS IF HE SINGLE HANDEDLY CONQUERED THE MAGICAL CITY OF EL DORADO AND PLUNDERED ALL OF ITS TREASURES.
SO IN CONCLUSION..
LADIES PLEASE DONT BITCH HOUND US SIMPLE MEN ABOUT OUR CHOICE OF CARS. IF YOUR HUBBY OR BEAU ARRIVES HOME WITH A SPORTSCAR JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU TOO WILL LOOK BITCHING IN THE CAR AND UNLESS YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A TROLL OR AN OGRE, THE BABY WILL FIT IN THE SMALL BACK SEAT FOR YEARS TO COME AND WHEN JUNIOR NO LONGER FITS IN THE BACK SEAT ITS HIGH TIME FOR HIM TO GET HIS OWN FUCKING CAR! . THE BOOT MAY BE SMALL BUT IT WILL HOUSE THE STROLLER AND BABY BAG. WHEN YOUR LITTLE TYKE GETS OLDER HE OR SHE WONT BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH THE DOOR HANDLES OR WINDOWS THEREFORE MINIMISING THE RISK OF THE RUG RAT FALLING OUT THE CAR. LADIES , ONE MORE POINT. WHEN YOU USE THE SPORTSCAR TO POP INTO THE SPAR YOU WILL ONCE AGAIN BE A SPANKER AS OPPOSED TO THE MOMS TAXI DRIVER. I BET YOU DIDNT THINK OF THAT DID YOU? WHAT WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE SEEN AS? A BELTER IN A SPORTSCAR OR A” MILF” IN A VOLKSWAGEN CADDY OR EVEN WORSE A CHRYSLER VOYAGER ?. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A “MILF” STANDS FOR? IT IS AN ACRONYM FOR “ MOM I`D LIKE TO FUCK”. NO NO NO! YOU WILL UNDOUBTABLY WANT TO BE CLASSED AS THE STINGER. SO ENCOURAGE YOUR TUBBY HUBBY TO BUY THE SPORTSCAR.
LET US MEN DRIVE CRAZY CARS, WE DESERVE IT. PLEASE. YOU BUST OUR BALLS ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE AT HOME LIKE THE CURTAINS, TILES, BEDDING, THE COLOUR OF THE TOWELS IN THE GUEST TOILET ,THE PLANTS, THE SCATTER CUSHIONS ON THE COUCH,WHERE AND WHEN WE CAN CUT OUR TOENAILS, HAVING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR PREMENSTRUAL MOOD SWINGS, EVEN OUR BARS. A MANS BAR IS HIS HOLY SANCTUM PLEASE LEAVE US WITH SOMETHING!
“OUR BAR AND OUR CAR.”
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
MY UNDERSTANDING ABOUT BATTERY OPERATED “TOYS”
I RECENTLY WATCHED AN AUTHORATIVE TELEVISION PROGRAM THAT DELVED INTO THE BATTERY / FUEL / HYBRID CONUNDRUM. THE BASIC PREMISE BEING THE EFFICACY OF THE BATTERIES USED TO PROVIDE POWER IN CONJUCTION WITH THE FRUGAL PETROL ENGINE. IN ITS ENTIRETY THIS IS PLAIN STUPID AND COUNTER PRODUCTIVITY AT ITS BEST. ITS LIKE OFFERING 4 STAR ACCOMODATION AT AUSCHWITZ. IT IS IDIOTIC! YOU WILL WORK YOURSELF TO A STAND STILL AND BE ERADICATED AT THE END OF THE WEEK BUT YOU WILL HAVE A TIT ROOM WITH ROOM SERVICE AND A BELL HOP AT YOUR DISPOSAL FOR THE DURATION OF THE WEEK. PEOPLE, , , YOU CANT FIX A PROBLEM WITH HALF OF THE PROBLEM STILL BEING USED! THE PROBLEM IS THE BATTERIES AND THE FOSSIL FUELS. BOTH ARE UNKIND TO THE ENVIRONMENT. PETROL IS IMMEDIATELY HARMFUL DUE TO ITS CARBON FOOTPRINT WHICH IS BEING BELCHED OUT AT THE EXHAUST PIPE. THE BATTERY IS LIKE PASSIVE SMOKING, ITS GOING TO HARM YOU A FEW YEARS DOWN THE LINE. BATTERY EFFICIANCY WILL ULTIMAYELY DETERIORATE AND NEED TO BE REPLACED. IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BATTERIES THAT ARE NOW RUPTURED AND RENDERED USELESS? HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THE AVERAGE SET OF AUTO BATTERIES TO BIO DEGRADE SAFELY WITHOUT HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT? HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY THOUGHT AHEAD 15 YEARS?
AS WITH ALL “RECHARGEABLE” BATTERIES YOU WILL LOSE EFFICIENCY EVERY TIME YOU RECHARGE THEM. I KNOW THIS AS I HAVE OWNED AND RECHARGED MANY BATTERIES IN CELL PHONES, ALL HAVE LOST BATTERY LIFE DUE TO OVERCHARGING, FREQUENT RECHARGING DUE TO HEAVY USE AND ULTIMATELY TIME AND OLD AGE.
THERE ARE NUMEROUS BATTERY MANUFACTURERS WHO HAVE DELVED INTO THE MIRKY WATERS OF HYBRID CAR POWER. EXAMPLES OF THESE ARE A CHINESE BATTERY MAKER THAT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS RECHARGEABLE BATTERIES . CHINA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR AMONGST OTHER TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS RIP OFF CLOTHING BRANDS ,TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS COPIED DVD MOVIES ,TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS BIRD FLU DISEASE, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS FAKE CIGARETTES, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS ILLEGAL ALIENS, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS GREY IMPORTED HIFI AND COMPUTER GADGETRY AND TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS PARRALLEL IMPORT MOTOR CYCLES... FUCKING IMPRESSIVE RESUME INDEED! ..
“BYD” MAKE CARS THAT LOOK LIKE THE PRODUCT OF DEEP SOUTH ALABAMA FAMILY INBREEDING (YOU KNOW , WHEN THE FAMILY TREE JUST DONT BRANCH) . THEIR CARS LOOK LIKE THE DUMB KIN OF BAYOU FOLK. THEY COPY EUROPEAN CARS SHAMELESSLY AND EVEN MANUFACTURERS FROM BEHIND THE 2 MINUTE NOODLE CURTAIN SUCH AS “BRILLIANCE”, YES THAT IS THEIR NAME, NO REALLY I SHIT YOU NOT! THEY HAVE MADE A MYRIAD OF CLONES THAT ARE VERY IMAGINATIVELY NAMED THE BRILLIANCE M1- M3 ALL THE WAY UP TO THE M6, AND GUESS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE? IF BMW SPRUNG TO MIND YOU WERE INDEED RIGHT, HEY THEY ALSO SHAMELESSLY COPY DESIGN CUES FROM HONDA, MERCEDES AND OTHER CHINESE COPY CAT MANUFACTURERS. ITS TERRIBLE WHEN YOU COPY A FOREIGN MANUFACTURER BUT IT IS EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU RESORT TO COPYING A MANUFACTURER THAT COPIES OTHERS. BACK TO “BYD” THEY ARE MASSIVELY POPULAR IN THE NICAD MARKET THAT IS NICKEL CADIUM ( BATTERIES) . THEY SAY WITH MUCH BLAH BLAH THAT THEY ARE ON THE CUSP OF RELEASING A HYBRID THAT CAN TRAVEL A WHOPPING 250 MILES (402KM`S) ON A SINGLE CHARGE! HOLY DOG SHIT!! THATS AMAZING! HOWEVER IN REALITY THEY ONLY HAVE ONE THAT CAN SQUEEZE OUT A MAXIMUM OF 60 MILES (96 KM`S). FUCKING BULLSHITTERS.
NOW FISKER ARE ALSO ON THE BANDWAGON WITH A CAR THAT IS DESIGNED BY THE DUDE THAT DREW THE ORIGINAL BMW Z8 AND A COUPLE OF ASTONS. LOOKS PROMISING UNTIL YOU GET THE RANGE ON THE BATTERIES. 50 MILES (80 KM`S). LOOK, IF YOU ARE WANTING TO GO GREEN AND SAVE THE POLAR BEARS, RUG RATS, ICE CAPS AND DISNEY LAND THE MOTORING INDUSTRY MUST STOP SPREADING THE SHIT OVER BOTH SIDES OF THE SANDWICH. BY THIS I MEAN, ITS POINTLESS SLAPPING BATTERIES AND PETROL TOGETHER THEN THINKING YOUR JOB IS DONE.
LETS EXAMINE THE BATTERIES. FIRSTLY THEY ADD CONSIDERABLE WEIGHT TO THE CAR AND IN ORDER TO GET THE SWEET SPOT AMOUNT OF USEAGE OUT OF THEM, THAT IS 100% AMP HOURS, YOU WILL NEED TO LOAD THE THINGS WITH 150% AMP HOURS. THE CURRENT VARIETY ARE CAPABLE OF 60% AMP HOURS, HENCE THE “”NEED”” FOR A CRUTCH. THAT CRUTCH IS THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. SO ONCE AGAIN MANKIND IS TRYING TO MAKE A POO SANDWICH TASTE LIKE A VANILLA POO SANDWICH! ITS LUDICROUS. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AND WHEN YOU SIT AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR JUST A MOMENT IT WILL DAWN ON YOU LIKE A NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD OVER NAGASAKI.! THEN COMES THE BULLET BEHIND THE EAR AFTER 5 YEARS. WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LET ME GIVE YOU SOME “INSIGHT”
THE HONDA INSIGHT STARTED IT ALL WAY BEFORE TOYOTA RELEASED THE PRIUS. THE INSIGHT HAD A 1 LITRE PETROL MOTOR AND BATTERIES. WHERE HONDA DIDNT GET IT WAS THAT YOU COULDNT PULL OFF FROM STOP ON BATTERIES ONLY, WHEREAS IN THE PRIUS YOU COULD. GROOVY, SO TOYOTA BETTERED THE NIPPON SAN AT HONDA. OR HAD THEY? HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A PRIUS AND FELT THAT AWESOME FEELING OF FUCKALL? NO NOTE, NO CHARACTER, NO BALLS. ALL YOU GET IS AN ANNOYING SHUDDER AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WHEN THE BATTERY IS EMPTYING DUE TO TOWN DRIVING. THE FIRST TIME I DROVE A PRIUS I THOUGHT I HAD BROKEN THE THING.
SO WE ARE THEN TRANSPORTED AS IF BY MAGIC INTO THE FUTURE 5 YEARS IN THE CRAZY DE LOREAN THAT IS POWERED BY 1.21 JIGGAWATTS AND DRIVEN BY MARTY MC FLY. WE WILL NEED THE DE LOREAN TO SPEED BACK TO THE FUTURE BECAUSE IF YOU USE THE HONDA INSIGHT OR TOYOTA PRIUS IT WILL TAKE YOU AT LEAST 7 YEARS TO GET THERE. SO NOW YOU ARE 5 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOUR HYBRID WHICH MAY HAVE SAVED YOU QUITE A BIT ON FUEL NEEDS TO HAVE THE BATTERIES REPLACED DUE TO THE CONSTANT RECHARGING. KEEP IN MIND THAT FIVE YEARS AGO BACK IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MMIX YOU FORKED OUT R 333 000. 00 FOR THE TIN CAN. YOUR MILEAGE HAS TURNED OVER SAY 209 600 KM`S, HEY WITH ALL THAT FUEL SAVING YOU DROVE TO YOUR HOLIDAY DESTINATION ON A SHOE STRING BUDGET. HELL YOUR TOLL GATE FEES WERE MORE THAN YOUR FUEL COSTS. DOWN SIDE IS YOUR BATTERIES ARE “COOKED” THEY ARE NO LONGER WORKING TO OPTIMUM LEVELS. AS LIFE IS A FICKLE THING, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT SILLY THINGS LIKE MAINTENANCE PLANS DO HAVE A FRUITION DATE AND THEY ALWAYS COME TO AN END AT THE MOST INOPPERTUNE TIME. BESIDES , I BET THAT NOWHERE WITHIN THE OWNERS MANUAL DOES IT REMOTELY TALK ABOUT BATTERY REPLACEMENT AT TOYOTA`S EXPENSE WITHIN THE WARRANTY PERIOD. SO NOW DEALING IN DOLLARS AS AN EXAMPLE AS USED IN THE TELEVISION PROGRAM , IT WILL COST SOMEWHERE IN THE REGION OF $ 5000.00 TO OVERHAUL YOUR PENLIGHTS. IN SOUTH AFRICAN MONEY AT TODAYS EXCHANGE RATE AND IMAGINING FOR A SECOND THAT OUR CURRENCY IN FIVE YEARS HAS NOT GONE THE ZIMBABWE DOLLAR ROUTE IT WILL COST YOU A WHOPPING R 47 950. 00 GIVE OR TAKE A COUPLE HUNDRED RANDS. AFTER FIVE YEARS WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO FORK OVER THAT MUCH MONEY ON A BUNCH OF CELL PHONE BATTERIES? DID YOU EXPECT TO HAVE TO MAKE A BULK PAYMENT OF THAT MAGNITUDE? ALL THE FUEL YOU SAVED IS SUDDENLY MADE REDUNDANT BY A SMILING SNAPPERHAED AT THE SERVICE DEPARTMENT. BLOWING FIFTY GRAND ON NEW BATTERIES IS NOT GOING TO IMPROVE THE RESALE VALUE OF YOUR SHIT PRIUS. ITS LIKE SELLING A USED CAR AND EXPECTING TWO THOUSAND RAND MORE ON YOUR ASKING PRICE SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU SPENT FOUR HUNDRED RAND FILLING THE TANK. WHAT WILL HAPPEN IS THAT THE PRIUS WILL ULTIMATELY DIE A “LOW POWER” DEATH AND THIS IS WHY TOYOTA DECIDED VERY WISELY TO ACTUALLY “SELL” THE PRIUS AS OPPOSED TO THEIR ORIGINAL DILLY PLAN THAT YOU COULD ONLY LEASE ONE. SOME WILY JAP IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT IN TOKYO THOUGHT “ WHAT HAPPEN WHEN BATTERY FUCKED?” THE EXECS WENT HARA KIRI AND DECIDED TO DITCH THE NOTION OF LEASE AND ADOPTED THE MORE REASONABLE APPROACH OF “KAMIKAZI OWNERSHIP”. WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF BATTERY AND MOTORPLAN,,,,, CRASH! ITS TRULY SAD ABOUT THOSE KAMIKAZE PILOTS, THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME, BUT I DIGRESS.
SO IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET BUY A SMALLER ENGINED CAR, SAY A 1100CC FOR THE LOVE OF KOALA BEARS. . ME? I AM GOING TO STICK TO FOSSIL FUEL GUZZLERS AND JOIN IN WITH THE REST OF THE PSYCHOS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE HELL BENT ON MURDERING US ALL. FOR EXAMPLE THE FELLOWS IN IRAN, PAKISTAN, AMERICA, AFGHANISTAN, ALL OF AFRICA, THE DRUG PEDDLING SONS OF BITCHES IN SOUTH AMERICA, THE IRAQI`S, AL QAEDA, THE CIA, THE KU KLUX KLAN, THE NEO NAZI`S, THE HAARP SCIENTISTS, NASA, THE MANUFACTURERS OF THE MINI BUS TAXI, ROBERT MUGABE, KLIPDRIFT BRANDY,THE TAX MAN AND CHINESE CAR MANUFACTURERS!
IN CONCLUSION
BATTERIES ARE AN AMAZING INVENTION. A HOME WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT A BATTERY OPERATED TORCH FOR THOSE ANNOYING “LOAD SHEDDING” TIMES AND FOR USE IN THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL HOUSEHOLD BATTERY POWERED DEVICES... THE VIBRATOR!!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 0789489847. 0114328331.michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
htp://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com. www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
I RECENTLY WATCHED AN AUTHORATIVE TELEVISION PROGRAM THAT DELVED INTO THE BATTERY / FUEL / HYBRID CONUNDRUM. THE BASIC PREMISE BEING THE EFFICACY OF THE BATTERIES USED TO PROVIDE POWER IN CONJUCTION WITH THE FRUGAL PETROL ENGINE. IN ITS ENTIRETY THIS IS PLAIN STUPID AND COUNTER PRODUCTIVITY AT ITS BEST. ITS LIKE OFFERING 4 STAR ACCOMODATION AT AUSCHWITZ. IT IS IDIOTIC! YOU WILL WORK YOURSELF TO A STAND STILL AND BE ERADICATED AT THE END OF THE WEEK BUT YOU WILL HAVE A TIT ROOM WITH ROOM SERVICE AND A BELL HOP AT YOUR DISPOSAL FOR THE DURATION OF THE WEEK. PEOPLE, , , YOU CANT FIX A PROBLEM WITH HALF OF THE PROBLEM STILL BEING USED! THE PROBLEM IS THE BATTERIES AND THE FOSSIL FUELS. BOTH ARE UNKIND TO THE ENVIRONMENT. PETROL IS IMMEDIATELY HARMFUL DUE TO ITS CARBON FOOTPRINT WHICH IS BEING BELCHED OUT AT THE EXHAUST PIPE. THE BATTERY IS LIKE PASSIVE SMOKING, ITS GOING TO HARM YOU A FEW YEARS DOWN THE LINE. BATTERY EFFICIANCY WILL ULTIMAYELY DETERIORATE AND NEED TO BE REPLACED. IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BATTERIES THAT ARE NOW RUPTURED AND RENDERED USELESS? HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THE AVERAGE SET OF AUTO BATTERIES TO BIO DEGRADE SAFELY WITHOUT HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT? HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY THOUGHT AHEAD 15 YEARS?
AS WITH ALL “RECHARGEABLE” BATTERIES YOU WILL LOSE EFFICIENCY EVERY TIME YOU RECHARGE THEM. I KNOW THIS AS I HAVE OWNED AND RECHARGED MANY BATTERIES IN CELL PHONES, ALL HAVE LOST BATTERY LIFE DUE TO OVERCHARGING, FREQUENT RECHARGING DUE TO HEAVY USE AND ULTIMATELY TIME AND OLD AGE.
THERE ARE NUMEROUS BATTERY MANUFACTURERS WHO HAVE DELVED INTO THE MIRKY WATERS OF HYBRID CAR POWER. EXAMPLES OF THESE ARE A CHINESE BATTERY MAKER THAT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS RECHARGEABLE BATTERIES . CHINA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR AMONGST OTHER TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS RIP OFF CLOTHING BRANDS ,TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS COPIED DVD MOVIES ,TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS BIRD FLU DISEASE, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS FAKE CIGARETTES, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS ILLEGAL ALIENS, TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS GREY IMPORTED HIFI AND COMPUTER GADGETRY AND TWO THIRDS OF THE WORLDS PARRALLEL IMPORT MOTOR CYCLES... FUCKING IMPRESSIVE RESUME INDEED! ..
“BYD” MAKE CARS THAT LOOK LIKE THE PRODUCT OF DEEP SOUTH ALABAMA FAMILY INBREEDING (YOU KNOW , WHEN THE FAMILY TREE JUST DONT BRANCH) . THEIR CARS LOOK LIKE THE DUMB KIN OF BAYOU FOLK. THEY COPY EUROPEAN CARS SHAMELESSLY AND EVEN MANUFACTURERS FROM BEHIND THE 2 MINUTE NOODLE CURTAIN SUCH AS “BRILLIANCE”, YES THAT IS THEIR NAME, NO REALLY I SHIT YOU NOT! THEY HAVE MADE A MYRIAD OF CLONES THAT ARE VERY IMAGINATIVELY NAMED THE BRILLIANCE M1- M3 ALL THE WAY UP TO THE M6, AND GUESS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE? IF BMW SPRUNG TO MIND YOU WERE INDEED RIGHT, HEY THEY ALSO SHAMELESSLY COPY DESIGN CUES FROM HONDA, MERCEDES AND OTHER CHINESE COPY CAT MANUFACTURERS. ITS TERRIBLE WHEN YOU COPY A FOREIGN MANUFACTURER BUT IT IS EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU RESORT TO COPYING A MANUFACTURER THAT COPIES OTHERS. BACK TO “BYD” THEY ARE MASSIVELY POPULAR IN THE NICAD MARKET THAT IS NICKEL CADIUM ( BATTERIES) . THEY SAY WITH MUCH BLAH BLAH THAT THEY ARE ON THE CUSP OF RELEASING A HYBRID THAT CAN TRAVEL A WHOPPING 250 MILES (402KM`S) ON A SINGLE CHARGE! HOLY DOG SHIT!! THATS AMAZING! HOWEVER IN REALITY THEY ONLY HAVE ONE THAT CAN SQUEEZE OUT A MAXIMUM OF 60 MILES (96 KM`S). FUCKING BULLSHITTERS.
NOW FISKER ARE ALSO ON THE BANDWAGON WITH A CAR THAT IS DESIGNED BY THE DUDE THAT DREW THE ORIGINAL BMW Z8 AND A COUPLE OF ASTONS. LOOKS PROMISING UNTIL YOU GET THE RANGE ON THE BATTERIES. 50 MILES (80 KM`S). LOOK, IF YOU ARE WANTING TO GO GREEN AND SAVE THE POLAR BEARS, RUG RATS, ICE CAPS AND DISNEY LAND THE MOTORING INDUSTRY MUST STOP SPREADING THE SHIT OVER BOTH SIDES OF THE SANDWICH. BY THIS I MEAN, ITS POINTLESS SLAPPING BATTERIES AND PETROL TOGETHER THEN THINKING YOUR JOB IS DONE.
LETS EXAMINE THE BATTERIES. FIRSTLY THEY ADD CONSIDERABLE WEIGHT TO THE CAR AND IN ORDER TO GET THE SWEET SPOT AMOUNT OF USEAGE OUT OF THEM, THAT IS 100% AMP HOURS, YOU WILL NEED TO LOAD THE THINGS WITH 150% AMP HOURS. THE CURRENT VARIETY ARE CAPABLE OF 60% AMP HOURS, HENCE THE “”NEED”” FOR A CRUTCH. THAT CRUTCH IS THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. SO ONCE AGAIN MANKIND IS TRYING TO MAKE A POO SANDWICH TASTE LIKE A VANILLA POO SANDWICH! ITS LUDICROUS. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AND WHEN YOU SIT AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR JUST A MOMENT IT WILL DAWN ON YOU LIKE A NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD OVER NAGASAKI.! THEN COMES THE BULLET BEHIND THE EAR AFTER 5 YEARS. WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LET ME GIVE YOU SOME “INSIGHT”
THE HONDA INSIGHT STARTED IT ALL WAY BEFORE TOYOTA RELEASED THE PRIUS. THE INSIGHT HAD A 1 LITRE PETROL MOTOR AND BATTERIES. WHERE HONDA DIDNT GET IT WAS THAT YOU COULDNT PULL OFF FROM STOP ON BATTERIES ONLY, WHEREAS IN THE PRIUS YOU COULD. GROOVY, SO TOYOTA BETTERED THE NIPPON SAN AT HONDA. OR HAD THEY? HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A PRIUS AND FELT THAT AWESOME FEELING OF FUCKALL? NO NOTE, NO CHARACTER, NO BALLS. ALL YOU GET IS AN ANNOYING SHUDDER AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WHEN THE BATTERY IS EMPTYING DUE TO TOWN DRIVING. THE FIRST TIME I DROVE A PRIUS I THOUGHT I HAD BROKEN THE THING.
SO WE ARE THEN TRANSPORTED AS IF BY MAGIC INTO THE FUTURE 5 YEARS IN THE CRAZY DE LOREAN THAT IS POWERED BY 1.21 JIGGAWATTS AND DRIVEN BY MARTY MC FLY. WE WILL NEED THE DE LOREAN TO SPEED BACK TO THE FUTURE BECAUSE IF YOU USE THE HONDA INSIGHT OR TOYOTA PRIUS IT WILL TAKE YOU AT LEAST 7 YEARS TO GET THERE. SO NOW YOU ARE 5 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOUR HYBRID WHICH MAY HAVE SAVED YOU QUITE A BIT ON FUEL NEEDS TO HAVE THE BATTERIES REPLACED DUE TO THE CONSTANT RECHARGING. KEEP IN MIND THAT FIVE YEARS AGO BACK IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MMIX YOU FORKED OUT R 333 000. 00 FOR THE TIN CAN. YOUR MILEAGE HAS TURNED OVER SAY 209 600 KM`S, HEY WITH ALL THAT FUEL SAVING YOU DROVE TO YOUR HOLIDAY DESTINATION ON A SHOE STRING BUDGET. HELL YOUR TOLL GATE FEES WERE MORE THAN YOUR FUEL COSTS. DOWN SIDE IS YOUR BATTERIES ARE “COOKED” THEY ARE NO LONGER WORKING TO OPTIMUM LEVELS. AS LIFE IS A FICKLE THING, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT SILLY THINGS LIKE MAINTENANCE PLANS DO HAVE A FRUITION DATE AND THEY ALWAYS COME TO AN END AT THE MOST INOPPERTUNE TIME. BESIDES , I BET THAT NOWHERE WITHIN THE OWNERS MANUAL DOES IT REMOTELY TALK ABOUT BATTERY REPLACEMENT AT TOYOTA`S EXPENSE WITHIN THE WARRANTY PERIOD. SO NOW DEALING IN DOLLARS AS AN EXAMPLE AS USED IN THE TELEVISION PROGRAM , IT WILL COST SOMEWHERE IN THE REGION OF $ 5000.00 TO OVERHAUL YOUR PENLIGHTS. IN SOUTH AFRICAN MONEY AT TODAYS EXCHANGE RATE AND IMAGINING FOR A SECOND THAT OUR CURRENCY IN FIVE YEARS HAS NOT GONE THE ZIMBABWE DOLLAR ROUTE IT WILL COST YOU A WHOPPING R 47 950. 00 GIVE OR TAKE A COUPLE HUNDRED RANDS. AFTER FIVE YEARS WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO FORK OVER THAT MUCH MONEY ON A BUNCH OF CELL PHONE BATTERIES? DID YOU EXPECT TO HAVE TO MAKE A BULK PAYMENT OF THAT MAGNITUDE? ALL THE FUEL YOU SAVED IS SUDDENLY MADE REDUNDANT BY A SMILING SNAPPERHAED AT THE SERVICE DEPARTMENT. BLOWING FIFTY GRAND ON NEW BATTERIES IS NOT GOING TO IMPROVE THE RESALE VALUE OF YOUR SHIT PRIUS. ITS LIKE SELLING A USED CAR AND EXPECTING TWO THOUSAND RAND MORE ON YOUR ASKING PRICE SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU SPENT FOUR HUNDRED RAND FILLING THE TANK. WHAT WILL HAPPEN IS THAT THE PRIUS WILL ULTIMATELY DIE A “LOW POWER” DEATH AND THIS IS WHY TOYOTA DECIDED VERY WISELY TO ACTUALLY “SELL” THE PRIUS AS OPPOSED TO THEIR ORIGINAL DILLY PLAN THAT YOU COULD ONLY LEASE ONE. SOME WILY JAP IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT IN TOKYO THOUGHT “ WHAT HAPPEN WHEN BATTERY FUCKED?” THE EXECS WENT HARA KIRI AND DECIDED TO DITCH THE NOTION OF LEASE AND ADOPTED THE MORE REASONABLE APPROACH OF “KAMIKAZI OWNERSHIP”. WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF BATTERY AND MOTORPLAN,,,,, CRASH! ITS TRULY SAD ABOUT THOSE KAMIKAZE PILOTS, THEY HAD TO DO ALL THEIR BRAGGING AHEAD OF TIME, BUT I DIGRESS.
SO IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET BUY A SMALLER ENGINED CAR, SAY A 1100CC FOR THE LOVE OF KOALA BEARS. . ME? I AM GOING TO STICK TO FOSSIL FUEL GUZZLERS AND JOIN IN WITH THE REST OF THE PSYCHOS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE HELL BENT ON MURDERING US ALL. FOR EXAMPLE THE FELLOWS IN IRAN, PAKISTAN, AMERICA, AFGHANISTAN, ALL OF AFRICA, THE DRUG PEDDLING SONS OF BITCHES IN SOUTH AMERICA, THE IRAQI`S, AL QAEDA, THE CIA, THE KU KLUX KLAN, THE NEO NAZI`S, THE HAARP SCIENTISTS, NASA, THE MANUFACTURERS OF THE MINI BUS TAXI, ROBERT MUGABE, KLIPDRIFT BRANDY,THE TAX MAN AND CHINESE CAR MANUFACTURERS!
IN CONCLUSION
BATTERIES ARE AN AMAZING INVENTION. A HOME WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT A BATTERY OPERATED TORCH FOR THOSE ANNOYING “LOAD SHEDDING” TIMES AND FOR USE IN THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL HOUSEHOLD BATTERY POWERED DEVICES... THE VIBRATOR!!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA. 0789489847. 0114328331.michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
htp://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com. www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
DIESEL. HYDROGEN. ELECTRICITY. STEAM.COMPRESSED AIR. SPRINGS.METHANE.
