Herewith follows a collection of letters and brain farts sent to all and sundry. I have these moments of surreal clarity all shrouded in complex simplicity within a single celled maze of understandable confusion. I just cannot help myself when the voices run amok in my head, so I simply start typing and let the key strokes fall where they may, if it annoys people then my work here is done.
Some of the poor unsuspecting recipients of these social commentaries have been among others, the White house who then added me to their mailing list and “spam” me weekly, the CDC (centre for disease control) who were kind enough to reply and thank me for my input and assured me that my letter would be sent to the appropriate department for further notice. I had written a study based in fact on the causes of zombification due to cannibalism but naturally I added my very own special angle to it. The NSA, CIA, FBI, FEMA, ANC, DA, UN and KFC have all received my mental masturbation, be it serious or off the wall.
This piece I sent to the Americans as a serious take on state security issues albeit with a side order of off the wall humour to keep it real. The last thing I want is to come over all sanctimonious and stuffy. The topic is serious, very serious and the tags would have all the necessary “Homeland” security warning bells and flags going off. If you mail anything and it contains the words Al Qaeda, Bin Laden, terrorism, nuclear etc. the NSA out there in Utah at their super-duper secret “mountain lair” will know about it. What I decided to do was to circumvent all this evade and escape nonsense and mail it directly to them.
LOOK TO THE SKIES.
First posted on the 14th of May 2012
The world changed forever on the 11th of September 2001. The way we perceive people and nations as a whole. The way we travel and a whole new slew of catchwords and phrases emerged not to mention a million new acronyms. The day before the 9/11 attacks we were a different global family, the day after we were forever split into two distinct groups, that however is slowly changing and the lines are being blurred and even the “patriots” in America are turning against their government.
This is not a rant or diatribe but merely an observation made looking at people`s attitudes, comments and perceptions of their leaders and their security and intelligence apparatus. It would be lunacy and foolhardy to think that an attack on American soil is impossible and that everyone is safe in their homes and work places. Unfortunately we don’t live in care bear land. There is a new dynamic emerging in the form of the newly converted extreme right wing and even over the top liberal leftists who just don’t trust the government at all. You only need to watch debates, the print media and read the libel and borderline revolutionary rants on line to see that there is dissention in the rank and file in the once supremely proud American nation.
The problem emerges and is exacerbated by the sheer numbers of recently well trained soldiers returning back from the Middle East and finds it near impossible to agree with their government’s feet dragging pertaining to the supposed “war on terror”. These soldiers become the revolutionaries who see evil in all that the security apparatus does back at home. An example of this is the recent talk and reports of cars being pulled over randomly on the highways and been subjected to searches. The training that takes place in big cities where SWAT teams and “military” units conduct urban warfare drills, I believe Miami & Los Angeles have had a few of these drills. Now the way I see it is that it is good to see that cars are searched and that drills take place, at least some sort of realistic visible policing is taking place, after all 9/11 happened on American soil and was launched from American soil. I would not look too much into it like the many online people do as a police state trampling the constitutional rights and amendments of the constitution. It’s a show of readiness and I wish the police and military here in South Africa were as professional.
This brings me to the crux of all this. An attack on American soil is unavoidable and 9/11 was not just a once off deal. Osama may have been slotted but his hate has many followers and I seriously doubt that just because he was dusted that the Al Qaeda goon squad are going to disband and sit around the camp fire roasting marshmallows and singing Kumbaya! I think they are biding their time and waiting for the citizens of their enemy (America predominantly) to rot from the inside out and then strike. The Americans are so busy politicking and pointing fingers that they have lost sight of the forest, hell they have lost sight of the trees! Everyone is trash talking and assassinating each other`s character that they are allowing the enemy to freely walk in the sunshine and plan. Osama was not a great leader or planner; he simply had tenacity and a large disposable labour force who did not mind dying for their ideas and ideals. He did however find a chink in the chain and utilised it to his benefit, that chink was the ease at which Americans commuted across the country on planes.