THESE ARE MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON THE MERITS OR LACK THEREOF PERTAINING TO ALTERNATE POWER SOURCES FOR THE MOTOR CAR.
THE WORLD IS IN A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN RACE IS STEADILY FUCKING UP THE PLANET WITHOUT ANY THOUGHTS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. IT STARTED IN EARNEST AT THE TURN OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EXPENDABLE FOSSIL FUELS ARE BEING USED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE. MANKIND ARE SLOWLY TRYING TO FIND ALTERNATE METHODS TO MAINTAIN OUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH CARS. LETS FACE IT NOTHING QUITE FREES YOU AND ALLOWS YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF QUITE LIKE DRIVING A CAR. UNLESS OF COURSE YOU TRAVEL DAILY IN TOKYO OR KUALA LUMPUR, OR WORSE YET YOU COMMUTE DAILY IN INDIA IN PEAK TRAFFIC. EVERY TIME YOU START YOUR CAR THERE ARE A BUNCH OF ARABS SMILING BROADLY, YOU ARE KEEPING THEM IN THE LAP OF LUXURY. HOWEVER THEIR GRINS MAY SOON BE TURNED TO MISERY WHEN THE PLANET CAN LONGER YIELD MORE OF THE SLIPPERY BLACK STUFF.
ENGINEERS TURNED TO DIESEL YONKS AGO. A VERY INDUSTRIOUS GERMAN WHOSE SURNAME WAS DIESEL CAME UP WITH A WONDEROUS INVENTION. THE DIESEL ENGINE. IT IS AN AMAZING FORM OF POWER PLANT FOR TRACTORS AND TRUCKS, BUT IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL IN A PASSENGER CAR! END OF DISCUSSION. MANUFACTURERS DUMP DIESEL LUMPS INTO THE ENGINE BAY OF BEAUTIFULLY SCULPTED CARS SUCH AS BMW, MERCEDES ,AUDI AND THE PORSCHE CAYENNE. ARE THEY INSANE???? DOING THAT IS LIKE DRAWING A DICK ON THE FACE OF THE MONA LISA PAINTING AT THE LOUVRE. A DIESEL ENGINE IS A TRAVESTY WHEN USED IN A CAR. THE CAR LOOKS SVELTE AND POWERFUL, THEN THE ENGINE IS CRANKED AND THE CLATTER OF THE DIESEL PLANT PIERCES YOUR PEACE OF MIND. ITS HORRENDOUS. IF YOU LIKE THE DIESEL DIN, DRIVE A FUCKING MASSEY FERGUSON TO WORK. INEVITABLY THERE WILL BE PLUMES OF BLACK SMOKE BEING BELCHED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE. SIS MAN! THATS LIKE STANDING NEXT TO A DROP DEAD SEXY BLOND, SHE GIVES YOU THE COME HITHER LOOK, SEDUCTIVELY LICKS HER LIPS, THEN FARTS LOUDLY. ITS JUST PLAIN SICK! A DIESEL ENGINE HAS NO PLACE IN A CAR. SOME DILDO WILL SAY “YES, BUT ITS MORE ENVIROMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND YOU CAN RUN YOUR CAR ON MIELIES AND PEANUTS, OH AND YOU CAN RUN IT ON USED COOKING OIL”. SO FUCKING WHAT! I CAN RUN MY CAR RIGHT OVER YOU! WHO WANTS THEIR CAR TO SMELL LIKE A FISH AND CHIPS SHOP? STICK TO PETROL.
HYDROGEN. ITS THE NEXT BIG THING. ITS THE MOST ABUNDANT GAS IN THE UNIVERSE. THATS THE ADVERTISING BLURB. YEAH RIGHT, SO WHERE ARE ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF HYDROGEN PUMPS FOR FILLING YOUR CAR? THERE IS ABOUT 20- OR SO IN THE UNITED STATES, ITS A FUCKING LONG DRIVE TO FILL THE TANK. THEY SAY ITS INERT SO ITS SAFE. HMMM, SO WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF HYDROGEN BOMBS THEN? BMW WENT AND MADE A HYDROGEN POWERED 7 SERIES, BRAD PITT PITCHED UP AT THE OSCARS IN ONE, WHAT AN ADVERTISING COUP. THE ONLY BY PRODUCT BEING EMITTED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE IS WATER. GREAT SO YOUR CARS DRIPS WHEN YOU DRIVE, ITS SOMETHING LIKE AUTOMOTIVE GONORRHOEA, THAT ANNOYING DRIP, DRIP. WHY HAVE AN EXHAUST PIPE? WHY NOT HAVE TAP STICKING OUT THE BACK INSTEAD? OH AND DID I MENTION THESE CARS THAT ARE POWERED BY HYDROGEN DONT COME CHEAP. THEN THERE IS THE SCIENCE BEHIND MAKING THE HYDROGEN AND THE EXHORBITANT COSTS INVOLVED BEFORE IT ENDS UP WITH THE END USER. STICK TO PETROL.
ELECTRICITY. ELECTRIC HYBRIDS LIKE THE PRIUS WHICH IS A BIG BATTERY OPERATING IN CONJUNCTION WITH A PETROL ENGINE IS SILLY. HALF BATTERY HALF PETROL THATS LIKE SCREWING USING A CONDOM WITH A HOLE IN IT. THE PRIUS IS PLAIN DANGEROUS. WE AS HUMANS ARE EASILY DISTRACTED BY TOYS. IN THE PRIUS YOU HAVE A DISPLAY SCREEN THAT SHOWS YOU THE POWER USE. POWER OUT AND POWER IN. WHICH SOURCE IS BEING USED WHICH WAY THE POWER IS GOING. YOU END UP STARING AT THE DISPLAY INSTEAD OF THE ROAD. YOU CAN TURN THE DISPLAY OFF, BUT WHO WILL? WE ARE HUMAN. SO WHILE YOU ARE PEERING AT THE DISPLAY ALONG WITH ALL THE PASSENGERS IN THE CAR NO ONE REMEMBERS THE HEAD ON COLLISION. NOW THE CAR IS TOTALLED, HOW DO YOU DISPOSE OF ALL THOSE BATTERIES. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO BIO DEGRADE?
ELECTRIC POWER ONLY CARS ARE PLAIN DILLY. TAKE THE TESLA FOR EXAMPLE. IF YOU OWN ONE IN SOUTH AFRICA IN WINTER, AND YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE TERM LOAD SHEDDING, YOU WILL BE GOING NOWHERE QUICKLY. SO YOU CHARGE YOUR TESLA AND GO FOR A ROAD TRIP, THE FASTER YOU DRIVE THE QUICKER THE POWER IS EXPENDED, THEN AS FATE WILL HAVE IT YOU RUN OUT OF POWER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DEATH VALLEY AT NOON IN SUMMER. NOT A FUCKING PLUG ANYWHERE! FOUR DAYS LATER THEY FIND YOUR DEHYDRATED CORPSE STRAPPED INTO YOUR TESLA WITH AN OMINOUS WARNING BEING DISPLAYED ON THE DASH DISPLAY.”BATTERY LOW PLEASE RECHARGE”. THE SAME SCENARIO CAN BE PLAYED OUT IN COLD ENVIRONMENTS. STICK TO PETROL.
SOLAR POWER. ITS DUMB END OF STORY. HORRIBLY SLOW AND INEFFECTIVE IF USED IN ENGLAND. CAN ONLY BE USED IN THE AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK AND ABU DHABI. I DONT THINK THOSE PLACES HAVE INVENTED CLOUDS YET. OH, AND THEY HAVENT YET INVENTED A SOLAR CAR THAT CAN BE SAT IN COMFORTABLY. NIGHT JOURNEYS COULD BE DODGY. BATTERIES ALWAYS FAIL YOU AT THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. STICK TO PETROL.
STEAM. STUPID. WHO WANTS TO DRIVE A MOBILE BOMB? STICK TO PETROL.
COMPRESSED AIR. ANOTHER DUMB ONE. SOME CLOWN HAS ACTUALLY BUILT ONE IN FRANCE. HOW MANY HAS HE SOLD? NOT MANY. MAYBE A HANDFUL, AS HUMANS WE WILL BUY SOMETHING DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE ARE THE TV GENERATION. HOW MANY USELESS THINGS HAVE YOU GOT THAT YOU NEVER USE THAT YOU BOUGHT OFF THE TV. WE ARE THE HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL GENERATION. COMPRESSED AIR CARS ARE A BY PRODUCT OF THAT. STICK TO PETROL.
METHANE. YES METHANE! OK SO THIS IS THE DEAL. SOME SCIENTISTS PATENTED THE METHANE POWERED SYSTEM ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. METHANE IS LIGHTER THAN AIR AND AN AVERAGE TANK WILL GIVE YOU A RANGE OF AROUND 482 KM`S FOR AROUND 12 EUROS, ABOUT R 145. HOLY FART THAT IS FANTASTIC! THIS THEN IS MY PROBLEM WITH METHANE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF A SINGLE SOLITARY METHANE FILLING STATION. SO YOU TAKE YOUR METHANE POWERED FIAT PUNTO WHICH HAVE ADOPTED THIS ANAL IDEA, NOT SURPRISING FROM A COMPANY HEADED BY LAPO ELKANN WHO WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL, HIS GRAND PA`S SUITS AND A CROSS DRESSING FAG TOOK FIAT TO THE BRINK OF DOOM. SO ANYWAYS, YOU ARE DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE AND AS MURPHY WOULD HAVE IT YOUR METHANE POWERED PUNTO FARTS TO A HALT. REMEMBER THAT METHANE IS A BY PRODUCT OF WASTE. WASTE? WHAT WASTE? THINK SHIT, ROTTING FOOD ON LANDFILLS. SO BACK TO THE COUNTRY ROAD YOU ARE STRANDED ON, YOU ARE IN A BIT OF A PREDICAMENT. BUT WAIT, WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE ON THE FIELDS MULLING AROUND? YES, THEY ARE COWS. HOLY COW YOU ARE SAVED, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HARVEST SOME MOBILE METHANE. ITS SIMPLE. YES RIGHT. PICTURE A DUDE RUNNING OUT ONTO THE PASTURE AND SHOVING A PIPE UP A COWS ARSE AND WAITING FOR IT TO FART A QUARTER TANK OF “FUEL” FOR YOU. ARE THE SCIENTISTS FUCKING DILLY? DIDNT ANYONE WATCH THE TRAGIC NEWS FOOTAGE ON CNN WITH THAT LITTLE EXPLOSION IN MEXICO CITY WHICH WAS CAUSED BY A METHANE EXPLOSION. UPWARDS OF 6 CITY BLOCKS WERE BLOWN TO SHIT BY METHANE THAT IGNITED IN THE SEWER SYSTEM. METHANE IS A STUPID IDEA NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU LOOK AT IT. THERE IS SIMPLY NO INFRASTRUCTURE IN PLACE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TO MAKE METHANE FEASABLE. THIS IDEA SIMPLY STINKS. STICK TO PETROL.
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA.
JOHANNESBURG.
0789489847.
0114328331.
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
THESE ARE MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON THE MERITS OR LACK THEREOF PERTAINING TO ALTERNATE POWER SOURCES FOR THE MOTOR CAR.
THE WORLD IS IN A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN RACE IS STEADILY FUCKING UP THE PLANET WITHOUT ANY THOUGHTS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. IT STARTED IN EARNEST AT THE TURN OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EXPENDABLE FOSSIL FUELS ARE BEING USED UP AT AN ALARMING RATE. MANKIND ARE SLOWLY TRYING TO FIND ALTERNATE METHODS TO MAINTAIN OUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH CARS. LETS FACE IT NOTHING QUITE FREES YOU AND ALLOWS YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF QUITE LIKE DRIVING A CAR. UNLESS OF COURSE YOU TRAVEL DAILY IN TOKYO OR KUALA LUMPUR, OR WORSE YET YOU COMMUTE DAILY IN INDIA IN PEAK TRAFFIC. EVERY TIME YOU START YOUR CAR THERE ARE A BUNCH OF ARABS SMILING BROADLY, YOU ARE KEEPING THEM IN THE LAP OF LUXURY. HOWEVER THEIR GRINS MAY SOON BE TURNED TO MISERY WHEN THE PLANET CAN LONGER YIELD MORE OF THE SLIPPERY BLACK STUFF.
ENGINEERS TURNED TO DIESEL YONKS AGO. A VERY INDUSTRIOUS GERMAN WHOSE SURNAME WAS DIESEL CAME UP WITH A WONDEROUS INVENTION. THE DIESEL ENGINE. IT IS AN AMAZING FORM OF POWER PLANT FOR TRACTORS AND TRUCKS, BUT IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL IN A PASSENGER CAR! END OF DISCUSSION. MANUFACTURERS DUMP DIESEL LUMPS INTO THE ENGINE BAY OF BEAUTIFULLY SCULPTED CARS SUCH AS BMW, MERCEDES ,AUDI AND THE PORSCHE CAYENNE. ARE THEY INSANE???? DOING THAT IS LIKE DRAWING A DICK ON THE FACE OF THE MONA LISA PAINTING AT THE LOUVRE. A DIESEL ENGINE IS A TRAVESTY WHEN USED IN A CAR. THE CAR LOOKS SVELTE AND POWERFUL, THEN THE ENGINE IS CRANKED AND THE CLATTER OF THE DIESEL PLANT PIERCES YOUR PEACE OF MIND. ITS HORRENDOUS. IF YOU LIKE THE DIESEL DIN, DRIVE A FUCKING MASSEY FERGUSON TO WORK. INEVITABLY THERE WILL BE PLUMES OF BLACK SMOKE BEING BELCHED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE. SIS MAN! THATS LIKE STANDING NEXT TO A DROP DEAD SEXY BLOND, SHE GIVES YOU THE COME HITHER LOOK, SEDUCTIVELY LICKS HER LIPS, THEN FARTS LOUDLY. ITS JUST PLAIN SICK! A DIESEL ENGINE HAS NO PLACE IN A CAR. SOME DILDO WILL SAY “YES, BUT ITS MORE ENVIROMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND YOU CAN RUN YOUR CAR ON MIELIES AND PEANUTS, OH AND YOU CAN RUN IT ON USED COOKING OIL”. SO FUCKING WHAT! I CAN RUN MY CAR RIGHT OVER YOU! WHO WANTS THEIR CAR TO SMELL LIKE A FISH AND CHIPS SHOP? STICK TO PETROL.
HYDROGEN. ITS THE NEXT BIG THING. ITS THE MOST ABUNDANT GAS IN THE UNIVERSE. THATS THE ADVERTISING BLURB. YEAH RIGHT, SO WHERE ARE ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF HYDROGEN PUMPS FOR FILLING YOUR CAR? THERE IS ABOUT 20- OR SO IN THE UNITED STATES, ITS A FUCKING LONG DRIVE TO FILL THE TANK. THEY SAY ITS INERT SO ITS SAFE. HMMM, SO WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF HYDROGEN BOMBS THEN? BMW WENT AND MADE A HYDROGEN POWERED 7 SERIES, BRAD PITT PITCHED UP AT THE OSCARS IN ONE, WHAT AN ADVERTISING COUP. THE ONLY BY PRODUCT BEING EMITTED FROM THE EXHAUST PIPE IS WATER. GREAT SO YOUR CARS DRIPS WHEN YOU DRIVE, ITS SOMETHING LIKE AUTOMOTIVE GONORRHOEA, THAT ANNOYING DRIP, DRIP. WHY HAVE AN EXHAUST PIPE? WHY NOT HAVE TAP STICKING OUT THE BACK INSTEAD? OH AND DID I MENTION THESE CARS THAT ARE POWERED BY HYDROGEN DONT COME CHEAP. THEN THERE IS THE SCIENCE BEHIND MAKING THE HYDROGEN AND THE EXHORBITANT COSTS INVOLVED BEFORE IT ENDS UP WITH THE END USER. STICK TO PETROL.
ELECTRICITY. ELECTRIC HYBRIDS LIKE THE PRIUS WHICH IS A BIG BATTERY OPERATING IN CONJUNCTION WITH A PETROL ENGINE IS SILLY. HALF BATTERY HALF PETROL THATS LIKE SCREWING USING A CONDOM WITH A HOLE IN IT. THE PRIUS IS PLAIN DANGEROUS. WE AS HUMANS ARE EASILY DISTRACTED BY TOYS. IN THE PRIUS YOU HAVE A DISPLAY SCREEN THAT SHOWS YOU THE POWER USE. POWER OUT AND POWER IN. WHICH SOURCE IS BEING USED WHICH WAY THE POWER IS GOING. YOU END UP STARING AT THE DISPLAY INSTEAD OF THE ROAD. YOU CAN TURN THE DISPLAY OFF, BUT WHO WILL? WE ARE HUMAN. SO WHILE YOU ARE PEERING AT THE DISPLAY ALONG WITH ALL THE PASSENGERS IN THE CAR NO ONE REMEMBERS THE HEAD ON COLLISION. NOW THE CAR IS TOTALLED, HOW DO YOU DISPOSE OF ALL THOSE BATTERIES. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO BIO DEGRADE?
ELECTRIC POWER ONLY CARS ARE PLAIN DILLY. TAKE THE TESLA FOR EXAMPLE. IF YOU OWN ONE IN SOUTH AFRICA IN WINTER, AND YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE TERM LOAD SHEDDING, YOU WILL BE GOING NOWHERE QUICKLY. SO YOU CHARGE YOUR TESLA AND GO FOR A ROAD TRIP, THE FASTER YOU DRIVE THE QUICKER THE POWER IS EXPENDED, THEN AS FATE WILL HAVE IT YOU RUN OUT OF POWER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DEATH VALLEY AT NOON IN SUMMER. NOT A FUCKING PLUG ANYWHERE! FOUR DAYS LATER THEY FIND YOUR DEHYDRATED CORPSE STRAPPED INTO YOUR TESLA WITH AN OMINOUS WARNING BEING DISPLAYED ON THE DASH DISPLAY.”BATTERY LOW PLEASE RECHARGE”. THE SAME SCENARIO CAN BE PLAYED OUT IN COLD ENVIRONMENTS. STICK TO PETROL.
SOLAR POWER. ITS DUMB END OF STORY. HORRIBLY SLOW AND INEFFECTIVE IF USED IN ENGLAND. CAN ONLY BE USED IN THE AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK AND ABU DHABI. I DONT THINK THOSE PLACES HAVE INVENTED CLOUDS YET. OH, AND THEY HAVENT YET INVENTED A SOLAR CAR THAT CAN BE SAT IN COMFORTABLY. NIGHT JOURNEYS COULD BE DODGY. BATTERIES ALWAYS FAIL YOU AT THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. STICK TO PETROL.
STEAM. STUPID. WHO WANTS TO DRIVE A MOBILE BOMB? STICK TO PETROL.
COMPRESSED AIR. ANOTHER DUMB ONE. SOME CLOWN HAS ACTUALLY BUILT ONE IN FRANCE. HOW MANY HAS HE SOLD? NOT MANY. MAYBE A HANDFUL, AS HUMANS WE WILL BUY SOMETHING DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE ARE THE TV GENERATION. HOW MANY USELESS THINGS HAVE YOU GOT THAT YOU NEVER USE THAT YOU BOUGHT OFF THE TV. WE ARE THE HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL GENERATION. COMPRESSED AIR CARS ARE A BY PRODUCT OF THAT. STICK TO PETROL.
METHANE. YES METHANE! OK SO THIS IS THE DEAL. SOME SCIENTISTS PATENTED THE METHANE POWERED SYSTEM ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. METHANE IS LIGHTER THAN AIR AND AN AVERAGE TANK WILL GIVE YOU A RANGE OF AROUND 482 KM`S FOR AROUND 12 EUROS, ABOUT R 145. HOLY FART THAT IS FANTASTIC! THIS THEN IS MY PROBLEM WITH METHANE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF A SINGLE SOLITARY METHANE FILLING STATION. SO YOU TAKE YOUR METHANE POWERED FIAT PUNTO WHICH HAVE ADOPTED THIS ANAL IDEA, NOT SURPRISING FROM A COMPANY HEADED BY LAPO ELKANN WHO WITH A SINGLE NOSTRIL, HIS GRAND PA`S SUITS AND A CROSS DRESSING FAG TOOK FIAT TO THE BRINK OF DOOM. SO ANYWAYS, YOU ARE DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE AND AS MURPHY WOULD HAVE IT YOUR METHANE POWERED PUNTO FARTS TO A HALT. REMEMBER THAT METHANE IS A BY PRODUCT OF WASTE. WASTE? WHAT WASTE? THINK SHIT, ROTTING FOOD ON LANDFILLS. SO BACK TO THE COUNTRY ROAD YOU ARE STRANDED ON, YOU ARE IN A BIT OF A PREDICAMENT. BUT WAIT, WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE ON THE FIELDS MULLING AROUND? YES, THEY ARE COWS. HOLY COW YOU ARE SAVED, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HARVEST SOME MOBILE METHANE. ITS SIMPLE. YES RIGHT. PICTURE A DUDE RUNNING OUT ONTO THE PASTURE AND SHOVING A PIPE UP A COWS ARSE AND WAITING FOR IT TO FART A QUARTER TANK OF “FUEL” FOR YOU. ARE THE SCIENTISTS FUCKING DILLY? DIDNT ANYONE WATCH THE TRAGIC NEWS FOOTAGE ON CNN WITH THAT LITTLE EXPLOSION IN MEXICO CITY WHICH WAS CAUSED BY A METHANE EXPLOSION. UPWARDS OF 6 CITY BLOCKS WERE BLOWN TO SHIT BY METHANE THAT IGNITED IN THE SEWER SYSTEM. METHANE IS A STUPID IDEA NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU LOOK AT IT. THERE IS SIMPLY NO INFRASTRUCTURE IN PLACE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TO MAKE METHANE FEASABLE. THIS IDEA SIMPLY STINKS. STICK TO PETROL.
SPRINGS. NOW THIS IS IN THE REALM OF FICTION. MANY YONKS AGO A RATHER BRIGHT ITALIAN CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY IDEAS. SOME OF WHICH WERE REALISED HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER. HIS NAME WAS LEONARDO DA VINCI. ONE OF HIS DESIGNS WAS FOR A SPRING DRIVEN VEHICLE. SOUNDS PREPOSTEROUS. HE FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM OF CAMS AND LEVERS TO LIMIT THE SPRINGS UNCOILING. THIS MEANS YOU DONT PULL OFF AT A SNOT SPEED AND THEN SUDDENLY STOP. NOW I THINK THAT BY HAVING A SPRING WITH CONTROLS THAT SLOW THE SPRINGS UNCOILING YOU CAN PULL OFF AND DRIVE AT VARYING SPEEDS AND CONSTANT SPEEDS BY USING A LIMITER CONNECTED TO THE ACCELERATOR PEDAL , AT THE SAME TIME YOU MUST HAVE A SECOND SPRING THAT IS BEING RESPRUNG BY THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL. SO AS ONE UNWINDS THE OTHER WINDS UP, WHAT YOU NEED IS A TRANSFER BAR OR SOMETHING TO SWAP BETWEEN THE SPRINGS. BASICALLY A PERPETUAL MOTION ENGINE.THE SPRINGS CAN BE HOUSED IN A COWLING OR COVER TO PREVENT TAMPERING. A MANUAL WINDER CAN BE INTALLED TO MANUALLY SPOOL AN UNWOUND SPRING. YOU JUST NEED ENOUGH TO GET THE WHEELS TURNING. THIS FEATURE WOULD BE USED IF YOU LEFT THE CAR FOR EXTENDED TIMES TO SAVE THE SPRING FROM STRETCHING OUT. THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY MEAN YOU WILL HAVE A DESPOOL SWITCH. FOR POWER TO RUN THE ELECTRICS I WOULD INCORPORATE A SOLAR PANEL SUNROOF WITH BATTERIES THAT ARE CHARGED BY THE ROTATION OF THE WHEELS, POWER SHOULD GO TO ALL WHEELS FOR MAXIMUM USE. HAVE ONE WHEEL CHARGING THE BATTERIES WHILST ANOTHER WHEEL SPOOLS THE REVERSE GEAR SPRING, PUT A CUT OFF TO PREVENT OVER WINDING. FRONT WHEELS REWIND FORWARD MOTION SPRINGS. HELL GO FOR BROKE AND ADD AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET TO AID CHARGING.
SO THE BASIC IDEA HERE IS TO HAVE TWO OR THREE SPRINGS THAT SPOOL DOWN ACCORDING TO SPEED AND ACTUATE THE NEXT SPRING TO CONTNUE MOTION AND THEN BEING RESPRUNG AS THE NEXT IS SPOOLED OUT. HENCE PERPETUAL MOTION.SOME INGENIOUS DUDE CAN WORK OUT THE PROBLEMS WITH REVERSE GEAR. MAYBE JUST HAVE AN ACTUATOR THAT ENGAGES A SPRING USED FOR REVERSE ONLY. AN EXHAUST OUTLET CAN BE FITTED JUST TO LOOK COOL. THIS IS AN EMMISSION FREE CAR. I BELIEVE DA VINCI HAD SOMETHING HERE. WE NEVER KNOW. TILL THEN. STICK TO PETROL.
PETROL MAY BE RUNNING OUT, THATS JUST UNFAIR. TILL IT DOES, I SAY STICK TO PETROL! IT MAY ONLY BE 30% EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO POWER TO LITRE USAGE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, BUT IT STILL IS THE BEST METHOD FOR POWERING CARS. NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ROAR OF V8 ENGINES, NOTHING IS AS DRAB AS THE SILENCE OF THE PRIUS. IT REALLY IS THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF THE ZIMMER FRAME. VIVA OCTANE!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA.
JOHANNESBURG.
0789489847.
0114328331.
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
THE PROBLEM WITH THE AUTO INDUSTRY.
WELL YOU SEE, IT ALL STARTED BACK IN THE EARLY 1900`S WITH A DUDE BY THE NAME OF HENRY.
THIS HENRY CHARACTER WANTED TO FLOOD THE WORLD WITH HIS MASS PRODUCED MOTORISED BOX. ALL WENT SWELL AT THE FORD PRODUCTION LINE WITH THOUSANDS OF MODEL T`s RUNNING OFF EVERY WEEK, ALL AVAILABLE IN AN ARRAY OF COLOURS, NAMELY BLACK. THE NONSENSE STARTED WHEN HE DECIDED TO EMBARK ON EXPANDING THE RANGE TO NEW MODELS, AND THIS IS WHERE THE PROBLEM STARTED. SINCE THEN THE MOTORING INDUSTRY IS NOT HAPPY WITH ONE OR TWO MODELS IN THE RANGE. NO THEY WANT A PLETHORA OF MODELS, AND WITHIN A MODEL RANGE AT LEAST 6 OFFSHOOTS OF THE SAME CAR. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE RENAULT FOR INSTANCE. THEY RELEASE THE RENAULT MEGANE WITH TWO CHOICES OF MOTORS, PETROL AND DIESEL, A CHOICE OF 3 OR 5 DOORS, A CHOICE OF 5 ENGINE SIZES, A CHOICE OF INTERIOR TRIM, INCLUDING THE OBLIGATORY STICKERS THAT DIFFERENTIATE A NORMAL MEGANE FROM A SHAKE IT. WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHAKE IT? WHY CALL IT A SHAKE IT? BIG DEAL IT HAS A STICKER ON THE DERRIERRE AND WAIT FOR IT, A DIFFERENT INTERIOR TRIM! HOLY WOWZER!! VOLKSWAGEN ARE THE BIGGEST CULPRITS TO CREATING MONICERS TO PUSH A CAR THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS ANY OTHER IN THE RANGE. THEY SAY,” LETS CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE AND CHUCK IN A NEW SET OF LOOSE MATS WITH SAID NEW NAME EMBROIDERED ON THEM. PUMP THE PRICE TAG AND SELL THEM BY THE BUCKET FULL TO ARSE HOLES!” THE CAR I AM ALLUDING TO IS THE VW GOLF MK 1. LETS SEE, IT WAS RELEASED IN 1979, AND STILL LOOKS THE SAME AFTER 30 YEARS. THEY HAVE SENT IT TO THE PLASTIC SURGEON OVER THE YEARS, MINOR FACE LIFT HERE, A LITTLE LIPO SUCTION THERE, BOTOX ET AL, HOWEVER IT IS STILL INSTANTLY RECOGNISABLE AS A GOLF 1. SO WE STARTED WITH A GOLF 1, IT THEN BECAME THE CTI, THE CHICO, THE CITI GOLF, CITI BLUES. THE LIST IS LONG, THEY NOW HAVE THE TENACITY, ROX, THE LAME SOUNDING WOLF AND NOW AFTER 30 YEARS THEY HAVE SLAPPED IN AN AIRBAG AND GIVEN IT SOME DUMB NAME, CITY STORM I THINK? ONE THING THEY HAVENT DONE IN 30 YEARS IS CHANGE THE REAR WINDOW ANGLE. WHAT? YOU SAY. DRIVE BEHIND ANY INCARNATION OF GOLF 1 ON A SUNNY DAY AND PREPARE TO BE BLINDED BY THE GLARE FROM THE WINDOW. THE SHODDY BUILD QUALITY HAS NOT CHANGED EITHER. THEY HAVE NOT BOTHERED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE DOOR HANDLES THAT AFTER A YEAR YOU HAVE TO PUSH TOWARDS THE CAR AND THEN YANK TO OPEN THE DOOR. IT`S KNOWN AS GOLFING THE DOOR OPEN. ANSWER THIS. DO WE STILL NEED THE GOLF MARK ONE? NO! NO! NO! GIVE IT THE CHOP FOR THE LOVE OF JELLY BEANS! THE THING HAS BEEN AROUND FOR THIRTY YEARS, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!
MY POINT IS THUS. THE MOTORING INDUSTRY IS SQUARELY TO BLAME FOR THE CURRENT CRISIS IT FINDS ITSELF IN. IN THEIR QUEST TO PUMP OUT CARS AND MILK EVERY ANGLE THEY HAVE BASICALLY HUNG THEMSELVES.
IF THE DESIGNERS AND BOSSES WOULD JUST STOP PUTTING OUT SO MANY DIFFERENT MODELS AND FACE LIFTED VERSIONS OF CARS THEY ALREADY HAVE THEY WOULDNT BE IN THE MESS THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN. BY THE TIME A CAR GOES INTO THE PRODUCTION PHASE, THE DESIGNERS ARE HARD AT WORK DESIGNING THE NEXT MODEL, THEREFORE MAKING THE RELEASED MODEL OBSOLETE BY THE TIME IT DRIVES OFF THE SHOWROOM FLOOR. NOW UPDATING EXISTING MODELS IS A QUAGMIRE, IT CAN BE THE ANSWER ASWELL. DISPENSE WITH SILLY STUFF LIKE PLACING NEW BADGES ON THE CAR AND SPENDING MILLIONS ON EMBROIDERED CARPETS, SPEND THE MONEY ON REAL INTERIOR , EXTERIOR AND MECHANICAL UPGRADES. LET THE CAR BE ON THE ROADS FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS BEFORE RELEASING THE UPGRADED VERSION, OWNERS THEN TRADE THEIR 5 YEAR OLD MODEL IN FOR THE NEWER UPGRADE AT REALISTIC PRICES, THE OLDER ONES THEN GET SOLD OFF TO POORER NATIONS. HEY THEY ARE ONLY 5 YEARS OLD. IF THEY ARE BUGGERED THEN THEY GET RECYCLED. REDEPLOYING OLDER MODELS IS NOT SHIPPING THE PROBLEM SOMEWHERE ELSE. NO! LETS EXPLORE THIS. THERE WAS ONCE A VERY BAD DUDE THAT LIVED IN GERMANY IN THE 1930`S WHO WANTED EVERY STUDENT TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD A NEW RELIABLE CHEAP CAR. THIS HITLER CHARACTER WAS ONTO SOMETHING WITH THIS NOTION, HENCE THE BIRTH OF THE VW BEETLE, SO IN THE SAME VEIN WHY SHOULD POOR RURAL FOLK IN THE THIRD WORLD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO TRANSPORT? ITS A CYCLE OF REGENERATION. BONUS PART IS THEY CAN RECYCLE THE CARS TOO! TAKE ANGOLA FOR EXAMPLE, THE CARS WILL HAVE A 10 YEAR LIFE SPAN OR SO BEFORE BEING BROKEN UP FOR RECYCLING. IN A COUNTRY WITH 20 MILLION LANDMINES SCATTERED ABOUT IT WONT BE LONG BEFORE A CITI GOLF INADVERTANTLY TRUNDLES OVER ONE AND IS BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS. YOU SEE THERE IS METHOD TO MADNESS. THE JAPANESE RECYCLE CARS OUT OF THE SYSTEM AND INTO AFRICA, THUS LEADING TO NO JUNKERS ON THEIR ROADS.
IN ORDER TO SAVE THE MOTORING INDUSTRY THEY MUST CEASE MASS PRODUCTION OF SUB MODELS WITHIN A BRAND. FLOODING THE MARKET WITH TOO MUCH CHOICE IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS A TSUNAMI, WATER WATER EVERYWHERE, BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK. GOVERNMENT MUST ALSO JOIN IN AND MAKE AMMENDMENTS TO THE VERY RESTRICTIVE CREDIT ACT. AS IN FORMULA ONE THEY HAVE INTRODUCED RULES TO CUT COSTS. ONE FOR INSTANCE IS A FREEZE ON ENGINE DEVELOPMENT, THE CAR INDUSTRY NEEDS SOMETHING SIMILAR. CUT COSTS, STOP OVER DEVELOPMENT. OUR CARS ARE SO SAFE TODAY THAT WE DONT NEED MORE DEVELOPMENT. EDUCATE DRIVERS AND RESTRICT CARS TO TOP SPEEDS OF NO MORE THAN 160KM/H.THIS CAN BE DONE EASILY WITH TRANSPONDER CHIPS. SOME AREAS CAN BE FREE FROM RESTRICTIONS SUCH AS TEST TRACKS, GEROTEC FOR EXAMPLE AND RACE TRACKS. WHY HAVE A CAR THAT IS MARKED TO 380KM/H ON THE CLOCK BUT NOWHERE ON THE PLANET BAR THE AUTOBAHN CAN YOU TRAVEL THAT SPEED? LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRAVEL AT INSANE SPEEDS DOWN WILLIAM NICOL DRIVE! CRASH AND BURN, LEAVING WIVES WITHOUT A HUSBAND AND KIDS WITHOUT A FATHER.
IN CONCLUSION:
THE MOTOR INDUSTRY HAS CAUSED ITS OWN PROBLEMS DUE TO GREED. GREED AND STUPIDITY ARE BEST FRIENDS. ULTIMATELY THE MOTOR INDUSTRY WILL CAUSE ITS OWN DEMISE WITH THE HELP OF THE BEST FRIENDS I JUST MENTIONED. SO IT IS THANKS TO THE YANKS THAT THE INDUSTRY IS IN THE SHIT IT CURRENTLY FINDS ITSELF. THANKS A SPAN HENRY, YOU DORK!!
ITS ALL YOUR FAULT AND THOSE DROIDS THAT FOLLOWED IN YOUR TYRE TRACKS! WHEN YOU WORK IN THE INDUSTRY YOU START OFF AS A BRIGHT EYED DO GOODER WITH HONOURABLE INTENTIONS AND WONDERFUL IDEAS, YOU THEN GET SEDUCED BY THE DARK SIDE AND JUST WANT TO SEE THE CARS RACING OFF THE PRODUCTION LINE AND WATCH THE DOLLAR METER SPIN OVER. YOU BECOME CONSUMED BY EVIL. YOU WANT TO SMOTHER THE EARTH IN NOXIOUS FUMES. YOU LAUGH MANIACALLY. FUCK MOTHER EARTH! I WANT MORE, MORE, MORE! THEN. THE BUBBLE BURSTS AND SUDDENLY YOU ARE STANDING ALL ALONE WITH ALL THE ACCUSING FINGERS POINTED AT YOU! YOU START SCRAMBLING FOR IDEAS, YOU EVEN WASTE MONEY RELEASING A HYBRID CAR, THAT YOU KNOW WILL BE A LOSS. EVERY ONE SOLD WILL ACTUALLY COST YOU. ANYONE AT TOYOTA READING THIS? REMEMBER THE PRIUS? MAN THAT IS A DEAD DRAB PIECE OF SHIT! I FORSEE WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS QUITE A FEW INDUSTRY EXECS COMMITTING EXHAUST PIPE. HOW DO YOU RUN A BUSINESS INTO THE RED AND LOSE BILLIONS THEN TRY AND LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE TO SUDDENLY MAKE THOUSANDS OF JOBS REDUNDANT? YOU GO TO THE GOVERNMENT AND PRODUCE A WISH LIST OF A COUPLE BILLION TO BAIL YOU OUT. ARE YOU HIGH? WHAT THE HELL HAS THIS WORLD COME TO? THEN YOU GET SOME MANIAC FROM INDIA THAT WANTS TO MASS PRODUCE THE WORLDS SMALLEST MOST UNSAFE, MOST POORLY DESIGNED, CHEAP ARSE EXCUSE FOR A CAR THAT WILL FLOOD INDIA AND OTHER THIRD WORLD TOILETS.IMAGINE 15MILLION ADDITIONAL CARS PUKING OUT CARBON MONOXIDE ALMOST OVER NIGHT IN INDIA ALONE? EVEN WHEN IT HAS BEEN UNEQUIVACALLY PROVED THAT BY DOING SO WOULD LEAD TO A CATASTROPHIC RISE IN GREEN HOUSE GASSES LEADING TO AN UNREPAIRABLE SPIKE IN GLOBAL WARMING . HE IS HELL BENT ON FULFILLING HIS MANIACAL PLAN OF GLOBAL DESTRUCTION! THIS TWIT WANTS TO DO WHAT HITLER WANTED TO DO. GIVE EVERYONE A CAR AND FUCK THE WORLD UP AT THE SAME TIME. I SAY INVADE INDIA AND LOCK THE PSYCHOPATH UP IN A DARK DUNGEON BEFORE HE KILLS US ALL!
SO ONCE AGAIN HENRY, THANKS FOR STARTING IT ALL.
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CARBON MONOXIDE PEOPLE!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
WELL YOU SEE, IT ALL STARTED BACK IN THE EARLY 1900`S WITH A DUDE BY THE NAME OF HENRY.
THIS HENRY CHARACTER WANTED TO FLOOD THE WORLD WITH HIS MASS PRODUCED MOTORISED BOX. ALL WENT SWELL AT THE FORD PRODUCTION LINE WITH THOUSANDS OF MODEL T`s RUNNING OFF EVERY WEEK, ALL AVAILABLE IN AN ARRAY OF COLOURS, NAMELY BLACK. THE NONSENSE STARTED WHEN HE DECIDED TO EMBARK ON EXPANDING THE RANGE TO NEW MODELS, AND THIS IS WHERE THE PROBLEM STARTED. SINCE THEN THE MOTORING INDUSTRY IS NOT HAPPY WITH ONE OR TWO MODELS IN THE RANGE. NO THEY WANT A PLETHORA OF MODELS, AND WITHIN A MODEL RANGE AT LEAST 6 OFFSHOOTS OF THE SAME CAR. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE RENAULT FOR INSTANCE. THEY RELEASE THE RENAULT MEGANE WITH TWO CHOICES OF MOTORS, PETROL AND DIESEL, A CHOICE OF 3 OR 5 DOORS, A CHOICE OF 5 ENGINE SIZES, A CHOICE OF INTERIOR TRIM, INCLUDING THE OBLIGATORY STICKERS THAT DIFFERENTIATE A NORMAL MEGANE FROM A SHAKE IT. WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHAKE IT? WHY CALL IT A SHAKE IT? BIG DEAL IT HAS A STICKER ON THE DERRIERRE AND WAIT FOR IT, A DIFFERENT INTERIOR TRIM! HOLY WOWZER!! VOLKSWAGEN ARE THE BIGGEST CULPRITS TO CREATING MONICERS TO PUSH A CAR THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS ANY OTHER IN THE RANGE. THEY SAY,” LETS CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE AND CHUCK IN A NEW SET OF LOOSE MATS WITH SAID NEW NAME EMBROIDERED ON THEM. PUMP THE PRICE TAG AND SELL THEM BY THE BUCKET FULL TO ARSE HOLES!” THE CAR I AM ALLUDING TO IS THE VW GOLF MK 1. LETS SEE, IT WAS RELEASED IN 1979, AND STILL LOOKS THE SAME AFTER 30 YEARS. THEY HAVE SENT IT TO THE PLASTIC SURGEON OVER THE YEARS, MINOR FACE LIFT HERE, A LITTLE LIPO SUCTION THERE, BOTOX ET AL, HOWEVER IT IS STILL INSTANTLY RECOGNISABLE AS A GOLF 1. SO WE STARTED WITH A GOLF 1, IT THEN BECAME THE CTI, THE CHICO, THE CITI GOLF, CITI BLUES. THE LIST IS LONG, THEY NOW HAVE THE TENACITY, ROX, THE LAME SOUNDING WOLF AND NOW AFTER 30 YEARS THEY HAVE SLAPPED IN AN AIRBAG AND GIVEN IT SOME DUMB NAME, CITY STORM I THINK? ONE THING THEY HAVENT DONE IN 30 YEARS IS CHANGE THE REAR WINDOW ANGLE. WHAT? YOU SAY. DRIVE BEHIND ANY INCARNATION OF GOLF 1 ON A SUNNY DAY AND PREPARE TO BE BLINDED BY THE GLARE FROM THE WINDOW. THE SHODDY BUILD QUALITY HAS NOT CHANGED EITHER. THEY HAVE NOT BOTHERED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE DOOR HANDLES THAT AFTER A YEAR YOU HAVE TO PUSH TOWARDS THE CAR AND THEN YANK TO OPEN THE DOOR. IT`S KNOWN AS GOLFING THE DOOR OPEN. ANSWER THIS. DO WE STILL NEED THE GOLF MARK ONE? NO! NO! NO! GIVE IT THE CHOP FOR THE LOVE OF JELLY BEANS! THE THING HAS BEEN AROUND FOR THIRTY YEARS, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!
MY POINT IS THUS. THE MOTORING INDUSTRY IS SQUARELY TO BLAME FOR THE CURRENT CRISIS IT FINDS ITSELF IN. IN THEIR QUEST TO PUMP OUT CARS AND MILK EVERY ANGLE THEY HAVE BASICALLY HUNG THEMSELVES.
IF THE DESIGNERS AND BOSSES WOULD JUST STOP PUTTING OUT SO MANY DIFFERENT MODELS AND FACE LIFTED VERSIONS OF CARS THEY ALREADY HAVE THEY WOULDNT BE IN THE MESS THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN. BY THE TIME A CAR GOES INTO THE PRODUCTION PHASE, THE DESIGNERS ARE HARD AT WORK DESIGNING THE NEXT MODEL, THEREFORE MAKING THE RELEASED MODEL OBSOLETE BY THE TIME IT DRIVES OFF THE SHOWROOM FLOOR. NOW UPDATING EXISTING MODELS IS A QUAGMIRE, IT CAN BE THE ANSWER ASWELL. DISPENSE WITH SILLY STUFF LIKE PLACING NEW BADGES ON THE CAR AND SPENDING MILLIONS ON EMBROIDERED CARPETS, SPEND THE MONEY ON REAL INTERIOR , EXTERIOR AND MECHANICAL UPGRADES. LET THE CAR BE ON THE ROADS FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS BEFORE RELEASING THE UPGRADED VERSION, OWNERS THEN TRADE THEIR 5 YEAR OLD MODEL IN FOR THE NEWER UPGRADE AT REALISTIC PRICES, THE OLDER ONES THEN GET SOLD OFF TO POORER NATIONS. HEY THEY ARE ONLY 5 YEARS OLD. IF THEY ARE BUGGERED THEN THEY GET RECYCLED. REDEPLOYING OLDER MODELS IS NOT SHIPPING THE PROBLEM SOMEWHERE ELSE. NO! LETS EXPLORE THIS. THERE WAS ONCE A VERY BAD DUDE THAT LIVED IN GERMANY IN THE 1930`S WHO WANTED EVERY STUDENT TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD A NEW RELIABLE CHEAP CAR. THIS HITLER CHARACTER WAS ONTO SOMETHING WITH THIS NOTION, HENCE THE BIRTH OF THE VW BEETLE, SO IN THE SAME VEIN WHY SHOULD POOR RURAL FOLK IN THE THIRD WORLD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO TRANSPORT? ITS A CYCLE OF REGENERATION. BONUS PART IS THEY CAN RECYCLE THE CARS TOO! TAKE ANGOLA FOR EXAMPLE, THE CARS WILL HAVE A 10 YEAR LIFE SPAN OR SO BEFORE BEING BROKEN UP FOR RECYCLING. IN A COUNTRY WITH 20 MILLION LANDMINES SCATTERED ABOUT IT WONT BE LONG BEFORE A CITI GOLF INADVERTANTLY TRUNDLES OVER ONE AND IS BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS. YOU SEE THERE IS METHOD TO MADNESS. THE JAPANESE RECYCLE CARS OUT OF THE SYSTEM AND INTO AFRICA, THUS LEADING TO NO JUNKERS ON THEIR ROADS.
IN ORDER TO SAVE THE MOTORING INDUSTRY THEY MUST CEASE MASS PRODUCTION OF SUB MODELS WITHIN A BRAND. FLOODING THE MARKET WITH TOO MUCH CHOICE IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS A TSUNAMI, WATER WATER EVERYWHERE, BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK. GOVERNMENT MUST ALSO JOIN IN AND MAKE AMMENDMENTS TO THE VERY RESTRICTIVE CREDIT ACT. AS IN FORMULA ONE THEY HAVE INTRODUCED RULES TO CUT COSTS. ONE FOR INSTANCE IS A FREEZE ON ENGINE DEVELOPMENT, THE CAR INDUSTRY NEEDS SOMETHING SIMILAR. CUT COSTS, STOP OVER DEVELOPMENT. OUR CARS ARE SO SAFE TODAY THAT WE DONT NEED MORE DEVELOPMENT. EDUCATE DRIVERS AND RESTRICT CARS TO TOP SPEEDS OF NO MORE THAN 160KM/H.THIS CAN BE DONE EASILY WITH TRANSPONDER CHIPS. SOME AREAS CAN BE FREE FROM RESTRICTIONS SUCH AS TEST TRACKS, GEROTEC FOR EXAMPLE AND RACE TRACKS. WHY HAVE A CAR THAT IS MARKED TO 380KM/H ON THE CLOCK BUT NOWHERE ON THE PLANET BAR THE AUTOBAHN CAN YOU TRAVEL THAT SPEED? LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRAVEL AT INSANE SPEEDS DOWN WILLIAM NICOL DRIVE! CRASH AND BURN, LEAVING WIVES WITHOUT A HUSBAND AND KIDS WITHOUT A FATHER.
IN CONCLUSION:
THE MOTOR INDUSTRY HAS CAUSED ITS OWN PROBLEMS DUE TO GREED. GREED AND STUPIDITY ARE BEST FRIENDS. ULTIMATELY THE MOTOR INDUSTRY WILL CAUSE ITS OWN DEMISE WITH THE HELP OF THE BEST FRIENDS I JUST MENTIONED. SO IT IS THANKS TO THE YANKS THAT THE INDUSTRY IS IN THE SHIT IT CURRENTLY FINDS ITSELF. THANKS A SPAN HENRY, YOU DORK!!
ITS ALL YOUR FAULT AND THOSE DROIDS THAT FOLLOWED IN YOUR TYRE TRACKS! WHEN YOU WORK IN THE INDUSTRY YOU START OFF AS A BRIGHT EYED DO GOODER WITH HONOURABLE INTENTIONS AND WONDERFUL IDEAS, YOU THEN GET SEDUCED BY THE DARK SIDE AND JUST WANT TO SEE THE CARS RACING OFF THE PRODUCTION LINE AND WATCH THE DOLLAR METER SPIN OVER. YOU BECOME CONSUMED BY EVIL. YOU WANT TO SMOTHER THE EARTH IN NOXIOUS FUMES. YOU LAUGH MANIACALLY. FUCK MOTHER EARTH! I WANT MORE, MORE, MORE! THEN. THE BUBBLE BURSTS AND SUDDENLY YOU ARE STANDING ALL ALONE WITH ALL THE ACCUSING FINGERS POINTED AT YOU! YOU START SCRAMBLING FOR IDEAS, YOU EVEN WASTE MONEY RELEASING A HYBRID CAR, THAT YOU KNOW WILL BE A LOSS. EVERY ONE SOLD WILL ACTUALLY COST YOU. ANYONE AT TOYOTA READING THIS? REMEMBER THE PRIUS? MAN THAT IS A DEAD DRAB PIECE OF SHIT! I FORSEE WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS QUITE A FEW INDUSTRY EXECS COMMITTING EXHAUST PIPE. HOW DO YOU RUN A BUSINESS INTO THE RED AND LOSE BILLIONS THEN TRY AND LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE TO SUDDENLY MAKE THOUSANDS OF JOBS REDUNDANT? YOU GO TO THE GOVERNMENT AND PRODUCE A WISH LIST OF A COUPLE BILLION TO BAIL YOU OUT. ARE YOU HIGH? WHAT THE HELL HAS THIS WORLD COME TO? THEN YOU GET SOME MANIAC FROM INDIA THAT WANTS TO MASS PRODUCE THE WORLDS SMALLEST MOST UNSAFE, MOST POORLY DESIGNED, CHEAP ARSE EXCUSE FOR A CAR THAT WILL FLOOD INDIA AND OTHER THIRD WORLD TOILETS.IMAGINE 15MILLION ADDITIONAL CARS PUKING OUT CARBON MONOXIDE ALMOST OVER NIGHT IN INDIA ALONE? EVEN WHEN IT HAS BEEN UNEQUIVACALLY PROVED THAT BY DOING SO WOULD LEAD TO A CATASTROPHIC RISE IN GREEN HOUSE GASSES LEADING TO AN UNREPAIRABLE SPIKE IN GLOBAL WARMING . HE IS HELL BENT ON FULFILLING HIS MANIACAL PLAN OF GLOBAL DESTRUCTION! THIS TWIT WANTS TO DO WHAT HITLER WANTED TO DO. GIVE EVERYONE A CAR AND FUCK THE WORLD UP AT THE SAME TIME. I SAY INVADE INDIA AND LOCK THE PSYCHOPATH UP IN A DARK DUNGEON BEFORE HE KILLS US ALL!
SO ONCE AGAIN HENRY, THANKS FOR STARTING IT ALL.
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CARBON MONOXIDE PEOPLE!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
THE EVIL TOBACCO INDUSTRY! Or is it?
A non smokers trawl through the smoking dilemma
A FEW DAYS AGO WHILE I WAS DRIVING TO WORK, IT SEEMED BALONEY ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT JUST HOW EVIL CIGARETTE SMOKING REALLY IS. IT WAS A SUNNY AND WARM MORNING SO MANY CAR WINDOWS WERE OPEN AND THERE WERE A NUMBER OF CABRIOLET DRIVERS FLITTING IN AND OUT OF THE TRAFFIC WITH THEIR ROOFS DOWN, THUS LAPPING UP ALL THE AVAILABLE SUNSHINE ON HAND. I DID NOTICE A FEW RAMPANT CHAIN SMOKING PUFFERS IN THEIR CARS. THERE IS NOTHING QUITE AS OFF PUTTING AS A HOT BABE IN A BEEMER SUCKING ON A FAG AS IF HER MORTALITY IS AT STAKE EMITTING SMOKE FROM HER NOSTRILS LIKE A DRAGON RAVING ON PCP. WHAT DID OCCUR TO ME WAS THE PLUMES OF TOXIC DIESEL SMOKE BEING VOMITED FROM BUS, TRUCK AND BAKKIE ENGINES. ONE PARTICULAR “BUS FART” TOTALLY ENGULFED A TOSSER IN HIS CABRIOLET. THE TREE HUGGERS THAT GO JOGGING EACH MORNING ON THE PAVEMENT AND BREATHING IN THE FUMES AT UPWARDS OF TWICE THE RATE THEY MAY BE TAKING NORMALLY ARE SWEATING LIKE FISH AND COUGH HEAVILY WHILE THEIR CHESTS ARE HEAVING FOR BREATH. A CIGARETTE IS DANGEROUS BUT NOT AS IMMEDIATELY DAMAGING AS DIESEL SMOKE CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOUR OXYGENATED BLOOD CELLS. THE JOGGERS MAY ASWELL SMOKE A CARTON OF PLAINS AND STAY AT HOME WATCHING THE NEWS. THE DAMAGE IS DONE AS SOON AS THE NUMBER 56 BUS PULLS OFF.
NOW... I HAVE NEVER SMOKED, I JUST NEVER SEEMED INTERESTED IN SMOKING. MY FOLKS SMOKED, MY EX WIFE SMOKED LIKE THE FIERY CAULDRON OF HELL, WHY DIDNT THAT WITCH SUCCUMB TO THE ACETONE ,RAT POISON AND OTHER STUFF IN CIGGIES? ANYWAY I DIGRESS, ALL MY FRIENDS SMOKE, I JUST NEVER BOTHERED.
THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT IN THE “NANNY STATE” WE LIVE IN. ACCORDING TO SOME ARSE HOLES IN POWER THEY DEEM CIGARETTE ADVERTISING A MAJOR CAUSE FOR YOUNGSTERS LIGHTING UP. BULLSHIT! IF A PERSON IS OF WEAK STATURE , THEY WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO SMOKE, DRINK, DO DRUGS AND BECOME MAN WHORES. THE YOUNGSTERS LEARN FROM MOM AND DAD PRIMARILY. RATHER HAVE YOUR ADOLESCENT TYKES ADMIT THEY WANT TO TRY SMOKE AND SEE FOR THEMSELVES WHAT THE HYPE IS ALL ABOUT. EDUCATE THEM AND TELL THEM TO UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS INVOLVED. JUST LIKE YOU WARN AND TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF AIDS, UNPROTECTED SEX LEADING TO PREGNANCY, THE IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE OF DRUG USE, THE DANGERS OF JUGGLING CHAINSAWS AND THE HORRID BRAIN DAMAGE CAUSED BY COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC. I BET THAT BY ALLOWING THE LATE TEEN KIDS TO RESPONSIBLY TRY CIGARETTES THE MYSTIQUE WILL BE LESSENED AND THEY WONT HIDE BEHIND THE GARAGE LIKE JUNKIES HAVING A SMOKE. ULTIMATELY THEY WILL EITHER THEN SMOKE OR LIKE ME JUST DONT BOTHER. BIG DEAL WHAT IS THE NEED TO STAND AND POSE WITH A CIGARETTE AT A HOUSE PARTY? YOU SEE THE WANNA BE SUPPOSED REBEL IN THE CORNER SO DEFTLY HANDLING HIS CIGGY, LIGHTS UP AND COUGHS LIKE ALIKE A CARBURETTOR CAR ON A COLD WINTER MORNING. THIS DUDES NAME IS NOW DOOS! I HAVE WITNESSED THIS MANY TIMES AND JUST NEVER WANTED TO BE LAUGHED AT BY THE CHICK I AM SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO “GRIP”. ALL THAT IS GOING THROUGH MY MIND IS “BE COOL, BE COOL, DONT FUCK UP, DONT STUTTER, IS MY BREATH OK, WHY ARE THE CLIPS ON A BRA MAN PROOF? I DONT NEED THE ADDED STRESS OF DISPOSING OF THE SMOKE AND WONDERING IF I DIDNT MAYBE DROP IT INTO THE TURN UPS ON MY JEANS? HEY, I GREW UP IN THE 80`S WE HAD SOME BIZARRE FASHION BACK THEN. ANY WAY BACK TO THE CRUX OF THE MATTER.
THE HEALTH MINISTERS OF MOST ANALLY RETENTIVE NATIONS BAN TOBACCO ADVERTISING AT MOTORSPORTS EVENTS AND THUS AS IN THE CASE OF SOUTH AFRICA WE LOSE FORMULA 1 HOSTING RIGHTS. BILLIONS OF RAND IN REVENUE ALL SHOT TO HELL BECAUSE OF A BRAND NAME ADORNING A RACE CAR. ARE THESE PEOPLE MORONS? I THINK SO.
SO I DONT SMOKE, NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL. HOWEVER I HAVE A FASCINATION FOR THE MARLBORO BRAND, ITS ABSOLUTELY COOL. SO MUCH SO THAT AS A NON SMOKER I WENT AND HAD A TATTOO DONE ON MY ARM OF FERRARI MARLBORO. YES I HAVE THE PRANCING HORSE WITH THE WORD FERRARI UNDERNEATH AND THE RED “CHEVRON” YOU USE WITH THE WORD MARLBORO UNDERNEATH. I JUST DIG THE BRAND, ITS FRIKKIN COOL. WHAT IS THE HEALTH MINISTER GOING TO SAY TO THAT? IT SHOULD PISS HER OFF NO END! IN MY CAR I HAVE A PACK OF SOFT PACK MARLBORO CIGARETTES. IT IS JUST A PROP. IT INEVITABLY GETS GIVEN TO THE GUYS AT WORK WHO ALL SMOKE AND WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH AND THEY ARE SCROUNGING FOR SMOKES THEY END UP WITH THE PACK. I HAVE MARLBORO STICKERS ADORNING MY BAR FRIDGE AND KITCHEN FRIDGE, HEY I EVEN HAVE MARLBORO STUCK ON MY MICROWAVE AT WORK. I HAVE A NUMBER OF SHIRTS THAT I WEAR TO WORK THAT HAVE THE FERRARI MARLBORO LOGOS. LETS FACE IT THE TWO GO TOGETHER LIKE PEAS IN A POD. SCREW THE POLITICIANS, IF PEOPLE WANT TO SMOKE LET THEM, SO LONG AS THEY SHOW RESPECT TO THOSE WHO DONT AND ESPECIALLY CHILDREN. NON SMOKING ENVIRONMENTS SUCH AS OFFICE TOWERS AND SHOPPING MALLS ARE A GOOD IDEA, NON SMOKING AND SEPERATED SMOKING AREAS IN RESTAURANTS ARE NEEDED, JUST DONT CRIMINALISE THE USE OF TOBACCO IN THE SAME VEIN AS HEROIN OR CRACK.