We all know the embarrassing security and intelligence blunder that led to the deed on 9/11 but he and his pals managed to pull off one of the most audacious acts of terror the world has ever seen. His biggest fault was the choice of the twin towers. It did collapse and I am very certain he was baffled by that happening. Ultimately thousands lost their lives but the choice of venue was one of nothing more than symbolic of America`s power and wealth. Even the failed attempt on the Pentagon was symbolic more than anything else showing that Osama was nothing more than a religious peasant minded zealot who just wanted to make a statement. Granted it was a large statement but in the big picture it was not the apocalypse he must have imagined. Osama died an old poor man living like a cockroach but I think that is what his followers and those who have picked up the reigns wanted. They need a Martyr and saint so to speak to lure more disposable soldiers to the cause. The tenth anniversary came and went with not much to report and I suspect this is a plan.
These people are fundamentalists as are the American people are it left wing or right. The current catch 22 the government finds itself in when it comes the population and there never ending moaning and fault finding will make it easy for the terrorists to once again catch everyone with their pants down. The Al Qaeda group are deeply superstitious as are many of the fundamentalist Muslims that fill their ranks , but then again there are equally kooky Christian fundamentalists out there roaming the back woods of America with arsenals of weapons all sprouting anti-government slogans and saying that they are patriots. They liken themselves to the old daddy presidents like Abe and Jefferson etc who they are quick to point out were revolutionaries in their own rights. The American government is fighting a foe from within as much as they are fighting one from outside its borders. While all this sabre rattling goes on the enemy are casually getting into position. The Christians all hold the bible in high esteem and are transfixed by the gospel of John and all his ‘visions” of freaky bad day stuff in Revelations, add to that the magic mushroom ramblings of Michel De Nostradamus and his described events and date line and that of the Mayans and their calendar all ending this year, wait I nearly forgot, add to that the silly as all hell Hollywood movie 2012 and we have a date that any self-respecting terrorist would be crazy not to capitalise on. The Mayan calendar does not say the planet is going to cease to be, it is more realistic in its approach by saying that our way of life will forever change, just like it did back on the 12th of September 2001 (the day after). How would said terrorists deal this blow? I would hazard a guess here and say that airplanes work well as seen during 9/11 so it would be wise to stick to a recipe that works. The use of commercial airliners is very difficult and near impossible but what about all those thousands of secondary airfields? The thousands of rental cargo planes? The thousands of very angry American`s who see the American government as the enemy?
Those wanna be patriots who want to emulate their hero`s like Abe and those old school revolutionaries? It is so easy to manipulate the uninformed and gullible. The federal building in Oklahoma springs to mind here. So what would be the targets? Commercial buildings are so last terror attack. Exactly how many nuclear power stations are there in the USA? Let’s say you fly 4 cargo planes (a rented c130, dc3, antonov12 and some other old cargo bird) loaded with fertiliser and jet fuel and some other common explosive every day chemical and dive it in at top speed into the reactor building? If a small melt down is achieved it could be Chernobyl in 4 locations that would alter the map and population of those areas for decades to come. The shock will lead to major social upheaval and looting, just look at New Orleans after hurricane Katrina, a natural terror attack so to speak. What if one of these planes decided to fly at full tilt into the dam face of the Hoover dam at a descending attitude of say 45 degrees? How many people downstream would be affected by the ensuing wall of water released in a dam wall malfunction?
Newer aircraft are fitted with anti-crash counter measures so they cannot be forced into fatal dives but the older cargo birds are not! Every terrorist with a semblance of terror in his make-up would have sussed this out as I have after simply watching air crash investigation on television. The skies of America are safer since 9/11 but that is more in the commercial field and the smaller local fields are still a tad porous to say the least. I watched another great program pertaining to the fabulous private gulf stream private jets that hit supersonic speeds (almost) where the people advertising the jet say that it is the ultimate way to fly as there are no queues and check in hassles, hell you can even drive right out there to the door of the plane and simply hop in. that’s fantastic! Every unstable freak in the world now knows that in order to circumvent all the silly security measures, simply hire and hijack a private jet. Fly it just under supersonic into a passing airliner with 300 people on board. Or into a large airport terminal building during holiday season, say, the 21st of December is a groovy date.
What the American regime must do is intensify the security measures and drills on the streets of the country and show a visible credible force and then tighten the screws on all the holes and arse holes out there sprouting war talk and dissention from inside your borders who carry citizenship. The enemy within is your biggest headache because they are making the terrorists job and tasks easier by creating discourse and convoluting an already difficult situation. America is a big place and policing its people and potential enemies must be a daunting task, the last thing you need are a few thousand well trained “Timothy Mc Veighs” running amok and spreading talk of government strong arming and quashing civil liberties. These people become more deadly than a bunch of third world peasants who are all listening to Tom Petty`s learning to fly!