THE MARLBORO MAN IS A COOL DUDE LETS FACE IT. DONT MAKE HIM SOME CLOSET GAY BECAUSE OF SILLY OVER LEGISLATION. ONE THING THAT SHOULD BE ERADICATED FORTHWITH IS ASHTRAYS IN CARS. I REQUEST THAT PEOPLE DONT LIGHT UP IN MY CAR AS A COURTESY TO MY BMW. ASH IN THE ASHTRAY IS FUCKING GROSS! ANYONE WHO ASHES IN MY CARS ASHTRAY WILL BE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH WITH THE TYRE IRON! YOU SEE, I WORK IN THE CAR VALET INDUSTRY AND NOTHING RILES ME MORE THAN A TOP END CAR COMING IN AND IT STINKS LIKE A CREMATORIUM. IT ANNOYS ME TO THE POINT THAT WHEN THE OWNER ARRIVES I HATE HIM WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING...”WHY ARE YOU BASTARDISING YOUR CARS BEAUTY AND INTEGRITY BY TIPPING IN THE ASH TRAY YOU FUCKWIT!”... SMOKING CAN LOOK PRETTY COOL IN A WEIRD WAY JUST LIKE A DUDES HEAD BEING RIPPED FROM HIS SHOULDERS IN A HEAD ON COLLISION. HEY IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE ANGLE , PERSPECTIVE AND CONTEXT IN WHICH IT WAS DONE. I HAVE NOTED THE CHAIN SMOKER WHO LOOKS LIKE A JUNKIE MID COLD TURKEY NEEDING THAT FIX TO STEADY HIS NERVES . THE SUAVE IN CONTROL SMOKER WHO MAKES LIGHTING UP LOOK LIKE A SCENE FROM A MOVIE. THE NOVICE WHO FUMBLES LIKE HE IS TRYING TO REMOVE HIS FIRST BRA FROM THE FIRST CHICK HE EVER PULLED IN A CLUB. THE NAZI SMOKER WHO WITH MILITARY PRECISION LIGHTS UP AND DRAWS THE SMOKE DOWN TO THE FILTER IN ONE SINGLE BLITZKRIEG GO. THE CIRCUS SMOKER, HE ENTERTAINS MAINLY HIMSELF AND A FEW PISSED PUB PATRONS WITH SMOKE RINGS WHICH HE THEN STICKS HIS ARM THROUGH, THESE SMOKERS ARE TYPICALLY FROM THE SHALLOW END OF THE GENE POOL. THEN THERE IS THE OPPERTUNITY SMOKER, OR MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE SOCIAL SMOKER. THEY USUALLY NEED GOOD COMPANY AND JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL BEFORE THEY BLAZE AWAY. THESE PEOPLE NEVER PAY FOR A PACK BECAUSE THEY BUM OFF EVERYONE ELSES STASH FOR THE DURATION OF THE EVENING. FINALLY YOU GET THE PASSIVE SMOKER WHO IF HE DIDNT LIKE THE SMOKE ,SHOULD THEN SIMPLY GET OUT OF THE CLOUD. SECOND HAND SMOKE IS A KILLER, IT IS EVIL, IT IS MURDER BY SMOKER AND ALL THAT CRAP, WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT! IF I FELT BAD IN THE COMPANY OF SMOKERS I WOULD SIMPLY FUCK OFF. END OF STORY. TELL ME,,,, HOW DANGEROUS IS DIESEL SMOKE AND THE PLETHORA OF OTHER MONOXIDES AND INDUSTRIAL POLLUTANTS THAT ARE CHOKING THE WORLD AND LEADING TO GLOBAL WARMING AND ULTIMATELY ALL OF HUMANITIES DEMISE? SMOKING CAN AT BEST MAKE UP AN INFINITESIMAL PERCENTAGE OF THE GREENHOUSE GAS EFFECT. THE PEOPLE SAY LIVING NEAR CHERNOBYL DIDNT WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT SECOND HAND SMOKE OR THE PEASENTS IN BHOPAL INDIA,OR KURDS IN IRAQ BACK IN 1988.THEY HAD BIGGER POLLUTANTS TO WORRY ABOUT. I BELEIVE THE SOLDIERS OF WORLD WAR ONE WOULDNT HAVE GIVEN A TOSS ABOUT SOME “BEUROCRATIC FUTURE” TRYING TO DEMONISE TOBACCO AFTER THEY WERE JUST EXPOSED TO MUSTARD GAS! I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THOUGH, IS MUSTARD GAS AMERICAN, BRITISH, FRENCH DIJON OR SIMPLY PLAIN GERMAN MUSTARD???? AFTER A DAY IN THE TRENCHES A CIGARETTE WAS THE SINGLE REDEEMING THING LEFT IN AN OTHERWISE WICKED FUCKING WORLD SLIP SLIDING INTO ANARCHY.THE VIETNAM WAR IN MY MIND MADE THE MARLBORO BRAND SUPER COOL. THE G I`s HAD THEIR PACKS SQUEEZED THROUGH THE BAND ON THEIR HELMETS. HISTORY IS FULL OF PICTURES OF PEOPLE POSING FOR PORTRAITS AND PHOTOS WITH A CIGARETTE OR PIPE CLUTCHED IN HAND. I CAN PICTURE FROM MEMORY AT LEAST TWO AMERICAN PRESIDENTS AND THE NEAR IMMORTALISED DEPICTION ON THE QUINTESSENTIAL REBEL WITHOUT A FILTER JAMES DEAN WEARING A STETSON AND CIGARETTE COOLY HANGING FROM HIS MOUTH. THE DUDE WAS COOL.
SO LETS GET REAL. SMOKING HAS BEEN DONE FOR EONS, THE CAVEMEN LIT UP A LEAF OR TWO OF SOMETHING OR OTHER THAT HAD AN AROMATIC FRAGRANCE AFTER THEY GOT BUSY WITH MRS CAVE CHICK . PICTURE THE SCENE, MR CAVEMAN HAS JUST CHATTED UP MRS CAVE CHICK, “ UG UG UGGA UG” THEN CLUBS HER IN THE HEAD AND WITH THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF BARRY WHITE RINGING IN HER EARS THEY PROCEED TO “GET IT ON”. WHEN SHE FULLY COMES ROUND THEY LIE THERE ON THEIR ROCKBLO NONPOSTUREPEDIC BED AND LIGHT UP IN THE AFTERGLOW. SMOKING IS SIMPLY A HABIT AND IT ISNT AS DISGUSTING AS WATCHING A MOTORIST PICKING THEIR NOSE AND CHOWING DOWN ON THE BOOGER. HELL I HAVE SEEN A HOT MAMA DO IT. I JUST COULDNT GET MY HEAD ROUND THE SIGHT SO I CHANGED MY ROUTE TO WORK SO THAT I WOULD NEVER AGAIN SEE THAT HORRENDOUS SIGHT.
I BELEIVE THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD LOWER THE PRICE OF YOUR PRODUCT SO THAT THOSE WHO REALLY FEEL THE CREDIT CRUNCH DONT GO AND BUY THOSE HORRID “FONG KONG” BRANDS THAT ARE SERIOUSLY DAMAGING TO HEALTH. BY GOVERNMENTS MEDDLING THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE STEEP INCREASE IN LUNG CANCER BY TAXING AND PRICING BRANDS WITH QUALITY CONTROLS IN PLACE OUT OF THE MAN IN THE STREETS POCKET. THE PREVERBIAL MAN IN THE STREET THEN BUYS THE EL CHEAPO BRANDS THAT ARE HORRID! THESE POOR SUCKERS ARE THUS COMMITTING SUICIDE BY INSTALLMENT. EVERYONE WHO CHANGES TO THE CRAP BRANDS ARE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT THEY ARE COUGHING MORE AND THEIR BODY ODOUR IS DIFFERENT, NOT TO MENTION THE DYED FINGERS. THESE CHEAP CRAP FAGS ARE NOT ONLY FOR THE LOWER CLASSES, THERE ARE MORE AND MORE MIDDLE TO UPPER CLASS PEOPLE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SMOKING THEM. I HAVE SEEN THIS FIRST HAND. I USED TO RUN A FAMILY MINI MART AND STEADILY WE COULD SEE THE DECLINE AMONGST OUR CUSTOMERS. WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS DOING IS AKIN TO CHEATING PEOPLE OF THEIR BASIC FUNDEMENTAL CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. WHAT YOU SAY? I MUST BE A RAVING LOON! NO NO NO, I AM RIGHT. PICTURE IF YOU WILL THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO THAT PLAYS ITSELF OUT EVERY SINGLE DAY. A DUDE THAT EARNS ABSOLUTE MINIMUM WAGE OR MAYBE A STREET HOBO THAT BEGS FOR ALMS AT THE ROBOT IS BASICALLY HAVING A KAK LIFE AND HIS ONLY TRUE FORM OF SATISFACTION IS TO AMBLE INTO THE CAFE AND BUY A LOOSE CIGARETTE, THE SHOP OWNER INFORMS MR `BO THAT LOOSE CIGARETTES CAN NO LONGER BE SOLD DUE TO SOME BEUROCRATIC BULLSHIT! THE HOBO IS FUCKING DISTRAUGHT, AFTER A TEDIOUS DAY HE JUST WANTED TO HAVE A SMOKE AND SAY TO HIMSELF, “WELL THAT WAS ANOTHER DAY ON THIS MISERABLE ORB, MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER”. NOW HIS HEART HAS BEEN SHATTERED HE IS TOTALLY DEJECTED, HE CANT AFFORD THE PRE PACKED TWO CIGARETTES, HE ONLY HAS ENOUGH FOR ONE!!! NEXT THING WE HAVE THE SAD PICTURE IN THE DAILY SUN SHOWING A BROKEN AND VERY DEAD HOBO WHO JUST WANTED A LOOSE CIGARETTE TO MAKE THE DAY SEEM OK. HE LIES DOWN AND SIMPLY EXPIRES.HE HAS BEEN ROBBED OF HIS ONLY COMFORT. WHAT IS SO EVIL ABOUT FLOGGING A LOOSE SMOKE? I BELEIVE IT HAS TO DO WITH A GREEDY GOVERNMENT THAT WANTS EVERY PENNY THEY CAN EXTORT OUT OF THE TOBACCO COMPANIES.THANK YOU TO THE HEALTH MINISTER FOR UPPING LUNG CANCER , EMPHYSEMA AND MISERY YOU MORON! THE CHEAP CIGARETTES ARE CAUSING UNIMAGINABLE HARM TO THE PEOPLE WHO DO SMOKE. TOP END BRANDS ARE SAFER, JUST LIKE AN ANTI PERSONNELL MINE IS SAFER AND BETTER THAN TRIGGERING AN ANTI TANK MINE. THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS, JUST LIKE A TATA MOTOR CAR AS OPPOSED TO A BMW 5 SERIES. BOTH CAN KILL HOWEVER YOUR CHANCES OF A MESSY DEMISE IS MORE PRONOUNCED IN A TATA. COMING BACK TO SPONSORSHIPS FOR A MOMENT. IMAGINE THE REVENUE FROM WORLD CLASS SPORTING EVENTS IF YOU SIMPLY ADMITTED YOU WERE CLOTS AND ALLOW THE TOBACCO COMPANIES OPEN ADVERTISING RIGHTS AGAIN?
BIGGER ENDORSEMENTS AND MORE MONEY FOR EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THE GOVERNMENT.HOWEVER, THE WAY WE ARE GOING WE MAY JUST HAVE LETS SAY, A SURFING COMPETITION ON DURBANS NORTH BEACH SPOSORED BY TAMPAX OR NEW FREEDOM. HOW COOL IS THAT? YEAH RIGHT. I CAN JUST HEAR THE COMMENTATOR AT A MOTOR RACE ANNOUNCING “ AND PITTING NEXT IS THE OMO RUSKS WHOLEWHEAT FERRARI OF MASSA”. IT SURE AS HELL SOUNDS BETTER AS “ AND PITTING NEXT IS THE SCUDERIA MARLBORO FERRARI OF MASSA”.
I SPORT MY MARLBORO CLOTHING AND TATTOO REGARDLESS OF SOME FUDDY DUDDY IN POWER. MARLBORO AS A BRANDS IS, VERY COOL END OF STORY.
I MAY BE A DILETTANTE WHEN IT COMES TO THE WORKINGS WITHIN POLITICS AND BIG CORPORATIONS, BUT I KNOW A TURD WHEN I SEE ONE AND WHAT WE PEOPLE ARE BEING FED IS A CLASS A 1 TURD OF NOTE INDEED! THE MIND POLICE ARE BACK AND MORE RIDICULOUS THAN EVER!
MARLBORO IS COOL!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA PO BOX 620; GLENVISTA; 2058.
0789489847. 0114328331. michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/ http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
A non smokers trawl through the smoking dilemma
A FEW DAYS AGO WHILE I WAS DRIVING TO WORK, IT SEEMED BALONEY ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT JUST HOW EVIL CIGARETTE SMOKING REALLY IS. IT WAS A SUNNY AND WARM MORNING SO MANY CAR WINDOWS WERE OPEN AND THERE WERE A NUMBER OF CABRIOLET DRIVERS FLITTING IN AND OUT OF THE TRAFFIC WITH THEIR ROOFS DOWN, THUS LAPPING UP ALL THE AVAILABLE SUNSHINE ON HAND. I DID NOTICE A FEW RAMPANT CHAIN SMOKING PUFFERS IN THEIR CARS. THERE IS NOTHING QUITE AS OFF PUTTING AS A HOT BABE IN A BEEMER SUCKING ON A FAG AS IF HER MORTALITY IS AT STAKE EMITTING SMOKE FROM HER NOSTRILS LIKE A DRAGON RAVING ON PCP. WHAT DID OCCUR TO ME WAS THE PLUMES OF TOXIC DIESEL SMOKE BEING VOMITED FROM BUS, TRUCK AND BAKKIE ENGINES. ONE PARTICULAR “BUS FART” TOTALLY ENGULFED A TOSSER IN HIS CABRIOLET. THE TREE HUGGERS THAT GO JOGGING EACH MORNING ON THE PAVEMENT AND BREATHING IN THE FUMES AT UPWARDS OF TWICE THE RATE THEY MAY BE TAKING NORMALLY ARE SWEATING LIKE FISH AND COUGH HEAVILY WHILE THEIR CHESTS ARE HEAVING FOR BREATH. A CIGARETTE IS DANGEROUS BUT NOT AS IMMEDIATELY DAMAGING AS DIESEL SMOKE CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOUR OXYGENATED BLOOD CELLS. THE JOGGERS MAY ASWELL SMOKE A CARTON OF PLAINS AND STAY AT HOME WATCHING THE NEWS. THE DAMAGE IS DONE AS SOON AS THE NUMBER 56 BUS PULLS OFF.
NOW... I HAVE NEVER SMOKED, I JUST NEVER SEEMED INTERESTED IN SMOKING. MY FOLKS SMOKED, MY EX WIFE SMOKED LIKE THE FIERY CAULDRON OF HELL, WHY DIDNT THAT WITCH SUCCUMB TO THE ACETONE ,RAT POISON AND OTHER STUFF IN CIGGIES? ANYWAY I DIGRESS, ALL MY FRIENDS SMOKE, I JUST NEVER BOTHERED.
THIS THEN BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT IN THE “NANNY STATE” WE LIVE IN. ACCORDING TO SOME ARSE HOLES IN POWER THEY DEEM CIGARETTE ADVERTISING A MAJOR CAUSE FOR YOUNGSTERS LIGHTING UP. BULLSHIT! IF A PERSON IS OF WEAK STATURE , THEY WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO SMOKE, DRINK, DO DRUGS AND BECOME MAN WHORES. THE YOUNGSTERS LEARN FROM MOM AND DAD PRIMARILY. RATHER HAVE YOUR ADOLESCENT TYKES ADMIT THEY WANT TO TRY SMOKE AND SEE FOR THEMSELVES WHAT THE HYPE IS ALL ABOUT. EDUCATE THEM AND TELL THEM TO UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS INVOLVED. JUST LIKE YOU WARN AND TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF AIDS, UNPROTECTED SEX LEADING TO PREGNANCY, THE IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE OF DRUG USE, THE DANGERS OF JUGGLING CHAINSAWS AND THE HORRID BRAIN DAMAGE CAUSED BY COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC. I BET THAT BY ALLOWING THE LATE TEEN KIDS TO RESPONSIBLY TRY CIGARETTES THE MYSTIQUE WILL BE LESSENED AND THEY WONT HIDE BEHIND THE GARAGE LIKE JUNKIES HAVING A SMOKE. ULTIMATELY THEY WILL EITHER THEN SMOKE OR LIKE ME JUST DONT BOTHER. BIG DEAL WHAT IS THE NEED TO STAND AND POSE WITH A CIGARETTE AT A HOUSE PARTY? YOU SEE THE WANNA BE SUPPOSED REBEL IN THE CORNER SO DEFTLY HANDLING HIS CIGGY, LIGHTS UP AND COUGHS LIKE ALIKE A CARBURETTOR CAR ON A COLD WINTER MORNING. THIS DUDES NAME IS NOW DOOS! I HAVE WITNESSED THIS MANY TIMES AND JUST NEVER WANTED TO BE LAUGHED AT BY THE CHICK I AM SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO “GRIP”. ALL THAT IS GOING THROUGH MY MIND IS “BE COOL, BE COOL, DONT FUCK UP, DONT STUTTER, IS MY BREATH OK, WHY ARE THE CLIPS ON A BRA MAN PROOF? I DONT NEED THE ADDED STRESS OF DISPOSING OF THE SMOKE AND WONDERING IF I DIDNT MAYBE DROP IT INTO THE TURN UPS ON MY JEANS? HEY, I GREW UP IN THE 80`S WE HAD SOME BIZARRE FASHION BACK THEN. ANY WAY BACK TO THE CRUX OF THE MATTER.
THE HEALTH MINISTERS OF MOST ANALLY RETENTIVE NATIONS BAN TOBACCO ADVERTISING AT MOTORSPORTS EVENTS AND THUS AS IN THE CASE OF SOUTH AFRICA WE LOSE FORMULA 1 HOSTING RIGHTS. BILLIONS OF RAND IN REVENUE ALL SHOT TO HELL BECAUSE OF A BRAND NAME ADORNING A RACE CAR. ARE THESE PEOPLE MORONS? I THINK SO.
SO I DONT SMOKE, NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL. HOWEVER I HAVE A FASCINATION FOR THE MARLBORO BRAND, ITS ABSOLUTELY COOL. SO MUCH SO THAT AS A NON SMOKER I WENT AND HAD A TATTOO DONE ON MY ARM OF FERRARI MARLBORO. YES I HAVE THE PRANCING HORSE WITH THE WORD FERRARI UNDERNEATH AND THE RED “CHEVRON” YOU USE WITH THE WORD MARLBORO UNDERNEATH. I JUST DIG THE BRAND, ITS FRIKKIN COOL. WHAT IS THE HEALTH MINISTER GOING TO SAY TO THAT? IT SHOULD PISS HER OFF NO END! IN MY CAR I HAVE A PACK OF SOFT PACK MARLBORO CIGARETTES. IT IS JUST A PROP. IT INEVITABLY GETS GIVEN TO THE GUYS AT WORK WHO ALL SMOKE AND WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH AND THEY ARE SCROUNGING FOR SMOKES THEY END UP WITH THE PACK. I HAVE MARLBORO STICKERS ADORNING MY BAR FRIDGE AND KITCHEN FRIDGE, HEY I EVEN HAVE MARLBORO STUCK ON MY MICROWAVE AT WORK. I HAVE A NUMBER OF SHIRTS THAT I WEAR TO WORK THAT HAVE THE FERRARI MARLBORO LOGOS. LETS FACE IT THE TWO GO TOGETHER LIKE PEAS IN A POD. SCREW THE POLITICIANS, IF PEOPLE WANT TO SMOKE LET THEM, SO LONG AS THEY SHOW RESPECT TO THOSE WHO DONT AND ESPECIALLY CHILDREN. NON SMOKING ENVIRONMENTS SUCH AS OFFICE TOWERS AND SHOPPING MALLS ARE A GOOD IDEA, NON SMOKING AND SEPERATED SMOKING AREAS IN RESTAURANTS ARE NEEDED, JUST DONT CRIMINALISE THE USE OF TOBACCO IN THE SAME VEIN AS HEROIN OR CRACK.
THE MARLBORO MAN IS A COOL DUDE LETS FACE IT. DONT MAKE HIM SOME CLOSET GAY BECAUSE OF SILLY OVER LEGISLATION. ONE THING THAT SHOULD BE ERADICATED FORTHWITH IS ASHTRAYS IN CARS. I REQUEST THAT PEOPLE DONT LIGHT UP IN MY CAR AS A COURTESY TO MY BMW. ASH IN THE ASHTRAY IS FUCKING GROSS! ANYONE WHO ASHES IN MY CARS ASHTRAY WILL BE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH WITH THE TYRE IRON! YOU SEE, I WORK IN THE CAR VALET INDUSTRY AND NOTHING RILES ME MORE THAN A TOP END CAR COMING IN AND IT STINKS LIKE A CREMATORIUM. IT ANNOYS ME TO THE POINT THAT WHEN THE OWNER ARRIVES I HATE HIM WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING...”WHY ARE YOU BASTARDISING YOUR CARS BEAUTY AND INTEGRITY BY TIPPING IN THE ASH TRAY YOU FUCKWIT!”... SMOKING CAN LOOK PRETTY COOL IN A WEIRD WAY JUST LIKE A DUDES HEAD BEING RIPPED FROM HIS SHOULDERS IN A HEAD ON COLLISION. HEY IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE ANGLE , PERSPECTIVE AND CONTEXT IN WHICH IT WAS DONE. I HAVE NOTED THE CHAIN SMOKER WHO LOOKS LIKE A JUNKIE MID COLD TURKEY NEEDING THAT FIX TO STEADY HIS NERVES . THE SUAVE IN CONTROL SMOKER WHO MAKES LIGHTING UP LOOK LIKE A SCENE FROM A MOVIE. THE NOVICE WHO FUMBLES LIKE HE IS TRYING TO REMOVE HIS FIRST BRA FROM THE FIRST CHICK HE EVER PULLED IN A CLUB. THE NAZI SMOKER WHO WITH MILITARY PRECISION LIGHTS UP AND DRAWS THE SMOKE DOWN TO THE FILTER IN ONE SINGLE BLITZKRIEG GO. THE CIRCUS SMOKER, HE ENTERTAINS MAINLY HIMSELF AND A FEW PISSED PUB PATRONS WITH SMOKE RINGS WHICH HE THEN STICKS HIS ARM THROUGH, THESE SMOKERS ARE TYPICALLY FROM THE SHALLOW END OF THE GENE POOL. THEN THERE IS THE OPPERTUNITY SMOKER, OR MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE SOCIAL SMOKER. THEY USUALLY NEED GOOD COMPANY AND JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL BEFORE THEY BLAZE AWAY. THESE PEOPLE NEVER PAY FOR A PACK BECAUSE THEY BUM OFF EVERYONE ELSES STASH FOR THE DURATION OF THE EVENING. FINALLY YOU GET THE PASSIVE SMOKER WHO IF HE DIDNT LIKE THE SMOKE ,SHOULD THEN SIMPLY GET OUT OF THE CLOUD. SECOND HAND SMOKE IS A KILLER, IT IS EVIL, IT IS MURDER BY SMOKER AND ALL THAT CRAP, WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT! IF I FELT BAD IN THE COMPANY OF SMOKERS I WOULD SIMPLY FUCK OFF. END OF STORY. TELL ME,,,, HOW DANGEROUS IS DIESEL SMOKE AND THE PLETHORA OF OTHER MONOXIDES AND INDUSTRIAL POLLUTANTS THAT ARE CHOKING THE WORLD AND LEADING TO GLOBAL WARMING AND ULTIMATELY ALL OF HUMANITIES DEMISE? SMOKING CAN AT BEST MAKE UP AN INFINITESIMAL PERCENTAGE OF THE GREENHOUSE GAS EFFECT. THE PEOPLE SAY LIVING NEAR CHERNOBYL DIDNT WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT SECOND HAND SMOKE OR THE PEASENTS IN BHOPAL INDIA,OR KURDS IN IRAQ BACK IN 1988.THEY HAD BIGGER POLLUTANTS TO WORRY ABOUT. I BELEIVE THE SOLDIERS OF WORLD WAR ONE WOULDNT HAVE GIVEN A TOSS ABOUT SOME “BEUROCRATIC FUTURE” TRYING TO DEMONISE TOBACCO AFTER THEY WERE JUST EXPOSED TO MUSTARD GAS! I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THOUGH, IS MUSTARD GAS AMERICAN, BRITISH, FRENCH DIJON OR SIMPLY PLAIN GERMAN MUSTARD???? AFTER A DAY IN THE TRENCHES A CIGARETTE WAS THE SINGLE REDEEMING THING LEFT IN AN OTHERWISE WICKED FUCKING WORLD SLIP SLIDING INTO ANARCHY.THE VIETNAM WAR IN MY MIND MADE THE MARLBORO BRAND SUPER COOL. THE G I`s HAD THEIR PACKS SQUEEZED THROUGH THE BAND ON THEIR HELMETS. HISTORY IS FULL OF PICTURES OF PEOPLE POSING FOR PORTRAITS AND PHOTOS WITH A CIGARETTE OR PIPE CLUTCHED IN HAND. I CAN PICTURE FROM MEMORY AT LEAST TWO AMERICAN PRESIDENTS AND THE NEAR IMMORTALISED DEPICTION ON THE QUINTESSENTIAL REBEL WITHOUT A FILTER JAMES DEAN WEARING A STETSON AND CIGARETTE COOLY HANGING FROM HIS MOUTH. THE DUDE WAS COOL.
SO LETS GET REAL. SMOKING HAS BEEN DONE FOR EONS, THE CAVEMEN LIT UP A LEAF OR TWO OF SOMETHING OR OTHER THAT HAD AN AROMATIC FRAGRANCE AFTER THEY GOT BUSY WITH MRS CAVE CHICK . PICTURE THE SCENE, MR CAVEMAN HAS JUST CHATTED UP MRS CAVE CHICK, “ UG UG UGGA UG” THEN CLUBS HER IN THE HEAD AND WITH THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF BARRY WHITE RINGING IN HER EARS THEY PROCEED TO “GET IT ON”. WHEN SHE FULLY COMES ROUND THEY LIE THERE ON THEIR ROCKBLO NONPOSTUREPEDIC BED AND LIGHT UP IN THE AFTERGLOW. SMOKING IS SIMPLY A HABIT AND IT ISNT AS DISGUSTING AS WATCHING A MOTORIST PICKING THEIR NOSE AND CHOWING DOWN ON THE BOOGER. HELL I HAVE SEEN A HOT MAMA DO IT. I JUST COULDNT GET MY HEAD ROUND THE SIGHT SO I CHANGED MY ROUTE TO WORK SO THAT I WOULD NEVER AGAIN SEE THAT HORRENDOUS SIGHT.
I BELEIVE THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD LOWER THE PRICE OF YOUR PRODUCT SO THAT THOSE WHO REALLY FEEL THE CREDIT CRUNCH DONT GO AND BUY THOSE HORRID “FONG KONG” BRANDS THAT ARE SERIOUSLY DAMAGING TO HEALTH. BY GOVERNMENTS MEDDLING THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE STEEP INCREASE IN LUNG CANCER BY TAXING AND PRICING BRANDS WITH QUALITY CONTROLS IN PLACE OUT OF THE MAN IN THE STREETS POCKET. THE PREVERBIAL MAN IN THE STREET THEN BUYS THE EL CHEAPO BRANDS THAT ARE HORRID! THESE POOR SUCKERS ARE THUS COMMITTING SUICIDE BY INSTALLMENT. EVERYONE WHO CHANGES TO THE CRAP BRANDS ARE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT THEY ARE COUGHING MORE AND THEIR BODY ODOUR IS DIFFERENT, NOT TO MENTION THE DYED FINGERS. THESE CHEAP CRAP FAGS ARE NOT ONLY FOR THE LOWER CLASSES, THERE ARE MORE AND MORE MIDDLE TO UPPER CLASS PEOPLE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SMOKING THEM. I HAVE SEEN THIS FIRST HAND. I USED TO RUN A FAMILY MINI MART AND STEADILY WE COULD SEE THE DECLINE AMONGST OUR CUSTOMERS. WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS DOING IS AKIN TO CHEATING PEOPLE OF THEIR BASIC FUNDEMENTAL CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. WHAT YOU SAY? I MUST BE A RAVING LOON! NO NO NO, I AM RIGHT. PICTURE IF YOU WILL THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO THAT PLAYS ITSELF OUT EVERY SINGLE DAY. A DUDE THAT EARNS ABSOLUTE MINIMUM WAGE OR MAYBE A STREET HOBO THAT BEGS FOR ALMS AT THE ROBOT IS BASICALLY HAVING A KAK LIFE AND HIS ONLY TRUE FORM OF SATISFACTION IS TO AMBLE INTO THE CAFE AND BUY A LOOSE CIGARETTE, THE SHOP OWNER INFORMS MR `BO THAT LOOSE CIGARETTES CAN NO LONGER BE SOLD DUE TO SOME BEUROCRATIC BULLSHIT! THE HOBO IS FUCKING DISTRAUGHT, AFTER A TEDIOUS DAY HE JUST WANTED TO HAVE A SMOKE AND SAY TO HIMSELF, “WELL THAT WAS ANOTHER DAY ON THIS MISERABLE ORB, MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER”. NOW HIS HEART HAS BEEN SHATTERED HE IS TOTALLY DEJECTED, HE CANT AFFORD THE PRE PACKED TWO CIGARETTES, HE ONLY HAS ENOUGH FOR ONE!!! NEXT THING WE HAVE THE SAD PICTURE IN THE DAILY SUN SHOWING A BROKEN AND VERY DEAD HOBO WHO JUST WANTED A LOOSE CIGARETTE TO MAKE THE DAY SEEM OK. HE LIES DOWN AND SIMPLY EXPIRES.HE HAS BEEN ROBBED OF HIS ONLY COMFORT. WHAT IS SO EVIL ABOUT FLOGGING A LOOSE SMOKE? I BELEIVE IT HAS TO DO WITH A GREEDY GOVERNMENT THAT WANTS EVERY PENNY THEY CAN EXTORT OUT OF THE TOBACCO COMPANIES.THANK YOU TO THE HEALTH MINISTER FOR UPPING LUNG CANCER , EMPHYSEMA AND MISERY YOU MORON! THE CHEAP CIGARETTES ARE CAUSING UNIMAGINABLE HARM TO THE PEOPLE WHO DO SMOKE. TOP END BRANDS ARE SAFER, JUST LIKE AN ANTI PERSONNELL MINE IS SAFER AND BETTER THAN TRIGGERING AN ANTI TANK MINE. THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS, JUST LIKE A TATA MOTOR CAR AS OPPOSED TO A BMW 5 SERIES. BOTH CAN KILL HOWEVER YOUR CHANCES OF A MESSY DEMISE IS MORE PRONOUNCED IN A TATA. COMING BACK TO SPONSORSHIPS FOR A MOMENT. IMAGINE THE REVENUE FROM WORLD CLASS SPORTING EVENTS IF YOU SIMPLY ADMITTED YOU WERE CLOTS AND ALLOW THE TOBACCO COMPANIES OPEN ADVERTISING RIGHTS AGAIN?
BIGGER ENDORSEMENTS AND MORE MONEY FOR EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THE GOVERNMENT.HOWEVER, THE WAY WE ARE GOING WE MAY JUST HAVE LETS SAY, A SURFING COMPETITION ON DURBANS NORTH BEACH SPOSORED BY TAMPAX OR NEW FREEDOM. HOW COOL IS THAT? YEAH RIGHT. I CAN JUST HEAR THE COMMENTATOR AT A MOTOR RACE ANNOUNCING “ AND PITTING NEXT IS THE OMO RUSKS WHOLEWHEAT FERRARI OF MASSA”. IT SURE AS HELL SOUNDS BETTER AS “ AND PITTING NEXT IS THE SCUDERIA MARLBORO FERRARI OF MASSA”.
I SPORT MY MARLBORO CLOTHING AND TATTOO REGARDLESS OF SOME FUDDY DUDDY IN POWER. MARLBORO AS A BRANDS IS, VERY COOL END OF STORY.
I MAY BE A DILETTANTE WHEN IT COMES TO THE WORKINGS WITHIN POLITICS AND BIG CORPORATIONS, BUT I KNOW A TURD WHEN I SEE ONE AND WHAT WE PEOPLE ARE BEING FED IS A CLASS A 1 TURD OF NOTE INDEED! THE MIND POLICE ARE BACK AND MORE RIDICULOUS THAN EVER!
MARLBORO IS COOL!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA PO BOX 620; GLENVISTA; 2058.
0789489847. 0114328331. michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/ http://www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com/
THE FRENCH::: RUDE AND UNABLE TO MAKE REALLY GOOD CARS.
THE FRENCH STARTED OFF WITH MUCH FLAIR AND APLOMB, THEY WERE THE MASTERMINDS OF THE RENNAISANCE AND FINE ART. THEY HAD WONDEROUS CUISINE , CULTURE, COURTISANS, THE PALACE AT VERSAILLES, THE CAN CAN, THE MOULIN ROUGE WITH THEIR “DIAMOND DOGS”, THE SEINE RIVER, EIFFEL TOWER, BOHEMIANS WHO EXTOL THE VIRTUES OF SAYINGS LIKE “ THE GREATEST THING YOU`LL EVER LEARN IS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN”.IT WAS A FABULOUS TIME OF SIDEWALK CAFE`S, ARTISTS, POETS, LOVERS AND ABSINTHE, THE “GREEN FAIRY”. PEOPLE WERE FREE AND ARTISTICALLY FRUITFUL. THE LANGUAGE WAS AMAZING, THE DIALECT OF THE LOVER. THEN IN THE 1940`S THE GERMANS PITCHED UP AND GOT ALL ROWDY. THEY INVADED THEIR BUBBLE EXISTENCE AND EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT!. THE FRENCH NOW BECAME A BUNCH OF ARSE HOLES WHO SEEMED TO ALL DECIDE TO BE RUDE WAITERS AND BUILD SHIT CARS. THIS TROUBLES ME MUCHLY INDEED! THEY HAD POTENTIAL, YET SEEMED HELLBENT ON TURNING OUT HORRIBLY STYLED CARS.
WE START AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CHANGE OF THE ABOMINATION KNOWN AS THE FRENCH AUTO INDUSTRY DEMISE. THE THIRTIES WERE AMAZING, THEY CREATED CARS SO SEXY AND WAY AHEAD OF THEIR TIME IT LOOKED AS IF ALL WAS WELL IN THE LAND OF ESCARGOT. HOWEVER A DARK SINISTER FORCE WAS AT WORK! IT IS KNOWN AS BAD TASTE. UNIMAGINATIVENESS AND STUPIDITY. THE TALBOT LAGO`S OF THE THIRTIES WERE SEX MACHINES ON WHEELS CRAFTED AS IF PAINTED AND BUILT BY ARTISTS. THEN SUDDENLY THEY TOOK A TRIP BACK TO THE AGE OF THE CAVE MAN IN AUTO ART DESIGN. THE FRENCH BUILT “QUAINT” CARS SUCH AS THE 2CV OR DEUX CHAVEUX, I THINK IT IS. A CAR SO HIDEOUS AND BORINGLY PRACTICAL THAT ONLY QUASI MODO WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY DRIVEN ONE. HE IS AS UGLY AS THE CAR. WHEN IT WAS CONCEIVED, AS IF THE DEVIL HAD A HAND IN IT THE 2CV WAS TO BE AN UMBRELLA THAT COULD TRANSPORT A DOZEN EGGS OVER THE FARMERS FIELD. YEAH RIGHT! IMAGINE IF YOU WOULD THAT THE PEOPLE AT SAY KOENNIGGSEGG HAD THE SAME DRAFT FOR ITS CCX? ARE YOU LAME IN THE BRAIN? WHO THE FUCK WANT TO BUY A CAR DESIGNED FOR THAT SPECIFIED TASK? THE FRENCH ALWAYS RELEASE SHITTY CARS AND TRY TO SELL THE UTALITARIAN SIDE OF THE THING. LOOK AT THE RENAULT 5. ITS A PIECE OF UNRELIABLE SHIT! IF IT AT LEAST WAS ONLY A PIECE OF SHIT IT THEN WOULD BE WORTH THINKING ABOUT. HOWEVER IT HAS TRANSCENDED THAT BY BEING TOTALLY SHIT, INSIDE AND OUT. THE LIST OF FRENCH OGRE CARS IS LONG AND HIDEOUS. THE LIST OF FRENCH CARS THAT DEFY LOGIC ARE EQUALLY NUMEROUS. LETS LOOK AT THE PEUGEOT 1007. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? WHY WAS IT PRODUCED? WHY DOES THE WORLD NEED IT? WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUYS IT? WHO DESIGNED THE GEARBOX? WHY DO YOU WANT SILLY ARSE ELECTRIC SLIDER DOORS? MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHY WOULD YOU PAY MONEY FOR IT? IT IS THE KIND OF CAR YOU WIN IN SOME OR OTHER SILLY SUPERMARKET COMPETITION. THE 1007 IS HIDEOUS! THE 407 COUPE IS OBTUSE AND WAY OVERPRICED, THE 206 CABRIOLET AND 207 CABRIOLET IS NAFF. FURTHERMORE THE 307 CABRIOLET LOOKS LIKE A FAT ARSED CHICK IN THE GYM.ENORMOUS RUMP ALL SQUEEZED INTO LYCRA. CITROEN FARES JUST AS SADLY WITH DAMN UGLY LAND YACHTS. THEY MAY HAVE ALL THE BELLS AND WHISTLES BUT THEY ARE SIMPLY OLD MAN CARS, AND AS WE RECENTLY SAW IN THE CINEMAS, THIS IS “NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN”. RENAULT HAVE TAKEN COLLECTIVE LEAVE OF THEIR SENSES BY ALLOWING EASTERN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES THAT HAVE SUCH ILLUSTRIOUS REPUTATIONS FOR BUILDING QUALITY MOTOR CARS TO BE INVOLVED IN THEIR RANGE. THE FRENCH WHILE OBVIOUSLY GOOFED ON AN OPIUM PIPE GAVE THE DACIA CROWD THE GO AHEAD TO RELEASE THE CRIMINALLY UGLY AND POORLY BUILT RENAULT LOGAN! ARE THEY FUCKING MAD????? THE CAR IS HORRIFIC, WITH CRAP BUILD QUALITY USUALLY RESERVED FOR TATA AND THE PLETHORA OF CHINESE MANUFACTURERS. THE LOGAN IS AS BLAND AS ANYTHING THE CHINS HAVE RELEASED AND LOOKS LIKE THE DESIGN CUES WERE STENCILED DIRECTLY FROM THE NISSAN TIIDA SEDAN (ANOTHER DISMAL CAR TO SAY THE LEAST, THIS TIME FROM THE LAND OF THE KAMIKAZE AND HARA KIRI CULTURE). ALTHOUGH THE DUDE DOING THE STENCIL WAS MOST LIKELY PISSED ON RICHELIEU BRANDY. THEN RENAULT IN THEIR INFINITE WISDOM DURING A GLOBAL CREDIT CRUNCH ALLOW SOME CLOWNS IN SOUTH AFRICA TO “BUILD” THE FRENCH AND AFRICAN NAMED “SANDERO”. WHATS SO FRENCH OR AFRICAN ABOUT SANDERO? IT SOUND LIKE A SPICK NAME. I EXPECT TO SEE SOMBRERO WEARING PEOPLE DRIVING IT IN MEXICO. ITS NASTY TO BEHOLD, IT HAS AUTOMOTIVE LINES THAT REMIND ONE OF A THING DESIGNED BY A FIRST YEAR DESIGN MORON. YOU KNOW , THE TYPE USUALLY EMPLOYED BY THE MAKERS OF TATA AND MAHINDRA. THE FIT OF BODY PANELS IS SCARY, THE INTERIOR IS SHODDY TO SAY THE LEAST. THE SEATS ARE THE WORST OF ALL, THEY ARE SO ILL FIT TO THE FRAMES THAT THEY HAVE AGE WRINKLES RIGHT OUT OF THE FACTORY. THE PLASTICS INSIDE ARE RUBBISH! THE PLACEMENT OF THE WINDOW WINDING BUTTONS ARE AT BEST AN AFTERTHOUGHT. WHO DESIGNED THIS THING? MY GUESS IS GOOFY. IT IS THAT BAD THAT IT COULD BE A CAR FOUND IN A CARTOON. MICKEY AND MINNIE MOUSE ARE DEAD HAPPY IN THE SANDERO.
THE FUCKING FRENCH ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ARTISTIC WHO HAVE FLAIR INGRAINED INTO THEIR VERY BEING FROM BIRTH. TO THAT I SAY HOOEY! IF IT WERENT FOR THE YANKS AND ALLIED FORCES IN 1943 YOU ARSE HOLES WOULD ALL BE SPEAKING GERMAN. WITH THE WAY YOU FRENCH ARE DESIGNING CARS AND PITCHING THE OVERPRICED RUBBISH YOU ARE MURDERLISING YOUR AUTOMOTIVE GENIUS WHICH WAS RUNNING RAMPANT IN THE 30`S. WE LOOK AT PEOPLE LIKE ETTORE BUGATTI THAT BETRAYED HIS ITALIAN BIRTH RIGHT TO BECOME A FRENCH CITIZEN, HE MOVED TO PARIS AND THEN WENT ABOUT MAKING REALLY LOVELY CARS ALL PAINTED IN FRENCH RACING BLUE AS OPPOSED TO HIS ITALIAN RED. HE WAS A TOSSER OF NOTE. HIS CARS WON A FEW 24 HOURS OF LEMANS RACES THEN HE DITHERED AND SOLD OUT. WHO NOW HAS THE RIGHTS TO THE “MOST POWERFUL” FASTEST SUPERCAR ON THE ROAD TODAY? WHO HAS A W16 ENGINE WITH 10 RADIATORS AND 4 TURBO CHARGERS? A 0 TO 100 KM/H IN 2.5 SECONDS? YES IT IS A BUGATTI VEYRON, DESIGNED BY A SPANIARD NAMED WALTER , BUILT AND POWERED BY “DAS AUTO”. THE DUDES AT VOLKSWAGEN BUILD THE VEYRON AND POWER IT WITH TWO SIDE BY SIDE VW PASSAT V8 ENGINES! THE PRICK SOLD OUT HIS ITALIAN HERITAGE AND PASSPORT SO HE COULD BE FRENCH ONLY TO HAVE HIS CROWNING ACHEIVEMENT BE POWERED BY A PAIR OF PASSAT ENGINES! SIR, YOU ARE A KNOB! ETTORE BUGATTI`S ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY IS THAT HE POINT BLANK REFUSED TO SELL HIS BUGATTI ROYALE ( ONE OF THE MOST COLLECTIBLE CARS IN EXISTANCE), WHICH WAS ADORNED BY A HOOD ORNAMENT OF AN ELEPHANT AND MEASURED SOMETHING LIKE 16 METRES WITH A STRAIGHT V 16 AIRPLANE ENGINE TO KING ZOG OF ALBANIA SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAD THE TABLE MANNERS OF A PIG, (QUOTE , UN QUOTE). THAT IS BALLSY INDEED. HOWEVER THE GERMANS ARE MAKING HIS CAR. THE GERMANS ARE PRODUCING THE MIDDLE FINGER TO THE FRENCH AND ALSO TO ETTORE BUGATTI!
FRENCH CARS ARE TINNY AND UNINSPIRING, EVEN THE SUPPOSED SPORTY CARS SUCH AS THE RENAULT MEGANE FI, CLIO SPORTS, PEUGEOT GT`S AND CITROEN, , , , UMM, , UMM. FUCK , THERE ARE NO PEUGEOT HOTTIES. ITS TIME THE FRENCH START BUILDING CARS WITH FRENCH WOMEN IN MIND, THEN WE WILL HAVE AUTO EROTICISM. TILL THEN FRENCH CARS WILL BE NOTHING MORE THAN A LAMENTABLE SOLILOQUY WHEN ALL ON YOUR OWN, THUS BITCHING ABOUT THE WORLD BECAUSE YOU ARE USELESS AND NEEDED EVERYONE ELSE TO COME AND SORT YOUR SHIT OUT. EG: WW2. THE FRENCH NEED TO STOP TAKING DESIGN CUES FROM THE “ARTISTS” THAT ARE STOWED AWAY IN THE LOUVRE, AND MAKE CARS THAT LOOK LIKE CARS AND NOT IMPRESSIONIST ART. TAKE A LOOK AT THE CITROEN C 4, 5, 6.. THE ABSOLUTE CRAP PICASSO! IT LOOKS LIKE A MODERN ART DISASTER. THE RENAULT ESPACE IS ABOUT AS ARTISTIC AS JOHN WAYNE BOBBITS SEVERED PENIS AND THE PEUGEOT “BOXER” IS AKIN TO AN INBREAD PEOPLE CARRIER THAT BAYOU FOLK LIKE. YOU KNOW, THE ONES THAT SAY IN THAT UNMISTAKABLE SOUTHERN DRAWL “ YOU GOT A REAL PRETTY MOUTH”. NOTHING SAYS I AM A FUCKWIT QUITE LIKE A MAN THAT BUYS A RENAULT SCENIC AND DRIVES AROUND THINKING HE IS A VIRILE STUD. DUDE , YOU ARE A WANKER!!!!!. PURCHASING A FRENCH CAR IS FOR OLDER WOMEN AND MEN WHO HAVE JUST RETIRED. THE SPORTIER MODELS ARE BETTER SUITED TO YOUNG CHICKKY DO`S WHO ARE MOST LIKELY HAIRDRESSERS OR NAIL TECHNICIANS BY TRADE. IF A MALE BUYS A “SPORTY” FRENCH CAR THEY ARE INEVITABLY GAY! END OF DISCUSSION. THEY WEAR WEIRD SILVERY HIPSTER PANTS, WHITE POINTYISH SHOES, SEMI FLORAL SUPER TIGHT SHIRTS AND HAVE “SPIKY” OR ”BED HEAD” HAIR. NORMALLY THESE SUPPOSED MEN WILL WEAR WHITE MATCHING PANT BELTS. THEY LIKE EATING MUESLI PORRIDGE AT WORK AND SCHEME THEY ARE THE SHIT. DUDES, YOU ARE NOT! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO CREATE THE MYSTIQUE THAT MODERN FRENCH CARS ARE FASHIONABLE, THEY JUST ARE NOT!!!!! PLEASE DONT CORRUPT THE WORLD WITH FRENCH “ART” CARS, THEY ARE NOT. FRENCH CARS ARE AMONGST THE WORSE WHEN IT COMES TO LOSING VALUE IN A YEAR.
PLEASE BUY DECENT EUROPEAN CARS, SUCH AS BMW, AUDI, MERCEDES AND PORSCHE. THESE MANUFACTURERS ARE THE BENCHMARK. THE FRENCH ARE JUST THE RUDE WAITERS WHO NEGLECT THE BATHROOM WITH AN ALMOST PATHOLOGICAL HATRED. FRENCH CHICKS ARE EASY AND NOTHING THAT GREAT WHEN YOU DISCARD THE ACCENT AND NOTE THE LACK OF SOAP, SHOWER AND SHAMPOO TIME. :”” AN ACCENT DOES NOT A MAGICAL VIXEN MAKE.””:: THIS IS AS SPOKEN BY THE GRAND MASTER HIMSELF. MASTER JEDI YODA! ANY NATION THAT SIMPLY LET THE MARAUDING NAZI`S WALK THROUGH THE CHAMPS DE ULYESSES AND SPAWN LIKE FROGS WITH THE INVADER THEN FUCK THE YANKS DILLY WHEN THEY SAUNTERED THROUGH AFTER LIBERATION IS BY ALL ACCOUNTS “TRAITOROUS TO FRANCE”. HENCE THE FRENCH MOTOR INDUSTRY, SAD AND ALWAYS TRYING TO BETTER THE GERMANS BUT THE GERMANS WILL ALWAYS BE ONE GOOSE STEP AHEAD. WHILE THE FRENCH ARE PREOCCUPIED BY CAFE`S, COFFEE , CROISSANTS, WEIRD CAR DESIGNS AND THE FRENCH REVOLUTION THE GERMANS ARE HARD AT WORK WEARING WHITE LAB COATS PLOTTING THE CONQUEST OF THE WORLD, , ONE CAR AT A TIME. NO FRENCH CAR CAN HOLD A CANDLE TO THE GERMAN OFFERINGS. NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL. THE FRENCH CLAIM THEY HAVE FLAIR AND QUIRKINESS, WHICH IS COOL IF YOU WORK AT EURO DISNEY. THE GERMANS MAKE “STORM TROOPERS” THAT WILL TEAR DOWN THE HIGHWAY AND EXECUTE ANY FRENCH RESISTANCE. NOT MUCH HAS REALLY CHANGED SINCE 1944. ACHTUNG! THE GERMANS MAKE CARS TO BRUTALISE THE SENSES INTO SUBMISSION BY SEDUCTION. , THE FRENCH MAKE CARS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REAL WORLD FEELING IN THE COCKPIT. IT IS A CASE OF AN AUTOMOTIVE SOFTON.
THE DAY I NEED VIAGRA AND NO LONGER CAN SPORT A MORNING GLORY, I WILL BUY A FRENCH CAR AND THEREBY LET ALL WOMEN KNOW I AM A LIMP DICK WHIPPING BOY. TILL THEN I WILL STICK TO MY GERMAN AUTOMOTIVE ERECTION ON WHEELS, THANKYOU VERY MUCH.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847 0114328331 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/
THE FRENCH STARTED OFF WITH MUCH FLAIR AND APLOMB, THEY WERE THE MASTERMINDS OF THE RENNAISANCE AND FINE ART. THEY HAD WONDEROUS CUISINE , CULTURE, COURTISANS, THE PALACE AT VERSAILLES, THE CAN CAN, THE MOULIN ROUGE WITH THEIR “DIAMOND DOGS”, THE SEINE RIVER, EIFFEL TOWER, BOHEMIANS WHO EXTOL THE VIRTUES OF SAYINGS LIKE “ THE GREATEST THING YOU`LL EVER LEARN IS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN”.IT WAS A FABULOUS TIME OF SIDEWALK CAFE`S, ARTISTS, POETS, LOVERS AND ABSINTHE, THE “GREEN FAIRY”. PEOPLE WERE FREE AND ARTISTICALLY FRUITFUL. THE LANGUAGE WAS AMAZING, THE DIALECT OF THE LOVER. THEN IN THE 1940`S THE GERMANS PITCHED UP AND GOT ALL ROWDY. THEY INVADED THEIR BUBBLE EXISTENCE AND EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT!. THE FRENCH NOW BECAME A BUNCH OF ARSE HOLES WHO SEEMED TO ALL DECIDE TO BE RUDE WAITERS AND BUILD SHIT CARS. THIS TROUBLES ME MUCHLY INDEED! THEY HAD POTENTIAL, YET SEEMED HELLBENT ON TURNING OUT HORRIBLY STYLED CARS.
WE START AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CHANGE OF THE ABOMINATION KNOWN AS THE FRENCH AUTO INDUSTRY DEMISE. THE THIRTIES WERE AMAZING, THEY CREATED CARS SO SEXY AND WAY AHEAD OF THEIR TIME IT LOOKED AS IF ALL WAS WELL IN THE LAND OF ESCARGOT. HOWEVER A DARK SINISTER FORCE WAS AT WORK! IT IS KNOWN AS BAD TASTE. UNIMAGINATIVENESS AND STUPIDITY. THE TALBOT LAGO`S OF THE THIRTIES WERE SEX MACHINES ON WHEELS CRAFTED AS IF PAINTED AND BUILT BY ARTISTS. THEN SUDDENLY THEY TOOK A TRIP BACK TO THE AGE OF THE CAVE MAN IN AUTO ART DESIGN. THE FRENCH BUILT “QUAINT” CARS SUCH AS THE 2CV OR DEUX CHAVEUX, I THINK IT IS. A CAR SO HIDEOUS AND BORINGLY PRACTICAL THAT ONLY QUASI MODO WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY DRIVEN ONE. HE IS AS UGLY AS THE CAR. WHEN IT WAS CONCEIVED, AS IF THE DEVIL HAD A HAND IN IT THE 2CV WAS TO BE AN UMBRELLA THAT COULD TRANSPORT A DOZEN EGGS OVER THE FARMERS FIELD. YEAH RIGHT! IMAGINE IF YOU WOULD THAT THE PEOPLE AT SAY KOENNIGGSEGG HAD THE SAME DRAFT FOR ITS CCX? ARE YOU LAME IN THE BRAIN? WHO THE FUCK WANT TO BUY A CAR DESIGNED FOR THAT SPECIFIED TASK? THE FRENCH ALWAYS RELEASE SHITTY CARS AND TRY TO SELL THE UTALITARIAN SIDE OF THE THING. LOOK AT THE RENAULT 5. ITS A PIECE OF UNRELIABLE SHIT! IF IT AT LEAST WAS ONLY A PIECE OF SHIT IT THEN WOULD BE WORTH THINKING ABOUT. HOWEVER IT HAS TRANSCENDED THAT BY BEING TOTALLY SHIT, INSIDE AND OUT. THE LIST OF FRENCH OGRE CARS IS LONG AND HIDEOUS. THE LIST OF FRENCH CARS THAT DEFY LOGIC ARE EQUALLY NUMEROUS. LETS LOOK AT THE PEUGEOT 1007. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? WHY WAS IT PRODUCED? WHY DOES THE WORLD NEED IT? WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUYS IT? WHO DESIGNED THE GEARBOX? WHY DO YOU WANT SILLY ARSE ELECTRIC SLIDER DOORS? MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHY WOULD YOU PAY MONEY FOR IT? IT IS THE KIND OF CAR YOU WIN IN SOME OR OTHER SILLY SUPERMARKET COMPETITION. THE 1007 IS HIDEOUS! THE 407 COUPE IS OBTUSE AND WAY OVERPRICED, THE 206 CABRIOLET AND 207 CABRIOLET IS NAFF. FURTHERMORE THE 307 CABRIOLET LOOKS LIKE A FAT ARSED CHICK IN THE GYM.ENORMOUS RUMP ALL SQUEEZED INTO LYCRA. CITROEN FARES JUST AS SADLY WITH DAMN UGLY LAND YACHTS. THEY MAY HAVE ALL THE BELLS AND WHISTLES BUT THEY ARE SIMPLY OLD MAN CARS, AND AS WE RECENTLY SAW IN THE CINEMAS, THIS IS “NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN”. RENAULT HAVE TAKEN COLLECTIVE LEAVE OF THEIR SENSES BY ALLOWING EASTERN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES THAT HAVE SUCH ILLUSTRIOUS REPUTATIONS FOR BUILDING QUALITY MOTOR CARS TO BE INVOLVED IN THEIR RANGE. THE FRENCH WHILE OBVIOUSLY GOOFED ON AN OPIUM PIPE GAVE THE DACIA CROWD THE GO AHEAD TO RELEASE THE CRIMINALLY UGLY AND POORLY BUILT RENAULT LOGAN! ARE THEY FUCKING MAD????? THE CAR IS HORRIFIC, WITH CRAP BUILD QUALITY USUALLY RESERVED FOR TATA AND THE PLETHORA OF CHINESE MANUFACTURERS. THE LOGAN IS AS BLAND AS ANYTHING THE CHINS HAVE RELEASED AND LOOKS LIKE THE DESIGN CUES WERE STENCILED DIRECTLY FROM THE NISSAN TIIDA SEDAN (ANOTHER DISMAL CAR TO SAY THE LEAST, THIS TIME FROM THE LAND OF THE KAMIKAZE AND HARA KIRI CULTURE). ALTHOUGH THE DUDE DOING THE STENCIL WAS MOST LIKELY PISSED ON RICHELIEU BRANDY. THEN RENAULT IN THEIR INFINITE WISDOM DURING A GLOBAL CREDIT CRUNCH ALLOW SOME CLOWNS IN SOUTH AFRICA TO “BUILD” THE FRENCH AND AFRICAN NAMED “SANDERO”. WHATS SO FRENCH OR AFRICAN ABOUT SANDERO? IT SOUND LIKE A SPICK NAME. I EXPECT TO SEE SOMBRERO WEARING PEOPLE DRIVING IT IN MEXICO. ITS NASTY TO BEHOLD, IT HAS AUTOMOTIVE LINES THAT REMIND ONE OF A THING DESIGNED BY A FIRST YEAR DESIGN MORON. YOU KNOW , THE TYPE USUALLY EMPLOYED BY THE MAKERS OF TATA AND MAHINDRA. THE FIT OF BODY PANELS IS SCARY, THE INTERIOR IS SHODDY TO SAY THE LEAST. THE SEATS ARE THE WORST OF ALL, THEY ARE SO ILL FIT TO THE FRAMES THAT THEY HAVE AGE WRINKLES RIGHT OUT OF THE FACTORY. THE PLASTICS INSIDE ARE RUBBISH! THE PLACEMENT OF THE WINDOW WINDING BUTTONS ARE AT BEST AN AFTERTHOUGHT. WHO DESIGNED THIS THING? MY GUESS IS GOOFY. IT IS THAT BAD THAT IT COULD BE A CAR FOUND IN A CARTOON. MICKEY AND MINNIE MOUSE ARE DEAD HAPPY IN THE SANDERO.