THE FACES OF AMERICAN TERROR BOTH FOREIGN & DOMESTIC
OSAMA BIN LADEN (THE FOREIGN THREAT)& TIMOTHY MC VEIGH THE ALL AMERICAN HOME GROWN THREAT
I am not a revolutionary and I quite like the fact that governments take preventative measures like conducting drills and even stopping cars and searching them. At least something is being done. The only time someone does not want to be searched is because they are hiding something. Unfortunately, here in South Africa we have a large number of corrupt ill-disciplined and terribly trained security officials who conduct “car searches” simply to get a bribe whether you are guilty or not. When I see a report of a vehicle being stopped and weapons found or drugs I think to myself that at least those dudes are off the streets, I hope.
failure to launch
OPEN LETTER SENT TO THE TOOTHLESS UNITED NATIONS.
First posted on the 11th of April 2012
The UN has failed dismally in Africa as a whole. I have seen this first hand. I worked for a company back in 1993 in Angola and we brought an end to thirty years of war and misery in less than a year through a defining win on the battle field. The slaughter and misery ended and the contract ended and we went home. That company was Executive Outcomes. The UN it seems neither wants nor cares to end the misery in Africa as it is ensuring the budget for next year. Your jobs are at stake if God forbid peace breaks out. the UN`s legacy in 30 years will be one of the misery bringers, the people who refused to allow mandates be put in place to end the tyranny of evil murderers who rule under fear.
the current misery in Somalia is a perfect example of the UN`s failure! When people are starving to death in the capital streets of a country, you know the "efforts" you are supposedly making are seriously lacking. you (the UN) are to blame for the rebels such as Al Shabaab freely looting your supplies and murdering anyone they want with impunity, much like what happened in the Balkans during their "un-pleasantries back in the 90`s. i recall a president being removed from an armoured personnel carrier driven under the banner of the UN and then being executed summarily there on the side of the road. Tell me, why do you bother sending in troops with weapons if they don’t have clear mandates to utilise them?
Executive outcomes was a professional pmc and brought about cessation to one of Africa`s oldest civil wars in a matter of months and then went off and stopped the mindless carnage in Sierra Leone. All the while the press and the UN were chattering on about how the company were after blood diamonds / blood oil / blood beer or whatever. In my time with EO i never once saw a diamond or anything resembling a mine other than a few of the somewhat 20 million landmines that were scattered about. Never did i see a mine where diamonds etc were unearthed. Naturally EO was not there for free and the company had contracts in place so as to pay their staff but there was nothing hush hush going around. Part of my job with EO was to refuel the aircraft and conduct flight line safety and security. I searched all baggage leaving Cabo Ledo airfield for any contraband such as weapons and these elusive diamonds the press say were being ferried into the republic. It is all baloney and the UN knows it! You lot are as effective as a third tit. Name one area where you have effectively HALTED and ALTERED the slaughter? NOT ONE! SIS ON YOU!
the UN`s legacy in 30 years will be one of shame.
PS# it’s time to take off the kid gloves and get serious about putting an end to the slaughter , looting and horror that we see daily on the news. Al Shabbab must be eliminated totally in order for the aid to be given to those in dire need. Currently, all the aid is ending up being pinched by the rebels and hoodlums and sold on the black market. Stop being complacent and worrying that if you stop the bad guys, you won’t have a budget next year of a trillion dollars.
START SAVING LIVES AND STOP PROLONGING MISERY!
This mail was sent to the ANC (African National Congress) and the opposition party in South Africa, the DA (Democratic Alliance). The DA was kind enough to reply and thank me for the letter and that it would be placed on file.
DISSENTION IN THE RANKS
For attention: President Jacob Zuma:
First posted on the 3rd of September 2011
I would like to send this mail to the President of the Republic Of South Africa, Mr Jacob Zuma and raise a few concerns that i have and i am sure a whole lot of South Africans have.
The current debacle pertaining to the youth league leader Julius Malema is going to boil over into a nasty slinging match and will doubtless rock the foundations of the ANC in its entirety. He has already “mobilised” his forces and is not afraid of the ANC or its laws and regulations. He will bring further dissention and trauma to the ANC if he is not weeded out of the party and sent packing. The ANC is walking the political tight rope and will be toppled by an unstable hooligan with his eye firmly placed on the presidency. If he does topple the current government and undo all that the ANC has done in order to get into power after the apartheid regime, the country will dissolve into chaos and it won’t be long before the “free world” are poking their heads into our country to get their hands on our natural resources.
The ANC i hope will cut Julius loose and let him run off and start his own party thus spreading the voter base even wider allowing the ANC to remain in power. Your government is far from perfect but rule under Julius Malema would be murder! He is a megalomaniacal unstable overgrown child. His rhetoric borders on outright treason and dissent to the point of declaring war on the ANC, the very party whose youth league he leads!!! . This is a definitive “push” for party presidency and ultimately the presidency of the Republic. There are millions of people who distrust Julius Malema and will not stand for a life under his rule (i for one fall firmly into this category of people). His ideals and methods are erratic and subversive to the point of illegality. We will degenerate into all out civil war if he is not duly “plonked’ in his place by the ruling party before he upsets the proverbial apple cart and leads us all into conflict. We can already see what we will be in for judging by his rabbles behaviour in the streets. His followers are easily roused to chaotic degrees of riotous behaviour and lawlessness like we see in the news daily from countries like Libya. Does the ANC want to leave a failed legacy like that on the global conscience? I personally don’t think so. Julius Malema is not an asset to the party and is a definite liability to the ANC and its members. None of the current ANC members’ positions will be kept or guaranteed by a Julius regime, that is a fact and i am very sure those in the ANC know that?
The ANC didn’t spend all these years fighting and dying to be overthrown by one of their own prodigal sons! The majority of South Africans black and especially white will definitely side with the ANC even if they are supporters of other parties to keep this mad man/ child out of power. For all we know, this may be the entire plan the ANC has for swaying votes from the opposition? Who knows?
For the love of our country. Please sort out your house and discipline a potential “CANE”. We all know what Cane did to Abel...
I am not an overtly political person and i do not “belong” to any party. I do vote and when the time comes i do so by merit. Please save our country Mr President, before he destroys life as we know it forever and leads us all down the slippery slope to civil war!
IN CONCLUSION: If i may be so bold and brazen as to address you as “Jacob”, please rectify this problem that is threatening to destabilise our country, region, lives, lifestyle and land and throw us into turmoil.
I implore you from one man and former soldier to another.
< I feel obliged to add this social commentary and letter I sent to the individual who told the world the end was nigh and then revised the date for the second time and then the third time. I know this one may spark some pitch fork knee jerk action but I feel it is necessary to expose those that prey on those that pray.
THE CHUCKLEHEAD CHRONICLES.
First posted on the 22nd of May 2011
Are you ready to rapture? Or not!
This is an open letter to Harold Camping, “chucklehead” of the decade.
How is it even possible for you to want to carry on living after making a monumental horse’s arse of yourself and your gullible followers? If suicide weren’t a cardinal sin i would half expect you to voluntarily end the shame you have brought on your name, your family, your followers and your “vessel” AKA your meat sack!
You sowed so much crap into obviously weak minded individuals that you rightfully deserve the dubious honour of chucklehead of the decade! You extremist fundamentalists have been sprouting “end of days” waffle for hundreds of years, when are you going to get it right? This isn’t rocket science people.
There have been others that were also akin to snake oil salesmen as yourself and led their “flock” of lemming’s right into oblivion. You may recall old reverend Jim Jones of the people’s temple in Guyana and his predilection for cool aid with a zing. Body count a whopping 900. There was David Koresh, born Vernon Howell who at Mount Carmel compound in Waco ordained himself the lamb and therefore gave himself the right to commit rape of minors, his idiocy cost 90 plus lives. Then there was Marshall Applewhite and his weirdo consort Bonnie Nettles (Bo & Peep) of the heaven`s gate cult who started off as HIM (human individual metamorphosis)” yeeessss” mmm really. They too committed suicide on a mass scale believing that trailing in the wake of the Hale-Bopp comet was a UFO that was going to spirit them away to paradise. Total body count was in the neighbourhood of i believe, 30 or so. These were all wacko cults just like the one you are running!