THE FUCKING FRENCH ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ARTISTIC WHO HAVE FLAIR INGRAINED INTO THEIR VERY BEING FROM BIRTH. TO THAT I SAY HOOEY! IF IT WERENT FOR THE YANKS AND ALLIED FORCES IN 1943 YOU ARSE HOLES WOULD ALL BE SPEAKING GERMAN. WITH THE WAY YOU FRENCH ARE DESIGNING CARS AND PITCHING THE OVERPRICED RUBBISH YOU ARE MURDERLISING YOUR AUTOMOTIVE GENIUS WHICH WAS RUNNING RAMPANT IN THE 30`S. WE LOOK AT PEOPLE LIKE ETTORE BUGATTI THAT BETRAYED HIS ITALIAN BIRTH RIGHT TO BECOME A FRENCH CITIZEN, HE MOVED TO PARIS AND THEN WENT ABOUT MAKING REALLY LOVELY CARS ALL PAINTED IN FRENCH RACING BLUE AS OPPOSED TO HIS ITALIAN RED. HE WAS A TOSSER OF NOTE. HIS CARS WON A FEW 24 HOURS OF LEMANS RACES THEN HE DITHERED AND SOLD OUT. WHO NOW HAS THE RIGHTS TO THE “MOST POWERFUL” FASTEST SUPERCAR ON THE ROAD TODAY? WHO HAS A W16 ENGINE WITH 10 RADIATORS AND 4 TURBO CHARGERS? A 0 TO 100 KM/H IN 2.5 SECONDS? YES IT IS A BUGATTI VEYRON, DESIGNED BY A SPANIARD NAMED WALTER , BUILT AND POWERED BY “DAS AUTO”. THE DUDES AT VOLKSWAGEN BUILD THE VEYRON AND POWER IT WITH TWO SIDE BY SIDE VW PASSAT V8 ENGINES! THE PRICK SOLD OUT HIS ITALIAN HERITAGE AND PASSPORT SO HE COULD BE FRENCH ONLY TO HAVE HIS CROWNING ACHEIVEMENT BE POWERED BY A PAIR OF PASSAT ENGINES! SIR, YOU ARE A KNOB! ETTORE BUGATTI`S ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY IS THAT HE POINT BLANK REFUSED TO SELL HIS BUGATTI ROYALE ( ONE OF THE MOST COLLECTIBLE CARS IN EXISTANCE), WHICH WAS ADORNED BY A HOOD ORNAMENT OF AN ELEPHANT AND MEASURED SOMETHING LIKE 16 METRES WITH A STRAIGHT V 16 AIRPLANE ENGINE TO KING ZOG OF ALBANIA SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAD THE TABLE MANNERS OF A PIG, (QUOTE , UN QUOTE). THAT IS BALLSY INDEED. HOWEVER THE GERMANS ARE MAKING HIS CAR. THE GERMANS ARE PRODUCING THE MIDDLE FINGER TO THE FRENCH AND ALSO TO ETTORE BUGATTI!
FRENCH CARS ARE TINNY AND UNINSPIRING, EVEN THE SUPPOSED SPORTY CARS SUCH AS THE RENAULT MEGANE FI, CLIO SPORTS, PEUGEOT GT`S AND CITROEN, , , , UMM, , UMM. FUCK , THERE ARE NO PEUGEOT HOTTIES. ITS TIME THE FRENCH START BUILDING CARS WITH FRENCH WOMEN IN MIND, THEN WE WILL HAVE AUTO EROTICISM. TILL THEN FRENCH CARS WILL BE NOTHING MORE THAN A LAMENTABLE SOLILOQUY WHEN ALL ON YOUR OWN, THUS BITCHING ABOUT THE WORLD BECAUSE YOU ARE USELESS AND NEEDED EVERYONE ELSE TO COME AND SORT YOUR SHIT OUT. EG: WW2. THE FRENCH NEED TO STOP TAKING DESIGN CUES FROM THE “ARTISTS” THAT ARE STOWED AWAY IN THE LOUVRE, AND MAKE CARS THAT LOOK LIKE CARS AND NOT IMPRESSIONIST ART. TAKE A LOOK AT THE CITROEN C 4, 5, 6.. THE ABSOLUTE CRAP PICASSO! IT LOOKS LIKE A MODERN ART DISASTER. THE RENAULT ESPACE IS ABOUT AS ARTISTIC AS JOHN WAYNE BOBBITS SEVERED PENIS AND THE PEUGEOT “BOXER” IS AKIN TO AN INBREAD PEOPLE CARRIER THAT BAYOU FOLK LIKE. YOU KNOW, THE ONES THAT SAY IN THAT UNMISTAKABLE SOUTHERN DRAWL “ YOU GOT A REAL PRETTY MOUTH”. NOTHING SAYS I AM A FUCKWIT QUITE LIKE A MAN THAT BUYS A RENAULT SCENIC AND DRIVES AROUND THINKING HE IS A VIRILE STUD. DUDE , YOU ARE A WANKER!!!!!. PURCHASING A FRENCH CAR IS FOR OLDER WOMEN AND MEN WHO HAVE JUST RETIRED. THE SPORTIER MODELS ARE BETTER SUITED TO YOUNG CHICKKY DO`S WHO ARE MOST LIKELY HAIRDRESSERS OR NAIL TECHNICIANS BY TRADE. IF A MALE BUYS A “SPORTY” FRENCH CAR THEY ARE INEVITABLY GAY! END OF DISCUSSION. THEY WEAR WEIRD SILVERY HIPSTER PANTS, WHITE POINTYISH SHOES, SEMI FLORAL SUPER TIGHT SHIRTS AND HAVE “SPIKY” OR ”BED HEAD” HAIR. NORMALLY THESE SUPPOSED MEN WILL WEAR WHITE MATCHING PANT BELTS. THEY LIKE EATING MUESLI PORRIDGE AT WORK AND SCHEME THEY ARE THE SHIT. DUDES, YOU ARE NOT! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO CREATE THE MYSTIQUE THAT MODERN FRENCH CARS ARE FASHIONABLE, THEY JUST ARE NOT!!!!! PLEASE DONT CORRUPT THE WORLD WITH FRENCH “ART” CARS, THEY ARE NOT. FRENCH CARS ARE AMONGST THE WORSE WHEN IT COMES TO LOSING VALUE IN A YEAR.
PLEASE BUY DECENT EUROPEAN CARS, SUCH AS BMW, AUDI, MERCEDES AND PORSCHE. THESE MANUFACTURERS ARE THE BENCHMARK. THE FRENCH ARE JUST THE RUDE WAITERS WHO NEGLECT THE BATHROOM WITH AN ALMOST PATHOLOGICAL HATRED. FRENCH CHICKS ARE EASY AND NOTHING THAT GREAT WHEN YOU DISCARD THE ACCENT AND NOTE THE LACK OF SOAP, SHOWER AND SHAMPOO TIME. :”” AN ACCENT DOES NOT A MAGICAL VIXEN MAKE.””:: THIS IS AS SPOKEN BY THE GRAND MASTER HIMSELF. MASTER JEDI YODA! ANY NATION THAT SIMPLY LET THE MARAUDING NAZI`S WALK THROUGH THE CHAMPS DE ULYESSES AND SPAWN LIKE FROGS WITH THE INVADER THEN FUCK THE YANKS DILLY WHEN THEY SAUNTERED THROUGH AFTER LIBERATION IS BY ALL ACCOUNTS “TRAITOROUS TO FRANCE”. HENCE THE FRENCH MOTOR INDUSTRY, SAD AND ALWAYS TRYING TO BETTER THE GERMANS BUT THE GERMANS WILL ALWAYS BE ONE GOOSE STEP AHEAD. WHILE THE FRENCH ARE PREOCCUPIED BY CAFE`S, COFFEE , CROISSANTS, WEIRD CAR DESIGNS AND THE FRENCH REVOLUTION THE GERMANS ARE HARD AT WORK WEARING WHITE LAB COATS PLOTTING THE CONQUEST OF THE WORLD, , ONE CAR AT A TIME. NO FRENCH CAR CAN HOLD A CANDLE TO THE GERMAN OFFERINGS. NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL. THE FRENCH CLAIM THEY HAVE FLAIR AND QUIRKINESS, WHICH IS COOL IF YOU WORK AT EURO DISNEY. THE GERMANS MAKE “STORM TROOPERS” THAT WILL TEAR DOWN THE HIGHWAY AND EXECUTE ANY FRENCH RESISTANCE. NOT MUCH HAS REALLY CHANGED SINCE 1944. ACHTUNG! THE GERMANS MAKE CARS TO BRUTALISE THE SENSES INTO SUBMISSION BY SEDUCTION. , THE FRENCH MAKE CARS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REAL WORLD FEELING IN THE COCKPIT. IT IS A CASE OF AN AUTOMOTIVE SOFTON.
THE DAY I NEED VIAGRA AND NO LONGER CAN SPORT A MORNING GLORY, I WILL BUY A FRENCH CAR AND THEREBY LET ALL WOMEN KNOW I AM A LIMP DICK WHIPPING BOY. TILL THEN I WILL STICK TO MY GERMAN AUTOMOTIVE ERECTION ON WHEELS, THANKYOU VERY MUCH.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
0789489847 0114328331 michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com/
yankee go home
YANKY GO HOME!
CHEVY LUMINA UTILITY:CADILLAC: CHRYSLER: HUMMER H3 AND OTHER POINTLESS MODES OF TRANSPORT FROM THE LAND OF MICKEY MOUSE.
HEREWITH FOLLOW THE USUAL SUSPECTS IN AMERICANA MOTORING CRIMINALITY, THINLY DISGUISED AS THE MOTOR CAR.
CHEVY LUMINA, CULPRIT NUMBER 1
6 LITRE V8 270 KILOWATT, 367 HORSE POWER, REAR WHEELDRIVE MONSTER. SOUNDS AMAZING BUT THEIR IS A DARK SIDE, CHUNKY GEAR LEVER, HE MAN HAND BRAKE SUMPTIOUS LEATHER SEATS AND THEN THEY FUCK IT ALL UP WITH THE PLASTIC VERSION OF PLASTIC USED ON THE DASH BINNACLE! WHY? THE ITALIANS AND FRENCH USE STITCHED LEATHER TO SURROUND THE INSTRUMENT CLUSTERS IN THEIR SPORTY MODELS. THE UTE ISNT A CHEAP LIGHT UTILITY VEHICLE LIKE A 1400 CHAMP, SO WHY USE BRITTLE PLASTIC?
AFTER ALL THE WORK PUT INTO THE MOST UNVERSATILE BAKKIE IN THE WORLD THE DRIFTS AT THE SLIGHTEST NUDGE OF THE THROTTLE AND ROARS LIKE A WILD BULL INFLICTED WITH MAD COW DISEASE ON ANABOLIC STEROIDS THAT JUST TOOK A HIT OFF A CRACK BONG, THE ENGINEERS SLAP IN THE MOST HIDEOUS CHEAP ARSE TATA-ESQUE PLASTICS! SO YOU END UP WITH A BAKKIE THAT CAN BE BEST DESCRIBED AS AN AXE KILLER LIKE HANNIBAL WEARING A THONG, THAT DOG JUST DONT HUNT. SO TO RECAP: YOU SPEND 300K PLUS AND GET OODLES OF POWER, TORQUE AND POWER SLIDING ABILITY THAT CAN GET YOUR WEEKEND REFUSE TO THE RUBBISH DUMP IN WORLD BREAKING SPEED, THAT ALLOWS YOU TO EJECT SAID HOME REFUSE OFF THE SIDE AND REAR AT MIND BOGGLING SPEEDS. THE OWNERS OF THE UTE NEVER ADMIT THEY BOUGHT IT FOR NO MORE REASON THAN TO PUMP UP THEIR OWN EGO`S AND A SYNDROME KNOWN AS “ SPS” SMALL PENIS SYNDROME. HARSH AS AN INDICTMENT AS THAT IS, WE ALL KNOW IT TO BE TRUE. ASK ANY UTE DRIVERS WIFE, OR BETTER, THEIR MISTRESSES WHO FAKE IT FOR “BIG DADDY”. THE MID LIFE CRISIS BRIGADE ARE AMONGST THE BUYERS OF UTES ALONG WITH A PLETHORA OF CABRIOLET DRIVERS AND POT BELLY SUPERBIKE OWNERS IN THEIR FORTIES. SAD , SAD , SAD.
THE NEXT DUMB,POINTLESS MODE OF TRANSPORT IS THE HUMMER H3. BOUGHT BY THE SAME CROWD AS THE UTILITY LUMINA, BUT WITH A NEW TWIST. YOUNGER 30 SOMETHINGS ARE PURCHASING THE TROUSER SOCK STUFFING “OFF ROADER” TO PRETEND THEY ARE IN WITH THE BLING “NIGGAZ IN DA HOOD” CROWD WHO SEEM TO HAVE A FASCINATION OF, OR AT LEAST A TERRIIBLE CRABS INFESTATION OF THEIR GENITAL AREA. WHY DO THE HIP HOP GENERATION FEEL THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY HANDLE THEIR BALL SACKS IN PUBLIC WHEN THEY WALK AND TALK TO OTHERS? THERE ARE CREAMS AND REMEDIES FOR THAT PARTICULAR AILMENT. THE HUMMER H3 IS AN IMPOSING BEAST ADMITTADLY, BUT ONLY FROM THE OUTSIDE. TAKE A LOOK AT THE INTERIOR DIMENSIONS AND YOU WILL SEE THAT THE EXTERIOR AND ALL ITS PLASTIC SLAP ON BULGES DONT CORRESPOND TO INTERIOR SPACE. THE “BOOT” SPACE IS AN ABSOLUTE JOKE, I AM SURE THAT THE BOOT SPACE IN A HYUNDAI TUCSON IS FAR MORE SUPERIOR AND USEABLE,. ADD TO THAT
LIMITED REAR LEG ROOM AND “EL CHEAPO” PLASTICS SOURCED FROM THE NEW PLASTIC VERSION OF PLASTIC PLANT , THE TURNING CIRCLE OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER , WINDOWS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SITTING IN A FIDELITY CASH IN TRANSIT VAN AND THE PERFORMANCE FROM PULL OFF OF A CHEVY SPARK. ALL IN ALL THE HUMMER H3 IS A UTILITY VEHICLE SUFFERING FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION IN DESPERATE NEED OF AUTOMOTVE VIAGRA.
NEXT ON THE AUTO SHIT LIST IS THE CADILLAC RANGE OF DILDO MOBILES. NO MAFIOSO WISE GUYS WOULD BE SEEN DEAD IN THE NEW RANGE OF SHITTY CADDY`S. THEY SUFFER FROM THE SAME WOES AS THE PREVIOUS TWO VEHICLES. CRAP PLASTICS ALL AROUND THE DASH AND IN THE CADILAC BLS, WHAT IS “BLS”? ( BACON LETTUCE SANDWICH?), IS THE WOOD GRAIN INLAYS GAUDILY SPLASHED ABOUT THE CAR. PERSONALLY I WASNT AWARE THAT THERE WERE PLASTIC TREES. THE FRONT WHEEL DRIVE IS ALSO MAJOR MAFIA NO NO. THE REAR WHEEL DRIVE CADILAC CTS ( CHEESE TOMATO SANDWICH) WAS AT LEAST DRIVEN BY THE CORRECT WHEELS BUT WAS LITTERED WITH TACKY PLASTIC. WHY COULDNT THE YANKS USE YANK PARTS AND MANUFACTURERS. UNDER THE BONNET OF CHEVY SPARKS AND AVEOS YOU FIND PLAQUES WITH NAMES LIKE DAEWOO MANUFACTURING COMPANY. SIS MAN. THE YANKS HAVE LOST THE PLOT. UNDER THE HOOD OF THE CADDY BLS, I BELIEVE THERE MAY BE FOUND A SCANDINAVIAN POWERPLANT.IF YOU WANT A SAAB, BUY A FUCKING SAAB!
THE CAPTIVA UTILITY VEHICLE IS ABOUT AS INTERESTING AS WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON THE LIFE CYCLE OF THE TSETSE FLY.
NEXT. THE CHRYSLER PT CRUISER. UGLY, MORONIC, MONGOL, AS DESIGNED BY THE PEOPLE WHO DESIGNED FRED FLINTSTONES CAR. IT LOOKS LIKE A 50`S STREET ROD WITH CIRCA 1911 PERFORMANCE AND ENOUGH HEADROOM FOR THE DUNCE HAT.THE HUMUNGOUS BOOT WILL AMAZE YOU, YEAH RIGHT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING? WHAT DOES THE “PT” IN PT CRUISER STAND FOR???? MY GUESS IS “PROPER TOSS” MORE OVER. WHY DO THE AMERICANS LOVE ACRONYMS SO MUCH? THE PT CRUISER IS UGLY, END OF STORY! THEN THEY CAME UP WITH A DESIGN COUP DETAT, SOME ANUS DECIDED TO CUT THE CRUISERS ROOF OFF! THE END RESULT IS A MOBILE BATH TUB, AS STANDARD IT SHOULD BE SOLD WITH APPROPRIATE SAFETY HEAD GEAR, A SHOWER CAP. HEY WHO KNOWS, IT COULD JUST BE THE PERFECT CAR FOR A ONE JACOB ZUMA, HE AFTERALL HAS A FASCINATION FOR SHOWERS.. THE CHRYSLER 300C MAKES A GROWN MAN LOOK LIKE A KID SITTING IN HIS DADS CAR BEHIND THE WHEEL THANKS TO THE TINY WINDOWS AND ENORMOUS DOORS.. THE VOYAGER RANGE ARE STUPID. HEAVY LUMPS THAT GUZZLE FUEL LIKE FRAT BROTHERS AT SPRING BREAK IN PALM BEACH. AS A MAN, IF YOU BUY A VOYAGER THAT SCREAMS TO THE WORLD AND WOMEN THAT YOU ARE OVER THE HILL AND NO LONGER CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE AND THAT YOU NEVER PLAN ON GETTING LAID EVER AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR BORING ASS LIFE AND YOUR 2 POINT 3 KIDS, OVERWEIGHT WIFE WITH CURLERS IN HER HAIR POPPING DOWN TO THE CONVENIENCE STORE FOR MILK AND OTHER BORING GOODIES. GET A FRIGGIN LIFE!!!
AS SOON AS I HAVE THE MISFORTUNE TO DRIVE A CHRYSLER SEBRING, I WILL ADD MY OPINION ON ITS REDEEMING QUALITIES IF IT INDEED HAS ANY. JUST BY LOOKING AT IT, I SERIOUSLY FUCKING DOUBT IT,, HOWEVER WATCH THIS SPACE. .
THE CHRYSLER CROSSFIRE IS A MERCEDES SLK WANNA BE WITH TRASHY PLASTICS AND A WING THAT WAS COPIED FROM PORSCHE. CRAP DRIVING POSITION AND NO EXTERNAL VISIBILITY FROM THE SIDE WINDOWS BACK..ALL THE INDICATOR AND WINDSCREEN WIPER STALKS HAVE BEEN SHAMELESSLY BEEN TAKEN FROM THE MERCEDES C CLASS BARGAIN BIN AND SO HAS THE KEY MODULE AND WING MIRROR ADJUST KNOB. THE EMPHASIS BEING ON “ K N O B “. ITS THE DORKS SLK.
JEEP IS THE NEXT TARGET. YES THE JEEP WON WORLD WAR 2 AND MANY A GI JOE WILL TESTIFY TO ITS PROWESS OFF ROAD. SO WHY THEN DID JEEP COMMIT SUICIDE WITH DILLY OFFROADER / ONROADERS LIKE THE COMPASS AND PATRIOT? THE DESIGNS ARE SEEMINGLY UNFINISHED, LIKE THE DESIGNERS GOT LAZY AND WENT TO LUNCH MIDWAY THROUGH THE DESIGN AND THAT WAS THEN TAKEN BY SOME GOFER TO FINAL PROOFING AND WAS MASS PRODUCED. THE DESIGN CUES ON THE COMPASS AND PATRIOT LOOK COOL ON THE F117 STEALTH BOMBER DEFEATING ENEMY RADAR AND BEING INVISIBLE, HOWEVER, ON THE ROAD WE USUALLY WANT TO SEE OTHER CARS AND THEY MUST BE ABLE TO SE US.. WORST OF ALL IS THE JEEP COMMANDER.... IT IS UGLY TO A WHOLE NEW DEGREE, WITH DILLY PLAY PLAY HEX SCREWS OVER THE WHEEL ARCHES WHICH ARE OBVIOUSLY COSMETIC ONLY. TAKE IT REALSITICALLY, NO ONE WOULD BE RETARDED ENOUGH TO SCREW ON WHEEL FLARES WITH HEX SCREWS THAT COULD BE UNSCREWED WHENEVER YOU PARK. THE COMMANDER IS A BOX ON WHEELS.THEY PUT IN DVD SCREENS AS STANDARD SO THAT THE PASSENGERS INSIDE THE COMMANDER CANT SEE THE UGLY FRIGGIN CAR THEY ARE SEATED IN. ON AVERAGE THE OWNERS OF JEEP COMMANDERS HAVE LARGER PENIS`S THAN THEIR HUMMER H3 COUNTERPARTS BUT BY ONLY A SMALL MARGIN. .JEEP HAVE THE WORST ROAD HOLDING DYNMICS. TAKE A HIGH SPEED FREEWAY DRIVE IN A JEEP WRANGLER WITH THE SOFT TOP IN PLACE. IT IS HORRENDOUS. BUFFERING WILL SOON BECOME PART OF YOUR LIFE AND VOCAB. NOW DRIVE ON A HIGHWAY WITH THE SOFT TOP DOWN. YOUR LIPS WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH IN THE RESULTING BUFFERING WIND. IF YOU MAKE A SUDDEN RIGHT TURN YOU WILL BE EJECTED OUT OF THE VEHICLE STILL CLUTCHING THE STEERING WHEEL WHILST ROLLING ABOUT ON THE ASPHALT..
DODGE. THE SUV THAT LOOKS LIKE IT IS ALL TESTOSTERONE BUT ACTUALLY WEIGHS IN WITH A HALF ON. THE CALIBER IN PARTICULAR LOOKS ALL 50 CALIBER, BUT IN FACT IS MORE LIKE POINT 22 CALIBER. ALL THE BALLS AND MACHO CHEST HEAVE HO MUSCLE FLEXING WAS ONLY RESERVED FOR THE OUTSIDE, AND THE PANZY SIDE WAS RELEGATED TO THE MOTOR. IN OTHER WORDS YOU HAVE MARY SHELLEYS FRANKENSTEIN WITH THE DEMEANOUR OF HEIDI. OH AND WITH THE NOW LEGENDARY CRAP PLASTICS AND FIT.
NEXT IS THE DODGE NITRO. LOOKS LIKE IT COULD INVADE AFGHANISTAN AND SINGLE HANDIDLY SEARCH AND DESTROY THE TALIBAN. JOHN RAMBO IS IN HIS ELEMENT BEHIND THE WHEEL. MISTER RAMBO IS AS DUMB AS TWO COW PATS AND WOULDNT MIND THE TACKY PLASTICS AND CRAP FIT OF INTERIOR. I BELIEVE THERE MAY BE ENOUGH STOWAGE SPACE FOR HIS ARSENAL OF ASSORTED ROCKET LAUNCHERS AND BOWIE KNIVES. HEY THERE IS EVEN COMFY LEATHER UP FRONT FOR HIS OLE` PAL GEORGE W. TOGETHER ON THE ROAD AGAIN. THE NITRO IS A DISGRACE IN ALL AREAS.
NOW I KNOW THE CHEVY LUMINA IS AN AUSTRALIAN CREATION OF THE YANK NAME, BUT THE YANKS MUST STILL HAVE SOME SAY IN THEIR BRAND AND IMAGE. WHERE ARE THE DAYS OF GOOD OLD AMERICAN MUSCLE?. OH WAIT,, YES THEY STILL DO MAKE THEM THANKFULLY THEY ARENT HERE YET. SO WHAT WE ARE LEFT WITH IS CHEVY, FORD, DODGE, CHRYSLER THAT ARE DESIGNED BY THE SUBSIDIARIES IN THE LAND OF OZ AND THE POMS. YOU SEE, WE CANT HAVE YANK STYLED CARS AS THEY ARE SO UTTERLY POINTLESS AND ARE DESIGNED FOR THE FAT AMERICAN MARKETS WHO HAVE FAT ROADS AND FAT PARKING BAYS. MOREOVER, THE MC DONALDS SOCIETY ARE SHALL WE SAY “BIG BONED” SO THEREFORE SMALLER DESIGNS ARE TABOO TO THE OVERSIZE NATION. BIGGER BETTER BRASHER. WE AS SENSIBLE PEOPLE LIKE AESTHETICS A TAD MORE THAN THE NORTH AMERICANS. WE ALSO LIKE CONTROL, WITH THING SUCH AS DIFF LOCK AND OTHER SILLY THINGS. LOOK AT THE “NEW” MUSTANG AND DODGE CHALLENGER AND YOU WILL NOTE THAT THEY HAVE SEEMINGLY DISPENSED WITH TRIVIALITIES SUCH AS TRACTION AND CONTROLABILITY. LIVE AXLES SOUND TIT, BUT TRY LIVING WITH ONE. I THINK OF IT AS HAPPY SUICIDE BY HORSEPOWER. YOU WILL LOOK THE SHIT AS YOU WHIP BY THE NEWS CAFE SIDEWAYS WITH SMOKE POURING OFF THE TYRES ONLY TO LOOK LIKE A TOSSER WHEN YOU DIE IN A FLAMING WRECK JUST DOWN THE ROAD. MY ADVICE>>> BUY EUROPEAN.::: BMW , AUDI , MERCEDES. THOSE ARE CARS. FORGET THE” EURO TRASH” NOUVEAUX RICHE FRENCH CARS LIKE RENAULT, PEUGEOT, CITROEN THEY ARE TOTAL CRAP. ITS NO WONDER THE GERMANS INVADED FRANCE. BUT THAT IS ANOTHER TOPIC FOR ANOTHER RANT. I WILL GLADLY FORK OUT OODLES OF CASH TO FUEL MY EXPENSIVE, THIRSTY BMW 740i E38 WITH ITS 4 LITRE V8 THAT GOES LIKE STINK. IT IS BUILT BEAUTIFULLY, EVEN HAS BULLET RESISTANT WINDOWS, WHICH MAY COME IN HANDY WHEN ALL THE WANKERS WHO DRIVE BOTH AMERICAN AND PSEUDO AMERICAN CARS ATTEMPT DRIVE BY SHOOTING ME AT THE ROBOTS. THATS THE ONLY PLACE THEY WILL BE ABLE TO GET ME, NO CHANCE IN HELL THEY WILL GET ME ON THE OPEN ROAD. MY 740i IS LIKE LEATHERFACE OF TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE FAME DRESSED IN A FINELY TAILORED TUXEDO.
MY FINAL WORDS ARE THUS.. ITS NO FRIGGIN WONDER THAT THE AMERICAN CAR INDUSTRY IS IN SUCH TROUBLE! ITS RUN BY A BUNCH OF BEFUDDLED A HOLES.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
CHEVY LUMINA UTILITY:CADILLAC: CHRYSLER: HUMMER H3 AND OTHER POINTLESS MODES OF TRANSPORT FROM THE LAND OF MICKEY MOUSE.
HEREWITH FOLLOW THE USUAL SUSPECTS IN AMERICANA MOTORING CRIMINALITY, THINLY DISGUISED AS THE MOTOR CAR.
CHEVY LUMINA, CULPRIT NUMBER 1
6 LITRE V8 270 KILOWATT, 367 HORSE POWER, REAR WHEELDRIVE MONSTER. SOUNDS AMAZING BUT THEIR IS A DARK SIDE, CHUNKY GEAR LEVER, HE MAN HAND BRAKE SUMPTIOUS LEATHER SEATS AND THEN THEY FUCK IT ALL UP WITH THE PLASTIC VERSION OF PLASTIC USED ON THE DASH BINNACLE! WHY? THE ITALIANS AND FRENCH USE STITCHED LEATHER TO SURROUND THE INSTRUMENT CLUSTERS IN THEIR SPORTY MODELS. THE UTE ISNT A CHEAP LIGHT UTILITY VEHICLE LIKE A 1400 CHAMP, SO WHY USE BRITTLE PLASTIC?