Your idiot believers seriously were expecting the rapture and are now left wandering about like lost farts in a hurricane. How could you deceive these obviously low brow types? They are now on every crackpot list across the globe and will be ridiculed and laughed at by all and sundry. Oh, including me! How are you going to rationalise this FUBAR? Please entertain me with some or other hair brained excuse. Hey, maybe GOD was just too busy playing golf or maybe he forgot., maybe he was out of town on a business trip, he gave up on us and decided that there is nobody worth “saving” on this insignificant little speck of a planet, What`s it going to be? What is your spin doctor coming up with?
You are a charlatan!
Man i laughed so hard when i watched the bimbo`s that follow you speaking the biggest load of cow poo on south African television news, they are as good as socially outcast and are sure to be branded as the lunatic fringe. Your enormous double sided sign alongside the N 2 freeway in Somerset West in the Cape Province is testament to your stupidity. Tell me, did you only pay for it up until Saturday or was it a monthly rental? If it is a monthly rental and judgement day did happen as planned you would have wasted all that money on nothing! Instead of advertising your ignorance and misguided stupidity with an obviously expensive sign why could you not rather do the whole “Christian” thing and donate to a deserving charity?
You have just sunk your “church” with your arrogance and misplaced agenda. You advertised on your sign that the bible guarantees it, this whole judgement day affair. Have any of your disgruntled followers come and asked for their money back? If you are willing to guarantee something like that it better come with a money back guarantee. I awoke on Saturday and was half expecting to see Arnold Schwarzenegger, but alas it was not to be, no terminator, no Skynet, no zombies, no dead dudes crawling out the ground, no Michael Jackson thriller like dance of the dead, no judgement, no rapture no nada!
If you are reading this, which i am sure you are it means that you were not raptured and are not fit for Heaven and neither are your stupid followers. Heaven don’t want you. They don’t take cult freaks; trust me, and that I GUARANTEE!
On the other hand according to your teachings it seems that no one on the planet is going to heaven in any case and that includes you and your band of merry men, judging by the lack of interest in the rapture. So i suppose we will all be going directly to hell, we won`t go past begin and we won`t be collecting 200 Dollars. I don’t really have a problem with this seeing that we will be joining Bonn Scott, Keith Moon, Jimi Hendricks, Jim Morrison and Sam Winchester.
So in conclusion i suspect it will be pertinent for you to pack up your travelling circus and go into seclusion. You are a very stupid man indeed!
Yours untruly: Michael B Da Silva 21st of May 2011 judgement day survivor
Ps* I guess i will have to revert back to the Mayan end of the world date of 21122012. I am seriously disappointed in your serious lack of understanding in the field of mathematics!
Planet earth is the skid mark on the cosmic underpants!
CASTER SEMENYA: what i think . . . part 2.
Complex of symptoms resulting from an excessive secretion of androgenic 17-ketosteroids by the adrenal cortex. (These androgenic hormones further the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics—the growth of body hair, deepening of the voice, development of male body build, and so on.) The adrenogenital syndromes of infancy and childhood are caused by genetically determined deficiencies in the synthesis of cortisol by the adrenal glands, with a resulting excess of androgen production by those glands. The impending or actual shortage of cortisol triggers an increased secretion of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) by the pituitary gland, which in turn increases cortisol production by the adrenals back to normal but also simultaneously raises above normal the adrenals' production of androgens (i.e., the androgenic 17-ketosteroids).
In infantile adrenogenital syndromes, simple virilism (the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics in the female or their precocious development in the preadolescent male) is the chief result. The syndrome may produce male like genital changes (pseudo hermaphroditism) in females and excessive penile development with small testes in males. A deep melanin skin pigmentation is usually present, and there may also be an abnormal loss of sodium, severe hypertension, lipoid hyperplasia, dehydrogenase deficiency, or altered levels of steroid hormone production in general.
In adults the adrenogenital syndrome, since it causes masculinization, may be relatively unnoticed in the male, but it brings about virilism in the female. She develops a male body build, receding hairline, facial and body hair, atrophic breasts, acne, enlargement of the clitoris, and an irreversible deepening of the voice. Menstruation and ovulation cease, and there is a heavy masculine musculature.
THIS IS TAKEN STRAIGHT FROM THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA VERBATEM.
This isn`t meant to be an attack on the he she Semenya, however i am sure that if she is tested for this particular affliction it will undoubtedly be unequivocally proven that this unfortunate person is afflicted by adrenogenital syndrome.
Look it up for yourself and you be the judge.It is still however a travesty on just how bad the politicians and athletics association treated Caster Semenya, they should all be butt strafed for turning her into a freak show to simply promote themselves and their own agenda`s. I would not be at all surprised if we don`t soon hear of caster`s shock suicide due to all this boo ha that was brought up by the press but turned into a circus by the incompetent clowns running the “ASA”( Athletics South Africa) and South African government. You lot sold out an innocent, very confused and gullible youngster for your own greedy ends. I hope the medal was worth the circus you started? It was known prior to the event in Berlin that she had undergone testing and Mr Chuene you knew well and fine that she would be investigated by the IAAF and the media. Your approach is simply to lie and lie again swearing blind that you didn`t lie only to then say you lied to protect Caster and then lie about that lie. You are an insufferable buffoon! You should quit and immediately move back to your kraal with your kraal mentality, oh and while you are at it take that dummy that heads the ANCYL with you. There is no place in South Africa under our constitution for racists and idiots who incite and perpetuate hate speech! You sirs are idiots and we as a nation have no use for village idiots especially those in areas of “power”! Voetsek!
IN CONCLUSION. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
What everyone fails to grasp is that caster is human and has feelings regardless of gender! CRY THE BELOVED COUNTRY, we are being led by fools!
A STORY OF INDUSTRIAL SPIRITS AND BENZINE ON THE ROCKS
A while back i purchased a bottle of vodka called “pure” vodka, it was in a good looking bottle with a very official looking well designed label and the price was the deal clincher. I swiftly uplifted the pure brand vodka and poured myself a long shot flavoured with lime and old fashioned H2o. I savoured the flavour and duly polished half the bottle, this routine was repeated for a few days until i started to feel a tad iffy and started “regurgitating” my stomach contents, it was at this time i started noticing an odd after taste. It was a benzene flavour and i was starting to feel like death warmed up. By this time i was seriously feeling cheated and fully understanding that i am not in any way a vodka aficionado i was worried that i was just showing my inexperience within the vodka drinking world so I put the offending bottle one side and decided to voice my unhappiness with this smelly bad tasting bastardisation with the Western Cape health department.
I emailed the department and was contacted back almost immediately by the healthy guy at the department and i was instructed to hand over the remnants of the bottle to the department for testing as soon as possible. The next morning a health department worker arrived from Cape Town and uplifted the quarter bottle of vodka (approximately 50 kilometres away). It must be noted that i emailed the department on Sunday was phoned back on Monday and the bottle uplifted on Tuesday! That has to be the most diligent department within the South African provincial government system anywhere in the free or otherwise world. Mr J Van Staden took the bottle and hastily left for Dexter`s laboratory to conduct sample tests, he however first swung by the two liquor stores that i had purchased the “Pure” brand vodka from and took a bottle of each for control tests. He relieved Sunrise liquors in Somerset West of one bottle and Village liquors in Gordon`s Bay of the second test bottle.
A long silence ensued and i was worried that i had sent this dude on a wild goose chase and they hadn`t turned up anything bad when testing the vodka. The eerie silence was disconcerting to say the least so i sent a follow up email to Dr Ivan Bromfield stating the story and asking if i had simply been a “sissy” and cannot handle my booze? He replied that he was still busy with the tests and that he would get the relevant department to contact me as soon as they had news. His email was sent on Wednesday the 13th of July and low and behold i was phoned back on the 14th of July by Mr J Van Staden with very BAD news indeed!
After testing the quarter bottle i sent and the two control bottles from two separate liquor outlets it was found that the “pure” brand vodka with its professional label was bottled here in South Africa using illegal ingredient! . Among these ingredients are “Industrial strength spirits and Benzene”. The raw ingredients are shipped into the country and used by uncouth distillers to “punch” up the alcohol content and push up volumes. Needless to say i am a tad worried about what damage i may have done to myself after imbibing copious amounts of industrial strength spirits and benzene, mental pictures of me farting flames and losing all my body hair ran rampant in my very vivid imagination, furthermore Mr Van Staden informed me that all bottles of “pure” brand vodka had been removed from all shelves in the Western Cape and the bottler is being investigated by the SAPS and SARS (police and the tax man). The Cretan responsible for surreptitiously sneaking the offending spirits into the country had not paid tax on the consignment and therefore the tax man became instantly interested in this clown. He confirmed that all the vodka confiscated was destroyed and witnessed by both SARS and the SAPS. A fine is being issued to the bottler and the guy responsible for the product is being sought. Apparently he made a hasty move to Kwa Zulu Natal and is on the lam.