AFTER ALL THE WORK PUT INTO THE MOST UNVERSATILE BAKKIE IN THE WORLD THE DRIFTS AT THE SLIGHTEST NUDGE OF THE THROTTLE AND ROARS LIKE A WILD BULL INFLICTED WITH MAD COW DISEASE ON ANABOLIC STEROIDS THAT JUST TOOK A HIT OFF A CRACK BONG, THE ENGINEERS SLAP IN THE MOST HIDEOUS CHEAP ARSE TATA-ESQUE PLASTICS! SO YOU END UP WITH A BAKKIE THAT CAN BE BEST DESCRIBED AS AN AXE KILLER LIKE HANNIBAL WEARING A THONG, THAT DOG JUST DONT HUNT. SO TO RECAP: YOU SPEND 300K PLUS AND GET OODLES OF POWER, TORQUE AND POWER SLIDING ABILITY THAT CAN GET YOUR WEEKEND REFUSE TO THE RUBBISH DUMP IN WORLD BREAKING SPEED, THAT ALLOWS YOU TO EJECT SAID HOME REFUSE OFF THE SIDE AND REAR AT MIND BOGGLING SPEEDS. THE OWNERS OF THE UTE NEVER ADMIT THEY BOUGHT IT FOR NO MORE REASON THAN TO PUMP UP THEIR OWN EGO`S AND A SYNDROME KNOWN AS “ SPS” SMALL PENIS SYNDROME. HARSH AS AN INDICTMENT AS THAT IS, WE ALL KNOW IT TO BE TRUE. ASK ANY UTE DRIVERS WIFE, OR BETTER, THEIR MISTRESSES WHO FAKE IT FOR “BIG DADDY”. THE MID LIFE CRISIS BRIGADE ARE AMONGST THE BUYERS OF UTES ALONG WITH A PLETHORA OF CABRIOLET DRIVERS AND POT BELLY SUPERBIKE OWNERS IN THEIR FORTIES. SAD , SAD , SAD.
THE NEXT DUMB,POINTLESS MODE OF TRANSPORT IS THE HUMMER H3. BOUGHT BY THE SAME CROWD AS THE UTILITY LUMINA, BUT WITH A NEW TWIST. YOUNGER 30 SOMETHINGS ARE PURCHASING THE TROUSER SOCK STUFFING “OFF ROADER” TO PRETEND THEY ARE IN WITH THE BLING “NIGGAZ IN DA HOOD” CROWD WHO SEEM TO HAVE A FASCINATION OF, OR AT LEAST A TERRIIBLE CRABS INFESTATION OF THEIR GENITAL AREA. WHY DO THE HIP HOP GENERATION FEEL THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY HANDLE THEIR BALL SACKS IN PUBLIC WHEN THEY WALK AND TALK TO OTHERS? THERE ARE CREAMS AND REMEDIES FOR THAT PARTICULAR AILMENT. THE HUMMER H3 IS AN IMPOSING BEAST ADMITTADLY, BUT ONLY FROM THE OUTSIDE. TAKE A LOOK AT THE INTERIOR DIMENSIONS AND YOU WILL SEE THAT THE EXTERIOR AND ALL ITS PLASTIC SLAP ON BULGES DONT CORRESPOND TO INTERIOR SPACE. THE “BOOT” SPACE IS AN ABSOLUTE JOKE, I AM SURE THAT THE BOOT SPACE IN A HYUNDAI TUCSON IS FAR MORE SUPERIOR AND USEABLE,. ADD TO THAT
LIMITED REAR LEG ROOM AND “EL CHEAPO” PLASTICS SOURCED FROM THE NEW PLASTIC VERSION OF PLASTIC PLANT , THE TURNING CIRCLE OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER , WINDOWS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SITTING IN A FIDELITY CASH IN TRANSIT VAN AND THE PERFORMANCE FROM PULL OFF OF A CHEVY SPARK. ALL IN ALL THE HUMMER H3 IS A UTILITY VEHICLE SUFFERING FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION IN DESPERATE NEED OF AUTOMOTVE VIAGRA.
NEXT ON THE AUTO SHIT LIST IS THE CADILLAC RANGE OF DILDO MOBILES. NO MAFIOSO WISE GUYS WOULD BE SEEN DEAD IN THE NEW RANGE OF SHITTY CADDY`S. THEY SUFFER FROM THE SAME WOES AS THE PREVIOUS TWO VEHICLES. CRAP PLASTICS ALL AROUND THE DASH AND IN THE CADILAC BLS, WHAT IS “BLS”? ( BACON LETTUCE SANDWICH?), IS THE WOOD GRAIN INLAYS GAUDILY SPLASHED ABOUT THE CAR. PERSONALLY I WASNT AWARE THAT THERE WERE PLASTIC TREES. THE FRONT WHEEL DRIVE IS ALSO MAJOR MAFIA NO NO. THE REAR WHEEL DRIVE CADILAC CTS ( CHEESE TOMATO SANDWICH) WAS AT LEAST DRIVEN BY THE CORRECT WHEELS BUT WAS LITTERED WITH TACKY PLASTIC. WHY COULDNT THE YANKS USE YANK PARTS AND MANUFACTURERS. UNDER THE BONNET OF CHEVY SPARKS AND AVEOS YOU FIND PLAQUES WITH NAMES LIKE DAEWOO MANUFACTURING COMPANY. SIS MAN. THE YANKS HAVE LOST THE PLOT. UNDER THE HOOD OF THE CADDY BLS, I BELIEVE THERE MAY BE FOUND A SCANDINAVIAN POWERPLANT.IF YOU WANT A SAAB, BUY A FUCKING SAAB!
THE CAPTIVA UTILITY VEHICLE IS ABOUT AS INTERESTING AS WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON THE LIFE CYCLE OF THE TSETSE FLY.
NEXT. THE CHRYSLER PT CRUISER. UGLY, MORONIC, MONGOL, AS DESIGNED BY THE PEOPLE WHO DESIGNED FRED FLINTSTONES CAR. IT LOOKS LIKE A 50`S STREET ROD WITH CIRCA 1911 PERFORMANCE AND ENOUGH HEADROOM FOR THE DUNCE HAT.THE HUMUNGOUS BOOT WILL AMAZE YOU, YEAH RIGHT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING? WHAT DOES THE “PT” IN PT CRUISER STAND FOR???? MY GUESS IS “PROPER TOSS” MORE OVER. WHY DO THE AMERICANS LOVE ACRONYMS SO MUCH? THE PT CRUISER IS UGLY, END OF STORY! THEN THEY CAME UP WITH A DESIGN COUP DETAT, SOME ANUS DECIDED TO CUT THE CRUISERS ROOF OFF! THE END RESULT IS A MOBILE BATH TUB, AS STANDARD IT SHOULD BE SOLD WITH APPROPRIATE SAFETY HEAD GEAR, A SHOWER CAP. HEY WHO KNOWS, IT COULD JUST BE THE PERFECT CAR FOR A ONE JACOB ZUMA, HE AFTERALL HAS A FASCINATION FOR SHOWERS.. THE CHRYSLER 300C MAKES A GROWN MAN LOOK LIKE A KID SITTING IN HIS DADS CAR BEHIND THE WHEEL THANKS TO THE TINY WINDOWS AND ENORMOUS DOORS.. THE VOYAGER RANGE ARE STUPID. HEAVY LUMPS THAT GUZZLE FUEL LIKE FRAT BROTHERS AT SPRING BREAK IN PALM BEACH. AS A MAN, IF YOU BUY A VOYAGER THAT SCREAMS TO THE WORLD AND WOMEN THAT YOU ARE OVER THE HILL AND NO LONGER CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE AND THAT YOU NEVER PLAN ON GETTING LAID EVER AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR BORING ASS LIFE AND YOUR 2 POINT 3 KIDS, OVERWEIGHT WIFE WITH CURLERS IN HER HAIR POPPING DOWN TO THE CONVENIENCE STORE FOR MILK AND OTHER BORING GOODIES. GET A FRIGGIN LIFE!!!
AS SOON AS I HAVE THE MISFORTUNE TO DRIVE A CHRYSLER SEBRING, I WILL ADD MY OPINION ON ITS REDEEMING QUALITIES IF IT INDEED HAS ANY. JUST BY LOOKING AT IT, I SERIOUSLY FUCKING DOUBT IT,, HOWEVER WATCH THIS SPACE. .
THE CHRYSLER CROSSFIRE IS A MERCEDES SLK WANNA BE WITH TRASHY PLASTICS AND A WING THAT WAS COPIED FROM PORSCHE. CRAP DRIVING POSITION AND NO EXTERNAL VISIBILITY FROM THE SIDE WINDOWS BACK..ALL THE INDICATOR AND WINDSCREEN WIPER STALKS HAVE BEEN SHAMELESSLY BEEN TAKEN FROM THE MERCEDES C CLASS BARGAIN BIN AND SO HAS THE KEY MODULE AND WING MIRROR ADJUST KNOB. THE EMPHASIS BEING ON “ K N O B “. ITS THE DORKS SLK.
JEEP IS THE NEXT TARGET. YES THE JEEP WON WORLD WAR 2 AND MANY A GI JOE WILL TESTIFY TO ITS PROWESS OFF ROAD. SO WHY THEN DID JEEP COMMIT SUICIDE WITH DILLY OFFROADER / ONROADERS LIKE THE COMPASS AND PATRIOT? THE DESIGNS ARE SEEMINGLY UNFINISHED, LIKE THE DESIGNERS GOT LAZY AND WENT TO LUNCH MIDWAY THROUGH THE DESIGN AND THAT WAS THEN TAKEN BY SOME GOFER TO FINAL PROOFING AND WAS MASS PRODUCED. THE DESIGN CUES ON THE COMPASS AND PATRIOT LOOK COOL ON THE F117 STEALTH BOMBER DEFEATING ENEMY RADAR AND BEING INVISIBLE, HOWEVER, ON THE ROAD WE USUALLY WANT TO SEE OTHER CARS AND THEY MUST BE ABLE TO SE US.. WORST OF ALL IS THE JEEP COMMANDER.... IT IS UGLY TO A WHOLE NEW DEGREE, WITH DILLY PLAY PLAY HEX SCREWS OVER THE WHEEL ARCHES WHICH ARE OBVIOUSLY COSMETIC ONLY. TAKE IT REALSITICALLY, NO ONE WOULD BE RETARDED ENOUGH TO SCREW ON WHEEL FLARES WITH HEX SCREWS THAT COULD BE UNSCREWED WHENEVER YOU PARK. THE COMMANDER IS A BOX ON WHEELS.THEY PUT IN DVD SCREENS AS STANDARD SO THAT THE PASSENGERS INSIDE THE COMMANDER CANT SEE THE UGLY FRIGGIN CAR THEY ARE SEATED IN. ON AVERAGE THE OWNERS OF JEEP COMMANDERS HAVE LARGER PENIS`S THAN THEIR HUMMER H3 COUNTERPARTS BUT BY ONLY A SMALL MARGIN. .JEEP HAVE THE WORST ROAD HOLDING DYNMICS. TAKE A HIGH SPEED FREEWAY DRIVE IN A JEEP WRANGLER WITH THE SOFT TOP IN PLACE. IT IS HORRENDOUS. BUFFERING WILL SOON BECOME PART OF YOUR LIFE AND VOCAB. NOW DRIVE ON A HIGHWAY WITH THE SOFT TOP DOWN. YOUR LIPS WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH IN THE RESULTING BUFFERING WIND. IF YOU MAKE A SUDDEN RIGHT TURN YOU WILL BE EJECTED OUT OF THE VEHICLE STILL CLUTCHING THE STEERING WHEEL WHILST ROLLING ABOUT ON THE ASPHALT..
DODGE. THE SUV THAT LOOKS LIKE IT IS ALL TESTOSTERONE BUT ACTUALLY WEIGHS IN WITH A HALF ON. THE CALIBER IN PARTICULAR LOOKS ALL 50 CALIBER, BUT IN FACT IS MORE LIKE POINT 22 CALIBER. ALL THE BALLS AND MACHO CHEST HEAVE HO MUSCLE FLEXING WAS ONLY RESERVED FOR THE OUTSIDE, AND THE PANZY SIDE WAS RELEGATED TO THE MOTOR. IN OTHER WORDS YOU HAVE MARY SHELLEYS FRANKENSTEIN WITH THE DEMEANOUR OF HEIDI. OH AND WITH THE NOW LEGENDARY CRAP PLASTICS AND FIT.
NEXT IS THE DODGE NITRO. LOOKS LIKE IT COULD INVADE AFGHANISTAN AND SINGLE HANDIDLY SEARCH AND DESTROY THE TALIBAN. JOHN RAMBO IS IN HIS ELEMENT BEHIND THE WHEEL. MISTER RAMBO IS AS DUMB AS TWO COW PATS AND WOULDNT MIND THE TACKY PLASTICS AND CRAP FIT OF INTERIOR. I BELIEVE THERE MAY BE ENOUGH STOWAGE SPACE FOR HIS ARSENAL OF ASSORTED ROCKET LAUNCHERS AND BOWIE KNIVES. HEY THERE IS EVEN COMFY LEATHER UP FRONT FOR HIS OLE` PAL GEORGE W. TOGETHER ON THE ROAD AGAIN. THE NITRO IS A DISGRACE IN ALL AREAS.
NOW I KNOW THE CHEVY LUMINA IS AN AUSTRALIAN CREATION OF THE YANK NAME, BUT THE YANKS MUST STILL HAVE SOME SAY IN THEIR BRAND AND IMAGE. WHERE ARE THE DAYS OF GOOD OLD AMERICAN MUSCLE?. OH WAIT,, YES THEY STILL DO MAKE THEM THANKFULLY THEY ARENT HERE YET. SO WHAT WE ARE LEFT WITH IS CHEVY, FORD, DODGE, CHRYSLER THAT ARE DESIGNED BY THE SUBSIDIARIES IN THE LAND OF OZ AND THE POMS. YOU SEE, WE CANT HAVE YANK STYLED CARS AS THEY ARE SO UTTERLY POINTLESS AND ARE DESIGNED FOR THE FAT AMERICAN MARKETS WHO HAVE FAT ROADS AND FAT PARKING BAYS. MOREOVER, THE MC DONALDS SOCIETY ARE SHALL WE SAY “BIG BONED” SO THEREFORE SMALLER DESIGNS ARE TABOO TO THE OVERSIZE NATION. BIGGER BETTER BRASHER. WE AS SENSIBLE PEOPLE LIKE AESTHETICS A TAD MORE THAN THE NORTH AMERICANS. WE ALSO LIKE CONTROL, WITH THING SUCH AS DIFF LOCK AND OTHER SILLY THINGS. LOOK AT THE “NEW” MUSTANG AND DODGE CHALLENGER AND YOU WILL NOTE THAT THEY HAVE SEEMINGLY DISPENSED WITH TRIVIALITIES SUCH AS TRACTION AND CONTROLABILITY. LIVE AXLES SOUND TIT, BUT TRY LIVING WITH ONE. I THINK OF IT AS HAPPY SUICIDE BY HORSEPOWER. YOU WILL LOOK THE SHIT AS YOU WHIP BY THE NEWS CAFE SIDEWAYS WITH SMOKE POURING OFF THE TYRES ONLY TO LOOK LIKE A TOSSER WHEN YOU DIE IN A FLAMING WRECK JUST DOWN THE ROAD. MY ADVICE>>> BUY EUROPEAN.::: BMW , AUDI , MERCEDES. THOSE ARE CARS. FORGET THE” EURO TRASH” NOUVEAUX RICHE FRENCH CARS LIKE RENAULT, PEUGEOT, CITROEN THEY ARE TOTAL CRAP. ITS NO WONDER THE GERMANS INVADED FRANCE. BUT THAT IS ANOTHER TOPIC FOR ANOTHER RANT. I WILL GLADLY FORK OUT OODLES OF CASH TO FUEL MY EXPENSIVE, THIRSTY BMW 740i E38 WITH ITS 4 LITRE V8 THAT GOES LIKE STINK. IT IS BUILT BEAUTIFULLY, EVEN HAS BULLET RESISTANT WINDOWS, WHICH MAY COME IN HANDY WHEN ALL THE WANKERS WHO DRIVE BOTH AMERICAN AND PSEUDO AMERICAN CARS ATTEMPT DRIVE BY SHOOTING ME AT THE ROBOTS. THATS THE ONLY PLACE THEY WILL BE ABLE TO GET ME, NO CHANCE IN HELL THEY WILL GET ME ON THE OPEN ROAD. MY 740i IS LIKE LEATHERFACE OF TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE FAME DRESSED IN A FINELY TAILORED TUXEDO.
MY FINAL WORDS ARE THUS.. ITS NO FRIGGIN WONDER THAT THE AMERICAN CAR INDUSTRY IS IN SUCH TROUBLE! ITS RUN BY A BUNCH OF BEFUDDLED A HOLES.
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
i review!
I REVIEW!
MY MORALS ,REVIEWS AND THOUGHTS , UNFLINCHING AND UNDILUTED,, SO HELP ME ELVIS!
THE BIGGEST HURDLE THERE IS IN SOUTH AFRICAN MOTORING JOURNALISM IS ITS DRACONIAN APPROACH TO CAR REVIEWS AND ITS DILLY PREREQUISITE THAT ANYONE WHO HAS AN OPINION IN MOTORING AND CRITIQUING A CAR MUST HAVE SOME OR OTHER UNIVERSITY DEGREE BEHIND THEIR NAME. WHAT BULL SHIT! I KNOW OF NO VARSITY STUDENT THAT IS REMOTELY QUALIFIED TO REVIEW A CAR! END OF STORY. THE WORD AESTHETIC IS AS FOREIGN AS THE FOREIGN LEGION.
SOUTH AFRICAN “JOURNOS” ARE NO DIFFERENT TO SOUTH AFRICAN “ACTORS”, THEY SUCK!!!!
WATCH ANY LOCAL SOAPIE AND YOU WILL SEE OVERACTING, PONTIFICATING, POSING AND ENORMOUS OVER ACCENTURE WHEN DELIVERING DIALOGUE. KNUCKLEHEADS, , , , , RHYTHM CITY ISNT A MIDSUMMERS NIGHT DREAM! RHYTHM CITY IS CRAP! CRAP, JUST LIKE GREAT WALL MOTORS! WHY CANT SOUTH AFRICAN MOTORING JOURNOS JUST REMOVE THE GEAR KNOB FROM THEIR ARSE HOLES AND STOP LAP LICKING ANY MANUFACTURER WHO GIVES THEM A CAR TO TEST? Oh, (and please sweet jesus, let them not use filters to the extreme to try make a chana benni look swell. It aint, its shit! )
DUDES, IF THE CAR IS SHIT, SAY SO. THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THERE YOU DILDO`S! YOU ARE NOT THERE TO SIMPLY BALL LICK THE MANUFACTURER BECAUSE THEY SENT YOU A CAR AND BOOKED YOU INTO A GROOVY ROOM IN BORA BORA, BALI, BOKSBURG OR WHERE EVER! THIS RILES ME NO END. YOU ARE ALL FUCKING FAKE SELL OUTS! GROW A SET AND SAY IT IS WHAT IT IS.. FOR EXAMPLE:::: IF SOMETHING LOOKS LIKE SHIT, SOUNDS LIKE SHIT, SMELLS LIKE SHIT, TASTES LIKE SHIT, FEELS LIKE SHIT, , GUESS WHAT BUCKO? IT PROBABLY IS SHIT! MOTORING JOURNO`S ARE A DIME A DOZEN REALLY. ANYONE WHO CAN DRIVE HAS AN OPINION AND OPINIONS ARE AS WIDESPREAD AS ARSE HOLES AND IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO AN ARSE HOLE, I`LL FART! SO MY POINT IS THAT IN ORDER TO GIVE A GENUINE RUN DOWN OF A CAR YOU ARE TESTING, YOU DONT NEED A DEGREE, YOU NEED AN OPINION AND LOVE OF CARS. I LOVE CARS AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY THAT ONE IS MISERABLE, OR SAY IT IS AMAZING. IN BOTH CASES I WILL SAY WHY WITHOUT USING LAHDIDAH TERMS AND ZIPPEEDEEDOODAH WORDS. NO. I WILL SAY IT IS GREAT OR KAK! I WILL NEVER SAY THAT THE “HAFEI LOBO” IS A BARGAIN CAR, IT IS LIGHT ON FUEL AND A GOOD BUY FOR THE BUDGET CONSCIOUS. NO! ! ! IT IS A DREADFUL PIECE OF AUTO SHIT. IT SEEMS TO BE NAMED IN HONOUR OF SYLVESTER STALLONES LAZY EYE, HENCE THE “HAFEI LOBO” AND THE SHODDIEST CRAP BUILD QUALITY SINCE DACIA TURNED OUT CARS. IT IS ONLY A BARGAIN TO THE CRIMINALLY STUPID! THE MANUFACTURERS CAN PUT ME UP IN THE RITZ AND I WILL DITZ THAT CHEAP ASS NASTY PIECE OF SHIT AS MUCH AS I CAN. SOME KNOB I SPOKE TO SAID VERY SERIOUSLY TO ME THAT HE BOUGHT ONE FOR HIS WIFE AS IT WAS CHEAP AND ECONOMICAL, A REAL BUDGET BEATER. HE WAS IMPRESSED WITH HIMSELF FOR BUYING ONE FOR HIS WIFE AND WAS EXPECTING A HOORAY DUDE, YOU ARE MY FUCKING HERO! INSTEAD, I ASKED HOW MUCH HE PAID FOR THE ABOMINATION? HE REPLIED WITH EXCITEMENT,”R73500.00 ALL IN!” I THEN SAID, “OK, I WILL GO TO THE BANK AND DRAW THE R73500.00 NOW AND GIVE IT TO YOU IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR WIFE, HELL MAN, SHE IS A STINGER OF A WOMAN AND I THINK SHE IS WORTH A SHIT LOAD MORE THAN R73500.00, DICK HEAD! IS THAT ALL YOUR WIFE IS WORTH TO YOU?” IS YOUR WIFE`S SAFETY AND PEACE OF MIND ONLY WORTH THAT MUCH TO YOU? I WOULD GLADLY SHAG HIS WIFE AND PAY THE AUTOMOTIVE LOBOLA OF R73500.00 WITH PLEASURE. NO SQUEEZE OF MINE WILL BE RELEGATED TO THE CHEAP SEATS LIKE THAT. NO SIR! HOWEVER, YOU WILL FIND SOME DUMB FUCK THAT IS SO GUTLESS THAT HE WILL PRAISE THE DEATH TRAP JUST SO HE CAN SPEND AN ALL COSTS WEEKEND AT SOME HOTEL AT THE CRADLE OF MANKIND. TO YOU SIR I SAY.”FUCK YOU!” MY INTEGRITY WILL NEVER BE BOUGHT! END OF STORY. I HAVE CARS THAT I LOVE, BUT I WILL LOOK AT THEM AND SAY, “WAIT, HERE IS A LETDOWN”. POINT IN CASE THE 1 SERIES BMW. IT HAS SCARAB, DUNG BEETLE LOOK WHICH I DONT LIKE. HOWEVER IT REDEEMS ITSELF IN THE 130i PERFORMANCE DEPARTMENT. THE FACELIFTED 1 SERIES IS A BEAUTIFUL CREATURE, AS LONG AS YOU DONT ACTUALLY PLAN TO STICK REAL PEOPLE IN THE BACK SEAT. THE 135i IS PHENOMENAL, BUT IS DILLY AS A MULTI PERSON VEHICLE. LETS FACE IT THE 135i WAS NOT DESIGNED AS A PEOPLE CARRIER UNLESS YOU PLAN ON TRANSPORTING CIRCUS DWARVES OR QUADRIPLAEGICS WITH MULTIPLE AMPUTATIONS OF THE LOWER LIMBS IN THE REAR SEATS, IT IS A “DRIVERS SIDE”, “SUICIDE” DESIGNED CAR. JUMP ON THE HAPPY PEDAL AND GO APE SHIT LIKE YOU ARE IMMORTAL! FUN FUN.
SO IN RETROGEAR, I SAY WHAT I FEEL, HEAR, SEE, EXPERIENCE, TASTE, ABSORB AND DO BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR IN MY WORDS....THE CAR IS THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING, HAIR RAISING, MIND ALTERING,PERSONALITY CHANGING THING NEXT TO A VAGINA. THANK GOD FOR NATURAL ASPIRATION AND FORCED INDUCTION!
I WILL NEVER SELL OUT! MY VIEWS AND REVIEWS ARE NOT FOR SALE TO ANYONE NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY OFFER!!!!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
MY MORALS ,REVIEWS AND THOUGHTS , UNFLINCHING AND UNDILUTED,, SO HELP ME ELVIS!
THE BIGGEST HURDLE THERE IS IN SOUTH AFRICAN MOTORING JOURNALISM IS ITS DRACONIAN APPROACH TO CAR REVIEWS AND ITS DILLY PREREQUISITE THAT ANYONE WHO HAS AN OPINION IN MOTORING AND CRITIQUING A CAR MUST HAVE SOME OR OTHER UNIVERSITY DEGREE BEHIND THEIR NAME. WHAT BULL SHIT! I KNOW OF NO VARSITY STUDENT THAT IS REMOTELY QUALIFIED TO REVIEW A CAR! END OF STORY. THE WORD AESTHETIC IS AS FOREIGN AS THE FOREIGN LEGION.
SOUTH AFRICAN “JOURNOS” ARE NO DIFFERENT TO SOUTH AFRICAN “ACTORS”, THEY SUCK!!!!
WATCH ANY LOCAL SOAPIE AND YOU WILL SEE OVERACTING, PONTIFICATING, POSING AND ENORMOUS OVER ACCENTURE WHEN DELIVERING DIALOGUE. KNUCKLEHEADS, , , , , RHYTHM CITY ISNT A MIDSUMMERS NIGHT DREAM! RHYTHM CITY IS CRAP! CRAP, JUST LIKE GREAT WALL MOTORS! WHY CANT SOUTH AFRICAN MOTORING JOURNOS JUST REMOVE THE GEAR KNOB FROM THEIR ARSE HOLES AND STOP LAP LICKING ANY MANUFACTURER WHO GIVES THEM A CAR TO TEST? Oh, (and please sweet jesus, let them not use filters to the extreme to try make a chana benni look swell. It aint, its shit! )
DUDES, IF THE CAR IS SHIT, SAY SO. THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THERE YOU DILDO`S! YOU ARE NOT THERE TO SIMPLY BALL LICK THE MANUFACTURER BECAUSE THEY SENT YOU A CAR AND BOOKED YOU INTO A GROOVY ROOM IN BORA BORA, BALI, BOKSBURG OR WHERE EVER! THIS RILES ME NO END. YOU ARE ALL FUCKING FAKE SELL OUTS! GROW A SET AND SAY IT IS WHAT IT IS.. FOR EXAMPLE:::: IF SOMETHING LOOKS LIKE SHIT, SOUNDS LIKE SHIT, SMELLS LIKE SHIT, TASTES LIKE SHIT, FEELS LIKE SHIT, , GUESS WHAT BUCKO? IT PROBABLY IS SHIT! MOTORING JOURNO`S ARE A DIME A DOZEN REALLY. ANYONE WHO CAN DRIVE HAS AN OPINION AND OPINIONS ARE AS WIDESPREAD AS ARSE HOLES AND IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO AN ARSE HOLE, I`LL FART! SO MY POINT IS THAT IN ORDER TO GIVE A GENUINE RUN DOWN OF A CAR YOU ARE TESTING, YOU DONT NEED A DEGREE, YOU NEED AN OPINION AND LOVE OF CARS. I LOVE CARS AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY THAT ONE IS MISERABLE, OR SAY IT IS AMAZING. IN BOTH CASES I WILL SAY WHY WITHOUT USING LAHDIDAH TERMS AND ZIPPEEDEEDOODAH WORDS. NO. I WILL SAY IT IS GREAT OR KAK! I WILL NEVER SAY THAT THE “HAFEI LOBO” IS A BARGAIN CAR, IT IS LIGHT ON FUEL AND A GOOD BUY FOR THE BUDGET CONSCIOUS. NO! ! ! IT IS A DREADFUL PIECE OF AUTO SHIT. IT SEEMS TO BE NAMED IN HONOUR OF SYLVESTER STALLONES LAZY EYE, HENCE THE “HAFEI LOBO” AND THE SHODDIEST CRAP BUILD QUALITY SINCE DACIA TURNED OUT CARS. IT IS ONLY A BARGAIN TO THE CRIMINALLY STUPID! THE MANUFACTURERS CAN PUT ME UP IN THE RITZ AND I WILL DITZ THAT CHEAP ASS NASTY PIECE OF SHIT AS MUCH AS I CAN. SOME KNOB I SPOKE TO SAID VERY SERIOUSLY TO ME THAT HE BOUGHT ONE FOR HIS WIFE AS IT WAS CHEAP AND ECONOMICAL, A REAL BUDGET BEATER. HE WAS IMPRESSED WITH HIMSELF FOR BUYING ONE FOR HIS WIFE AND WAS EXPECTING A HOORAY DUDE, YOU ARE MY FUCKING HERO! INSTEAD, I ASKED HOW MUCH HE PAID FOR THE ABOMINATION? HE REPLIED WITH EXCITEMENT,”R73500.00 ALL IN!” I THEN SAID, “OK, I WILL GO TO THE BANK AND DRAW THE R73500.00 NOW AND GIVE IT TO YOU IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR WIFE, HELL MAN, SHE IS A STINGER OF A WOMAN AND I THINK SHE IS WORTH A SHIT LOAD MORE THAN R73500.00, DICK HEAD! IS THAT ALL YOUR WIFE IS WORTH TO YOU?” IS YOUR WIFE`S SAFETY AND PEACE OF MIND ONLY WORTH THAT MUCH TO YOU? I WOULD GLADLY SHAG HIS WIFE AND PAY THE AUTOMOTIVE LOBOLA OF R73500.00 WITH PLEASURE. NO SQUEEZE OF MINE WILL BE RELEGATED TO THE CHEAP SEATS LIKE THAT. NO SIR! HOWEVER, YOU WILL FIND SOME DUMB FUCK THAT IS SO GUTLESS THAT HE WILL PRAISE THE DEATH TRAP JUST SO HE CAN SPEND AN ALL COSTS WEEKEND AT SOME HOTEL AT THE CRADLE OF MANKIND. TO YOU SIR I SAY.”FUCK YOU!” MY INTEGRITY WILL NEVER BE BOUGHT! END OF STORY. I HAVE CARS THAT I LOVE, BUT I WILL LOOK AT THEM AND SAY, “WAIT, HERE IS A LETDOWN”. POINT IN CASE THE 1 SERIES BMW. IT HAS SCARAB, DUNG BEETLE LOOK WHICH I DONT LIKE. HOWEVER IT REDEEMS ITSELF IN THE 130i PERFORMANCE DEPARTMENT. THE FACELIFTED 1 SERIES IS A BEAUTIFUL CREATURE, AS LONG AS YOU DONT ACTUALLY PLAN TO STICK REAL PEOPLE IN THE BACK SEAT. THE 135i IS PHENOMENAL, BUT IS DILLY AS A MULTI PERSON VEHICLE. LETS FACE IT THE 135i WAS NOT DESIGNED AS A PEOPLE CARRIER UNLESS YOU PLAN ON TRANSPORTING CIRCUS DWARVES OR QUADRIPLAEGICS WITH MULTIPLE AMPUTATIONS OF THE LOWER LIMBS IN THE REAR SEATS, IT IS A “DRIVERS SIDE”, “SUICIDE” DESIGNED CAR. JUMP ON THE HAPPY PEDAL AND GO APE SHIT LIKE YOU ARE IMMORTAL! FUN FUN.