The son of a bitch better remain light and mobile because if i get my hands on him i will definitely have some things to say to the swine and i may just unscrew his head, take a giant dump down his neck and use his tongue as toilet paper!
I will add some extracts from the encyclopaedia on the dangers of the two “additives” that were used in the “pure” brand vodka. One thing is for sure, i will rather pay the extra 20 rand or so and stick to royalty, that is me and the count (Pushkin) will become real good friends.
Don’t buy cheap you may as well buy a litre of benzene and swig away.
Benzene and Leukaemia
The dangers of benzene have been known since the earliest part of the 20th century. Benzene was used in the manufacturing of artificial rubber, and by the time of the First World War, it was used in a variety of mechanical industries as well as explosives. Because at the time diagnostic science was a relatively young field, doctors could not adequately describe the manner in which benzene affected people except that reduction of exposure lead to reduction in related illnesses.
The first medical condition directly linked to benzene poisoning, aplastic anaemia, was discovered in 1897. Aplastic anaemia is an umbrella term for a group of blood-related conditions mostly characterized by the drop in or suspension of the production of blood. Due to the primitive state of medical technology, aplastic anaemia caused a very quick and painful death for most people who contracted it. Benzene was suspected to cause more illnesses, but was considered too valuable to the war effort as a solvent and explosives ingredient to discontinue using.
After the discovery of the shape of the DNA molecule in 1958, scientists came to realize that the hexagonal shape of the benzene molecule allowed it to fit perfectly within the double helix structure of DNA. Part of the dangers of benzene is that it can be introduced into the body through several means, including inhalation, consumption, and even absorbed through the skin. Once inside the body, it is quickly absorbed by the blood, which then carries the toxin throughout many internal systems. As the exposure level increases, benzene works its way into the DNA of the bone marrow, where it can cause several cancerous mutations, including leukaemia.
Once mutated bone marrow cells being to replicate, they are carried throughout the body by the blood and settle in other parts of the body and metastasize, or spread their cancer to previously unaffected cells. As the cancer spreads from one part to another, the body begins to die, killed by its own cells. Scientists are still at a loss to explain the exact mechanism of the mutation, but nevertheless there is virtually complete consensus among doctors, the benzene industry, and the government that benzene exposure poses a significant threat to the health and safety of people and the environment.
Benzene is one of the most regulated chemicals in the United States. It is also one of the most widely produced and distributed; in fact, most city air contains significant amounts of benzene from car exhaust and cigarette smoke. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) stipulate that because benzene is so dangerous, workers can only be exposed to one part per million parts of air per eight hour day a week! Benzene can also be absorbed through the skin, making it one of the most dangerous health risks in the United States today.
If you have been exposed to significant levels of benzene, consult your doctor immediately. Leukaemia and other benzene-related diseases often have no immediate symptoms, but can be immediately life-threatening. Don't risk your health, your job, or your life.
Methylated Spirits (or Denatured alcohol) is ethanol that has additives to make it more poisonous or unpalatable, and thus, undrinkable. In some cases it is also dyed.
Denatured alcohol is used as a solvent and as fuel for spirit burners and camping stoves. Because of the diversity of industrial uses for denatured alcohol, hundreds of additives and denaturing methods have been used. Traditionally, the main additive is 10% methanol, giving rise to the term "methylated spirit." Other typical additives include isopropyl alcohol, acetone, methyl ethyl ketone, methyl isobutyl ketone, and denatonium. 
Denaturing alcohol does not chemically alter the ethanol molecule. Rather, the ethanol is mixed with other chemicals to form an undrinkable mixture.
Different additives are used to make it difficult to use distillation or other simple processes to reverse the denaturation. Methanol is commonly used both because of its boiling point being close to that of ethanol and because it is toxic. In many countries, it is also required that denatured alcohol be dyed blue or purple with an aniline dye.
The common name for pure ethanol, i.e. ethanol that has been freed of water. It may contain small amounts of benzene that have been added to aid in removing water. Substances may be added to absolute alcohol to render it unfit for human consumption and hence free of excise duty: industrial spirit contains 5% v/v methanol, while methylated spirit also contains pyridine, petroleum oil, and methyl violet dye, and surgical spirit also contains castor oil, diethyl phthalate, and methyl salicylate.