SO IN RETROGEAR, I SAY WHAT I FEEL, HEAR, SEE, EXPERIENCE, TASTE, ABSORB AND DO BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR IN MY WORDS....THE CAR IS THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING, HAIR RAISING, MIND ALTERING,PERSONALITY CHANGING THING NEXT TO A VAGINA. THANK GOD FOR NATURAL ASPIRATION AND FORCED INDUCTION!
I WILL NEVER SELL OUT! MY VIEWS AND REVIEWS ARE NOT FOR SALE TO ANYONE NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY OFFER!!!!!
MICHAEL B DA SILVA
JOHANNESBURG
0789489847
0114328331
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
www.michaelbdasilva.20m.com
http://michaelbdasilva.bloggerteam.com
chicken ala conspiracy
CHICKEN ALA CONSPIRACY
THE LIVES AND DEMISE OF TWO KINGS
WELL IT HAS FINALLY COME TO BEAR, THE DEATH OF THE “KING OF POP”, MICHAEL JACKSON. THE MAN WAS NO DOUBT A TORTURED SOUL, NEVER FEELING COMFORTABLE IN HIS SKIN. THIS IS BLATANTLY OBVIOUS BY HIS FREAK SHOW TRANSFORMATION OVER THE DECADES. I FEAR HE MAY HAVE BEEN MORE CONFUSED THAN A CHAMELEON ON JOSEPHS TECHNICOLOUR DREAM COAT. WAS HE BLACK? WAS HE WHITE? WAS HE REAL? WAS HE OF SOUND MIND? TO THIS, IN MY OPINION I SAY HE WAS INSANE. HIS QUEST FOR THE PERFECT FORM, FACE, SKIN TONE, HOME AND QUIRKY NEEDS WAS LEGENDARY AND KNOWN TO ALL. HIS PENCHANT FOR KFC WAS SEEMINGLY KNOWN TO INSIDERS BUT WAS CLEARLY NOT A PROBLEM LIKE HIS EX FATHER IN LAW WHOSE GORGING OF TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA SANDWICHES FOLLOWED BY DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS AND FIST FULLS OF AN ASSORTMENT OF BARBITURATES LED TO THIS “KINGS” DEMISE FROM A FATAL HEART ATTACK. HOWEVER, “WACKO JACKO” ALSO HAD SOMEWHAT OF A TABLET FIXATION APPARENTLY?
JACKSON AND PRESLEY SHARED MANY PARALLELS. BOTH HAD TALENT, AND TOOK THE WORLD BY STORM, BOTH HAD MEGALOMANIACAL SIDES TO THEIR PERSONALITIES. BOTH BUILT THEIR “DREAM” HOMES. ELVIS HAD GRACELAND, JACKSON HAD NEVERLAND RANCH. BOTH HAD A WEIRD THING FOR UNDERAGE PERSONS, HOWEVER ELVIS DIGGED CHICKS AND ULTIMATELY MARRIED THE UNDERAGE CONSORT NAMELY PRISCILLA. THE TWO KINGS WOULD BY SOME STRANGE TWIST OF COMEDY BE BOUND TOGETHER AS RELATED FAMILY VIA ELVIS`S DAUGHTER LISA MARIE. ELVIS HAD HIS “MEMPHIS MAFIA” AND WAS GRANTED ARREST POWERS BY THE THEN PREZ LYNDON B JOHNSON. JACKO WOULD BE SURROUNDED BY AN ARMY OF BODY GUARDS AND IN MOST COUNTRIES A REAL ARMY OF SOLDIERS OF WHICHEVER COUNTRY HE WAS IN. BOTH DIED OF FATAL HEART ATACKS AT HOME, ALTHOUGH JACKSON WAS NOT AT THE NEVERLAND RANCH. BOTH WERE ON AN ASSORTMENT OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, BOTH WERE REACHING THE TWILIGHT OF THEIR CAREERS AND BOTH WERE TRYING TO GIVE IT ONE LAST STONK AND GO ON TOUR AGAIN.
NOW I AM NOT AN INVESTIGATOR BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT THAT THESE ELEMENTS ARE CONDUSIVE TO FUNNY BUSINESS. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT THERE ARE THOSE NEAR TO THE STARS THAT SEE THE DECLINE IN SALES, TALENT AND INCREASE IN BIZARRE BEHAVIOUR THAT IS STARTING TO SPELL OUT THE END OF THE STAR AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THEIR MEAL TICKETS. THE FIRST STEP IS TO ALLOW THE STAR TO SPIRAL INTO THEIR OWN MEGALOMANIA AND MAKE OUTLANDISH REQUESTS, EMBARRASS THEMSELVES IN THE PUBLIC EYE, ALLOW A PLETHORA OF DOCTORS TO PRESCRIBE DRUGS OF ALL SORTS TO PLACATE THE STARS DEMANDS FOR MORE ONCE THEY ARE HOOKED. FINALLY THE STAR ZEROES OUT AND KICKS THE BUCKET.ENTER THE HYENAS AFTERWARD WHO SQUABBLE FEROCIOUSLY FOR THE INTELLECTUAL RIGHTS TO THE STARS TREASURES AND SPIN BILLIONS OFF AFTER THE STAR IS GONE.
NOW I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IF TOXICOLOGY REPORTS ARE RELEASED UNALTERED THEY WILL SHOW I AM SURE THAT JACKSON HAD MANY DIFFERENT PRECRIPTION DRUGS IN HIS BLOOD STREAM JUST LIKE HIS EX DAD IN LAW “E”.::: A STAR UNDER THE CONTROL OF DRUGS IS EASILY MISMANAGED BY THOSE ENTRUSTED TO CARING FOR HIM PERSONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND IN BUSINESS. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT SOMEONE ENTRUSTED TO THE REVIVAL OF JACKO`S NEW TOUR SAW THAT THE “KING OF POP” WAS OVER THE HILL AND A DONE DEAL SO THE COGS ARE SET IN MOTION TO CREATE A LEGEND AFTER THE MAN. WITH ELVIS`S DEATH AND THE SUBSEQUENT BOOM IN THE KINGS LEGEND SPINNING A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR BUSINESS THAT IS STILL RAKING IN THE BUCKS AND TOURISTS AFTER ALL THESE YEARS SURELY GAVE THOSE WITH ALTERIOR MOTIVES THE BLUE PRINT ON HOW TO CREATE A FISCALLY VIABLE BUSINESS. JACKSON WAS ALMOST OBSESSED WITH CLEANLINESS AND HEALTH SO HOW DID HE DIE FROM A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK? I BELEIVE IT TO BE FROM THE UNDERHANDED DEALINGS OF DOCTORS WITH EASILY ACCESSIBLE PRESCRIPTION PADS WHO WRITE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS FOR CLASSIFIED DRUGS AT THE DROP OF A HAT WHEN REQUESTED TO DO SO BY THE PERSON WHO GETS THEM ON BEHALF OF THE STAR. SO JACKO`S EMISSARY IN WAITING JUST RESURRECTED THE “KING OF POPS” CAREER WITH HIS HEART ATTACK. MAN , WHAT A CAREER MOVE, IT WAS A COUP! JACKO DIDNT DRIVE HIMSELF TO HIS DOWNFALL, NO!!! HE WAS DRIVEN THERE. JACKSONS ALBUM SALES WILL SKY ROCKET, HIS MEMORABILIA WILL BE WORTH SHIT LOADS OF MONEY. HIS MEMORY WILL LIVE ON IN HIS FANS MINDS AND A LOT OF “PEOPLE” WILL GET INSANELY WEALTHY. POOR OLD JACKO WHO WAS THE MAN BEHIND THE FAME GETS DIDDELY SQUAT, OTHER THAN A MEMORIAL. WEB SITES WILL FLOOD THE NET AND SIGHTINGS WILL BE MADE FROM ALL OVER THE PLANET. DUDES, THE MAN IS DEAD. “JACKSON HAS MOON WALKED OUT OF THE BUILDING”
THE MAN WAS STRANGE TO SAY THE LEAST AND THERE ARE THOSE THAT WILL MISS HIM, I HOWEVER WONT. HE JUST DIDNT MAKE MUSIC I LIKED AND I THOUGHT HE WAS A TAD TOO FREAKISH FOR MY LIKING.I PREFER MUSO`S LIKE ABBA, PAT BENETAR, ELVIS, AC/DC, LAIBACH, RAMMSTEIN, ROB ZOMBIE,INXS AND MARILYN MANSON.. SO WACKO AND ELVIS IN MY OPINION MET SIMILAR FATES WHEN THEIR CANDLE OF TALENT WANED, GREED BY “SOMEONE” WITHIN THEIR ENTOURAGE AND CLOSE CIRCLE WERE THE ENGINEERS OF A BLATANT PUBLIC RELATIONS COVER UP AND MURDER MOST FOUL BY ALLOWING, ASSISTING, ENCOURAGING AND PURPOSELY PUSHING THE STAR TO THE BRINK OF WHAT SEEMS BY OUTSIDERS AS SELF DESTRUCTION. THIS IS ABSOLUTE SHIT! NO INTELLIGENT HUMAN WOULD ALLOW THE GOOSE THAT LAYS THE GOLDEN EGG TO KILL ITSELF. THESE CONSPIRATORS KNEW WELL WHAT THEY WERE DOING FOR QUITE SOMETIME. THEY SIMPLY SAILED WITH THE SHIP IN THE CALM SEAS OF SUCCESS AND MADE MONEY BY THE BUCKET FULL, HOWEVER WHEN THE SHIP STARTED RESEMBLING THE TITANIC THE PLANS WERE CAREFULLY PUT IN USE TO CAPITALISE ON THE HONEY POT THAT AWAITED IN THE WAKE OF THE DEATH. THE MORE NUTS THE STAR ACTS THE BETTER, THE MORE CONTROVERSY THE BETTER. THE TRULY SICK THING IS THAT THIS ISNT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT. THIS TYPE OF “SUICIDE BY INSTALLMENT” BY WEALTHY, POPULAR, POWERFUL PEOPLE HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE THE CAVEMAN DAYS. THE SAD PART IS THE PEOPLE WHO CARED FOR THESE MEN ARE LEFT TO PICK UP THE PIECES OF THEIR LIVES AND ATTEMPT TO MOVE ON. TO THESE PEOPLE IT MUST BE LIKE TRYING TO EXTRACATE THEMSELVES FROM THE WRECKAGE OF AN AIRPLANE CRASH DEEP IN AN ISOLATED DESOLATE PLACE. TO THOSE WHO ORCHESTRATE AND ENCOURAGE THESE DASTARDLY DEEDS ITS JUST ABOUT THE DOLLAR. THEY ARE THE HYENAS OF SOCIETY AND EVERY STAR HAS THESE PARASITES WITHIN THEIR CLOSE CIRCLES WHO ARE SLOWLY HERDING THEM TO MISERY AND FULFILL THEIR OWN ENDS AND NEEDS. EVERY STAR WHO OVERDOSES OR IS LED TO FEEL UNFULFILLED AND COMMITS SUICIDE TO ESCAPE THEMSELVES AND WHAT THEY BELEIVE TO BE MEDIOCRITY HAVE BEEN HELPED ALONG BY HYENAS WHO CLEVERLY DISGUISE FRIENDSHIP, CARING, GOOD BUSINESS SENSE AND DEVOTION TO SPIN A QUICK BUCK OR MOUNTAINS OF MONEY AT OTHERS EXPENSE. THAT EXPENSE IS HEAVY, THE STARS PAY WITH THEIR LIVES, ( ANYONE RECALL MR COBAIN? BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE BUT JUST NOT FOR HIM!). ANOTHER NOTE WORTHY GENT WHO CHECKED OUT “PREMATURELY” WAS MICHAEL HUTCHENCE. THAT AUTO EROTIC SEX SHIT IS PRETTY FRIGGIN WEIRD. HIS CAREER WAS SLOWLY “COMING” TO AN END. I JUST FIND IT MIND BOGGLING THAT NO ONE SEES THE SLIPPERY SLOPE AS IT APPROACHES, MY ONLY CONCLUSION TO THIS IS THAT EVERYONE IS SO ENTHRALLED BY THE MONEY, FAME AND FUN THAT THEY SIMPLY TURN A BLIND EYE TO THE INEVITABLE.
I BELEIVE THAT THERE SHOULD BE INVESTIGATIONS AS INTENSE AS JACKO WAS INVESTIGATED FOR HIS “TRANSGRESSIONS”. I BELEIVE HE WAS GUILTY, THAT HOWEVER IS MY PERSONAL OPINION. PEOPLE MUST BE BROUGHT TO BOOK. I BELEIVE TOO THAT STARS SHOULD EXAMINE THEIR CLOSE KNIT CIRCLE OF CONFIDANTES MORE CLOSELY AND FINALLY THOSE THAT ARE CLOSE AND CLEAN SHOULD BE VERY WARY WHEN THE STAR STARTS ACTING LIKE NUT BALLS AND THEN CONCENTRATE CLOSELY ON THOSE WHO STAND TO LOSE THE MOST AND BY DEFAULT GAIN THE MOST.. INVESTIGATE.. INTERVENE..IMPRISON.. THEN GET THE STAR INTO REHAB AND SAVE THEIR LIFE. THOSE THAT SHOULD BE WORRIED ARE THE DIVA, SOCIALITE TYPES LIKE PARIS HILTON, LINDSAY LOHAN, BRITTNEY SPEARS, KIM KARDASHIAN ET AL. THEY ARE CURRENTLY BEING PREPPED FOR SIMILAR FATES. THEY NEED TO UNFUCK THEMSELVES AND THEIR CONFIDANTES MUST WEED OUT THE MONGERERS BEFORE THEY TOO BECOME EPITAPHS.
ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT. .BACK TO JACKO. THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME AMOUNT OF FOUL PLAY. WHO THE HELL LETS A PERSON DERAIL SO BADLY AND DOES FUCKALL ABOUT IT? UNLESS IT WAS ORCHESTRATED TO BE THAT WAY.
Friday, 26 June 2009
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA 2058 JOHANNESBURG SOUTH AFRICA
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
THE LIVES AND DEMISE OF TWO KINGS
WELL IT HAS FINALLY COME TO BEAR, THE DEATH OF THE “KING OF POP”, MICHAEL JACKSON. THE MAN WAS NO DOUBT A TORTURED SOUL, NEVER FEELING COMFORTABLE IN HIS SKIN. THIS IS BLATANTLY OBVIOUS BY HIS FREAK SHOW TRANSFORMATION OVER THE DECADES. I FEAR HE MAY HAVE BEEN MORE CONFUSED THAN A CHAMELEON ON JOSEPHS TECHNICOLOUR DREAM COAT. WAS HE BLACK? WAS HE WHITE? WAS HE REAL? WAS HE OF SOUND MIND? TO THIS, IN MY OPINION I SAY HE WAS INSANE. HIS QUEST FOR THE PERFECT FORM, FACE, SKIN TONE, HOME AND QUIRKY NEEDS WAS LEGENDARY AND KNOWN TO ALL. HIS PENCHANT FOR KFC WAS SEEMINGLY KNOWN TO INSIDERS BUT WAS CLEARLY NOT A PROBLEM LIKE HIS EX FATHER IN LAW WHOSE GORGING OF TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA SANDWICHES FOLLOWED BY DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS AND FIST FULLS OF AN ASSORTMENT OF BARBITURATES LED TO THIS “KINGS” DEMISE FROM A FATAL HEART ATTACK. HOWEVER, “WACKO JACKO” ALSO HAD SOMEWHAT OF A TABLET FIXATION APPARENTLY?
JACKSON AND PRESLEY SHARED MANY PARALLELS. BOTH HAD TALENT, AND TOOK THE WORLD BY STORM, BOTH HAD MEGALOMANIACAL SIDES TO THEIR PERSONALITIES. BOTH BUILT THEIR “DREAM” HOMES. ELVIS HAD GRACELAND, JACKSON HAD NEVERLAND RANCH. BOTH HAD A WEIRD THING FOR UNDERAGE PERSONS, HOWEVER ELVIS DIGGED CHICKS AND ULTIMATELY MARRIED THE UNDERAGE CONSORT NAMELY PRISCILLA. THE TWO KINGS WOULD BY SOME STRANGE TWIST OF COMEDY BE BOUND TOGETHER AS RELATED FAMILY VIA ELVIS`S DAUGHTER LISA MARIE. ELVIS HAD HIS “MEMPHIS MAFIA” AND WAS GRANTED ARREST POWERS BY THE THEN PREZ LYNDON B JOHNSON. JACKO WOULD BE SURROUNDED BY AN ARMY OF BODY GUARDS AND IN MOST COUNTRIES A REAL ARMY OF SOLDIERS OF WHICHEVER COUNTRY HE WAS IN. BOTH DIED OF FATAL HEART ATACKS AT HOME, ALTHOUGH JACKSON WAS NOT AT THE NEVERLAND RANCH. BOTH WERE ON AN ASSORTMENT OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, BOTH WERE REACHING THE TWILIGHT OF THEIR CAREERS AND BOTH WERE TRYING TO GIVE IT ONE LAST STONK AND GO ON TOUR AGAIN.
NOW I AM NOT AN INVESTIGATOR BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT THAT THESE ELEMENTS ARE CONDUSIVE TO FUNNY BUSINESS. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT THERE ARE THOSE NEAR TO THE STARS THAT SEE THE DECLINE IN SALES, TALENT AND INCREASE IN BIZARRE BEHAVIOUR THAT IS STARTING TO SPELL OUT THE END OF THE STAR AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THEIR MEAL TICKETS. THE FIRST STEP IS TO ALLOW THE STAR TO SPIRAL INTO THEIR OWN MEGALOMANIA AND MAKE OUTLANDISH REQUESTS, EMBARRASS THEMSELVES IN THE PUBLIC EYE, ALLOW A PLETHORA OF DOCTORS TO PRESCRIBE DRUGS OF ALL SORTS TO PLACATE THE STARS DEMANDS FOR MORE ONCE THEY ARE HOOKED. FINALLY THE STAR ZEROES OUT AND KICKS THE BUCKET.ENTER THE HYENAS AFTERWARD WHO SQUABBLE FEROCIOUSLY FOR THE INTELLECTUAL RIGHTS TO THE STARS TREASURES AND SPIN BILLIONS OFF AFTER THE STAR IS GONE.
NOW I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IF TOXICOLOGY REPORTS ARE RELEASED UNALTERED THEY WILL SHOW I AM SURE THAT JACKSON HAD MANY DIFFERENT PRECRIPTION DRUGS IN HIS BLOOD STREAM JUST LIKE HIS EX DAD IN LAW “E”.::: A STAR UNDER THE CONTROL OF DRUGS IS EASILY MISMANAGED BY THOSE ENTRUSTED TO CARING FOR HIM PERSONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND IN BUSINESS. I AM OF THE OPINION THAT SOMEONE ENTRUSTED TO THE REVIVAL OF JACKO`S NEW TOUR SAW THAT THE “KING OF POP” WAS OVER THE HILL AND A DONE DEAL SO THE COGS ARE SET IN MOTION TO CREATE A LEGEND AFTER THE MAN. WITH ELVIS`S DEATH AND THE SUBSEQUENT BOOM IN THE KINGS LEGEND SPINNING A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR BUSINESS THAT IS STILL RAKING IN THE BUCKS AND TOURISTS AFTER ALL THESE YEARS SURELY GAVE THOSE WITH ALTERIOR MOTIVES THE BLUE PRINT ON HOW TO CREATE A FISCALLY VIABLE BUSINESS. JACKSON WAS ALMOST OBSESSED WITH CLEANLINESS AND HEALTH SO HOW DID HE DIE FROM A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK? I BELEIVE IT TO BE FROM THE UNDERHANDED DEALINGS OF DOCTORS WITH EASILY ACCESSIBLE PRESCRIPTION PADS WHO WRITE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS FOR CLASSIFIED DRUGS AT THE DROP OF A HAT WHEN REQUESTED TO DO SO BY THE PERSON WHO GETS THEM ON BEHALF OF THE STAR. SO JACKO`S EMISSARY IN WAITING JUST RESURRECTED THE “KING OF POPS” CAREER WITH HIS HEART ATTACK. MAN , WHAT A CAREER MOVE, IT WAS A COUP! JACKO DIDNT DRIVE HIMSELF TO HIS DOWNFALL, NO!!! HE WAS DRIVEN THERE. JACKSONS ALBUM SALES WILL SKY ROCKET, HIS MEMORABILIA WILL BE WORTH SHIT LOADS OF MONEY. HIS MEMORY WILL LIVE ON IN HIS FANS MINDS AND A LOT OF “PEOPLE” WILL GET INSANELY WEALTHY. POOR OLD JACKO WHO WAS THE MAN BEHIND THE FAME GETS DIDDELY SQUAT, OTHER THAN A MEMORIAL. WEB SITES WILL FLOOD THE NET AND SIGHTINGS WILL BE MADE FROM ALL OVER THE PLANET. DUDES, THE MAN IS DEAD. “JACKSON HAS MOON WALKED OUT OF THE BUILDING”
THE MAN WAS STRANGE TO SAY THE LEAST AND THERE ARE THOSE THAT WILL MISS HIM, I HOWEVER WONT. HE JUST DIDNT MAKE MUSIC I LIKED AND I THOUGHT HE WAS A TAD TOO FREAKISH FOR MY LIKING.I PREFER MUSO`S LIKE ABBA, PAT BENETAR, ELVIS, AC/DC, LAIBACH, RAMMSTEIN, ROB ZOMBIE,INXS AND MARILYN MANSON.. SO WACKO AND ELVIS IN MY OPINION MET SIMILAR FATES WHEN THEIR CANDLE OF TALENT WANED, GREED BY “SOMEONE” WITHIN THEIR ENTOURAGE AND CLOSE CIRCLE WERE THE ENGINEERS OF A BLATANT PUBLIC RELATIONS COVER UP AND MURDER MOST FOUL BY ALLOWING, ASSISTING, ENCOURAGING AND PURPOSELY PUSHING THE STAR TO THE BRINK OF WHAT SEEMS BY OUTSIDERS AS SELF DESTRUCTION. THIS IS ABSOLUTE SHIT! NO INTELLIGENT HUMAN WOULD ALLOW THE GOOSE THAT LAYS THE GOLDEN EGG TO KILL ITSELF. THESE CONSPIRATORS KNEW WELL WHAT THEY WERE DOING FOR QUITE SOMETIME. THEY SIMPLY SAILED WITH THE SHIP IN THE CALM SEAS OF SUCCESS AND MADE MONEY BY THE BUCKET FULL, HOWEVER WHEN THE SHIP STARTED RESEMBLING THE TITANIC THE PLANS WERE CAREFULLY PUT IN USE TO CAPITALISE ON THE HONEY POT THAT AWAITED IN THE WAKE OF THE DEATH. THE MORE NUTS THE STAR ACTS THE BETTER, THE MORE CONTROVERSY THE BETTER. THE TRULY SICK THING IS THAT THIS ISNT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT. THIS TYPE OF “SUICIDE BY INSTALLMENT” BY WEALTHY, POPULAR, POWERFUL PEOPLE HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE THE CAVEMAN DAYS. THE SAD PART IS THE PEOPLE WHO CARED FOR THESE MEN ARE LEFT TO PICK UP THE PIECES OF THEIR LIVES AND ATTEMPT TO MOVE ON. TO THESE PEOPLE IT MUST BE LIKE TRYING TO EXTRACATE THEMSELVES FROM THE WRECKAGE OF AN AIRPLANE CRASH DEEP IN AN ISOLATED DESOLATE PLACE. TO THOSE WHO ORCHESTRATE AND ENCOURAGE THESE DASTARDLY DEEDS ITS JUST ABOUT THE DOLLAR. THEY ARE THE HYENAS OF SOCIETY AND EVERY STAR HAS THESE PARASITES WITHIN THEIR CLOSE CIRCLES WHO ARE SLOWLY HERDING THEM TO MISERY AND FULFILL THEIR OWN ENDS AND NEEDS. EVERY STAR WHO OVERDOSES OR IS LED TO FEEL UNFULFILLED AND COMMITS SUICIDE TO ESCAPE THEMSELVES AND WHAT THEY BELEIVE TO BE MEDIOCRITY HAVE BEEN HELPED ALONG BY HYENAS WHO CLEVERLY DISGUISE FRIENDSHIP, CARING, GOOD BUSINESS SENSE AND DEVOTION TO SPIN A QUICK BUCK OR MOUNTAINS OF MONEY AT OTHERS EXPENSE. THAT EXPENSE IS HEAVY, THE STARS PAY WITH THEIR LIVES, ( ANYONE RECALL MR COBAIN? BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE BUT JUST NOT FOR HIM!). ANOTHER NOTE WORTHY GENT WHO CHECKED OUT “PREMATURELY” WAS MICHAEL HUTCHENCE. THAT AUTO EROTIC SEX SHIT IS PRETTY FRIGGIN WEIRD. HIS CAREER WAS SLOWLY “COMING” TO AN END. I JUST FIND IT MIND BOGGLING THAT NO ONE SEES THE SLIPPERY SLOPE AS IT APPROACHES, MY ONLY CONCLUSION TO THIS IS THAT EVERYONE IS SO ENTHRALLED BY THE MONEY, FAME AND FUN THAT THEY SIMPLY TURN A BLIND EYE TO THE INEVITABLE.
I BELEIVE THAT THERE SHOULD BE INVESTIGATIONS AS INTENSE AS JACKO WAS INVESTIGATED FOR HIS “TRANSGRESSIONS”. I BELEIVE HE WAS GUILTY, THAT HOWEVER IS MY PERSONAL OPINION. PEOPLE MUST BE BROUGHT TO BOOK. I BELEIVE TOO THAT STARS SHOULD EXAMINE THEIR CLOSE KNIT CIRCLE OF CONFIDANTES MORE CLOSELY AND FINALLY THOSE THAT ARE CLOSE AND CLEAN SHOULD BE VERY WARY WHEN THE STAR STARTS ACTING LIKE NUT BALLS AND THEN CONCENTRATE CLOSELY ON THOSE WHO STAND TO LOSE THE MOST AND BY DEFAULT GAIN THE MOST.. INVESTIGATE.. INTERVENE..IMPRISON.. THEN GET THE STAR INTO REHAB AND SAVE THEIR LIFE. THOSE THAT SHOULD BE WORRIED ARE THE DIVA, SOCIALITE TYPES LIKE PARIS HILTON, LINDSAY LOHAN, BRITTNEY SPEARS, KIM KARDASHIAN ET AL. THEY ARE CURRENTLY BEING PREPPED FOR SIMILAR FATES. THEY NEED TO UNFUCK THEMSELVES AND THEIR CONFIDANTES MUST WEED OUT THE MONGERERS BEFORE THEY TOO BECOME EPITAPHS.
ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT. .BACK TO JACKO. THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME AMOUNT OF FOUL PLAY. WHO THE HELL LETS A PERSON DERAIL SO BADLY AND DOES FUCKALL ABOUT IT? UNLESS IT WAS ORCHESTRATED TO BE THAT WAY.
Friday, 26 June 2009
MICHAEL B DA SILVA 0789489847 PO BOX 620 GLENVISTA 2058 JOHANNESBURG SOUTH AFRICA
michaelbdasilva@yahoo.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
